Mortified Parents Recall The Most Awkward Phase Their Kid Went Through.
Parents of Reddit were asked: "What phases did your child go through that was awkward for you?" These are some of the cringiest answers.
1. You really can't help but chuckle
My son just turned 3 years old last month and has started this phase where he has to get my wife's attention in public places and declare to her loudly that his "peepee is big now." He wont tell me but he makes damn sure my wife knows. She hates but I can't help but laugh.
2. This, this is a weird one
My son went through a phase when he pretended he was his own imaginary friend. He followed himself everywhere. Sometimes they fought. He lost himself in a store one day and ran up and down the aisles screaming his own name. My son was a strange kid.
3. This one is absolutely mortifying.
My daughter is 7 and my son is 4. We live across the street from a shopping center and to get there we have to cross 2 crosswalks. My wife and I made the mistake of telling the kids that we had to wait for "the white man" to flash before we could cross. No big deal, no incidents, I didn't think anything of it - it was simply a matter of fact.
THEN my friends come to town and stay with us. We all decide to take the kids into the shopping center to get something to eat. We get to the cross walk and my kids (can't remember which) said something like "Wait! We have to wait for the white man, he'll tell us to cross!". My friends both lose it and my kids start hamming it up. Saying stuff like "The white man is great!" And that sort of thing - keep in mind that it's nice out and cars are close, with their windows down... So they can hear us. My wife and I are mortified.
NOW EVERY TIME we get yo the crosswalk my kids start yelling about the white man. We are trying to get them to stop...
4. It's like playing skimpy dress up!
My daughter, probably aged around 2 yrs went through a stage of going into my undies drawer and putting as many undies as she could find around her neck. She would then walk through the house like it was totally normal, regardless of who was over. Glad I took lots of photos!
5. Kids are the cutest
The one where my 2-year old child said "Damnit" a lot because I said it in front of him once. "Debit" was how it sounded when he did it. This lasted a good month.
6. ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY I CAN SAY LOUDER
My daughter is 3.5yo. For the past 2 years her very most favourite thing in the world to do is scream. Now, I'm not talking about a little scream here and there - I'm talking screaming banshee that makes you feel like your ears are going to explode all over the walls. I almost wish that removing her vocal cords was legal...
7. We can all look forward to this one someday
My 3 year old just finished the "My daddy has a penis. Do you have a penis?" stage. It's great fun.
8. Ew ew ew ew ew
My daughter (2.5) went through a phase of licking the floor.. everywhere we went, if you put her down she would do her best to lick the floor/ground.
She has licked bathroom floors, bitumen carparks, grass, dirt, astroturf, shiny shopping center tiles, carpet, wooden walkways (the rough splintery type).. SO glad that one is over!
9. And here come the special interest groups
My nephew is going through a Juggalo phase and I've never wanted to murder my own family more in my life.
10. Look what I have!
My 4 year old is currently going through a phase of showing her bum to everyone. Just pulls down her trousers and pants and bends over laughing and saying "Can you see my bum? Look, look, look at my bum!" Its incredibly awkward but so far winter clothes have prevented her from doing it out in public but its getting warmer all the time and soon she won't be wearing overalls outside.
11. Awkward but adorable
When my son turned 4 he suddenly became fascinated with women's legs. He would tell them "I wike your wegs, I weally wike your wegs." He would do this to strangers in public, LOUDLY. He's 6 now and has become a bit more discreet. Now he just nudges me and says "Dad wook at her wegs." Little purv. I love him.
12. I hope my kid NEVER goes through this phase
My two year old went through a "painting with poop" phase that lasted four months. We had to safety pin his onesies clothes if we had to leave him alone for more then a minute. He waited till we were out of the room and
bam covered everything he could reach in poop.
Oh and I'm pregnant. When this phase started I had the worst morning sickness and nausea and bad smells "triggered" me. I think he finally passed that stage though.
13. It really is just a phase.
It doesn't bother me but I will answer for [my husband]. He has had a hard time adjusting to her current phase. She's 16 and for the last year or so she has been into Goth/Pastel Goth (that is what she calls it). She has pink hair, wears a lot of black, sometimes lots of make-up, cute animal stuff mixed in like animal ear beanies. My feeling is as long as she doesn't do anything permanent like a band tattoo and she keeps private parts covered I don't care. I was a teenager in the 80s with the bad makeup and HUGE hair so who am I to judge? Her Dad doesn't quite get it. But he just keeps his opinion to himself and knows it's a phase.
14. A very "hands on" sorta kid
My seven year old son is now in the boobs are fascinating phase. He wants to go around asking women if he can touch their boobs to see if they're like the other ones he's touched. Touching the boobs on the mannequins, yelling at the top of his lungs, in the store, "Dad, check these ones out, they're hard and pointy!" Seems very scientific.
To be honest, I've been in that phase going on 32 years now. It never ends.
15. That's great honey but maybe not in public?
My son is 4 and he has been in the "infatuated" by his "junk" stage. I try to approach the situation delicately because he shouldn't be ashamed of his body so I don't want to be like that's bad. But, it's difficult because he'll be like, "Mommy look!"
16. The author of this article finds this annoying as well
My son is 5 and very high functioning autism. He has lots of phases, the newest one annoys me the most. He never directly asks for anything he always says he likes something, and if we don't respond he repeats in 3rd person until someone asks him if he wants/likes whatever he is talking about. If no one responds he starts in a whole conversation with himself in 3rd person. I hate 3rd person with a passion, we just moved so this has been his coping mechanism and I want it to end.
17. This one sounds fine on paper but in person...
My oldest son had some early speech issues and couldn't say the word "juice" - it would come out "Jeeeeeeewwwww." This was awesome when we would pass it in the store and he'd yell "Jeeeeeeewwwwww" from the cart. I'm white, shave my head and am covered in tattoos.
18. Kids come up with the darndest things
My three-year-old son went through a phase where he insisted on wearing hearing protector earmuffs all day long and refused to answer to any name other than "Spaceboy Number 3".
19. Ok, this kid took it a bit too far
My oldest son was a bit over the top with "germs". He wouldn't drink from his own cup if he turned his back to it. If you so much as touched his food he didn't want it. If he thought you didn't wash your hands and touched him he shuddered. He recently outgrew it.
20. I mean, how do you break it to him?
My seven-year-old likes to make up new words and use them in random sentences to people. His newest word is "fap."
21. I feel so bad for these parents
My 4-year-old son currently is going through a "sponge" phase where he repeats everything. My brother died 10 months ago yesterday. He committed suicide. My son will introduce himself to people sometimes saying "My uncle John shot himself in the head and now he's an angel in the sky with the birdies"...One hell of an introduction. Always super awkward for us, then we get the "Oh my god, I'm so sorry" from whoever. He misses his uncle John so much though. He tells me all the time how he wishes they could play video games together and go for adventures in the yard.
22. Wanna hear my new song?
My son, aged four, wanted to know what a certain bit of his body was called, so I explained about testicles (I'm the mum, his dad was deployed at the time). My son was so delighted with this new bit of knowledge that he made up a testicle song, and sang it loudly ALL THE TIME. EVERYWHERE.
For those who want to sing along at home, it bore quite some resemblance to Bicycle Race by Queen. Teeesticle, teeesticle...
23. This one's pretty crappy for the parents
Our 4 year old will not poo. He will hold it in for days, up to a week. After the first day his behaviour deteriorates and each day after he gets more irritable and naughty. Won't do anything other than want to lay down, or walk about clenching to hold it in. Eventually he will either have an accident in the night. Some days he will sit on the toilet for an hour crying to hold it in.
24. At these point she's probably just trolling you
My daughter always points and laughs at bald people. She is five and has been doing it for 3 years now. So not really a phase. We've gone over so many times how it's impolite and hurts feelings, but to her a bald person is like the most amazing thing, that she has to scream out to the world that this guy is bald.