Massage Therapists Share Their Most Awkward Experience With A Client.
Massage therapists of Reddit were asked: "What are some of your most awkward or disgusting experiences with clients?" These are some of the best answers.
1/21 A female client wanted focus on her glutes. Needless to say, I was farted on while she was asleep. Her own fart woke her up and she then accused me of farting because there were trace amounts of fart still in the air.
2/21 My worst horror story was a guy that came in for massage. I can totally deal with a little bit of BO but this guy... The entire clinic reeked of BO. When he took off his shirt, very obvious that this guy did not shower or change his clothes often. His singlet was covered in yellow stains. Worst massage I've ever done, I was almost gagging on the smell.
He booked again to my horror and I said next time you come in I want you to have a nice hot shower before you come in so that your muscles are nice and relaxed. Did he? No he did not. I asked him if he had showered and he said "Oh yeah the other day"... Cringe.
Oh yeah and one of his skin things broke off and crumbled in my hand. Hands down worst day of my massage life.
3/21 I have to say there are some creepy phone calls but that is as bad as it gets. One chap asked exactly what kind of massage I did (common precursor to "do you do extras") and I told him clearly about Swedish Massage. He said "Ah that's something my partner and I would be interested in" and asked "...and for the ladies do you do sensual massage?". I find this euphemism so frustrating. It literally doesn't imply what they want to imply but it has become recognized as a word for sexy time. I said "no". "He then said "Could you?" I said "no!". Then follows a common awkward situation where we try and both pretend that he hasn't just asked me for some kind of sexual service in return for money and finish the conversation as you might otherwise.
4/21 Male MT here. For a time, I worked near a beach city that had a lot of women come in during spring break. I would say over half of the women would ask "Is he cute?" I would meet them before the massage and tell them to undress to their comfort level and get under the blanket face down.
Can't tell you how many times I've knocked on the door with them telling me to "come in" and they're completely nude just standing there.
5/21 Many people are surprised how strong I am and comment on it and how small my hands are. That's not odd. What was odd was the guy who followed that observation up with telling me that I also had "tits like a wolverine". Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
6/21 I was still in school, and I was giving this guy a massage. Towards the end he started shifting around a little and acting a bit awkward... I didn't think much of it (he said it was his first massage) and finished up.
As he exited the room, he got all shifty eyed and awkward, and seemed a little embarrassed. He didn't want to talk to me, he just paid as quickly as he could and got out of there. I went back to change the sheets and there was a nice little present sitting under the top sheet, a shiny little globule. I didn't know what it was (though I had an idea), so I leaned over to sniff it just to be sure.
Yup, that there was a pile of [ejaculate]. The worst part? He didn't even tip. Just left something from his tip. That [jerk].
7/21 I once had a girl roughly the same age as me (20's) come in for a body massage as a present from her boyfriend. Whilst doing the massage I could see the oil looked weird, like a streaky brownish colour. And it smelt weird, well the client smelt weird. After the massage we chatted for a bit and she mentioned that she'd spent the morning fake tanning herself! Looked at my hands and they looked like I had just dipped them in chocolate, so so brown. I then had to explain to her that it wasn't the best idea to do that as she'd now be one big streaky mess. Tan fail.
8/21 I had a very eccentric (read: creepy) client who came into our clinic one day wanting a Tui Na massage.
We usually leave the room to let the clients strip down into underwear before we commence, but with this guy I had no chance to get away. Before I had time to give him a towel he dropped his pants to reveal a sparkling blue G-string that barely kept everything in place. The guy was about 58, huge beer gut, grey hair, gold earring, and hairy like Robin Williams.
As I started the massage, the guy started to tell me that he worked as an erotic masseuse specializing in body slide massage. This is where the masseuse gets oiled up and rubs his body and genitals all over before [having sex with] the client at the end.
The whole time I was massaging him he kept telling me that i was "really good with my hands". He also repeatedly told me how good he was at his job and plugging his business with a hinting tone. A very awkward session.
9/21 Had a woman that had explosive diarrhea during the treatment. I didn't know what to do so I ran out of the room.
10/21 While in massage school we had an instructor from one of the other programs the school offered and he had never had a massage before. I was considered one of the best massage students at the school so he came in during my clinic hours to get a massage from me. As a professional in training I never had any issue massaging other males, so I led him into the therapy room and instructed him to undress to his comfort level and briefly left the room. When I came back in the therapy room, he was face down on the table as instructed with his shirt off. I immediately noticed that something didn't look right with the skin on his back so I politely asked him if there were any skin or muscle conditions he had that he maybe forgot to put on his med forms. He stated he did not, so I proceeded with the massage.
I lotioned my hands and touched his back and to my disgust realized why his back looked weird to me in the dim light. His back was a minefield of giant blackheads. His back literally looked like the surface of the moon. I stared to panic and wasn't sure what I should do.. I knew if I was going to make this a career I had to get used to things like this and act professionally. I continued the massage. As I'm massaging his back, it feels as though im down stroking bubble wrap. Its like theres Nerd (the candy) under his skin. As I start to warm the skin and get the blood flowing on his back...some of the blackheads start working loose! They are now coating my hands and getting stuck between my fingers. Theres a weird smell that starts filling the air. By this point, I'm sweating and getting increasingly nauseous. I'm not sure how much more I can take and I'm desperately trying to come up with an excuse to end the massage as professionally as possible and without hurting this nice mans feelings.
Luckily, just as I'm about to end the massage his phone starts ringing and he gets a voicemail. He sits ups and thanks me for a fantastic massage but he has been expecting a call and has to end the session early. I'm so relieved I can barely contain myself. I leave the room to let him get dressed. I proceed to the bathroom to wash up and look at my hands. They are covered in a greyish, lotion and blackhead stew.
I remain in the bathroom and wash my hands for the remainder of my clinic day.
11/21 This not very attractive lady in her late 40's grabbed my junk during a couple's massage... With her husband on the adjacent table. It was so awkward telling her to, "Please stop. Keep your hands on the table please."
12/21 When I first started doing massage about 15 years ago I was working in a fancy spa type setting. I was doing a couples massage along with my coworker. I was massaging the lady and she was massaging the gentleman. Well, unfortunately the gentleman had a Sacajawea coin sized pus filled blister on his back that popped during the massage. Every time my coworker made a pass down his back the blister would glurp a little more of it's hell juice onto his back. Our clients were both face down so we were making the most wretched faces at each other to express our disgust as my coworker did her best to avoid touching the yellow mess.
13/21 In massage school I was the youngest girl (17 at the time) in a class of about 15 people. There were two men only in class, one was 25 the older was in his 40s. We would do two hours of listening to the teacher than two hours of massage trading. This one particular class the 40 year old man and myself got paired up. No biggie right, I'd have to get used to working with all types of people. What him and I didn't know was that we were doing inner thighs first. We are training to be professionals so we gave it a shot.
Poor guy kept his eyes closed the entire time I rubbed his thighs and was probably trying to pray a boner away. When he had to do mine his hands were trembling so much, it was really awful for both of us. Luckily we were only spending half an hour each on thighs before moving on to the next area: chests and abdomen. I chose to join another pair and he did the same. I'll never stop cringing and laughing about that experience.
14/21 I'm just going to say "prolapsed uterus" and "they could have warned me" and leave it right there for you to imagine the gaps.
15/21 When I was in school, I had a lady who would frequent our student clinic, and she would request me. Nice lady, but [boy], did she have emotional baggage. I think I saw her maybe 5 different times and every single time she would flip from prone to supine, she would IMMEDIATELY have a tearful emotional response. And then she would pour her heart out to me about what was wrong in her life. I politely listened, and didn't say much beyond the occasional one word affirmation.
She never tipped me cash, but she would give me astrological advice. Personally I don't buy into that stuff, but it was a nice gesture.
16/21 I'm a male massage therapist. When I first started at my job, I had a male client grind into the table while he was prone. When I had turned him supine, he asked if I could massage his stomach. I started my stomach routine, but was aware of a different consistency on my hands. Something that wasn't my oil. I was desperately trying to figure out what it was (had I accidentally mixed oils?), when the treatment had ended.
He tipped me $100 with a big grin and left. I knew what that strange consistency was now. After my shift I went to the bar my buddy worked at and spend the $100 on a giant burger, 3 packs of cigarettes, alcohol and tipped them the rest. I didn't want anything to do with that money. It taught me to be more aware and direct with the client when that [stuff] starts happening.
17/21 My biggest pet peeve is people refusing to work with me because I'm a male and their own body issues. I had a lady come into where I worked for a couples massage with her daughter. The mother was booked with me, and when my co-worker (female) and I got out there to greet them, she looked at me, then at my co-worker, then quickly to her daughter, then back at me, and said, "...Can we switch?"
I didn't have a problem with that because I'm used to people wanting to switch therapists when they see me since I'm a guy, but when we're walking them back to the room, she says, "I'm sorry. It's just that I haven't worked out in a while, and I don't have that nice of a body anymore, and-"
I cut her off, and told her it was okay and that she had the wrong idea, and ultimately didn't care what she looked like and continued on.
18/21 One woman tried to put her face in my crotch and told me she would love to eat me out. For the record, I was wearing yoga pants as I am also a yoga instructor.
19/21 I've been a Licensed Massage Therapist for four years now and two weeks ago for the first time ever, I had an older man think it was OK to try to kiss me. I HAD TO PUSH HIM OFF OF ME. I did not stop to think about his welfare, or him potentially suing my small practice. I only thought about my boundaries and my safety. After reestablishing my boundaries, I showed him the door.
Goodbye, creepy old man.
20/21 There was this big momma type of woman who came for a Hamam. (It is given in the sauna area and involves a lot of water. Look it up, it's really cool). So this woman had loads of rough patches on her skin. I think she had psoriasis or something like that. It wasn't contagious, I just had to be careful with scrubbing.
Now, remember how I said we use a lot of water? Now, most water slides of off the body, but some will stay in the depressions of the body. The lower back, and between the butt cheeks. Between the butt cheeks she had some kind of white mould. Like the white hairs you see on old sandwiches. When the water filled her gap between the butt cheeks the mould hairs swayed like seaweed.. Horrifying!
21/21 I used to work in the YMCA in my hometown. There was a group of four older ladies, around their early 50's, that all played tennis together and afterwards took turns getting massaged. At first it was great, they were mostly doctors wives, fairly easing going and generous tippers to boot, but then things took a turn for the strange.
One woman offered me a diamond tennis bracelet if I agreed to switch the order they were massaged in and did her first. I declined the gift, but promised to use a rotating schedule in the future. She was fine at first, but slowly became more aggressive. She would beg and bribe me to extend her half hour for 10 or 15 minutes in spite of her waiting friends. She constantly offered me expensive presents, shopping, home cooked meals, all kinds of things I was uncomfortable accepting. The more I declined her offers, the weirder and edgier she seemed to get around me.
Finally, I guess she got tied of beating around the bush (so to speak) and made an outright advance by grabbing my hand and forcing onto her breast. I told her I was very flattered, but I wasn't interested in other women this way. She screamed (perfectly in range for all of her friends and all of my coworkers to hear) about how I had been leading her on for months and how I didn't deserve any of her time and money. She berated my appearance and education before storming out the door, naked and furious. I quit that day, started waiting tables, and never quite worked up the nerve to go back.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: