Regretful People Share The Letters They Never Sent, But Wish They Did
Regretful People Share The Letters They Never Sent, But Wish They Did
If you could turn back time, what would you do? And moreover, who would you talk to?
What are all the things you've left unsaid? Reddit has an entire forum dedicated to this: Unsent letters. Letters which people write from the future to something in their past, letters that they wish they could send....but cannot. Is it therapeutic? Is it tragic? We will let you decide.
Because I Have No Other Choice
I will say what I need to say here.
To My Best Friend: You are and always have been, my soul mate. My other half. My partner in crime. All of the most important memories I have of growing up include you. We hung out in the same group, but I knew you were special from the first smile you threw my way. It was a classic Hallmark moment. Teenage summer house party, I'm the new girl in town but having older "cool" cousins helped me make friends fast and I just happened to walk into that house, at that moment, and laid eyes on the most beautiful 17 year old boy that has ever walked this earth. In an instant, as if you already knew, you looked over, we locked eyes, and there it was...that insanely charming/sexy smile. I was hooked. You always dated those stunning girls, the flawless ones that were a picture perfect prom date on your arm. I had no idea how to deal with my crush on you and I didn't understand how to cope with my own budding sexuality.
Naturally I did the only thing I could. I dated your best friend. I knew he loved me and I knew it would never last between us, but I could also tell that while you and I enjoyed a small friendship, it wasn't one that would last through graduations, colleges, out of state moves.... I knew that by dating him, I would still be able to see you from time to time. Our relationship wasn't as calculated as it appears right now, but in retrospect, I say call a spade, a spade. I ended it after 5 years. It forced me to grow up. I learned how to be on my own and figured out who I was during that time. I needed that. After high school and college ended, I didn't know who I was turning into and wanted to find out who I was.
Our friendship grew during that relationship. You became someone I depended on, who I turned to for advice, and my safe place for a weekend out of town. We became so close that you would tell me about the jealous things your girlfriends would say about me. We'd laugh at how silly they were being, but each one of them was right. I still hoped that one day you'd wake up and see me in the same light as you did them. I loved our friendship during our 20s. You were the stunningly beautiful best friend from the beach that would come into town and make all of my girl friends googly eyed for weeks! Our lives were much less complicated then and we still have forever laid out in front of us. We shared everything on those late night phone conversations/text messages... Dreams of the future, fears, goals, set backs. I like to think that we learned more about who we were by those conversations. We lived four hours apart, but I would make that drive on any given Friday night knowing that by sunrise you and I would be snuggled up on blanket together, silently watching the new day's sun rise over the ocean. I fell in love with you on those mornings. I fall deeper in love with you now as I remember them. The years went on. We grew into adults, dating became serious and we had things like 401k's, car payments, mortgages. We saw each other less, but I still loved you so much.
And then, I met him. The one you always hated. You teased me when he and I first starting dating. He was my total opposite. He drove a wedge between us and our friendship became distant. But you were still there for me. You stayed up with me the night before our wedding, begging me to say no. You used every trick in the book to try to talk me out of it. When none of those worked and the following day I said my final "I do.." I cried when he kissed me because I knew then how much I really wanted you. I walked down that aisle, new husband in tow, and faced my entire world (family & friends) with "happy tears" streaming down my cheeks from the sudden realization of what I had done. The entire reception and for weeks after I wrestled with the weight of my decision to marry him. I knew I had to let go of my crush on you, this intense love I felt for you, and full heartedly commit myself to the man you tried to talk me out of marrying.
After almost 15 years of silently loving you, I was angry that you hadn't noticed. I wanted to feel wanted. I needed someone to love me and I wanted to be able to express my love for someone. Our friendship (something I would have bet my life on as always being solid and strong) grew apart further. We talked once or twice a year. I always sent you cards and presents for your birthday and Christmas. I turned into the cliché we always joked about. I had let you go and I was dealing with too much in this marriage to try to keep up with your play-boy, life of the party ways. I tried so hard to make my husband happy. I strived to be good enough for him every single day and most nights I cried myself to sleep after taking a verbal whipping from the man I gave you up for. When I got pregnant, I thought it's just what happens and went with it. I thought my son could bridge the gap between my husband and I. I lost who I was in that marriage. He destroyed that girl I used to be. The night he almost killed me, your number was the only one I could dial. I never told you what happened, but I could feel you wrap your arms around me as I cried into the phone. Most people would have called the police in a situation like that. Or perhaps their parents or close family member. I could have done any of those. Instead, I reached out to the man I could never have, the one that I pushed away, the one that stole my heart, who still lived 6 hours away. You showed up on my doorstep the next morning. I was black and blue, inside and out, from the hands of the unwanted husband who was still passed out drunk on the living floor. You packed my suitcases and my infant son's. You took us to my parents house. You stayed with me for two weeks, drove me to doctor appointments, paid the initial fees that hired my attorney, you walked my son around my childhood home for 3 hours in the middle of the night while he cried from teething. Your smile was the only positive energy I felt at that time. It didn't take long for my feelings to come back with full force and a vengeance. I never stopped loving you, if I'm being honest. But my heart couldn't help itself. You rescued me from an abusive marriage that would have certainly killed me.
Months after the divorce, I knew my heart belonged to you. I packed everything I owed into the back of that beat up truck, strapped my barefoot drooling boy in his car seat and made the move I had been afraid of for most of my life. I drove straight to your small beach town. And you welcomed me with open arms. You babysat long nights for me so I could make overtime and pay my bills on my own. You laughed at my attempts to fix my own dishwasher. You gave my son his first haircut and learned how to curb that sailors tongue you always had. Our visits became daily... and on the nights I woke up terrified and screaming because nightmares from the past were too real you would come over just to hold me until I could fall back asleep. You watched me regain my inner strength and let me find my own way back to who I am. It's years later now. I'm sitting on our back porch at the moment. My sweet baby boy is waiting on you to come home from work. He's developed another new paper airplane and the moment you walk in the door he's gonna jump out from behind the sofa dressed in the Batman pajamas you surprised him with last weekend for his first over night stay at a friends house. He looks so much like my ex, but the way he says his words, the sweet soft innocence that lives in his eyes, and that same heart melting smile he's mastered so well tells me that my boy belongs to you.
He's only ever called you Daddy. I could never express how grateful I am to have you. I could never begin to form the words that would accurately describe how insane and intense my love is for you still. We still go to our special spot on the beach, where we watched those sunrises. It's where you told me that you were falling in love with me. Its where my son became your son and called you Daddy for the first time. It's our spot, a sandy flat patch of earth between the large dunes that face the east. Tomorrow morning when we take our blankets, kid, and dog out there to greet the day, it'll be the spot where I tell you that I'm carrying your child.
Dear Unborn Child
I'm sorry that I haven't shown much excitement towards you the past 3 weeks now since i found out I was pregnant. With 2 miscarriages and an infant loss behind me, daddy and I are just being extra cautious. We love you with all our hearts and although you were unexpected, you are very loved by everyone. See what you don't know yet, and will learn as you get older is you have an amazing older brother looking over you in heaven. Daddy and I love you tremendously, but I know your older brother loves you even more! Oh, and those loud sounds you hear randomly throughout the day followed by "shut up" that's your dog siblings! They also will love you a whole lot and will give you lots of kisses when you get here (although the youngest one will probably be jealous at first cuz mommy treats him like a baby) they're going to protect you. Let's be honest, you'll more be their baby then ours. We love you, little one! And we're so excited to meet you.
Please Just Come Back
I miss you. Tell me you're ready to work things out. Tell me you still want to be with me.
To The Man About To Leave
To the man who taught me how to paint, I'm sorry that you can no longer hold a paint brush.
To the man who taught me how to cook, I'm sorry that you can no longer keep the food down.
To the man who taught me how to swim, I'm sorry that you've closed your pool and will never go in one again.
To the man who taught me every magic trick, I'm sorry that you don't believe in magic anymore.
To the man who took me to the movies every month, I'm sorry that you cannot stay awake long enough to watch one.
To the man who encouraged me to sing, I'm sorry that when you speak, no sound comes out.
To the man who showed me so much love, I'm sorry that your heart is finished beating.
not who you wanted me to be
To my parents.
I'm sorry that I'm not who you wanted me to be. Since I was an infant, I know you had specific dreams for me, and who I would be. I know you dreamed I would love hunting and embrace your country roots; I didn't. I know you dreamed I would marry a white southern man, one who had deer on his walls and drove a pumped up truck..one who voted for trump. I know you dreamed I would follow in your footsteps and move back to our small hometown, just alike all my aunts, uncles and cousins have. I'm sorry you are disappointed that I love diversity and fighting racism, even when it's found in my family. I'm sorry you are disappointed I think the liberals have great points, and think in many ways, some of their ideas are more Christian than not. Im sorry you are I don't share your love for the president and that I somewhat find him a despicable man. I'm sorry you are disappointed that I'm dating a black man.
But, I have been working on myself and I'm really proud of who I've become. I'm level headed, I'm determined and I'm a fighter for what matters to me. I'm sorry you are disappointed with who I've become, but I am really proud of me.
I hope one day you both can accept and love me.
If you keep stalking me like this, you're going to get your feelings hurt. You need to accept that you f-cked up. What once should have been your entire world is no longer your concern.
Be good. Go be happy.
You Could Have Been Mine
My lovely P Rose,
Knowing the outcome I would still choose this path but it's kind of sh-tty.
You could have been mine. I'm done being hopelessly IN love with you. I have moved on to just loving you.
Miss those eyes and smile of yours. Hope your day is going well.
As long as your happy, Love Always.
My Truest Friend
You were the only person I ever felt I could be myself around, truly and completely myself. I didn't have to pretend to be happy or pretend to enjoy things just to have something to talk about. We didn't even have to talk we could sit there and listen to music. I never got tired of all the new music you would show me or laying in that park. I miss being able to talk to you without feeling like a burden. I miss being able to see you and feel like I'm home. You gave me a sense of comfort and made me feel at ease with myself and with the overwhelming world you quieted all that noise. I felt so free with myself and just with life. I could always come to you even if my thoughts were irrational and crazy you were there and you never made me feel like I was less. Even if you didn't understand you never made me feel different. I tried my best to be that person for you too. I miss you and all that you are.
The Sweetest Life
Can we just be together again? We could move away together, next week, tomorrow, even tonight. I think I would forget about the last few years without you as fast as falling asleep. Run away with me. Let's not even say goodbye to the lives we are living. I don't want to wait until our next life to be with you, soul. I want to be with you now. Say yes.
Maybe In Another Life
I don't ever want to forget how it felt to hug you goodbye that last time. I could just feel everything in it that we've never said to each other. It was the way you looked at me and then stepped toward me with your arms outstretched. I said something dumb that made you laugh, squeeze me tighter, and keep holding on. We spoke softly of promises to keep in touch. You said you wished we had more time together because you wanted to really know me. I told you how much I'm going to miss you. I could feel your hands try to grasp just a little tighter near my lower back. When I finally had to pull away, my hand slid down your arm and I could hardly even look at you but I did and I said goodbye. I wanted to kiss you but I couldn't and you couldn't and we knew it, so I turned around and I walked away.
I do hope I see you again. I don't know what it will be like or how we will feel, but I'll always know how I felt in this moment. So many things still left unsaid for so many complicated reasons, but I felt all of them then and I know you did too. I'll hold onto that.
To my best friend
Sh-t is so hard right now, and I'm struggling to find myself. I know that I want you, but I'm so heartbroken that I can't find those feelings anymore.
I've never felt so strongly about anyone in my life, and in the past it was so easy to know exactly who I wanted.
I just hope we stay friends because if I lose you, I'm f-cking done for.
Love, ur pal x
To the girl with the purple hair
I dont know what your name is but for the past few years you have always smiled at me when I order a coffee and said, "and by the way, I love your hair." It was like clock work. I would smile and give a quiet nod.
I hadn't seen you in nearly a year until I came back to order a coffee, I barely recognized you, and then I realized, "Oh hey, it's the girl with the purple hair who always compliments my hair!"
Lately your smile has faded and your classic way of asking for a signature has turned into you telling me to have a good day. It seems as though the life has faded from you. To be honest I've always thought you were pretty cute and would like to ask you out but I seem to be at a loss for words as of late.
I'm sorry if you have mistaken my silence for me not caring but I sincerely love everytime you have complimented me. It is truly rare to find someone else who appreciates my long hair.
That guy with the long hair.
I think that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. I always look at you when you're not looking and I break into the biggest smile just because of how unbelievably lovely and gentle you look. You have the most welcoming eyes and heartwarming smile and your laugh gives me butterflies in my stomach of quantities which I can't even begin to measure. A lot of people may think that these feelings have come along rather quickly for me, but I honestly know that they've slowly been building up from the first time we spoke. Every little cute song I listen to now has made me think of you and I just have been listening to them on repeat ever since we started talking. Despite how sad and drained I can get sometimes, hearing your adorable voice always reminds me that there are still good things left in this world. You have made getting out of bed in the mornings a lot less of a difficult task as even the thought of you makes me realise that there is a purpose to all of this. When we hug, I feel so warm and gooey inside and it feels as though there is nothing else in this world that matters as much as we do. I'm usually petrified of commitment, but the thought of us being together brings me so much joy and I just feel so lucky that I have the chance to spend time with you. My only concern is the fact that my parents can be kind of homophobic at times and I don't know what they'll think when they first hear that their daughter has a girlfriend, but I know that once they meet you, they'll agree with me that you are the most wonderful person and there is nobody better for me than you. I've honestly never met somebody so close to perfect before in my entire life. I hope that I can make you even half as happy as you make me. I am so glad I met you.
To My Brother
All my life, I have resented you a little bit. Your Downs Syndrome and autism combination meant that you required a lot of attention from our mom, our dad, me, and our brother. And you don't give much back. You are non-verbal and you don't like to be touched and you don't like to share your space. You used to try to push me out of the backseat of the car and our parents had to start buying vans with captain's chairs so we could get through a car ride in peace. You make repetitive noises that drive me up the wall. I don't mind your sudden bellows so much. It is the teeth grinding and gulping. You would break my stuff when we were kids and I would get in trouble for it. You would steal food from other people's plates and open your mouth, throw your head back, and cough all over the dinner on the table. You were so annoying.
Despite all of this, I was able to connect with you through music. You always responded well when I played the piano and sang, especially when I played your favorite songs. When my mom was trying to cut your hair, she would ask me to play to help you relax. I always joked that you were my number one fan.
When you reached adulthood and moved into a group home, I saw you less. I was at college and living my own life. I know things got kind of bad for you and I wasn't there to play music for you. I am sorry for that. You developed some aggressive tendencies and were clearly in defensive mode. I pushed to have you moved to a group home in the state I live in because our state takes better care of it's disabled than most. For several years, it was just me and you living in this state with our other relatives scattered across the country. I visited regularly to ensure that you were okay. I put on music to listen to, got out your toys and sat with you for awhile. I told you about what was happening with the rest of the family because I think you understand more than we know. Every time I would visit, though, you would grab my shirt collar and scratch my neck or throat until it bled. I started wearing turtle necks to visit you and keeping a safe physical distance. I haven't hugged you in years and I can't remember the last time I was able to relax in your presence. Still, I am sorry that I didn't visit more often. You needed me and I was busy with my job and my children. But, I think the main reason I stayed away was that our visits made me anxious and uncomfortable.
Our parents live in this state now and they have taken over the visits. I know I don't come to see you much anymore. I am sorry. It is just my life has been so hard the last couple of years. I have had so many demands and so much stress and anxiety that I started neglecting some things in my life just to stay afloat. You were one of those things and I feel terrible about that.
I want you to know, though, that I love you. You are my brother and I have always fought to protect you. I stood up to the bullies when we were kids and I fought for you with social workers and house staff as an adult. I will continue to do anything to ensure that you receive the best care possible. I am a fierce advocate. When our parents are gone, I will continue to fight for you. Even if I can't give you the comfort that our parents give with their physical presence, you can trust me to look out for your interests.
I wish I could give more, to be the person you are glad to see walking through your door. I am sorry that we don't have that kind of relationship. But I can promise to always play music for you. And maybe someday, you will allow me to hug you again.
To the man I'm trying to leave behind
I wish you would leave me alone. Then maybe I could stop hurting.
I spend car rides thinking of all of the things I wish I could say to you.
You asked me, "That's it? You're just gonna give up?" Give up. Like I hadn't turned into a ghost clinging to the broken scraps of an unfaithful relationship. Like I was turning my back on something you still cared about.
I wish I hated you. It's been a year and a half and you still text me. You still tell me about her: that woman you left me for. Apparently, you're split for good this time. You told me you stayed with her so that losing me wouldn't have been for nothing.
You told me your grandpa cried when you told him we broke up. You told me your mom still misses me. You still text my sister. You two were friends. You just texted me telling me you're meeting today. I hope she spits on you.
I wish I hated you. I wish I could be mean to you. I wish I could tell you to leave me the hell alone. I don't love you. But I wish I hated you.
You told me, "I could never want anyone else." You told me, "No one else compares to you." You told me I was enough. You told me I was everything.
I love someone else now. Someone who tells me those same things. I don't believe him. I wish I believed him.
You ruined me.
I wish I hated you.
To the answer of my prayers
Love, it's been a tough ride. We've been together now for about a year and two months. Believe me when I say, I am beyond blessed to have you in my life. Believe me when I say, I don't know what I've done in my past life to deserve you in this lifetime. Believe me when I say, I love you so much.
How I wish we can have more time together---a forever if God permits. But I don't really think that is possible for us now.
We are on the verge of falling apart. We are at a crossroad---oh how I hate these crossroads. A day will come we would have to decide on which on road to take. Although, I feel in me that you are taking the road away from me, there is a tiny part in me clinging on to the hope that you will choose to be with me in this roller coaster of life.
I hate to admit that when the time comes that you would decide for us to go on separate ways, I do not have much choice but to let you be. I love you. God knows how much I love you. But if in setting you free makes you happier, I would do so.
Just as what I have promised to you, I'll always be here for you. Just a message away. I love you and farewell. Til we meet again, my love.
PS. When the time comes, break it to me gently
I Opened The Box
I'm still drunk. I started drinking with my friends. We talked about relationships and all that. After I got home from work of course. I opened the box. I had been wanting to for the past week. Since I saw you in my dream. We were both furious at each other. I opened the box. They said high school relationships don't mean anything at this point. To some degree I believe them. To some degree I believe I am stupid for willing to wait for you to come back even though I am the one that set on this path of separation from each other. I don't know why I'm so willing to wait even though I know you aren't coming back. I know you aren't thinking of me. I know it's really over but even after a year I can't let go. I just want to be free from this. I want to fall in love with someone else and be able to have with them what you would never want for us to have. What was so wrong with me? What is so wrong with me? If I thought about it for too long I'd probably die. But whatever, go after whatever you want. I know it isn't me.
You're still perfect, J, in all your imperfections.
A few months ago on a morning like this, you were sitting across my lap, and I didn't want to let go. I missed you before you even left.
I thought you'd be the one but then you said I was too much, I was, you were right. Then things got uglier and worse.
I lost you. For a little while but you still seem so drawn to me and I still feel a hole in my heart where I miss you every single day.
I meant it when we exchanged I love yous back then and if you said it now, I'd mean it again. I love you J and I could never hate you. I believe you when you say you couldn't hate me either. I just wish you could love me.
To the girl who I'm finally free of
This is my third letter to you that I've posted here, and it will be the last. The only reason I'm not sending it is because you don't deserve any explanation or reason. I've finally uprooted you from my life. I've blocked you from nearly every possible avenue of contact. I've destroyed every relic of you that I kept. I've reached the point where I move on and leave you in my past to rot.
I know you'll play the victim, as you always do. In fact, I hope that's exactly what you do. I'd revel in the idea that you gag at the sight of me, that you feel bitterness take over when you hear my name. I hope it poisons your happy memories with me. I pray that you'll put all the blame on me and let it stew until you realize that all of this was your fault.
You treated me like I was worthless to you. You acted like being around me was a chore, or an obligation. You exploited my greatest fears and weaknesses and broke my trust again and again until I was paranoid and afraid. You lied to me about the things that were most important to me. You accused me of threatening you. You accused me of abusing you. You ripped the rug out from under me and then blamed me for standing on it in the first place.
I came crawling back to you time and again, hoping that you might see how much you were hurting me. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I always took your perspective into account and never shamed you for the way you felt.
And for all my effort and compassion, you threw my love in the trash like a sack of garbage.
But you didn't stop there, oh no. You told me I wasn't trying hard enough. You said I wasn't good enough. You said that "people like me would be better off alone forever". F-ck you for that, by the way.
I gave you so many chances. I gave you time, hoping that you might come around and see how harmful and crushing you have been to me. But you wouldn't apologize for a single thing. Not once, did you ever express guilt, or even recognize that you had been such a horrible person in any way. That's it; that's the last straw for me. I draw the line now. You had so many chances to apologize for even one small thing, but you still decided to waste them, and blame me anyway.
I honestly feel so relieved right now. Your manipulation and gaslighting are gone, and I'm free to be as happy as I possibly can. I let you hold me down for so long, but not a minute more. I am finished.
Elizabeth, you will never be a part of my life again.
I hope you choke.
Email I wish I sent my superior who was rude to me despite me taking on extra work
I wish I could've replied and copied the other couple hundred people in my office:
"Listen b-tch, I wanted to check my schedule before I committed to anything precisely in the interest of not wasting your time. Don't ever f___ing talk to me or anyone like that again. If you're having a bad day, that's unfortunate, but you can't talk to me like that especially after last week when you reprimanded a colleague for talking down to her colleagues because she had a bad day.
Consider this my resignation. You and others in your position have no idea how dissatisfied people are, and you don't care. F-ck you all"
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.