Punny People Reimagine Pick-up Lines as Break-up Lines
Some of you reading this might be in an awful relationship. It's okay to admit it to yourself. They don't make you happy, they never listen to your wants and needs, and, just recently, their morning breath went from "cute" to "slap me with an old slipper." It's alright, though, because Reddit user, r/u/a1ham, asked a question with answers sure to cure those significant other blues when they asked:
If people used "break-up lines" instead of "pick-up lines", what would some of the best ones be?
Just Called To Say...I Don't Love You
Call me Stevie Wonder because I'm not seeing you anymore.
May As Well Compliment Yourself On The Way Out
"Your ex is pretty hot" "Which one?" "Me"
Is That My Phone Number In Your Pocket?
I seem to have lost your phone number, can you lose mine?
Pick Up A Souvenir T-Shirt
How about... "dang girl, you college? Cause I've spent a lot of time and money on you and I'm pretty disappointed with the experience so far"
We Have A Tried And Tested Method
"I'm giving you up for lent"
(true Story, actually happened).
You're The Cactus In My Life
Reminds me of that one line that goes something like,
"I need you like a desert needs water; I've adapted to existence without you and prolonged exposure would be disastrous."
Takes A Bit, But It Gets There
We haven't got chemistry.
What we've got is history.
No Treasure Map Finding That
"I lost something"
"My feelings for you"
Seriously, It Was Last Minute.
"I'm sorry I can't come over tonight, something has come up."
"What is it?"
Everybody's Working For The Weekend
Hey boy-- are you the work week? Because I am so looking forward to the end of this!
You should make like my paycheck and disappear in a day or two.
More Job Related Puns
Baby you're the boss, so here's my two weeks notice.
Let's Call It Training For Something Bigger
Our relationship is like push-ups on your knees. It just isn't working out
You Can't Spell "Break-Up" Without "B, K, U"
Take the "L" out of "lover" and it's "over"
The Jigsaw Of The World
This guy I know broke up with his now ex girlfriend on prom night by saying,
"We're just two awesome puzzle pieces in the universe that don't fit together right now."
Don't use this line...
...it didn't go over well.
"Did it hurt?"
Did what hurt?
"When I dumped your -ss"
Be Sure To Lock The Door
See that dress lying on the floor?
It would look better on you and out the door.
Are you a tree?
Because f-cking leave.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson Called...
It's rare I get to post this twice in a week, but:
"My love for you is like a star in the night sky; it died a long time ago, you just haven't realized it yet "
You Go That Way. I'll Go Home.
We'll cover more ground if we split up.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"