Prison Guards Share The Most Wholesome Thing They've Seen In Jail

Prison is not necessarily full of bad people, just like the free world is not necessarily full of good people. In fact, we've recently heard some stories that made us go, "awww."

u/plankus_ asked:

Prison guards of Reddit, what is the most wholesome thing you have ever seen happen in your prison?

Here were some of the answers.

Jesus-ing Fruit

I work non-security. One time I had an inmate walk up to me, super-sketchy like. He reached in his pants. I mentally prepared myself to see his junk.

But instead he pulled out a piece of fruit.

He then proceeded to pull out twenty pieces of fruit from his pants, handing one to every inmate in the room.

When I went to scold him about taking food out of the dining hall he said, "what? I brought some for everyone!"


Working In Groups

I'm a social worker in a prison in Belgium. We were doing a cooking workshop with some of the inmates, there was one guy in the group that was a bit 'mentally challenging'. We were decorating cupcakes, and he reeeeeaaally didn't know what to do, so he just threw some sprinkles on it randomly.

The others stopped him, told him to breath and relax. Showed him how to make smiley faces, how to use different colours, all that good sh*t. They did it all together, slowed down the pace just for this one guy. Let me tell you, those cupcakes looked amazing and the one guy was so proud.

I work in a prison with a lot of mentally unstable guys and every time there is one participating in a group all the other guys are just so patient, it's amazing to see.


Hoppity Hop

I'm not a prison guard, but I was a prisoner. Out in the yard, a frog found its way into the enclosure from under the door. A group of inmates found it, and started pushing other inmates that wanted to step on it. They protected it until it went back under the door. It was sweet seeing these other inmates, who were in jail for violent crimes, ready to throw down to let the frog live.



Not prison, but locked inpatient psych unit. We had a prisoner shipped to us bc he needed chemo during his life long sentence. I was only 21 (female) at the time and he was 6'5, in his forties. I was assigned as his 1:1 sitter and transport companion. I was terrified to be 1:1 with him bc he was so much bigger than me and had murdered 3 people about 15 years ago.

One day, after his chemo session, I was sitting with him and we were both eating a sandwich. He looked over and said "I really hope I don't scare you. I'm a different person now. Thank you for eating lunch with me."

So simple but so pure.


Kindness In Kind

I've had many a prisoner jump in front of me when someone gets too close and aggressive and tell them to back down, we're just doing a job and shouting at us does nothing.

I've seen prisoners assist staff in restraints when they're struggling. One particular prisoner was shouting he had razor blades in his mouth and wouldn't spit them out. Another prisoner overheard this and ran in to grab them out of his mouth before he could bite staff.

I've seen prisoners talk people they've never met down from suicide and I've seen them do their best to make life for people who are there bearable.

They make me laugh my arse off most days and they're honestly one thing that's kept me in the job as long as I've been in it.


Outlets For Inmates

Not a guard, but did some time at a minimum-security facility (for drug possession). My cellmate was a professional tattoo artist before his sentence. You'd think there would be a lot of requests for ink jobs, but he spent most of his time making drawings for other prisoners. They'd give him things out of commissary in exchange for a picture they could mail to their families.

The warden eventually just let him hold art class once a week. Even though having to check-in/out the pencils and pens was a stark reminder that yes, we were in prison, those classes were a lot of fun and helped pass the time. We'd talk trash about each other's art - 'your drawing is a crime against the arts, we hereby sentence you to thirty days of finger painting!' For some of the guys in there, this class was the first time they had any real exposure to art instruction. Seeing someone in their late 30s,40s,50s, get really really excited about shading and blending and in general just stoked about what they made was pretty cool.


First Responders

Former CO: In the pod adjacent to mine a nurse was passing meds when an inmate grabbed her and put a pencil to her neck and threatened to stab her. The CO called a code and I took off running the 100 or so yards to respond. By the time I got there three inmates had tackled and subdued the hostage taker I walked up and we threw cuffs on the guy and escorted him to seg. The 3 inmates who helped had a little ceremony and received a reduced sentence. You don't mess with women and don't mess with an inmates medication.


Exceptional Action

While working the floor one night, one of our officers had a heart attack and collapsed. An inmate rushed over, began CPR, got another inmate to run to the control booth and get help on the way, and saved his life. The inmates cheered and applauded when the officer revived. Not one inmate in that pod tried to take advantage of the situation.

There was also an incident with the state facility, where a prison bus was hit and rolled. The inmates did not flee, helped the injured, including the guards, and even directed traffic at the scene until police could take over.
In both cases, the inmates involved received reduced sentences.


Lives Saved

Probably my first 3 months on the job I was doing a round on a housing unit. My partner radios me because I was in an inmates cell telling me to "step out quickly" when I do I realize he's not looking at me but a floor above and across the unit.

There was an inmate who was scaling the bars on the 3rd floor trying to get out over open air attempting to jump off. I made a dead sprint to him and as I reach him I jump and grab his coveralls legs but was losing grip. Suddenly a taller inmate is next to me and he is able to get hold of a foot and higher up on his coveralls. Together we were able to pull the inmate off the railing and down to solid ground. I was able to secure the inmate and the other one quickly walked to his cell and locked up due to the code being called. Needless to say the guy that helped me was given a bag lunch as a thank you and he was humble about it. Said it didn't feel right to just let the guy do his thing without trying to help.


Back To Babyhood

When I had to do community service in my small county I (a female) had to go out with the work gang from the mens jail. There weren't any other options for me. So it was a young 20's me with a bunch of hard-bitten frequent fliers more than twice my age. One of the days we broke for lunch at this little out of the way park. It's one of those first really nice days of spring and it's all breezy and pretty out. I finish my lunch and decide to go swing on the swings.

At first the men poked a little good natured fun at me. Then one of them came over to join me. Then another. Next thing you know there's a bunch of convicts and one deputy playing on the playground equipment and we're all having a grand time. We spun each other on the carousel. We went down the slide. We attempted to see-saw. It was such an odd moment of fun.


Soups Unexpected

I use to be a Correction Officer now police Officer. But once I came into work sick as a dog and one of the inmates on my tier asked me if I wanted some soup. Initially I was like "aaaah I don't know..."

He was like "Don't worry I'll make it front you and it will help knock out your cold."

Sure enough he made the soup and it was banging. Sure enough next day after I felt better. This particular inmate if you just met at a bar or wherever you would never think he was in prison for killing two people and attempting to kill another.


Worth It

I worked at the Calgary Remand Centre for about half a year before deciding it wasn't for me. This would have been maybe two years ago. The Toronto Raptors were in the playoffs and I was training on one of their Maximum Security units, murderers and whatnot all awaiting trial.

The other COs in the bubble were watching hockey, but the inmates were watching the Raptors on the unit television. I asked the other COs if they'd mind if I went and watched the game with the inmates. They laughed and said "Sure rookie". Keep in mind most of the COs are absolute garbage humans. Not all, just... Most.

So I put a radio on, buzzed myself onto the unit and walked over the to crowd of inmates watching the Raptors. They thought I was coming to turn off the TV or fuck with their game (something COs often do just to be a dick). Instead I asked if they'd mind if I joined them... 3 inmates moved out of their chairs to give me a place to sit, I said I was content standing with them. They asked if I was a fan. I explained I'd grown up in Ontario and went to Raptors games for years.

The next hour and a bit was actually the most fun I had during my short career as a CO, shooting the shit about favourite players, favourite games, the direction of the team going forward. It was a pretty cool experience that I'll always remember. I was reprimanded afterwards for giving a couple inmates high fives when we got the win.


A Healthy Anger Outlet

Not a correctional officer, but I facilitate behavioral intervention groups for sex offenders in preparation for their release back into the community.

One of my group members who was released a couple months ago called to let my team know how he's doing. He got to meet his son for the first time, he gave him some Marvel toys he had as a kid. He said he cried when he heard about Stan Lee. He's also working. Walking for 2 hours to get to and from work, but he should be able to get his license and a vehicle soon.

Another group member cried in group when he told us about how he can't wait to hug his mother, as it had been nearly 10 years. He said it was more for her than him, but we all knew he was lying.

Last week, in one of our emotional regulation groups, we were talking about relaxation techniques for when they're angry. I asked the group members about music and asked them to identify an artist or genre that they like to listen to when they are amped. One of the guys, who alludes to being in a street gang previously, and has known assaultive history, made the group swear to confidentiality before sharing that when he's angry, he puts on Celtic Woman and cries.


Violations Not Tolerated

My mum was a CO in a women's prison, and worked up until she was 7 months pregnant with me. There was one particularly aggressive inmate who in a rage threw a chair at her stomach with the intention of harming me- now if y'all know anything it is wayyy against GirlCrimeCode to ever harm a pregnant woman or child. The other inmates immediately tackled the aggressor and two rushed to my mum to make sure she was uninjured, and alerted the other CO's.


Fixing The Prison's Mistake

Obligatory not a prison guard but I did prison ministry for inmates with life sentences a few years back. Basically we stay in a prison for 3 days with a select group of prisoners who have had a record of good behavior. The goal of the weekend is to make these men feel like humans and show them that they are forgiven by the big man upstairs and that they still deserve compassion.

There is 6 tables in a room with 5 inmates and 2 of us "counselors" sitting with them. Now I have no idea how the prison didn't catch this from the beginning but we ended up having 2 men that knew each other from the outside sitting at the same table which is a big no no.

We had just got done singing a praise and worship song about forgiveness and I noticed one of the men had a look on his face like I have never seen before. It was a look of pure but calm rage. It was terrifying. I have no idea where I got the balls to do this but I walked over to him and just hugged him. I said, I love you brother and I'm really glad you're here.

Shortly after I did that he left the room to use the restroom. I was informed later that my hug was what broke down his walls. The next day we see him in the corner praying with one of the other inmates at his table. We found out that the prison made the mistake of placing those two not only on the same weekend together but at the same table. The man that he was praying with was serving a life sentence for murdering the man that I hugged's cousin.


Perfect Circle Time

Worked in the Mental Health portion of the county jail for some time.

We had a zero policy on destruction of property and graffiti.

Had one inmate, completely out of his mind, carve perfect circles into the plexiglass of his cell window, the steel on his bunk, the concrete on his walls. It calmed him. There was no chance of a security breach. Higher ups wanted the plexiglass replaced, sand down the bunk, and fill in the walls and repaint.

All three shifts implored the Major to 'let it be'. It kept him calm, we would just have more $ spent if we moved him and continually had to refurbish the cell.

We won, inmate was calm, and those circles...my god they were absolutely perfect!


Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.