24 Adults Confess The Horniest Thing They Ever Did As A Teenager.
People on Reddit were asked: "What was the worst thing you did as a horny teen?" These are some of the best answers.
1/24 In 8th grade, I saw a girl's boob touch the edge of her desk (not like naked boob or anything, but like fully clothed boob). When nobody was in the room, I went over and licked the desk. I'm not proud of this.
2/24 When I was 12, I was home alone and extremely horny. When masturbation wasn't enough, I walked around the house, naked, with a boner. I was looking for somewhere to put it in. After some searching, I saw my bicycle. I laid it down on the floor and piledrived my penis into the peg. I only got 2 pumps in before I realized how terrible of an idea this was.
I proceeded to feel disgusted with myself for the rest of the summer.
3/24 Put ice cubes in my butts for fun.
4/24 I was on the bus to a youth church conference. Friends-with-benefits was in the same seat. It was like a 20 hour drive so a lot of the bus was asleep. Well, she throws a blanket over us and goes to town with her hand.
I start getting close and say "Idk what we are going to clean it up with?" to which she responds "Don't worry about it, just let me know when."
Somewhat confused, a few second later I tell her "now." Her head disappears under the blanket. And that is how I found heaven.
5/24 I found my mom's vibrator. And I was horny. So I turned it on and put it against my dick and rubbed up and down until I came. Only until my post-cum consciousness kicked in did I realize the horror.
6/24 I was about 13. I was out fishing in the great outdoors, swimming through the water and fishing in one of those things so I'm partially under the water. I'd been out there for a while, and I got the urge. Odd, since there's nothing boner inducing about fishing, perhaps it was a boredom boner since I wasn't getting any bites.
Long story short, I jerked it. I came into the water and the current began to take it. It was no more than 5 or so feet away from me when a fish came up and ate it. I turned a rainbow trout into a c*m guzzling fish-wh*re.
7/24 Masturbated on a coach whilst everyone around me was asleep. I found out last year the girl who sat next to me wasn't.
8/24 I had a really soft and fluffy blanket on my bed. I would get naked and lay on it because it was so soft. Then I started moving around and found out how great it felt on my dick. I would eventually start to cum on that blanket. A lot. Several times a night. No clean up. I just left it. My mom mentioned how dirty it was when she washed it one time...
9/24 Got an in-house suspension, which is when you have to sit in a room all day at school rather than stay at home. The room I had to stay in was attached directly to the vice-principal's office. It had nothing in it except for a table and a chair; I was supposed to be doing homework all day.
After a few hours of doing nothing and no one checking in on me I beat the sh*t out of my dick. Came on the carpet.
10/24 Me (heterosexual male) and couple of my friends went out one snowy night at age 13 and made a snowman with a huge penis. We all sucked his snow penis for about ten minutes. We all got horribly sick and had to stay home from school for a week.
11/24 Poured shampoo all over my dick when I was laying in the bath. Got some in the peehole. Days of endless sharp jabs of agony.
12/24 Had sex with my younger brother(9) and sister(10) on my bed. We were all watching a movie, and I just kind of wriggled my pants down and my boyfriend entered me from behind and went slow. I don't remember anymore if he finished or not.
13/24 I tried to f*ck my couch when I was 13.
14/24 We had a family party at my hot cousin's house one day and when nobody was looking, I went over to their key rack and pocketed one of their house keys. After the party I went to Home Depot and made a duplicate of their house key. Her parents got mad at the rest of the family a day later because their key was missing, so in the middle of the night I went to their house, put the original key on the porch, rang the doorbell, and ran like hell.
Now I had to play the waiting game. Their whole family went on vacation to Vegas for spring break so this was my chance. In the middle of the night, after my dad dropped them off at the airport, I used the duplicate key to quietly break into their house. Now I was free to do what I was planning for the last few months. I immediately went to my hot cousin's room and stripped myself naked. I had this rush that I never experienced before because I was technically committing a crime while horny.
I went into her closet and practically dove into her dirty laundry pile. Rolling around in it, sniffing the f*ck out of it, anything my dirty teenage self could think of. I rolled around in her bed and jizzed all over it, while covered in her dirty laundry. After about thirty minutes I got nervous because I left so many lights on and saw a couple neighbors on the phone, staring at the house. I went out the backdoor and jumped the fence only to come face to face with another neighbor who for sure saw my face. He tried to grab my arm but I was too quick for him and I dipped. To this day I'm scared as f*ck to go in their neighborhood, but holy sh*t, that was the greatest experience of my life. Worth it.
15/24 Fingered my gf while parents were in the room.
16/24 Had sex with my then gf in the elevator of my high school. Since I'm wheelchair-bound, I took her on the elevator with me a couple of times.
One day we just decided to push the emergency stop button. Good thing the alarm was not working at the time...
17/24 I jerked off 5 minutes before class and ended up being late because I always bask for 10 minutes.
18/24 So it's my friends birthday, let's call him Bob. So Bob invites all the usual people BUT, Bob's sister invited her friend. So the party continues and I start talking to this girl. It turns out she likes me, I being the player I am, go to my friend and say, "I'm in there dog". Party ends its: Bob, Bob's sister, Bob's sisters friend, my other friend & me. We are siting on the couch. I'm playing with the girl, and Bob goes to bed. It just my friend, the girl and me. My friend then starts to feel her up, I'm sporting full cub, I take the back and he takes the front. 20 minutes later we are both done, go to bed and get up, it turns out Bob asked out the girl. To this day Bob never know what happened that night.
19/24 Masturbated while tubing down a river. My family was 200 yards behind me.
20/24 I used to ride my bike quite a lot when I was a teenager. One day, I got this idea to ride my bike to my grandmothers house. It's about 8 miles, round trip. So I ride my bike out there, and sure as sh*t, they're not home. There's a huge hill probably a quarter of a mile long, and on the way down this hill I rode with no hands, and then it struck me... I shoved my hand in my pocket, and beat my sh*t until I came, riding a bike no handed, down a fairly steep hill. I think about this quite often, and I'm so glad I didn't fall off my bike.
21/24 Used a plastic sandwich bag as a condom.
22/24 Took some racy shots of my boobs to send to a complete stranger. Unfortunately despite thinking I had deleted them from family computer, they still ended up being view-able by my parents, who saw them. So embarrassing.
23/24 Used to build "snow women" and teach all the kids in my neighborhood how to go down on women. A lot of the kids got some hot women later on in life.... Coincidence?
24/24 Was really young, right before I really learned how to properly fap, but still exploring sexual stuff. I would do things like hump my pillow or carve a hole into a nerf ball for my wang.
All that was well and good until I tied my dick to my chair and then proceeded to trip over a stuffed animal, almost ripping my dick off. I still have the scars. Oh the humanity.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: