Amused Bartenders Share Their Best 'I'm Cutting You Off' Story.

Bartenders of Reddit were asked: "What's your best 'I'm cutting you off' story?" These are some of the best answers.

1/22 He kept asking me for "a slice of beer".


2/22 This group of guys came in and sat at the bar during a pretty busy Saturday night. I only served them about two beers each but it became pretty apparent after the second beer that they'd been drinking a fair bit before they got there. Just as I'm about to say something one of the guys gets up from the bar and starts darting to the back for the bathrooms, only to end up vomiting literally the entire way back. He ends up puking on some poor girls head who was sitting at a table, literally drenching her in vomit. I could not believe the amount of sick that came out of this guy. A few other people got some puke on them as well but it wasn't anywhere close to as much as that one girl. Chaos ensued as everyone around were nearly sick themselves and demanding refunds on their tabs, good times.


3/22 I used to bartend in the Center City section of Philadelphia. There was this regular hipster customer who wasn't a bad guy overall, but really creeped on women hardcore occasionally. Honestly, I felt bad for the guy, as one week I overheard a female friend of his tell him that she and many other girls think he's creepy as sh*t. At the time, I didn't know how bad he was, so I sort of felt for the guy.

Fast forward a few months- it's a typical Saturday night and Hipster Creep is in the house getting piss drunk. Trouble is, he met a female friend of his who was also a semi-regular and was up to creeping. Well, she complains and after a warning or two, I tell him it's time to hit the road.

As I'm walking him out, he is pleading to say and I just keep telling him no. Then, I swear to god, he turned to me and said, "Can I stay if I amaze you?" So he breaks into this magic trick that has him vomiting up cards while I continued to gently, yet firmly push his skinny hipster a** out the door.


4/22 I used to bartend at a bar in downtown Boston. This bar was owned by older members of my college fraternity. Thus, if you wore your letters in, you'd certainly get some free drinks. You'd also almost never get cut off except if you were completely f*cking blotto.

Back during the ALCS playoffs in '04, it's Sox-Yankees, huge f*cking rivalry. If you know anything about the Yankees and live in Boston, you know they suck. The bar's packed with mostly Sox fans and a few Yankees fans. David Ortiz hit a walk off friend Brian, who was drinking there, as I was tending, flips out. He's sh*tfaced, is screaming so loud that he throws up all over himself, so he decides to just take off all of his clothes, and then he grabs a guy's Yankees hat off his head, puts it on the ground, pops a squat, and sh*ts in it, fully nude, in a crowded bar. He then picked it up and threw it at the guy.

I love the kid. He was hilarious. But he had to go that night.


5/22 Middle of the afternoon and this dude comes in and he looked broken. He ordered a Long Island and obviously needed it. A few Long Islands in we get talking and I find out the dude's dad passed away that morning and he couldn't afford the flight back for the funeral. I buy him his next drink and as he finishes it he just looked up at me with that drunken look and I knew he was done. I said, "Time for a cab ride home, huh?" He just nodded. I called a cab, walked him out, and gave the cabbie $40 to get the guy home safe.


6/22 Bar in a college town, fairly crowded but not a rough place. Guy walked in about 30 minutes before closing obviously f*cked up, bought a beer and sat down. A few minutes later I walk back by and dude has a straw up his nose doing lines off the bar. I immediately yell something along the lines of "Why the f*ck are you doing coke on my bar?" to which he responded by looking up and saying "It isn't coke I promise it's xanax."


7/22 The guy who, after a 5 minute conversation, still couldn't understand why the coat room attendant couldn't serve him a bourbon and coke.


8/22 I work in an Irish Bar and on St. Patrick's day this past year our owner tells us before the madness starts that it's ok by him to have some drinks today to celebrate, be merry, and deal with the drunks and madness better. I don't think he was thinking straight, but it was a nice gesture...he probably should have set a limit...a low limit.

Anyways one of the bartenders is taking shots with customers while making herself and other customers drinks and gets pretty darn drunk by 3pm. The rest of the staff tries to cut her off. She continues to take shots with customers and shortly there after is to a point where she can barely serve customers anymore. The place is completely packed and people are asking her for drinks, and she's just making them whatever the f*ck she wants (mostly beers simple well cocktails). Some customers start yelling at her that she's not going to pay for a drink that she didn't order and the bartender flipped out and started screaming at her and eventually throws a drink in the customers face. Right after this she starts a fist fight with the other bartender who is trying to smooth things over with the wronged customer, and then threatens to stab our server with the drink-order-receipt-spike.

The only person our bouncer kicked out that day was our bartender. And she didn't even lose her job because the owner (is dumb) felt it was his fault he allowed her to drink.


9/22 I tended bar one summer right after I turned 18 (legal to serve, not legal to drink in MI). It was a small town bar, so it was never busy. We had a regular, Jerry, that came in daily. Generally he'd ride his bike or have his son drive. I was fairly new to the game, but one day he just kept having his drink, a rum and coke, over and over again. I think he had about 6 or 8 and was slurring his words, so I felt guilty and tried to cut him off. He started making a fuss and my manager just said to let it go and continue serving him.

He then told me a story - he was recently diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. He was at the doctors and they ran tests to see how long he had to live. With a medication, he had 6 months. Without, he had 3. He was at a point in his life where he just didn't care and wanted to enjoy his drinks in peace with the friends he had made behind the bar. I assumed aside from his son, he had no one else in his life. I left shortly after to go to college and came back the next summer. I remembered Jerry and asked how he was doing. I found out that 4 months after I left, he had passed away.


10/22 10am on a Thursday: myself, the manager and a very normal looking, middle-aged, middle-class woman are the only people in the bar. She is having a couple pints of beer and playing slot machines. She has made 4-5 trips to the bar, buying a beer and withdrawing large amounts of money each time. We decide she has had enough and cut her off, refusing to give her any more beer or money.

Result: a pint glass whipped at my head and a tirade about how I am stealing her money by not allowing her to win it back. We manage to kick her out and watch as she accosts every person walking down the street and regales them with unsolicited tales of our crooked thievery.


11/22 I had a woman come in to my bar already completely hammered. She went through a cigarette before she approached me, and was lighting up a 2nd. She wanted to order a glass of white wine.

That's when I noticed she was about 8 months pregnant.


12/22 This guy came up to me and all he said was "beer" and so I asked him what kind he would like. He follows up with "PBR" so I give it to him. About 20 minutes later he comes up to me again, and once again just says "beer!" I'm questioning his state of mind at the moment but decide I'll give him one more. Again I ask him what kind, and this time he yells "BEER!" And throws a Starbucks gift card at me in an attempt to pay for the beer. At that point I was like ehh you're done, sorry guy. He yelled beer at me like three more times before the bouncers had to make him leave. Poor guy, just really wanted some beer.


13/22 I had a regular in one night. 30 year old guy, only drank beer. Around midnight he switched to whiskey and got crazy creepy. He kept asking girls if they liked to f*ck. I told him that he's had enough and should probably go home( i believe he lives two or three blocks away). He agreed and headed for the door, until a drunk chick saw him, grabbed him, and started making out with him. They leave, and 30 minutes later they both come back. She goes to the bathroom, and he tells me they just had sex.

I thanked him for bring her back, but tell him I'm still not serving him. Around this time the girls sister walks in looking for her sister, and wanting a drink. Clearly over-served I tell her that she's in the bathroom, but I can't give her a drink, if she can't pronounce her drink. I saw her go to the bathroom, but never saw her again.

After I closed for the night and was leaving I saw her in her car, having sex with the guy who just slept with her sister.


14/22 A man tried to pay me with his phone once, I thought that was weird until I realized it was a particularly feminine phone he had obviously just found/stolen with about 10 messages on the screen saying GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE YOU C***!


15/22 A woman came into my bar and held it together well enough to order her drink (liquor and coke, could have been rum, could have been whiskey), but as soon as she took a sip we realized we had made a huge mistake. She was clearly on drugs, and my guess is prescriptions because she was neither up not down consistently, but completely incoherent. It was late on a random Sunday night, there were a few regulars and that was about it so myself and the wait staff just stayed right close to her and kept watch. She had paid for her drink already and we knew she was on foot so we decided to let her finish her drink before we cut her off.

After a few sips she got real ornery and called me over angrily demanding that I serve her a drink. Confused since she had 3/4 of a cocktail in front of her I picked her drink up, spun around, and put it back down in front of her. "Thank you" she said with a bite to her tone and took a sip. Not a f*cking minute later do I hear her b*tching again that we won't serve her. Same deal, nearly full drink right before her eyes so I do another pirouette with her cocktail in hand and drop it back in front of her. I must have done this a dozen times times and she never once realized it was the same drink. My only regret is not charging her each time I did it. Eventually I picked her drink up, walked it to the sink and dumped it out.

I told her she was cut off and had to leave and asked the door guy to walk her out which enraged her. For the next few minutes she melted down and accused the door guy of being a racist for kicking a woman of color out of the bar. Now I'll admit, we only had one black employee at the time, it was a real Caucasian fest, but the only black employee that we had...was said door guy. He was in f*cking tears laughing as he tried to explain that he was black to her, but it never sank in. She threatened to sue us on her way out the door as the rest of the customers applauded. 'Twas a fine evening.


16/22 He threw up on the bar, then ordered 4 tequila shots for him and his mates. Obvious answer of "No way in hell are you drinking more, have some water instead." He was extremely displeased with this answer so he swiped someone else's half-drunk schooner of beer off the bar, launched himself up over the bar, and proceeded to crack me over the head with it.

Luckily for me, it was plastic. But it was fun seeing the WHOLE bar just entirely stop f*cking around and stare at the guy who thought it was entirely appropriate to throw up on a bar and then HIT THE 5 FOOT GIRL BEHIND THE BAR on the head. I quit that night and got nicely drunk myself.


17/22 I work in a upscale place. A group of 10 came in and were all family, ranging from grandparents to college kids. They started with apps and wine, so I figured they'd be fine. After 2 rounds they started getting loud and clumsy, like falling down and singing. Then they asked me for YOLO shots. I lost all respect at that point. Realized they couldn't hold their sh*t together and gave them last call an hour before close. Got a standing ovation from all the other patrons when they left. Best part was, that none of them noticed we were still serving everyone else.


18/22 This one night, slow enough for me to send home all but one waitress two guys come in. I can tell they had both been drinking but they didn't seem like they were too drunk. One of the guys asks for a beer and I ask the other what he would like to drink. He yells at me "WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK I WANT MOTHERUCKER? GIMME A GODDAMN BEER!" I turn to his more sober friend and tell him that he is the only one getting a drink from me because I don't have to put up with a**holes. His drunk friend goes ape-sh*t and starts yelling at me about how he's going to kick my a**, even tries to swing at me from the other side of the bar.

At that point I decide that I'm not going to serve either one and ask them to leave. The angry one gets even more upset almost as if he was surprised he was being asked to leave. He then starts threatening to shoot me yelling "IMMA GO OUT TO MY TRUCK, GET MY GUN AND TAKE CARE-A YOU MOTHERF*CKER!" I pulled out my phone and pretended I was calling the cops and told him that police were on their way. Saw them cross the street and try to go to another bar only to be refused service there as well.


19/22 I was a supervisor in a restaurant when my cousin was a cook. I was serving these 2 out-of-towners and one of them was getting loser drunk. He was a light weight (smaller guy). I eventually cut him off and told them to head out. He started giving me lip so I went and grabbed my cousin to deal with him. (My cousin is known in town for head butting.)

So this guy was half the size of my cousin and still continued to be lippy. Words were exchanged, his buddy got him to smarten up a bit and the guy said he would only leave if my cousin head butted him......cousin took him outside. I watched him grab the guy by the collar, head butt him and he dropped like a bag of sand. My cousin walked back in and I saw his buddy light a smoke and wait for him to wake up.

Needless to say, my cousin was my entertainment in that small sh*t town!


20/22 I was working at the pub one night (my company owns a sports lounge and an Irish pub) and this one particular guy was celebrating his thirtieth birthday. It was one of those nights where everyone was celebrating something and we couldn't really keep up with who was drinking what and the whole place was standing room only: I had three pukers, two passed out at the table and one smoking a cigar by the fire (which is a no no in America). Cigar guy was also thirtieth birthday guy who had been chugging Irish car bombs all night and taking shots of fireball on top of his beer.

He invited me to his room in front of his wife the first time I kicked him out with the cigar, told me I was a bad a** the second, and as I kicked him out the third time, I cut him and his entire party off. It was the most satisfying feeling in the world watching them leave and give me dirty faces. After a night like that, you just don't want to deal with anymore vomit or horny, drunk men. Especially if you're under five foot three. No siree.


21/22 Working as a bar back at this dive with a big ole trough for a urinal. Go to the bath room and see this guy sitting in it. He sees me and asks where the hell his order is at.


22/22 I was a barback in Boston a few years back and noticed a guy walking through the swinging doors to the kitchen. I figured he was hammered and looking for the bathroom, so I followed him. There were two bars at this place and the kitchen served both of them, so he had found his way out the other side by the time I got there.

I walk into the kitchen (which at 1 am, had been closed some time), and couldn't help but laugh at what I saw. The salad bar had been RAVAGED. The guy had ripped open the saran wrap on our Cobb salad station and there was bacon and eggs everywhere.

I rush out the other entrance to see the guy shuffling back to his seat and notice a wet spot on his a**. At first I thought he messed himself, but as I got closer I noticed something sticking out of his pocket. The guy had grabbed a wad of bacon and shoved it in his back pocket, and the wet spot was just a giant grease stain. Obviously the damage actually done here was minimal, so I was in a great mood this whole time.

I follow him back to his seat, tap him on the shoulder and tell him he has to leave. He didn't know I followed him so he was completely surprised. I told him I saw him stealing food from the kitchen, a charge that he promptly denied. So I immediately reached around and grabbed the two strips of bacon that were sticking out of his back pocket and asked him where it had come from. His response: (Drunken Irish Accent) "Funny story about the bacon..."



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.