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Regretful People Reveal The Stupidest Things They've Done While Drunk

People do some stupid stuff when they're drunk and it's usually hilarious - usually. Ever stolen a toilet? Ever tried to give blood? How about breaking into a construction site and trying to start a crane?


fakakta77 asked, What's the stupidest thing you've done when you were drunk?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

fakakta77

Why was a strainer next to your bed?

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I knew I was going to puke in the middle of the night. Grabbed a puke bucket for next to my bed. When I woke up in the morning, my puke bucket was a plastic strainer. Ughh

StayHomeDave

Ten points for ingenuity.

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I got drunk and passed out on the beach. Someone put a blanket on me. I kept waking up having to pee really bad, but not wanting to get up and out from under the blanket, I would just dig a hole, unzip, pee, and bury it. I woke up surrounded by my pee mounds, fairly certain I wasn't being as clean as I thought at the time.

SendWisdomImOut

Stray cats are our silent guardians.

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I once picked up a stray cat and brought it into the bar with me. It then ran and hid in the most inaccessible corner. Took two hours for the bartender to get it back outside... at least that's what they told me. I am highly allergic to cats, so my eyes swelled shut and I had to go home within minutes of dropping the cat bomb.

drunksisters

Drunk invincibility.

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Decided that the last 3 steps on my stairway weren't necessary and jumped them. Landed on the side of my foot. Didn't feel any pain until the next morning and turns out I fractured it.

Theflamingyeti

This person knows how to drunk.

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Lived in a college town and went over to the neighbors for a party. Got bored, found a crescent wrench, and the bathroom was near the door. So I had a plan, recruited a friend to stand watch and help carry. Removed the toilet and snuck it out. Then hid it in our place. Waited till the neighbors were going door to door asking if anyone had seen their toilet before returning it. A good time was had by all.

I like to think I have some pretty good drunk prank ideas.

slapplebags

Drunk + heavy machinery

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Broke into a construction site and tried to start the cranes and bulldozers. Spent the night in the drunk tank for that one.

RmaGdn

Choices.

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Girl I liked was drinking and kissing other dude. So young me decides to drink and get fucked up. I'm playing basketball with a dude when 3 cop cars pull into driveway in front of me. I turn around and slowly walking into woods across road and into swampy woods. I walk for 15 min then sit next to tree and wait it out for 3 or 4 hrs. Well young me was taking this medication for my acne. Alcohol didn't mix well with it. I had to fart a lot out there. Finally I decide to go back around 2 in morning to friends house. I arrive at back of house and enter through back door, as I open it I see my 2 best friends sitting at table with 3 cops staring at me. I slowly close door and try to walk back into woods. Failed. Cops call my parents and I hear them telling them to bring towels. My friends are crying and laughing. I find out that the fart was not a fart at all, but a steaming running pile of acne alcohol fueled sh*t all over my pants. Oh and my legs, hands, and face were all cut up front walking through woods.

What a sh*tty ending.

alldaypotter

Alcohol thins the blood...

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Tried to donate blood. Threw up instead. They had to take care of me instead of helping patients.

To the nurses who took care of me that day. I AM SO SORRY.

brendaishere

Creepy drunk cute

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Drunkenly call the liquor store and ask for the cashier's number because I thought she was gorgeous...

...I no longer go to that liquor store.

AdamtheFirstSinner

When you decide you're the king of all the land.

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This was actually last night. I broke into a football (soccer) stadium at 2 a.m., climbed a light post and sat up there for a half hour.

Surprised I didn't get caught or ya know... Die.

Zephos65

"It wasn't me!"

There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.

Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked:

Redditors who were once considered suspect of a crime they did not commit, what's it like being held under suspicion and how did it affect your life?

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