Share

New Years Resolutions are infamous for not sticking.

But we're getting an early start on 2018 going down the drain.  Reddit user TheGreatMane asked:

It's only the 2nd, what happened to f*** up your year already?

Here are some of the year-sinking answers.

Career Down

Pretty sure I'm fired from my job. Had to call out the last week because of bronchitis and when I called in today, they told me we "have to have a talk" when I get back. So, there goes that new year's positivity. KickingAroundANewOne

Sacrifice For Naught

Well I just started a new job and moved across the country away from all my friends to be with my girlfriend of almost 6 years. She just broke up with me. So that's nice. hotsaucefish

GIPHY

Penniless In The Pacific

My bank decided they don't do wire transfers through secure email anymore. they want me to please 'step into my nearest branch' to fill out the forms. But I moved to the Philippines. The nearest branch is over 7000 miles away! ChasTheGreat

Coon Con

Was attacked by a raccoon while taking out the trash. YourAverageJoe34

School Vacay

A class at a school in my neighborhood that I was registered for was cancelled. I needed it to fulfill a credit requirement for financial aid and now I have to travel back and forth on two buses, two nights a week to a remote campus that offers a comparable class in the dead of winter that ends at 10:30pm. Its going to be a long cold next couple of months for me. Shaolin816

GIPHY

Petty Case

Had (and lost) a trial. Judge was pissed at me because the case was petty as f*** and a waste of the court's time (not an inaccurate description); client was pissed at me because "I lost" her sh*tty petty case. superdago

Which Is Worse?

Roommate got arrested for driving with an expired tag, he still owes me $160 for last months rent and bills, he'll probably get fired from both his jobs, being unable to make his shifts.

Also, I have the flu. Spock_Savage

BRRRR!

Ran out of heating oil yesterday, no deliveries available until Saturday. In Maine. SolitudeStands

GIPHY

Happy New...Year?

My wife and I did a super chill NYE celebration with a couple of friends, and because I've been sleeping really poorly lately I was SO tired by the time we hit midnight. So around 12:30 there's still a lot of conversation going on, but I finally caved and fell asleep on the couch while everyone else was still talking.

Wife wakes me up just before 1 so we can go to bed, and I groggily go pee before getting in bed. As I start peeing, I feel a good ole fashioned headrush coming on. Except it doesn't pass, it just keeps getting worse and my vision gets more and more tunnely, and I feel my heart beating SUPER hard. All of a sudden I'm on the bathroom floor and have no idea why I'm there, or why I have a knot on my head.

Turns out I had a case of micturition syncope, literally a severe drop in blood pressure caused by peeing while really tired haha. I'm 26 and take really good care of myself, so it was a little strange considering this is most common in older men, but once my wife and friends verified I was OK the jokes just started relentlessly flooding in.

So yeah. Literally the first thing that happened to me in 2018 was fainting in the bathroom mid-piss. ttothesecond

No Keys

My husband lost his car keys so I gave him mine to use until found his (we only have one car). Then the idiot lost my keys too and now I have no way to get his dead ass body out of my house. Natloumac1

Happy New Car

Went to get my car in the morning of the 1st after taking an uber back to my hotel. It wasn't where I parked it so a friend rushed me around town to the tow yards and couldn't find it. The police didn't have record of it being towed either. I started panicking because I had a wedding to go to and left my suit in the car.

I then remembered I had moved my car before I started drinking so it wouldn't get towed. Had an embarrassing ride to find my car safe and sound where I had left it. UrethraFranklin42

GIPHY

Auld Lang Ouch

Was doing pull-ups to get back in shape (at home on a door-frame bar).... Pull-up bar broke off my door frame and I slammed my knee into the ground when it fell. So much for being healthy. Senorferrrree

Blinded By The Light

I went partially blind, so that was a great start.

Had to do some gardening I'd been putting off for ages, didn't pay attention to my unfit body telling me I was overdoing it, and then just suddenly lost part of my vision in my left eye.

It came back after a few hours, but that was really sobering, and I'm just hoping it doesn't happen again. 3226

Frozen In Time

Couple of my friends decided to be idiots and got us kicked out of the bar we were at, at 11:55. Was stuck outside mad and freezing my ass off at -35 when the new year countdown happened. Technically it was still 2017 but I'm counting it. 1SensFan

Dead Cold

10AM on the 1st. I had just spent the New Year alone for the first time ever at a little truck stop in who-the-hell-cares, Delaware. I got out of my truck to go inside and use the bathroom, brush my teeth, etc. I took two steps and stopped. Fuck, I forgot my key. Maybe I left the door unlocked. Nope. Well, good thing I keep a spare in my back pock... where is my spare!? Shit! It must have fallen out when I kicked off my jeans last night!

I spent the start of my year standing out in 8F weather (-13C) in a light sweater since I didn't think I needed a jacket to cross the parking lot. So I went inside and asked the clerk if he had any phone numbers for local services. He said no, but that they sold a "Universal Lockout" kit I could buy. At $20, it would be cheaper than a service call on a holiday. After what felt like an eternity with my hands practically about to freeze and fall off, I threw everything on the ground and went to Google. I went down the list of local locksmiths/ tow companies until FINALLY one actually picked up their phone. Dude showed up and had the door open in under 2 minutes. Probably the easiest $50 he ever made.

So that was my start to the year. Practically froze to death and threw away $70. Fat_Guy_With_Snacks

GIPHY


Birthdamned

So, january 1st is my birthday.

My brother in law decided to stay over new years eve with his newborn son and 2 1/2 year old. I have a 3 year old son myself. They all raised hell in my house, destroying toys and making huge messes, the newborn vomits every 20 minutes. My brother in law did nothing. He layed on the couch with his phone and got up to pee and eat the dinner i prepared.

I have not had a more frustrating near 24 hours in a very long time. Thankfully my son returned to normal the moment his cousins and uncle left.

My wife and i went to bed last night and she apologized that i had a terrible birthday. Then she let me know that we are not pregnant again this month, which marks a year and a half of trying. Jamirus2

GIPHY

Fire(works)

One of my neighbors set off a big box of fireworks in the middle of our street. Two rounds were duds and the box kind of just exploded instead.

It was windy and a rogue spark landed on my jacket. My arm caught on fire for a very brief second. I instinctively put it out with my other arm but not before it burned a hole through my jacket and the skin underneath. ImNotChineseOk

In With A Bang

This happened about 15 minutes ago, was trimming my bangs when my cat pounced on my back. This is a "game" we play when I'm brushing my hair or my teeth, he'll creep up behind me and jump on my back.

I now have very short "baby" bangs. FML, I look like a 5 year old who found the craft scissors for the first time. chingu_not_gogi

Blizzard Of Misfortunes

Student loan for some reason bounced and won't come in. Lost my new job, which I was supposed to start tomorrow. Rent didn't go through so landlord is pissed. Great way to start 2018. officialfoxgrrl

Happy New(rotic) Year

My MIL (Mother In Law) took my cat to the emergency vet on new years eve while I was working over night. She paid for his treatment, which all of that was great, but she's been micromanaging the shit out of my animal's health. She's a very neurotic person, so every time he licks himself she gets concerned. Driving me bananas. And she didn't want to show me the lab results. HoneyBee513

GIPHY

Despicable You

This is a long one and typed on my phone.

So, I hadn't had contact to my dad for quite a while after he f***ed over the entire family.

I struggled for a while to finish my masters in a STEM field, even got more depressed over it than I wanted to admit and on top of that I knew I had to leave my pretty cheap appartment towards the end of 2017, which I only managed to pay for through a student loan and jobs like giving tutorials or assisting lectures at university.

Knowing it would get tight, I eventually reached out to my rather wealthy dad and asked if I could rent a room at his house if need be. He denied, instead, he offered to pay for a proper apartment for a couple months between finishing degree and picking up job.

So I kept going. A potential flat share that I had in mind didn't work out and due to poor planning on my end I was in trouble. However, dad said I shouldnt worry. So I actually finished my thesis during the holidays in a hostel, handed it in and looked for a new room like a madman, coordinating everything with my dad so he knew what was going on. I found something, everything was fine, I signed a contract and the moment I told him... Nothing. He won't answer the phone. It's only the second and I spent almost all my money on printing the thesis and paying for the hostel in advance, signed a contract that demands me to pay 1100 bucks in deposit and rent by friday and I don't even have enough left for health insurance.

Now I realize why he was adamant about not telling my mother anything. He successfully f***ed me over. Gratz old man, you win.

I won't tell her either, because she would try to help, but she cant handle it financially at this level.

So yeah. I had better starts into new years. And I can only really blame myself for not planning things better. Trusting dad was probably a stupid idea.

Right now, I have no idea what I am going to do :) Disposal3141592653

Screw That

Felt good about filling my tires with air the other day, then yesterday I drove over screw, which got stuck in the tire. Spent nearly $300 on a replacement. JFKsHardTop

The Cold Open

I was awoken very early this morning to the sound of my window cracking and breaking. So that was fun, and hopefully not an omen to how this year is going to be. It's also negative temperatures outside so I probably won't be able to sleep in my bed until it gets fixed because I get cold very easily. But I'm lucky to have the money to fix it and have an amazingly comfy couch to crash on if need be. leslienopes

Baby New Year

It was -11 last night. Our 5 month old is is sick and congested all to hell, to the point she had trouble breathing last night and her lips and fingers turned blue. So we went to the ER at 1030 and spent 5 hours there.

She came back negative for anything. No flu no RSV, nothing. Just congested. Her lungs sound fine, all her vitals are normal besides a temp of 101. She was in a great mood the whole time, it was f***ing ridiculous how she didn't mind being awake that entire time.

On top of this I started a new job 2 months ago, my old insurance ended in the new year. I'm uninsured now, my wife and baby are on her insurance, so we will see just how bad its going to be.  IamtheBiscuit

The Drain

Came home at 2am after a new years eve party.

"Weird, it kind of smells like sh*t down here." (I live in a basement suite).

Search around for a bit to see if the cat sh*t anywhere in the house, seems clean. Search head and toe all around, the place was freshly cleaned , it should be fine.

WELL. I open the door to the bathroom, the entire floor of my shower is covered in sh*t that backed up from the toilet upstairs and through the drain. Not to mention a mix of piss and old shower water that flooded half the floor. After a half hour of being wasted, trying not to touch any of it with my hands, and trying not to throw up I finally managed to get it clean.

My brother is my landlord and he got it fixed today, and thank gahd he did because I haven't being able to poop at shower at home in a day and a half. MeowthThatsRite

GIPHY

The Cold Open

I was awoken very early this morning to the sound of my window cracking and breaking. So that was fun, and hopefully not an omen to how this year is going to be. It's also negative temperatures outside so I probably won't be able to sleep in my bed until it gets fixed because I get cold very easily. But I'm lucky to have the money to fix it and have an amazingly comfy couch to crash on if need be. leslienopes

Baby New Year

It was -11 last night. Our 5 month old is is sick and congested all to hell, to the point she had trouble breathing last night and her lips and fingers turned blue. So we went to the ER at 1030 and spent 5 hours there.

She came back negative for anything. No flu no RSV, nothing. Just congested. Her lungs sound fine, all her vitals are normal besides a temp of 101. She was in a great mood the whole time, it was f***ing ridiculous how she didn't mind being awake that entire time.

On top of this I started a new job 2 months ago, my old insurance ended in the new year. I'm uninsured now, my wife and baby are on her insurance, so we will see just how bad its going to be.  IamtheBiscuit

The Drain

Came home at 2am after a new years eve party.

"Weird, it kind of smells like sh*t down here." (I live in a basement suite).

Search around for a bit to see if the cat sh*t anywhere in the house, seems clean. Search head and toe all around, the place was freshly cleaned , it should be fine.

WELL. I open the door to the bathroom, the entire floor of my shower is covered in sh*t that backed up from the toilet upstairs and through the drain. Not to mention a mix of piss and old shower water that flooded half the floor. After a half hour of being wasted, trying not to touch any of it with my hands, and trying not to throw up I finally managed to get it clean.

My brother is my landlord and he got it fixed today, and thank gahd he did because I haven't being able to poop at shower at home in a day and a half. MeowthThatsRite

GIPHY

Add Your Comment

Staff Picks!

Jilted People Share The Most Brutal Rejections They've Ever Faced Jilted People Share The Most Brutal Rejections They've Ever Faced 06.19.2018 By Mike Walsh Yeesh.... Stories 0 comments
Medical Professionals Reveal Which Everyday Activities That Cause The Most Injuries Medical Professionals Reveal Which Everyday Activities That Cause The Most Injuries 06.19.2018 By Mike Walsh Reader, beware.... Stories 0 comments
Fed Up Professionals Reveal The Fastest They Ever Quit Their Jobs Fed Up Professionals Reveal The Fastest They Ever Quit Their Jobs 06.18.2018 By Thomas Dane I'm out! Mic. Drop!... Stories 0 comments

Related Articles

Photographers Divulge The Strangest Images They've Developed For People Photographers Divulge The Strangest Images They've Developed For People 06.19.2018 By Brandon Gage Stories 0 comments
Peeved Parents Divulge The Most Valuable Thing Their Kids Have Broken Peeved Parents Divulge The Most Valuable Thing Their Kids Have Broken 06.19.2018 By Brandon Gage Kids break stuff. It happens.... Stories 0 comments
Savvy Singles Share Their Unique Relationship Deal-breakers Savvy Singles Share Their Unique Relationship Deal-breakers 06.18.2018 By Mark Sophia Stories 0 comments