16 Delivery Drivers Share The Wildest Situation They’ve Ever Found Themselves In

When you have to show up to dozens of random addresses a day, you're bound to stumble on some weird stuff every once in a while. Delivery drivers from around the world came together to answer the question: What's your weirdest delivery story? Here are some of our favorite answers.

Thanks to all the delivery drivers who shared their stories!

1/16. I used to deliver pizzas for a while back in college. One afternoon I was scheduled to work, despite the fact there was a severe thunderstorm approaching and even a tornado watch. On the one delivery I had that day, I got a raging boner for absolutely no reason while driving through a torrential downpour to the customers house. I sat in my car for 5 minutes waiting for my dong to deflate to chub status. It didn't. I ended up tucking into the waistband and delivering some weird, old moustached guy a large pizza while I was stoned, soaking wet and with a boner at full mast barely concealed in my gym shorts. He gave me a good tip though.

2/16. I used to deliver furniture and me (a Jew) and my coworker (a Black guy) were carrying a sofa into a customers house to find a disturbing amount of Nazi flags, uniforms and other items. Needless to say we were both a little worried. Turned out he was just a big WWII buff and he showed us his whole collection. He even had one of the Nazi General's full set of uniforms smuggled out of Germany.

3/16. My friends refer to this story as when I got "Buffalo Billed".

I was a closing driver for a local pizza place. It was about 15 minutes to close and we got our last order. When I show up at the house and ring the door bell the guy inside cracked open the door, upon seeing me he said "oh sh*t it's a girl!" and shut the door.

I stand there another minute, not sure what just happened, and then the front door pops open again. This time three men are standing in the door frame, two middle aged, bedraggled looking guys and a dude who looked like he was 80.

The older guy then starts complimenting me, and I start to get pretty sketched out. Then he stops mid-sentence and says, "What size pants do you wear? You look like you're about a size twelve."

I was struck speechless. Just standing there wondering what was going on.

He continued, "I got a pair of pants in here that might fit! You can come in and try them on!"

After another few minutes of refusing to go into this guys house he finally gave up and paid.

He tipped me twenty bucks, then grabbed my waist and "tickled" me. Then exclaimed, "you're pretty! But you could go jogging more!"

Only after getting to my car did I realize how stupid I was for even sticking around to wait for him to pay.

Continue to the next page to read more weird delivery stories.

4/16. Our UPS man was really cool and would always drive around with a box of dog treats in the car (pretty smart, considering there are some vicious dogs out there). My dog learned pretty quickly that when his truck drove up, she would get a treat. Eventually, she learned that the treats came FROM the truck and so one day, while he was at the door, she climbed into the back and started sniffing around. She tore open the box of doggy biscuits, and another package of food, I think. The UPS guy didn't know she was back there and didn't notice till his next stop, which was far away (I lived in the middle of nowhere). So, he drove back and returned the dog. To compensate, the driver got another box of dog biscuits and my mom baked something for the people whose food my dog had eaten.

5/16. I used to work at a packie back in college, and we used to do deliveries to close residences. There was one older lady who we used to deliver to a lot, and one day I brought her case of wine to her door, and rang the bell. When she opened the door, she was in a bath robe, but it wasn't tied. I was shocked, but didn't want to be rude, so I brought the wine in and said have a nice day, trying to avoid eye contact. She then said, "Wait, what about your tip?" I turned around and she bent over for her purse and the robe just flew wide open. I saw old everything. Dear god I have tried to erase that memory forever but not all the liquor in the world could undo what I saw. She acted like nothing happened, handed me $10 and I went on my merry way.

6/16. Delivered for Papa Johns for 3 years in Atlanta.

I delivered to Strip Club #1, where the manager's kids were watching Tiny Toons in the office. The sign on the way to the stage said "For your safety and protection, absolutely no baby oil allowed on stage"

Delivered to Strip Club #2, where, to the left of the door, was a tiny naked woman crawling up a mans leg like a squirrel. To the right was 5 guys watching RoboCop on TV.

Another delivery to Strip Club #2. One dancer takes the pizza, pays me and wanders off. The bartender named Clarence asks if I was tipped. I shake my head no, and across the entire club she screams "GIRL, GET YOUR BUTT BACK OVER HERE AND GIVE THIS POOR BOY A TIP! I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT THEY IS! I SEEN YOU GET THEM BEFORE!" The very embarrassed dancer ran back, tipped me very well and ran off.

Delivering in midtown I once had a door opened by a well known local drag queen wearing nothing but a gold lame speedo and a 12 foot snake. When I asked which of them the pizza was for, the guy said "we share!"

Continue reading zany delivery stories on the next page.

7/16. One time in college at a party we ordered pizza and the guy that came never said a single word. We were all wasted and were like dudeee!! Come take a shot! So he shrugs and nods yes and comes in. Ends up getting handed two shots of jack, which he downs like a champ with no chaser. Then somebody passes him a bong and he smokes. Then we were like dudeee!! Do a strikeout (hold in bong rip, chug a beer, take a shot, exhale) and he did. Again, said nothing just put up his hand to say thanks, nods, and left.

8/16. I once delivered to a party where they didn't have any money. They paid me in beer. At the end of the night I split the beer with my manager and we wrote the pizza off as a loss.

Another time I delivered to a house and two very attractive girls answered the door. After much giggling they invited me in to stay for a while. I needed the job, so I told them I wished I could but I had to get back to work. While cashing out at the end of the night I told my manager this story. He called me an idiot. :(

9/16. I work for a company that delivers household appliances. A lot of our customers are larger property management companies, and we do a lot of deliveries to large apartment blocks. I have seen many places that were so filthy you wonder how someone can live there. But one in particular takes the cake...

Standard procedure is to talk to the onsite management to get access, deliver the new stuff, haul out the old stuff, get a signature and bounce. Usually the manager will follow us around and make sure we don't mess anything up along the way, but at this one delivery, a haggard looking manager told us "Go on up to the unit, it's open, I'll meet you up there later"

"Ok, no problem."

She wouldn't have fit in the elevator with a fridge, stove and two big guys anyway. So we get up there, and sure enough the apartment is open. The door was kicked off it's frame and missing. But that was just the start....

The drywall was smashed and kicked in all over the place. Pink fiberglass insulation was all over the floor. Light switches were ripped out of the wall, hanging from wires pulled through the drywall. The windows to the outside were smashed. Random pools of congealed liquids dotted the floor. There was garbage EVERYWHERE. We looked at our invoice to see if we had the right unit number, and we sure did. We decided to hang back and wait for the manager.

When she came up, I asked her if she actually wanted brand new shiny appliances in that terrible place.

"We have cleaners coming later today, can you just haul the old ones out and leave the new ones here in the hallway for now?"

Continue reading this story on the next page.

"No problem."

So we tucked the new fridge and stove out of the way and went into the kitchen of this place to haul the old ones out. As I'm in there sliding the range out of place, she finally lets us know what's up.

"So sorry about the mess in here today boys, but it's been a really wild few days here. You hear about that guy that took a hostage 2 days ago?"

"Yeah, it was hard to miss on the news."

"Well, yeah... that happened in here. You're standing where the cops shot the guy."

I looked down, and sure enough, I was standing in a 3 foot wide puddle of dried blood, right in the middle of the kitchen.

The most disturbing part about it was that I wasn't as disturbed by it as I thought I should be.

10/16. I delivered pizzas for 3 or 4 years. One time I had a extremely drunk guy take 30 minutes to find his check book. He fell over about 5 times, would walk into the kitchen and forget what he was looking for. Ended up writing it in crayon. I had multiple girls come to the door topless. I saw a kid holding a crack pipe for his dad while he paid in quarters. I went to an apartment once and there was a huge butcher knife in the mailbox. Once a guy grabbed me and called me a chicken f*cker because, "MY PIZZA WAS TOO EXPENSIVE." Please tip your pizza girl/guy. You have no idea what she/he deals with on a daily basis.


11/16. I used to deliver pizza for a small place in Santa Fe. Outside of one house, I noticed a very strong weed smell that only got more potent as I got closer to the house. When the dude opened the door the first thing I noticed was some very serious high intensity lights hanging from the high ceilings. That and it smelled like someone had jammed a few buds into my sinus cavity. There was also a makeshift black plastic curtain blocking off most of the living room and my view.

I did not say a thing. I was honestly too stunned. I did, however, think that I would run my grow house a little differently.

In that same town I worked at a video store where, during one staff meeting, we were told that we could accept drugs as payment for rentals, as long as we put the approximate cash value of the drugs in the till out of our own pockets.

Continue reading weird delivery stories on the next page.

12/16. I delivered pizzas for a year and a half, and thinking back, most of it is a blur.

Although I think the weirdest experience I had was an old shut-in who would tape a check to the front door, and not come out to get the pizza until she was sure you'd driven away. One time she forgot to put a check, so I knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, called her phone number, and so on... she didn't answer, so I took my other deliveries. 10 minutes later, she calls me back.

She says, "yeah, I saw you down there, but you didn't leave my pizza!" I say, you didn't leave a check. She says, "yes I did! Did you check around the back door? Sometimes it's at the back door, sometimes it's at the front door, you need to check both doors." I said I'd looked at the back door, and there was no check. She says, "well go look again, there should be one. you just need to look harder."

So I go back, and there is the check taped to the front door. Taped to the check are 2 dollars in quarters, rolled up in tape. That was the only time she ever tipped me.

13/16. Pizza delivery driver here- Weirdest delivery ever was to one of the top floors of these super tall public housing structures. Definitely not the worst in the city, but still never fun to deliver to because the elevators are slower than molasses, the tips are usually small, and public housing can get kind of unsafe.

Anyway, I get up to the door after waiting like 10 minutes in this rickety elevator, and the man on the other end of the door softly tells me the door's open and to come inside (I hate going inside people's houses, especially public housing, because 1. I am a female and 2. some people have some straaaange living habits).

Anyway, I see this guy, sitting in his chair, with nothing but a diaper on, acting like absolutely nothing is amiss, and he cheerfully tells me to put the food inside the oven. Huh? At this point, I am thoroughly weirded out, but I need him to sign the receipt. He tells me he did not order the pizza, so I need to go in the bedroom if I want my tip. The logical side of me was saying "nope. don't do it." but I will go to shameless lengths for an extra few dollars and diaper dude was pretty old and clearly wasn't a threat, just weird.

So I go into the bedroom and find another dude, completely naked, laying in bed with a pen waiting for me. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? Awkwardly, I kind of threw the receipts on top of him, not wanting to get close. He casually signed them, acting like absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary, and politely handed them back to me. I bolted out of there as fast as I could. $6 dollar tip. Not bad.

More delivery stories on the next page!

14/16. I used to deliver pizza/Italian food to a sex worker that was living and working out of a local hotel. She kept two rooms; one for living, one for work. If the order had two meals it would be one room, if it was one meal it would be the other. She also had a chihuahua in her living room. She would only pay in 20's and we always got to keep the change, sometimes getting us $17 dollar tips. It was great, but she eventually stopped ordering or moved out.

15/16. My first (pizza) delivery one morning was to a regular customer. His order came to 32.80. I went to his house and he had a hundred dollar bill and nothing else. I didn't have nearly enough change, so I told him I'd have to head back to the store and get change for him. He said, "how about this, you get me a hard pack of Newports and I'll throw you a couple extra bucks." The convenience store was closer than the Domino's, so it was a no-brainer. I took his hundred, bought a pack of cigarettes, and went back with exact change. He handed me three 20 dollar bills and I started by day with a $27 tip.

16/16. I'm a girl who used to deliver pizza in high school. One day we got a call for a delivery and after hanging up the phone my coworker informed me that the same man had called the day before and seemed like a creep. Greaaaaat. I arrive to his house with the pizza and notice that it is the only house that is a ways up from the street. The neighborhood isnt the best either and most of the shrubs are overgrown and poorly maintained. I ring the doorbell and this 6 foot older man wearing a yellowish stained tanktop with ratty gray sweatpants just stares at me.

He has a huge overgrown scraggly beard and just looks like a total creep. It is apparent that he hasnt bathed in a while. Then all of a sudden his dog, a weird mini black greyhound, appears out of nowhere and starts jumping all over me. The scary man doesnt even try to get the dog to stop attacking me or anything, he just lets it jump all over me. I finally hand him his pizza while trying to dodge the dog's claws and he gives me this blank stare again. At this point I realize I'm probably not getting a tip. Frazzled, I try to get out of there as fast as I can and when I turn around to leave his dog follows me to my car.

After walking about 5 feet I notice that the creepy man is following me too and all of a sudden I hear him yell "Where are you going?" as he proceeds to walk even faster. At this point I'm freaked out so I high tail it to my car and jump in the drivers seat. His dog is still going wild and jumping all over the car, which is preventing me from driving away. He then comes right next to my window and I see him try and reach for something in his pocket. Im so freaked out I can barely move but I finally manage to start the car and speed off in a panic. Ill never know what was in his pocket but I made sure we never delivered to him ever again.


Sharing is caring!

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.