26 People Share The Weirdest Thing They've Seen Someone Try To Sneak Through Airport Security.
Airport workers of Reddit were asked: "What's the weirdest item someone has tried to take through security?" These are some of the best answers.
1/26 I watched a man argue about a 1/5th of vodka for 10 minutes, chug it, then promptly have a heart attack. That was certainly weird.
2/26 There was the time when a young girl (16?) walked through the body scan and set the detectors off. We searched her and found nothing; however, when we brought a dog over and had her sniffed, the dog detected a substance on her. We brought her to one of the rooms, strip searched her, and were almost going to give the all-clear when all of a sudden, we saw a small bit of plastic poke out from between her cheeks (lower cheeks). Turns out she had the illegal substance (heroin) in her... er.... crevasse.
3/26 I once saw a guy try passing security in a banana costume. Needless to say the guards were not pleased with him.
4/26 I saw a compound bow sitting in the trashcan last time I was at the airport.
5/26 My uncle once had to hand inspect a case full of various sized dildos because one of the dogs smelled something funny.
6/26 We get some luggage flagged as bombs. Funny thing, throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick. Sorry, I mean baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police. Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...it's a dildo.
Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.
7/26 Recent story out of Canada of a kid who forgot he had a pipe bomb in his bag.
8/26 Someone attempted to bring a small can of gasoline in their checked bag. They even argued with us when we found it... Said they needed it as medicine for their illness.
9/26 In Armenia I saw a guy trying to enter the plane with his
bear caucasian shepherd. After 30 minutes of "intense negotiations"($$) with the security and the pilot, he was allowed to travel with the bear dog on the seat next to him, the dog sh*t himself on the take of, spent the flight chewing on the seats and puked on the landing.
10/26 My great-aunt from Texas once flew out to Portland, OR and she brought her own bacon grease because she was going to be cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
11/26 Not weird really, but incredibly idiotic. My husband's brother tried to bring a weed pipe in his pocket. I don't know wtf he was thinking.
12/26 I remember a guy in front of me got pulled to the side because he had a plastic / metal torture dildo.
13/26 Once I was travelling back home from France having done a clay sculpture workshop while there, and a friend of mine had made a fairly-realistic life-sized head which she was carrying in her hand luggage. The look on the security guy's face as that image popped up on the x-ray screen was absolutely priceless...
14/26 A person put a dead dog that was badly decayed in checked luggage. I would say it was dead over a week.
15/26 Kitchen sinks, engine parts, but my all time favorite was the man who came off a flight from Haiti after the earthquake with a suitcase stuffed with nothing but cash and porn. No clothes. No keepsakes. No paperwork from his homeland beyond his passport... Cash and porn.
16/26 I once went through security with a bunch of vials of fruit flies. That was a rough one.
17/26 This guy walked in with a loaded handgun in his pocket. As soon as the body scanner did a scan of his body and found it, an alarm went off, and he was immediately tackled and detained by 3 TSA Agents. Apparently, he "forgot it was there".
18/26 I saw this lady who had a full suitcase of vegetable oil. Why!!??
19/26 TSA Agent checking in... Quite a bit of weird stuff (yes, we can see everything in your suitcase via the x-ray monitor we're looking at)... Possibly the weirdest was an old lady that had 5 dead cat corpses stuffed in her suitcase... When questioned about it, she simply stated that she was bringing the cats back to the pet store she bought them from.
20/26 "I can take a chainsaw through if I empty out the gas right?" I just stared at him for a long time.
21/26 One day I was doing a bag check on a strange dense metal item. It was a woman and her son, the item was some weird piece of metal. I didn't know what it was but I knew it wasn't dangerous. Anyway, She saw what it was and yelled at her son "DON'T LOOK OR YOU'LL GO BLIND" she whispered to me that it was a kegal exerciser. I re-ran the bag through the X-Ray so the operator could see what it looked like without the item in the bag and he said "what the hell was that" I told him and he had no idea what Kegals were and why someone would need to exercise them.
I gave her the bag back and tried not to die laughing because of her poor sheltered child.
22/26 I screened a checked bag that had a full dog leather bondage suit. Freaked me the heck out!
23/26 My uncle brought this thing called a bottom buddy. It's an extender so fat people with little arms can reach their a** to wipe.
He told the security guard that if she doesn't let him on the plans, the people around him will be a bad time. He then have a demonstration about how it worked.
24/26 I saw a Hatian try to bring a dead rooster and other voodoo trinkets including knives in his carry on.
25/26 My friend's father (whom I've never met, thankfully) has Crohn's disease and goes around with a colostomy bag (aka a bag that people with that disease have to wear that goes into their intestines and fills with poop)
When he travels, he sticks his bundled up weed in the poop bag and goes through airport security, apparently never getting checked. I suppose no airport security wants to rifle through a poop bag. Or they assume that no person in their right mind would want to rifle through their own poop bag in order to smoke some poop smoked ganja.
26/26 Hunters ground up their deer put it in cardboard boxes, ducked taped and froze it solid. They expected the mass of the frozen block to keep the meat cool and not ooze blood on to everyone else's stuff.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: