Men Reveal Why They Pretend To Be Female Online.

Males on Reddit answer the question: "Why do you play as a female online?" Get ready for some down right hilarious, insightful, and unusual responses. 

Source list available at the end. 

I had to do it once as an exercise in a computer crimes class. We made our accounts as 12 to 14-year-old girls for a chat room. Within 5 to 10 minutes, there are guys messaging you to turn your cam on. I had a guy from India willing to pay for my flight over THAT DAY to meet him. Then, we told them that we weren't really a "13-year-old girl" and that their information would be turned over to the police. 


I pretend to be female online when I publish light romance.

In the United States, when I first started writing romance, I got an unpleasant amount of attention as a male author in the genre and found it a lot safer for me to write under a female pen name. That way people would read and enjoy the stories, but didn't creep and stalk.


This reminds me of my short lived experience on PlayStation home. I made an attractive skinny blonde female avatar, and I could not for the life of me stop dudes from following me around. So this led me to play around by pretending I was interested in people and getting them to follow me into unpopulated areas. Once we were alone together, I would politely ask the guy if he would wait a moment and that I would be right back. This was never a problem for them. I would then quickly log my other character in - an old, bald, overweight man that looks like he escaped from prison, who would then replace the previous female avatar. I'd then tell them that I was ready to be spanked or something stupid and follow them around while they immediately ran in terror.


When I was at University, we were doing a project on communities and online communities. Our group got assigned to look into and research Second Life (at the time, it was still quite a new and current "thing"), and as I was the one with the best laptop, I got the job of playing it.

We drafted some questions we would try to answer and some kind of short surveys people may answer for data for our presentation. At the end, I made a male character that looked like "me" and jumped in.

After visiting a few social hubs for hours and numerous attempts, no one would really help out or wouldn't give us much more than stupid answers. One of the people in the group thought it was just me and came and watched and realized people were kind of unhelpful towards us.

We re-rolled my character as a female who was tall, slim, and blonde and acted a bit more like a video game noob. We got more help almost instantly compared to the hours I had spent. People were hearing our conversations and coming over to volunteer their answers and opinions. They were asking if we needed things and showing us places to go. One guy even bought us some outfits and gave us some in-game currency, and let us have access to his house.

So yeah, we pretended to be a female to get a project done.


About a decade ago, I was on a dating site without much luck and getting very few replies to messages so I thought the best way to get tips on what not to do was to sign up as a fake profile pretending to be a woman and see what kinds of messages were sent and just not do anything that appeared more than once.


Back in the day, when I still play used to online poker, I used to pose as a girl because male players often wouldn't take them as seriously, especially if you played tight-aggressive. Anything helps to get an edge, you know. The change in the players' general behaviors was very noticeable. A lot of flirting all of a sudden. Of course, not from the majority, but still it gave me a glimpse into how aggravating things can be for women sometimes.


I made a fake account on a dating site just to see what girls actually have to deal with. I deleted it after I saw over 40 messages and far too many penis pictures.


At first, I did it out of boredom and curiosity (eventually transitioned into feeding my creative writing/imagination) I was about 13 to 16-years-old. I think it was 2004 to 2007. Back in the day when it was still fairly common to have online gaming buddies, and there weren't really things like Skype/Discord/webcams to immediately blow your cover.

It started on older games like Gunbound/Maplestory. I had a steady group of friends who played, and I just wanted to see how adding a girl into the mix would change them, so I made a fake account and would accidentally join in their game and play with them and flirt with them etc.

I think it took less than four games before all three of them added me and starting have private messages. I'll admit back then it was fun as heck, and I didn't know it was catfishing or trolling. I just saw it as a form of entertainment, and it made my friends happy.

I went as far as double logging on as both myself and the female and introducing myself to myself just so they wouldn't get suspicious (like this guy is never on when she is on, maybe it's him).

It went on for about 3 years give or take a couple months, and they never found out that I had fun with all of them, and they thoroughly seemed to enjoy my company as the girl.

I even made another account as that girl's friend which really sealed the deal on any doubt they were having about her.

I never told any of them about it in the end. It went way too far once they started confessing their feelings and future plans/meeting up when we all turned 18. All that stuff is when I knew I had to end the whole thing.

I told them that she was moving to live with her grandparents overseas and that her life would be changing. I logged on as her less frequently, until it got to the point where she was just "too busy" to continue playing with us.

The most awkward/guilty part was how sad they all were for like weeks and weeks after she finally disappeared. It was all fun up until the point when I kind of realized that I had just really broken the hearts of three of my closest internet buddies.

I don't talk to any of them anymore. Looking back on it, it was a pretty messed up thing that I did. I learned a lot about myself and my friends and just how guys act in general to girls online.


The game was Runescape. At first, it was just as a joke. However, after a few years, I really grew into the character and created a name, personality, life, etc. My alternate life was very much a reality to the people that I played with.

I learned a LOT about human interaction and how people treat women differently. It helped me understand women a bit better (as far as perspective) even if it was just through a game world behind the protection of a computer screen. In fact, playing Runescape as a female character taught me how to socialize and adapt to real people. In turn, this has greatly built my interviewing skills to the point where I've landed myself a pretty prestigious position.


Honestly, I have two older sisters, and I was the youngest for five years. When writing, my story's character always seemed really feminine even if I was trying to make it a guy. I guess it's easier to appear as what people expect a female to be/act like because I could always relate more to them, and I understand women more than men.

Still 100% a straight guy though.


Honestly, I do it because I really wish that I was a female. I am insanely confused sexually speaking. I'm at a point where I really wish I was born as a female, but I don't want to go through the surgery to become a female. I'm not transsexual, and I don't want people to call me "she." I am content with being a guy, but I really, really wish I was a girl.

I go into online chat rooms, forums, etc. and pretend that I'm a woman because it lets me be who I wish I could have been. I have actually made some good friends online out of this. It disgusts me that they all think that I'm a woman, and it disgusts me that I do this to them, but I suppose I'm not doing them any harm. I don't do it to hurt them or get anything from them. I just do it to feel better about myself.


I don't pretend, but I almost exclusively play as female characters. One because I always want to see beautiful, strong, and powerful women accomplishing amazing things. And two because it's nice to have something to look at.


At times, I feel dissatisfied with the fact that I only get to experience being one gender in my life. Pretending to be a girl online gives me an outlet to that.


A few years ago, I signed up on a couple of these sites (along with my GF at the time) where you can answer questionnaires for marketing companies etc. and get Amazon credit or gift vouchers.

After a few weeks, it became clear that she was getting two or three times the number of surveys than I was. So, I set up accounts as a woman instead and ended up spending all of the credits on James Bond DVDs.


I'm an active user of the virtual world Second Life. When I first signed up, it was a new experience for me, and it was fun to do all of the things that you can do in the virtual world (some things I can't mention on here because it's NSFW). I knew, however, just how gullible guys were when it came to females online mainly because I myself am one of them that would talk to girls based on their avatar's looks and all that. I knew that I could not make money on Second Life without pouring my real life money into my account myself and that wasn't going to happen. So, I decided to sign up with a female avatar.

I would enter different areas and get all kinds of guys talking to me saying "Hello" and just generally being nice for the most part, which is something that I never got while using my default male avatar. Since I knew that I could possibly make money as a female avatar, I started asking guys that wanted "services" (again, no details because NSFW) that they have to pay me first. I'll never forget the first time I suckered a guy into paying me. All I asked for was 25 Lindens (the currency of Second Life), and he actually paid it to my surprise.

I would continue to scam guys out of their Lindens for years. They would pay me, and I would teleport myself out of the area after blocking them so I wouldn't have to read their abuse. Most guys on Second Life just refuse to pay, and rightfully so because "services" are easy enough to get for free in the virtual world. The ones that would pay me were the gullible and desperate suckers, thus justifying what I was doing in my head. I know that that's probably not what your opinions are going to be, but it's like I said, "I don't care. Using the money that I scammed people out of, I would buy houses, clothing, furniture, etc. It was a real trip to have all of those Lindens, and none of it came from my real world bank account.

Of course, though, what I was doing would not go over well with the managers at various clubs. I've gotten banned from many different places more times than I care to count. Being that I was using a female avatar though, I would try to sweet talk the managers into unbanning me. It worked a few times.

I practically had to use the Lindens I got to buy new accessories for my avatar as Second Life technology was starting to move ahead, and I had to do what I could to stay on track. I only recently updated my female avatar to look as good as I could possibly make her. She had gotten a whole lot more IMs for people after the update. I'm still scamming people out of their Lindens to this day. In fact, my female avatar is online in the world at this very moment.

The funniest part about all of this is that Linden Labs, Second Life's parent company, has not banned my account yet. While I'm frequently banned from individual places, I'm never been banned from Second Life itself. My theory is that Linden Labs considers the guys I scammed to be suckers just like I do and shows them no sympathy for falling for the cheap tricks that I make.


I dont really pretend to be female online, but I often choose female avatars. I like the narrative of a strong woman who can take care of herself and doesnt need anyone to fulfill her goals in life much more than the male counterparts. Its not that I like playing as women specifically because, for certain roles, I still like to play as a male. But you can bet that if I can play as a strong female tank, Im going to.


Did an online chat with At&t, and they automatically assumed I was my mom because the account was under her name. I played along and added lots of smiley faces and talked in an overly feminine way. It was pretty strange to be honest, especially because the guy asked what I did for a living and started sending smiley faces.


I have to write female characters sometimes (game designer). It's the only way to walk a mile in their shoes.


I started due to comfort reasons. Online I've been a girl since 20-21 years old. I even went as far as developing a "female voice" for voice chats on games. Most conversations were entirely gender neutral so I didn't need to, but my online "persona" on forum boards and video games was a woman.

Have dealt with gender identity issues for as long as I can remember. By 25, I felt comfortable online for years as a woman but hated my life as a man. Started HRT and began transitioning in real life to become a woman. I have now been on hormones for five years and living "full-time" as a woman for four.  I have undergone SRS and am happily married now.

It's not the case with all or even most guys, but my reasoning was for much deeper rooted personal struggles.


I've played female characters in a bunch of MMORPGs with the main reason being better-looking characters. I've never really considered any of my characters to be a representation of who I actually am in person though. Just like I don't exclusively pick male characters in fighting games or Overwatch because I'm a guy, my character is not me and I think it's healthier that it stays that way.

If we're talking about picking a female avatar and pretending to be a woman socially online, I can't really relate there since I've never gotten into the roleplaying aspect of any games before.


Maybe only tangentially related, but I have a few World of Warcraft characters who are female. I don't play on a roleplaying server, so it doesn't really matter, but I basically made all of my toons different genders and different races just so I could hear different voice lines and see the different armor styles.

If I did play on an RP server, I would probably still have female characters. It would be easy enough to play it gender-neutral.


A girl once told me that she had overwhelming responses online dating and how difficult it was to keep up and sort through them, where in contrast (as a guy) I would go days and sometimes weeks getting nothing but ads or fake replies for sex sites, but very few real girls with real intentions.

I created a fake account as a relatively attractive girl as a social experiment, and the results blew my mind. In the first day, literally hundreds of guys replied and many of them seemed like relatively attractive and reasonable people. Many whom were worth following up on and almost all of them were better looking than me.

Although disheartening, I think all guys in the dating scene should experience this disproportionate phenomenon for themselves just to understand exactly what they are up against which are insurmountable odds.


My buddy and I used to play WoW together. His main was a female pally. When I asked him a question, this was his response:

Him: "Dude, do you know how often guys will go out of their way to give me gold and free stuff?"

Me: "Wow, that's kind of messed up."

Him: "You play the game your way, I'll play it mine."



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.