Apartment Dwellers Share The Most Shocking Secrets About The Neighbors That They've Heard Through The Walls.

If you've ever lived in an apartment with ultra-thin walls, you'll know how difficult it is to have a private life. Or, for your neighbors to have a private life, for that matter. Here, people share the most delicious secrets they've heard through ultra-thin walls that they definitely weren't meant to.


1. When you hear something super sad

I learned that my neighbour's husband was beating her. It was super sad. They had a 2 year old at the time and I knew she was a stay at home mom. So...one day I had a week day off work, went over with a cake, and made her my best friend. At the time she had a broken arm and two huge black eyes. She didn't have any friends as she wasn't from the area. I helped her with her kid, I helped her dump him, I helped her move back to her home province and we're still best friend to this day.

Here's some answers to some faq's:

-I didn't call the police as I was young and scared and didn't know what to do. I was 18 at the time and had just move to the city. One of the most dangerous cities in the country. I was worried that their kid would get taken away, or that he would know it was me and try to beat me up. Contrary to seemingly popular belief, I'm a girl (as indicated by the princess in my username), and I'm not a sizeable one. I figured it would be easier for her for me to just be someone to talk to and she could decide if she wanted to call the police or not. When I went over that day I just the new neighbor wanting to make friends (this happened when I had lived in the building about 3 weeks), I didn't even mention her eyes or cast that day. We just sat around and giggled and compared Archie Comic collections. We legit became best friends in the matter of hours.

-I have not seen Drive, but I guess I should check it out. I for some reason thought it was about Ryan Gosling stealing cars? Whateves, I'll give it a go.

-It was a "McCain's Deep and Delicious" marble cake, as I'm not a baker.


2. The juicy gossip on the Facebook nudes

My neighbor's teenage daughter sent some nudes via Facebook and got caught by her mom. That girl got yelled at like I've never heard. And I heard it all because I turned off everything in my place that made noise and stood with my ear against the wall basically the entire time.


3. The guy that would be embarrassed to have an audience

My neighbour has been learning to play guitar for almost a year now, he's gotten a lot better! Shhhhh!


4. This is our new Sunday night entertainment

In college, we could always hear a girl and her boyfriend argue. It went on for weeks. Each time, I'd mute the television and listen in. Housemates thought it was odd at first, but once they started hearing the crap this couple said, they were totally on board.


5. It was entertaining, until...

When I was younger, I moved into this new apartment complex. First night there, it started... Sex noises. Every night around 11pm I hear this couple having sex, loud sex. I admit that I found it a bit entertaining (because it never went on for too long) until a couple weeks later. I see the guy walking out of his apartment. 75 years old and quite husky. Nobody was having sex... I was listening to his porn over surround sound.


6. Uh... I can explain

I had cops called on me for suspected domestic abuse when I was fresh out of college. I lived alone at the time and what actually happened was (Continued)

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I lived alone at the time and what actually happened was that I beat the crap out of my box fan after a 5 game losing streak on SCII ladder.


7. Personal concerts are oh-so-sweet

My neighbor sings to someone through the phone about 3 nights a week. I don't know what he is saying but it sounds like he really loves whoever it is he is singing to. I don't really get annoyed by it because I think it's a pretty sweet thing to do. It's to the point now that if I don't hear singing for a while I get a little worried about him.


8. The perfect neighbor

My neighbor is the perfect neighbor, single guy in his 40s, he makes no noise and is rarely home; I see him leaving sometimes in the morning always in a suit and tie, hair perfectly combed, and he drives a M6.

But one weekend each month his two sons come to visit him.

They're both pretty young, and the week before they come I have heard him on the balcony talking with someone on the phone about the plans he's made to do with his boys once they're there.

Also once they're at his apartment I can hear him read to them every night before bed.


9. "They couldn't live without each other"

Lived in a four apartment strip back in the 90's. Quiet, peaceful, perfect.

One Saturday afternoon, I'm sitting on the couch watching tv and hear a gunshot. Second later, another. I run next door and pound on the door, can't get in.

So I call 911, tell them this and cops show up pretty quick.

Turns out the elderly couple next door did a murder-suicide pact because they didn't want to live without one another.


10. Wine isn't alcohol...right?

Some jerkwad who lives right above me is a lot louder than he seems to think he is. Just the other night, I learned he's "quitting alcohol and switching to wine."


11. Neighbors who appreciate food this much are worth keeping

My neighbors used to get really high and make crazy food and eat snacks loudly late into the night. My favorite thing I ever heard as I was passing by was: (Continued)

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"Dude. Yes."

"And then put some friggin cheese in it dude."

"You mean stuff it in inside the bell pepper??"

"Hell yes! And then put it in the oven!"

Loud moaning


12. Suspicious renovations in the middle of the night

My upstairs neighbours absolutely love to move their furniture around. I assume this is supposed to be a secret because it only happens between 3 am - 4 am.


13. The sounds of a new beginning

I heard my neighbor give birth when I was a kid. It was planned, there were a bunch of people there and she did it in a bathtub or something.


14. Today we're broken up, tomorrow we're together, repeat

My next-door neighbor used to constantly break up with her boyfriend and have loud sobbing phone calls with her friends late at night.

One time a friend even called the police because he was worried she would harm herself. I saw the police walking down the hall as I was coming home and they thought I was her at first.

Then they went into her apartment and spoke for 30 minutes about love, pills and the importance of staying resilient in the face of breakups. The officer was a great guy, but I heard way too much.


15. This guy's a true adventurer!

I learned that my old neighbor's kid is... an adventurer in the body of a nine-year-old boy. The first conversation I ever heard between mother and son was something akin to her shrieking, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE CARPET?"


I often heard her crying and one time asking him if he'd prefer to live with his dad, because he seemed miserable with her. She thought that was why he was acting out. He ended up crying, too, and begging her to let him stay. So he did, and at least they seemed to get on better after that.

To not end on a sour note, the funniest thing I think I heard was her shrieking, "OH MY GOD, WHERE DID YOUR CLOTHES GO?"




She scolded him, but after I heard him stomp off, I heard her laughing pretty hard on the other side of the wall.


16. This is so sad :(

I've learned that my neighbor probably abuses his wife...

Which of the 3am hallway arguments brought me to that conclusion? (Continued)

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Was it the one where she locked him out and he tried to break down the door? Or the one where four separate neighbors called the cops because they were screaming at each other for almost an hour?

No, the one that really fixed my impression of him is when he chased her down the stairs carrying a metal pipe and he swung so hard at her that he broke off a chunk of the concrete. I kept the broken shards as a souvenir for the cops. I really hope she gets out.


17. A lady and her cat

The woman next door has a relationship with her cat that's... interesting. She's a recluse in her mid forties. Nuthin' wrong with that, but she doesn't seem to be handling it well.

She treats it like a human, and I'm not talking about how much she loves it. Her relationship with it plays out as if he were an actual family member, dynamics and all. They have fights. A lot. Mostly, she feels that he neglects her feelings and doesn't appreciate how much time she puts into being at work and doing all of the housework. She wishes he would at least help take the trash out. And when she has "sexy time" with herself, she doesn't understand why he complains about having to go outside.

Last night they had another fight, but I got home late, so I don't know what it was about. She spent about an hour throwing things, and eventually kicked him out for awhile. It's weird.


18. Heh heh heh...

That their obnoxious music played late at night is played through a Bluetooth device that I can control.

Here's a little backstory on how I've found it for those asking. I had purchased an Amazon Echo device and was setting it up when I realized there was a device available to connect to called Vizio Sound bar. I connected to it and played a song from my phone. Instantly I knew I struck gold when the walls started shaking and my wife runs in the room to complain about the neighbors. I said "No babe, that was me. I'm connected to their stereo" Let the petty revenge begin.


19. An apartment full of interesting people

My neighbor next to me has an unhappy relationship. The neighbor above me is gay and has dreams of going to Broadway. He also might be an insomniac.


20. Hey! We all want what we want, even if it's an orgie

My neighbor that lives below us likes to host multi-person sex parties. I was suspicious when a group of dudes showed up after her boyfriend moved out. Loud music was playing, so I figured it was just a party and a group of dudes showed up at the same time. Then the music shuts off in the living, but turns on in the bedroom. Proceed to hear dudes cheering each other on, her asking them to "give her more dick", high fives and other slappy sounds....it was awkward getting the mail the next day as she slowly walked her dog. She looked like she was hurtin.


21. "We appreciate her eccentricities"

Just got my first solo apartment and I'm loving it! Most of the people are my age and really cool....but there is this (Continued)

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Most of the people are my age and really cool....but there is this needle thin probably 50-60 older woman that walks the halls day and night. Every single day. She waits for people to come out of their apartment and then sparks up very strange conversations. Looked out my window the other night at about 1 am and she's wandering around the parking lot picking up cigarette butts and smoking them.

I am always nice and patient with her and as she may have early signs of dementia like people keep telling me She could just be a very odd individual. Either way, I treat her with respect, and appreciate her eccentricities.


22. As if this actually happened!

Ex and I heard neighbors going at it (younger couple around our age). Their bedroom against our bedroom - layouts are mirrored.

We laughed really hard about it at first. Then it got really annoying. So we basically started making all the sex noises at the same time they did. After about couple months of doing the noises to them, I ran into the neighbor getting mail and we both cracked up hard. Came to find out they had heard us having sex first and started making noises. Which we thought was them having sex so for the past few months the 4 of us were literally laying in bed making sex noises at each other through the walls...


23. "You called Julia 'Kari' last night..."

This is about me.

I own a condo now but I used to live in a cheap apartment. At the time I was actively seeing three different girls. I lived next to a family of three (young child) and they were very quiet.

One morning, heading out the door, the mother said to me: "Hey, you called Julia "Kari" last night."

That was how I found out I had thin walls.


24. How many guys can we fit in one dorm room?

There was two women that lived above me. College aged, same as me and my roommate. You could hear everything through the floor. Everything.

The woman above me had lots of sex. And that's fine, but it was always loud and it was always at 4 am or 5 am or some shit. I had to work early a lot of days so it was really really irritating.

So one night, I stand on my bed and hit the ceiling with my shoe and ask them to quiet down. The noise stops but the talking starts.

Guy: "Did you hear that? I think someone was talking to us."

Girl: "Nah. The dude downstairs is probably watching TV."

Me: I am talking to you. The people on the third floor. Please be quiet. I gotta work in a couple hours.

Guy#2: "He's definitely talking to us."

Girl: "No he isn't!"

Me: Wait? Two guys?!

Guy #3: "No. There's three of us."


25. This takes 'we're close' to a whole new level

Sometimes I can actually feel when my neighbor (Continued)

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uses the toilet. If I'm in my bathroom, especially on the toilet, I feel a shift upwards as if they say down at the same table as me.


26. Tensions rising in this household

Everyone seems to have neighbors who have sex a lot. I heard my neighbors get into a fight because she apparently WON'T have sex with her husband anymore. Because of couuuuurse that's her fault and couldn't be anything to do with him.


27. "I know your pooping schedule by heart"

My neighbor poops at 430am and pounds on the wall due to constipation.


28. When in doubt, get 'em with glitter

I'm in a dorm. I know EVERYTHING about the love life of my three neighbors - mostly because they tend to shriek about it at 2 am. Also I know that I can take them down with glitter, as the one time someone put balloons and glitter on their door it started a screaming match between the girls that lasted all day. I have plans.


29. Nosy cops never make good neighbors

That the cop next door is way too nosy.

The kids who lived above me used to throw parties all the time. Loud music, drunken yelling, the works. He thought it was me, and apparently my RF/DC shirt (a parody of the AC/DC logo but for a science thing) was proof enough. He called the cops on me one night when the kids threw a party again.

I open my door in my starwars pajamas to two uncomfortable looking cops. They take one look at me, apologized, and explained the mistake. I found out later it was my neighbor when he got in my face about the noise I was making... it was my sewing machine... at 2 in the afternoon.


30. "It's a coincidence, I swear!"

My neighbors get turned on and have sex after my gf and I have sex.


31. Oooooh this is worth eating dinner cold for

The family living next to me had a teenage daughter and her mom walked in on her laying face down in the bathroom floor trying to take a picture of either her nether regions to send to some 30 something guy she met online. I know all of these details because mom shouted them at dad when he got home from work and berated daughter for hours. Mom also called the police to report the guy asking for the pictures. I ate my supper cold because I didn't want to make microwave noise in the kitchen because mom was on a roll and it was pretty entertaining.


Source for external photo: Shutterstock / Ollyy

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Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.