People get a sick satisfaction out of watching bad movies.
The "so bad it's good" mentality has permeated millennial culture. It provides some sort of nostalgia, or else it brings joy to watch something flounder so unknowingly.
Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, let's dive in a little.
Here were some of those answers.
Flip Flop Round The Clock
Young children's sports, specifically ice hockey. Little kids flopping all over the ice is one of the most entertaining things that I've ever seen.
Some years ago a few friends and myself were drinking at a bar downtown, looking for something to do. I mentioned that I had seen signs and posters for "Friday Nights Fights" our small town convention center. We pay our tab, and take the five minute walk and pay our fee to get in.
It was 5 year olds "boxing". Yeah, they had boxing gloves and headgear on, but it was so far removed from boxing. It was weird, and I felt like we were the only people there not related to anyone waiting to get into the ring.
The Nipple Costumes, Though
Batman & Robin. Although it's undeniably the worst Batman movie of all time, it's also the most hilarious.
The Tim Burton style Batman movies were my childhood Batman, plus a huge section of the six flags I'd go to as a kid was designed in theme other the movie, we had a Joker, Batman and a Mr. Freeze and the whole section was done up in the industrial gothic noir style, and there was a villains cafe with posters from the movie!
Bad, But Not Plagiarized
The Legend of Rah and the Muggles. It's a children's book, and an utter failure in every way. The author tried to sue JK Rowling for ripping her off but failed, and was fined $50,000 for wasting the court's time. The judge even pointed out that her book makes no sense (the muggles are magical elves about 18 inches tall, yet they're shown riding insects). It sold no copies when it was first printed. And it's absolutely god-awful. I found a summary online, and it's filled with plot holes. I also found a free sample on the author's website, which is the prologue. It pretty much just explains the lore behind the muggles. And before you read the next paragraph, keep in mind that these are magical elves who enjoy croquet, look like babies and basically act like you'd expect from characters aimed at the 5-8 year old crowd.
Here's their backstory: The one world government known as C.O.U.P. prevented international war for years, but their abuse of eminent domain laws to enrich the upper classes led to revolution. As countries around the world sought to break away from the government's control, nuclear warfare became inevitable. Rebellions meant to bring freedom brought only violence and slaughter. In one country, Aura, the rich left on massive ships, with those too late to get on board throwing ropes over the side in a desperate attempt to climb to safety. The ropes were cut, leaving them to die in the ocean. Those who remained on Aura--the old, the weak, the poor--were left behind to die in a nuclear apocalypse. Some survived, and their descendants became the Muggles.
This is the first chapter to a children's book. And it only gets worse from there.
In The Merry Old Land Of Oz
Australian reality shows- namely the ones they throw on Netflix and Hulu (Instant hotel, Married at first sight, etc), they're atrocious but in a way that makes watching them a guilty pleasure.
Amazon Prime has a surprisingly deep pool of B movies from the 80s. My all-time favorite is called Stripped to Kill. It's an edge-of-your-seat thriller about a lady cop who goes undercover as a stripper to catch a killer targeting the stripper community.
This movie has everything you could ever want.
- Strippers who are very intense about their costume changes and interpretive dance routines
- High-waisted 80s underpants
- The guy from "My Two Dads" that wasn't Paul Reiser
- a twist ending you'll see coming for miles
Do yourself this favor.
Troll 2, Duh
You don't appreciate how f*cking terrible this movie is until you watch the documentary about it called Best Worst Movie.
The movie, Troll 2, has no trolls.
It is not a sequel.
It was written by an Italian woman who did not speak much English to mock her sanctimonious vegetarian friends.
The main character is a first time child actor, which is not so bad in itself. But the other male lead, the father of the main character, showed up to the set believing he would be an extra. He was a dentist, and was given one of the main roles in the film.
There were literal mental patients cast in the film, on release from a nearby psychiatric hospital. One described his intense desire to actually murder the child cast as the lead in the film during filming. The documentarian is the child actor, so the mental patient is telling this to the child he wished to kill, but no longer recognizes.
There is a scene where the most spirited actress in the film fellates a corn cob, which then pops, presumably from the raw sexual energy.
The director of the film appears in the documentary because he hears Troll 2 is being viewed in America in theaters, and believes it means the public is finally understanding the genius of the movie. He joins a tour of the US, to find that the movie has gained a cult following due to its staggering failure in every aspect of filmmaking, and becomes increasingly irritated as the documentary chronicles his US Tour.
It's truly insane how bad this movie is. These facts do not begin to capture the failures in acting, directing, writing, casting, cinematography, wardrobe, special effects, and that special "it" factor that good movies have.
Don't You Make Fun Of Descendants
Me and my friends found this Disney original movie called Descendants. It's about the hip cool edgy teenage children of all the Disney hero's and villains going to high school together and it's just as bad as it sounds.
I love it
Everything from the dubstep musical numbers to the awful timing for songs is great. Highly recommend checking it out for a good laugh.
Seven Minutes In Short Short Heaven
The 1980 film "Can't Stop the Music."
It's a fictionalize retelling of the creation of The Village People and stars a pre-transition Kaitlin Jenner and Steve Gutenberg. It's the gayest movie I've ever seen and it's incredible. The opening scene is Steve Gutenberg quitting his job at a record store because he wants to "make music." He then roller-skates through mid-town Manhattan, in short-shorts, for the seven minute opening credits.
(FUN SIDE BAR: At the same time a highly controversial film starring Al Pacino in which he plays an NYPD detective going undercover at gay S&M bars to find a serial killer was being filmed. Protesters for the film saw Steve Gutenberg and said "THERE'S THE GAY MOVIE!" and protested it by mistake.)
I could talk for hours about this movie because it just gets crazier the longer its on and it's over 2 hours long.
I f*cking love it so much.
Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way
That Redbox Life
I'm pretty late so I doubt many people will see this, but there was this movie I got from Redbox one time and I can't remember the name for the life of me.
It was this movie about this ex-Civil War solider in the 1870's trying to avenge the death of his family, and man was it bad.
I'm talking emotionless acting, I'm talking lighting so unprofessional I'm pretty sure they used flashlights for some scenes, I'm talking seeing doors that lead off of the set in the background, I'm talking our 1870's protagonist wearing a pink wrist watch in some scenes.
There was also a scene in the beginning of the movie where it jumped from like 1865 to 1872 or something and instead of just showing 1872 on the screen it had to show 1865, 1866, 1867, etc floating across the screen with like each year getting a solid 10-15 seconds of screen time
Some Sort Of Fantasy Erotica Idk
It's a book that... You really need to read (preferable out loud) to be able to fully comprehend. Pro tip: Get some friends together and take turns to read it out loud.
Here's a taste of what to expect: "Grignr slipped his right hand to his thigh, concealing a small opague object beneath the folds of the g-string wrapped about his waist. Brine wells swelled in Grignr's cold , jade squinting eyes, which grown accustomed to the gloom of the stygian pools of ebony engulfing him, were bedazzled and blinded by flickerering radiance cast forth by the second soldiers's resin torch."
Real Life BlockblisterGiphy
Turkey has apparently been remaking American movies for years and they are AMAZING. At least the couple that I've seen. They're not in English, or even subtitled, so you only have the visuals to go on. My favorite was the Star Wars rip off, that featured "Luke" training by running around, jumping and kicking, with giant boulders tied to his ankles. There's a part where someone gives him a shirt to wear with peekaboo mesh circles to display his nipples and a scene where he karate chops a muppet hard enough to take off both of the muppet's arms and then uses those arms to beat the muppet to death.
It also features footage and music just straight stolen - as his x-wing flies off in the beginning, there's footage of the death star exploding, and music playing that...was familiar...but sounded somehow just wrong in the context of Star Wars....what is it, what is it? Oh, it's the Indiana Jones theme music!
These are fantastic to watch with a couple of friends and a couple of beers.
A movie called "The Greasy Strangler" Executive Producers: Elijah Wood.
Found it one drunk night on a friend's Kubo (Kudi? Kudo? Amazon fire stick, with pirate software), and if it wasn't for the fact I can't pan-fry burgers, see/smell Evan Williams without wanting to vomit, or watched it that second time, I'd think I made it up.
If you find it. Save it, and spend a week preparing yourself. It's like, Relfux from Incredibles 2, with a Ron Jeremy Penis, meets 50's C sci-fi and Freaky Eaters.
Giant Space Monsters
Godzilla vs Space Godzilla. It's freaking terrible, but has one of the best lines I've ever heard.
"Captain; we've eliminated all other possibilities. It MUST be some sort of GIANT SPACE MONSTER!"
Like, what tests are you running? I want to see the diagnosis tree, you really eliminated everything except some sort of giant space monster? It's a very strange test result, both vague and oddly specific.
Ouch This Just Came For Us All
Kingdom Hearts. Looking at it as an outsider, it's a bunch of weirdly dressed Final Fantasy characters fighting alongside an equally oddly dressed Mickey Mouse, on an adventure to stop a bald old man whose shoved his heart in a bunch of people. Also Keyblades. Every sentence must include; Hearts, friendship, light, darkness, Organization 13, Heartless, Nobodies, or any combination. I think it's only survived this long from the great music and decent gameplay some of the earlier games had. Thankfully the writing has at least improved in KH3, so it might be a sign it'll improve even more later on, but some shit is just downright cringey in past games. I still love it though, but that might just be nostalgia blindness and a love for Disney.
Ain't No Bad Like 80s Bad
There is an 80's comic out there called Brute Force that Marvel made in hopes to sell toys. It's the 80's kind of bad, and it's amazing. Basically the premise is that a man takes some wild animals and gives them robotic enhancements as well as enhanced knowledge, so that they can fight large companies that threaten the environment. It unfortunately only got 4 issues, but it has some awesome and stupid moments.
There are some things that are pretty much universally irritating: self important people, someone cutting you off in traffic, or those scam robocalls, for example.
Sometimes things that seem like they are only mildly irritating or inconvenient for others drive us up the wall, though.