'I Pooped My Pants' People Share The Most Outrageous Fake Excuses They've Ever Heard

Mi nuh care!

Often we come across situations we want to dodge with an excuse, or as in these cases, just dodge.

Content has been edited/rewritten for clarity and humour.

I had a tenant say this to me.

We knew we wouldnt be able to pay next months rent, so we decided to not pay this months rent either.

Gareth Royall


This was during a time that I was hiring and managing telemarketers. It was a tough job: very repetitive but involved hearing a lot of negative things from the prospects. Out of any group I trained, about 20% wouldn't make past a week.

I was surprised when a young man came to me around lunch time on his first day to tell me he needed to go home right away. When I asked him for the reason, he told me that he had pooped his pants, and that he just needed enough time to go home and change. He would be back within an hour. Needless to say, he did not return.

Stephanie Hy


I was 15 years old when mutual friends decided to arrange a blind date for a guy and myself. We were both the serious teens in each of our groups, so our friends thought we'll make a good match.

We were scheduled to meet in a cafe one Saturday morning at 11 oclock. A couple of minutes before the appointment, I received a message that read kind of like this:

Sorry, I cant make it. My mother is about to give birth and I need to cut the umbilical cord. Family tradition.

Well, best of luck. Dont screw up THAT now. I replied.

America Phoenix


My dad hated lending his stuff to people. And there was a neighbour who was always asking. 

One day the neighbor asked if he could borrow the mower. In a matter of fact manner, he replied, sorry, man, I would, but the toilet is clogged. Confused, the guy just stared, and finally mustered a what?

My dad replied, You heard me, you can't get my mower.

Chris Butterfield


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I used to take dance classes, and one day the teacher pointed out to one of the girls that she was dancing well below par for some odd reason. Nothing big, just out of time and forgetting to point her toes.

Her response?

Im sorry, I had potatoes for dinner!

Rose Serpenthelm


When my sister was in her teens, she started wearing make up. We sisters were younger. My mother never wore much more than a bit of face powder.

One evening my sister has some sort of reason to go out, and she dolled herself up. As it was after supper, my mother asked her to make sure she did her dishes before she left.

My sisters response? Cant do dishes, got makeup on!?

We all just burst out laughing. This response has become a nonsensical tag line for any lame reason to not do anything. Dont want to pass the remote, or get a glass of water? Sorry, no can do. I have makeup on.

Gwen Sawchuk


I went on a date with a violinist from a very famous rock band. It was good, pleasant. Afternoon coffee and maybe a sandwich, I dont recall. I really liked her. Pretty and good listener—was actually intrigued by my tragic life in software. In other words, surprisingly down to earth.

A day or two later I asked her out again. It was just a text - Hey good times. Hope to see you again soon etc. A feeler really. 

Her reply was although she liked me, it was probably not a good time for to be dating. She was heading to Boston the next day to be artificially INSEMINATED.

Mitch Mcmahon


One of my ex said her monthly horoscope said it was time for her to leave the most lovable thing in her life and move on.  

Then she said I am her most lovable thing.

wheres_walto


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I had some beauties when I was at Music teacher at a nearby school. One of my favourites was when one of them said:

"I can't play my tuba today, because my brother has a sore finger."

Another,

"I couldn't do any practice this week, because I was sick last night." When I said what about the night before that, she said she was was sleeping.


David McKay


A group of us were invited to a party at our boss home. Everyone showed but one guy. We asked him the following day why he wasnt there and he told us his wifes cousin was involved in a horrific auto accident and he had to go to the hospital. We all consoled him and moved on. 

It was a completely voluntary party, he could have just said he didnt want to come…or literally anything else.

About a week later, I asked him how his wifes cousin was doing and he just gave me a blank stare (he had no idea what I was talking about).

Paul Jerome


We appeared for the exams.

Result announced and was posted on the notice board.

My friend's name was missing in the list.

He inquired our course instructor for not having his name on the list and he said,

"I'm sorry, the printer was not printing the list with your name in it !"

Rehan Qadir


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My parents in law are the masters of fake excuses. The one I remember being the most obvious was when my girlfriend, at that time 17 years old, was asking for permission to go out to the movies with me. 

They said no. 

Why not? It's getting dark outside.

 It was 3:15 PM with a hot blazing sun.

Marmorean


My little cousin, who was in class 1 or 2, didn't attend his school one day.

When his I asked the reason he simply said Gotham needs me .

We had watched half of the movie the day before he took that leave and had to play the second half because he was thinking that he would have to save the city before he could go to school.

Such innocence!

Sucharita Roy


One of my employees no called/no showed on a Friday night; the next day she finally calls me and says she couldn't come in because someone broke into her house and the only thing they stole was her uniform.

Lol teenagers.

Kathy Wells


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I worked as a night manager at a company where I would manage the end of the first shift before starting my own work. Everyone I managed took turns staying late and it was my job to coordinate who stayed late on which night. I only had problems with one person, who often made excuses. One time as an excuse for why she couldnt stay late on her night, she said she had an "Emergency Square Dancing Lesson."

Shawn Stanley


It was me giving an excuse to a professor in UK for being late, but he was the kind who always asked you to get lost unless you gave a very unique/innovative excuse as he taught innovation management during my MBA. I was late 4 times, and this was one excuse that got me in. I had to stand in a hall of 120 people and say it.

I was cycling from home, there was an automobile showroom on the way and they had just placed their Newly launched hatchback out there for display. I stopped the cycle outside the showroom glass window to ogle at it and suddenly people with guitar appeared and started playing, fairies started dancing around the car, music started playing from the showroom speakers. I did not realize where time passed. I was smitten by the event.. As soon as I got to my senses, I rushed to the class and here I am.

Everyone clapped including the professor and I could attend the class that day.

Rohan Lakhlani


I was taking my mom out to lunch for her birthday. As we walked out of the restaurant, a woman with a dog on a leash was standing outside with a sign, begging for money.

Another patron of the restaurant walked outside and, as he passed by her, she asked him for money. The man replied: No, get a job!

The women  replied: I have a dog! Will you care of this poor thing? Huh.. At least think before you speak.

Aaron Dutil


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Someone had joined our web team as a content writer during college days. I once asked her if she was coming for one of our meets where we were going to decide focus points for the college site.

Blankly she said, Im sorry I cant come. My house caught fire so I have to go.

Arjoonn Sharma


Found a lost voucher at our place. It was from a restaurant we had neither been to, nor had ever talked about. 

The voucher had the last four digits of my husband's credit card. When I noticed the date and time it was clear that he had lied about leaving work late that day.

I, obviously, asked him about it. 

His answer?

All credit cards end in the same four digits, you didnt know?

Anonymous


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"It wasn't me!"

There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.

Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked:

Redditors who were once considered suspect of a crime they did not commit, what's it like being held under suspicion and how did it affect your life?

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