17 People Were Asked: 'What's Your Weirdest Tinder Experience?'
To say that he didn't look like his picture doesn't even begin to describe it...
People on Reddit who use Tinder were asked: "What was your worst and weirdest experience?" These are some of the best answers!
1/17 There was this one girl I met up with for drinks: 23, nice skin, great hair, fit, just out of sorority girl. We inhaled a handful of cocktails in about 30 min. I was just trying to keep up and chit chat, but she was like let's get out of here, which I'm always ok with.
We get back to my place and I got my game face on and half my clothes off. Then she sees my Scrabble. Now, I'm very good, friends/family would say excellent. There was a period of 2-3 years where I was playing several games per day at least. She reallllllly wants to play a quick game and starts shit talking. So I smoke her. Absolutely, positively, f*cking torch the hell out of her. Like 550-225 or something in that range. I'm making plays instantly, words you've never heard of, bingos all over, playing brutal d... it's a murder. She gets pissed and storms out. Never got to bang her, but I know deep down she's still mad about that game and it makes me a lot happier than an orgasm a few years ago would.
2/17 She was lying about her age. And wanted a baby, immediately.
3/17 We went on three dates. The next time she asked to see me, I told her I was visiting family and wouldn't be available until the following weekend. In that moment, she freaked out and sent me a 7 page long text about how I destroyed what could have been a perfect relationship and that she wanted to marry me still if I would just put her first. She then left me a voicemail of her singing "U Got It Bad" by Usher while crying and saying she loved me over and over. Two days later she sent me pictures of her burning a bucket list she had made for us. Glad I got out of that one unscathed.
4/17 He made me watch his homemade rap videos and tried to like his own FB page on my phone.
5/17 So, I found a cool chick, she was into cars, into guns, drank and cussed like a sailor, looked great she had the sexy resting bitch face. I was so ready to smash. Well she hits me up and says she's going to a car meet and was gonna pick me up. I was so down for that. So she texts me saying "Hey I'm outside." So I run out and I see her in her car, walk up and say "What's up?" and that's when it hit me... this bitch has the angles, good f*cking god she had saddle bags hanging over the seat of her car, this bitch was enormous. So I played it cool, I asked her, "Hey want anything to drink before we head out?" She says sure so I run in and grab my roommate and say "Bro, I f*cked up, I f*cked up bad. I need a call like a level 10, Mom had a heart attack, Dad had a stroke, your brother's in jail again but for murder this time and it was your job to keep him out." He laughs his f*cking ass off.
So I go back out to the car, go to the car wash and I got the call and I put him on speaker. "Bro, my brothers in jail again, my Mom is gonna kill me, my Dad is never going to talk to me again, and my brother's in jail in Nags Head for 1st degree murder" I play along like "Oh f*ck, aight man we need to get there and get a bail bond." This is where it gets good. "No man it's cool, I'm just gonna hit the bottle and pull the trigger" She heard that, we jump in the car, I'm doing my best to act panicked and we get to the house and we both run in and there's my roommate, empty bottle of Jack on the ground and a half full bottle of Jameson tilted up and pressed to his lips and an (unloaded) hand gun to his head screaming "If you take one more step I'm gonna blow my brains out!" She f*cking bolted out the door and took off. Always have a bro for an SOS or a level 10 emergency.
6/17 My profile pic is a toilet. The first time I met a girl we actually talked about toilets for an hour.
7/17 So I was in Shanghai for work, and decided to see what was happening on Tinder. Matched with a girl and chatted briefly. She asked if I wanted to meet at her hotel for a drink. Alarm bells should have been ringing.
So I shower up, pop a breath mint, and smash out a lucky panda cigarette whilst flagging down a cab. I get to her hotel and to my astonishment, she is the woman in the profile, waiting for me at the hotel bar. Have a few cocktails and things are going well, she's friendly, seems really into me, then she asks if I want to go up to her room for "some more drinks". Dear diary: JACKPOT!
So we make our way upstairs and she doesn't waste any time and jumps straight in. When all was said and done I thought "right, time to do the shanghai shuffle!" So I'm putting my clothes on and about to leave and she says "What about my money baby?" My heart sinks quicker than a mob snitch swimming in concrete boots. I ask her what she means, "Not for free sex, 3,000 RMB!" she replies which is just shy of $500. F*ck me, I'd just rooted a hooker!
So a heated argument begins and I'm planning my escape lest there be a pimp waiting outside. She starts screaming at me and hotel security arrive on the scene and hustle me down to the lobby. She follows in tow demanding her money, screaming, yelling, making a scene. Everyone's looking. I've really hit rock bottom here.
Then I see someone get out of a cab outside the hotel entrance. I gap it and leap into the cab, telling the driver to "DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE" in the worst Chinese possible. I probably said something offensive. But the power of the all mighty yuan saves the day and he speeds off, taking me back to my hotel where I can hit a bottle of scotch and reflect on what the actual f*ck just happened.
8/17 Friend from class matched with my then-girlfriend. He informed me of the match and proceeded to set up a coffee date. Instead of him showing up to the date, I did. I had the pleasure of watching my girlfriend freak the f*ck out.
9/17 I used it, I'm a fat ugly bastard, I matched with a girl who wasn't too shabby looking, texted for a few days until we were both off. I picked her up, she was very cute, went to dinner at a Japanese steak house and had a good time, drank some sake. She suggested we go back to my place (woo!)
We stop by her apartment to get her car and she wants to get clothes. She follows me to my house and we make out in my driveway for a few and start to move towards the house, I'm excited, gunna get laid and all yessir, been a while.
So we are on my front porch and she goes "Eew, what's that?" and points to this baseball-sized toad that hangs out on my porch, this is his 2nd year there. Anyways I explain he is cool and I knock beetles off my porch light for it to eat and stuff. She walks over to him, looks at me, like intense eye contact and proceeded to slowly stomp on my toad.
Now at this point I was experiencing several emotions, shock, anger, rage. I shouted at her "wtf, why'd you do that" to which she replied "I wanted to make you mad so you'd f*ck me hard." I was speechless while I processed what I had just witnessed. I told her to get the f*ck of my property, she flips out, we yell back and forth, I sprayed her with the hose and she finally leaves only to show up 20 min later topless on my deck in the back yard. She had walked from down the road and pulled like 6 pickets down from my fence to get in the back yard.
Cops came. She cried her way out of trouble with them and left.
10/17 He showed up with his iPhone on a lanyard. Around his neck. But he introduced me to reddit, so I guess it went ok.
11/17 I met a girl for a date who turned out to be much better looking than her photos which is always a nice surprise. The date went well, just dinner and a walk, and we said our goodbyes. The next day she invited me out to a friend's birthday party downtown as her +1. I wanted to go but I had to work the next day and wanted to be able to drink a little since it was a bunch of people I didn't know. She said "That's alright, you can park at my house and sleep over."(Cha-ching!) So, of course, I said yes.
Fast forward to the middle of the party, I'm enjoying myself chatting it up with her friends and having a good time and next thing I know she absolutely loses it and storms out of the bar leaving me there. Drunk. With her friends. I still have no idea why.
One of them told me "She wants you to go after her!" and I said "F*ck that, it's our second date." which not a single person blamed me for. I stayed at the party and switched to water while I continued talking with her friends. That was over a year ago, and I still regularly hang out with them. They have since stopped talking to her.
12/17 Went to see Fifty Shades of Grey, got a blowy in the parking lot, got caught by a security guard on a segway. Ended up with chlamydia. I no longer Tinder.
13/17 I have had several awkward tinder dates. The worst was this guy who was 23 and had pretty much grown up on the computer. Usually don't mind guys having a gaming hobby. Any hobby is great as it shows you have a passion for something.
I offered to meet him at the uni we both attended to grab a coffee, but he insisted on going to the local shopping complex despite the fact that he didn't drive. No idea how he got there. He ended up being around 30 mins late. OK I can deal with that. When we finally meet he's so nervous he's shaking like a Chihuahua and barely able to speak. I get it, first dates can be nerve-wracking. We sit down to sushi and there is absolute dead silence. I start asking him questions to start the conversation but all I get is 2 word replies... right. This is getting a bit more frustrating. I even ask him questions about what games he likes but all I get is condescending answers. I'm starting to feel more like an interrogator than a date.
Suddenly he perks up and goes "I have to go. There's a LAN party on." OK mate, you're not feeling comfortable on this date that's fine. Even though you suggested it and you were so confident online. So we part ways.
The kicker comes about 4:30am the next morning. I'm working an overnight shift at Maccas and this group of guys come in. Chihuahua boy is in the group, being a whole lot more confident They walk in talking about "bitches" and how "f*cking fake gamer bitches" ruined their LAN party. He goes to order. and doesn't realize it's me. They leave a huge mess behind. I'm talking purposely smearing ice cream on the table and chairs because it's the employees job to clean up.
The next afternoon i get a message from him asking if I'd like to meet up with him again. I politely said no. He called me a fat bitch. Never saw him again.
14/17 Met up for a coffee after having quite a nice chat over tinder for a few days. He sits down and says "Hey nice to meet you", then continues to pull out his laptop and sit there in complete silence for the next hour. I had nothing with me but my phone, since I thought coffee date means conversation. Should've left sooner.
15/17 Met one charmer after talking for a few weeks. After agreeing to meet at a nearby coffee shop, I show up right on time. Ten minutes later I get a text from him to come outside. Seems sketchy but there's people about, so why not? I stand directly in front and he appears out of nowhere in a hoodie. We walk a bit before he asks me to walk down a darkly-lit street. I say I'm uncomfortable and he immediately starts waking away. I assume he's joking and call him only to hear him screaming at me on the other end. He sends me a text a couple of days later insulting my hair and telling me to "Suck my big dick you negress bitch."
16/17 Went on the date, five minutes into the conversation he flips it to 9/11 conspiracy theories and doesn't drop it even after I explicitly state that the conversation is inappropriate. Told him later by text that I didn't think we were that compatible. Cue 2 months of 3am phone calls where he pretends to be a furniture/renovation company that had problems delivering my order...
17/17 Perfectly nice date, 20 minutes in to it, she says, "I'll be honest. I know what I need in a man, and you don't have it."
At 25, I would have been crushed. Wondering what "it" was would've kept me up for days. Being 35, I thanked her for being blunt and was happy to have an unexpectedly free evening.
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