20 Honest Moms And Dads Share What Parenthood Is REALLY Like And It's Absolutely Hilarious.
Sometimes, you find yourself waking up one day with glitter in your hair and you think, "nobody told me about this part of parenthood."
Thanks to these hilarious moms and dads for their honest portrayals of parenthood. You all deserve a gold star!
Daughter: You're invading my personal space
Mom: You came out of my personal space
Moe (@_Mo_lee_) January 8, 2016
That awful moment when your kid asks to watch "Anal-stasia" and you're not sure if it's a cute mistake or if she saw your browser history.
Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz) January 20, 2016
*5yo climbing on my chair
Me: "Be careful! I don't want want you to spill my wine.
...Oh I also don't want you to get hurt or whatever."
Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 10, 2016
Parenting is like being a juggler except all the balls are screaming.— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) September 11, 2015
KID: Why's the sky blue— batkaren (@batkaren) March 5, 2015
DAD: It's sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction
I let my toddler dress herself.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2016
She's wearing a cupcake. pic.twitter.com/u6Mn5NTve7
Me: I'll make you lunch in a half an hour— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) June 26, 2016
8: Has it been a half an hour?
Me: It's been literally six seconds
6: Dad, why do you have so many nicknames for me?
*I break down, no longer able to cover up that I can't remember my son's name
Big World, Small Meh (@TheAlexNevil) January 5, 2016
Me: Let's eat chicken nuggets.
[one kid cries]
Me: How about pizza?
[other kid cries]
[both kids cry]
We have a winner.
Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 14, 2016
"AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT CLEANING THESE LEGOS UP...!"— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) November 17, 2015
Me, as I'm cleaning the Legos up.
Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.— Big World, Small Meh (@TheAlexNevil) November 17, 2015
Mom: *tastefully decorates house*— Goats? (@Gooooats) November 14, 2015
Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED
Continue reading hilarious parenting tweets on the next page!
I can either put my kids through college or pay for one hour of Internet on a plane. Being an adult is hard.— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) December 21, 2015
Movie tickets: $37— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) January 17, 2015
Listening to two five year olds bitch to go home for half the movie: priceless
I cut the crust off my daughter's PB&J and I swear to god I heard her whisper that I'm her bitch now.— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 29, 2015
Me: "You kids aren't getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!"— Wendy S. (@maughammom) December 1, 2015
Grandma: "Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing."
Who are we? KIDS— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 23, 2015
What do we want? OATMEAL
When do we want it? NEVER, WE CHANGED OUR MINDS, WE DON'T LIKE OATMEAL ANYMORE
[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper]— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2015
Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven?
Me: I'm up.
I case y'all need a break from the grim news cycle, my 3yo has informed me she changed her name to Poem Ice Cream Leopard Baby.— kristin (@shriekhouse) July 7, 2016
The only thing my kids dislike more than sitting still is when I sit still.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 5, 2016
13 just texted me from the bathroom and asked for toilet paper.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 6, 2016
I didn't respond because it's never too early to teach them about marriage.
If you were wondering, when your 4 year old asks you if she can cut her hair, there's a 100% chance it's because she already did.— Court (@Discourt) July 6, 2016
Me: "Don't do that!"— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 5, 2016
Toddler: *Proceeds to do it anyway...*
Every. Damn. Day.
Kid: Can I have--— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 7, 2016
Kid: What about--
Kid: Please can I--
Grocery shopping sounds like a Meghan Trainor song.
Know a parent who could use a laugh? Be sure to share!
Minimum wage is often paid by some of the most physically and emotionally intensive work—service industry jobs. Having to work in a hot kitchen all day or deal with irate customers while being paid less than you need to survive is not exactly the best situation to be in.