30 People Reveal The Funniest Thing Someone’s Said To Them During Sex.

When we're in the heat of the moment, it's hard to know exactly what will come out of your mouth. These people share the funniest thing someone has ever said while they were gettin' it on!

1/30. She lifted up her semen covered hand and yelled "High five!" in her best Borat voice.


2/30. I was on top and he was trying to do some kind of circular motion with his hips and he chose to inquire about the results with the following gold nugget of dirty talk:

"You like that? Do you like the rotation on your inside walls?"

To this day, I still can't fathom why he chose that particular phrasing, of all things.


3/30. "Mmm. Chrissy, that feels so good!"

Chrissy was her own name.


4/30. "Is that lamp from Ikea?"

The lamp was, in fact, from Ikea...


5/30. I was in bed with my then girlfriend. I'd had a long day, and was pretty tired. But she was down to clown, and I'm not one to say no to a clowning. She's on top trying to come to a natural conclusion, but the bed was just so damn comfortable. I was dirty talking her. Halfway through a sentence I sort of slipped into that pre-sleep dream state and said "you like it when I cook your pasta, don't you?"

She laughed it off and I woke up enough to finish, but she loved saying that during that act til we broke up a couple years later.


More hilarious things people have said in bed on the next page!

6/30. "Are you eating gummy worms?"

We were going Doggy style and I didn't think she would notice.


7/30. Happened to a friend of mine, but the guy was on top and was asking her where she wanted him to cum. She said she didn't know so his response was "What? Do you want me to cum in your purse so you can take that sh*t home with you?" She lost it and they had to stop.


8/30. My wife after sex once turned round to me and said "That'll do pig. That'll do."


9/30. "It's just like putting in a big tampon!"

It was her first time so she was on top fumbling around for awhile, and when she finally got it in she let out a happy little squeak and said that with the proudest expression on her face.


10/30. About 5 years ago my GF and I were having sexy times. We just switched to doggy and out of nowhere she just full on busts a**. Like no remorse, 10 second long, 5 octave fart that was so loud it actually startled me into just stopping mid-stroke.

We'd only been dating for a few weeks so she's obviously mortified.

(story continued on the next page...)

More hilarious things people have said in bed on the next page!

Turns beet red and says "So it's totally OK if you never want to see me again".

Not to be outdone, I countered with a fart of my own, yelled something to the effect of "THRUSTERS TO FULL".

We're absolutely disgusting people and last December was our 1st anniversary.


11/30. We had been talking about vikings jokingly earlier so mid session she calls out "Pillage my village!" We didn't finish because we couldn't stop laughing for the next 20 minutes.


12/30. This was right before sex and also pre-oral sex. I began the task, but then he stopped me and left the room. He comes back quickly, so I continue my task. Immediately I get a grainy taste in my mouth and freak out. I realize it's sugar and say " what the hell?!" He replies with a smile "I wanted to give you something sweet." I was caught off guard and he was very sincere, so we laughed pretty hard about it.


13/30. *Laughing* "I used to have Calculus with you", she says as I'm inside her.


14/30. It was right after, but she said "I love you." It was our first date. We were both wasted. We're now married and I still make fun of her for it.


15/30. While having sex with a girl while she was on her period whose first language is not English, I suggested we stop because the bed looked like a murder scene. With me still inside of her she turned her head around and looked me square in the eyes and said, it's okay I'm vampire.


More hilarious things people have said in bed on the next page!

16/30. 10 minutes after giving a blow job and swallowing:

"I'm kinda hungry, wanna order a pizza?"

"Seriously? I just fed you."


17/30. After a minute of doing butt stuff...

"Did you eat something spicy yesterday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"My junk's on fire!"


18/30. Not me but my friend once asked if the guy would be okay with her making transformer sound effects in between positions. He got weirded out and said no, she got up and walked out.


19/30. My ex and I would try and quote movies to each other during. I only got her real good when I whispered to her "this is my swamp now".


20/30. "You like that you saucy biscuit?"


More hilarious things people have said in bed on the next page!

21/30. "The tulips look fantastic! Don't forget to grab those tomatoes! Oh my god, oh my god, I love gardening!!!"

I couldn't prevent my laughter after that. We were in a dark basement, she had never gardened, nor was there a garden where we were. I have no idea what was going on in that head but she was fun as hell.

And yes, she was stone sober. I genuinely have no clue. Imagining public sex in front of neighbors? Garden fetish? Who knows.


22/30. "That lamp is making your cock cast a 12 foot shadow on the window blinds - the neighbours will be impressed."


23/30. "Feel my big thing enter you". English is not his first language. I laughed so hard. He's my husband now and it took years to get him to dirty talk to me again. He's a pro at it now!


24/30. "Oh sh*t my dad's home! Finish in the closet! Quick!"


25/30. Me: "say my name" Her: "Carlooooss" Me: Shake my head, "no"... it's a me Mario!" Her: Get... The f*ck... Off.


More hilarious things said during sex on the next page!

26/30. Right when my wife was climaxing she suddenly yells "I f*ckin' love you dude!" I just started dying from laughter because it was so out of character for her. It was the only time in 11 years I have even heard her say the word "dude".

She still gets embarrassed when I bring it up.


27/30. After the first time having sex with my ex-boyfriend I was chilling in his bed when he sidled up to me and said in a (what I assume was meant to be) sexy voice and said "Should we play another game of... hide the pickle?"


28/30. I was sleeping with my best friend, and she said "did we have any math homework". FML.


29/30. We're going at it, I tell her I'm getting close to end zone and she shouts "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!". I nearly fell off the bed laughing.


30/30. During a threesome my girlfriend and the other girl completely stopped mid-coitus to talk about what hair products they use.



Guryanov Andrey / Shutterstock

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