Mortified People Reveal Their Worst 'Meeting the Parents' Moments.

You iron a shirt for the first time in months. You pickup roses from a grocery store because you've never bought flowers before. You practice your handshake over and over again. Why? Because you're about to meet... the parents.

People on Reddit were asked: "What is your worst 'meeting the parents' moment when dating someone new?" These are some of the best answers.

I had a Filipino girlfriend in college. Decided to meet the parents. I drove around 3 hrs to meet them, and even brought flowers and stuff, when for the first time in their life, they decide to practice a tradition of "rejecting the boyfriend three times before accepting him." 

The point is that if you REALLY want their daughter, you'll try as many times as it takes, and since they had never done it before, my girlfriend didn't think about warning me. I was pretty damn annoyed when they tossed my flowers right into the garbage.


As a teenage dweeb, I dated this very sweet girl during my senior year of high school for a few months. She finally asked me over to have dinner at her family's house to kinda show the family that we're taking our relationship seriously. I had never met her parents before nor had I even done a "meet the parents" before, so I was a little freaked out about how the introduction would go.

We head over together to her house that evening and walk into the kitchen. Her mom greets us and seems delighted to meet me, which puts me in a good mood. Then she runs upstairs to grab her dad, who I can hear moaning and groaning about coming down. I didn't make out all of what they said, but I heard him distinctly say "I'm not introducing myself to a 17 year old who thinks he can touch my daughter". Oof, okay. 

My girlfriend and I awkwardly stand around pretending we're not hearing this stuff, when we hear a "Fine!" and the parents both walk back down the stairs. Her dad totally reluctantly, in this over-the-top way extends his hand and says "You're Jeff?". Literally just as I reach my hand out to say yes, I get a nosebleed. He stands there for a moment, mutters "yup" and walks straight out the back door to his woodshop, where he stayed for the rest of the night.

I didn't even do anything wrong yet!


I went to her house and hung out around her family. We were sitting around the fire and telling stories. It gets a little late and me and her decide to go upstairs and watch movies in her room. On the way to the stairs he grabs my hand, smells my fingers and then says "they better smell like that when you come back down." Wasn't so much bad as it was hilarious but it was my only noteworthy one.


Now, my girlfriend is mixed race. She's a dark skinned Brazilian, and they think she's half Black. After we had been dating for a few months, I helped her move out of an apartment and into her mom's house. On the way to her house she says something like "I don't know if my mom is home right now." Cool, whatever. I'm usually good with parents, so whether she's there or not doesn't really bother me much.

We get to the house and start moving stuff. There's this little old white lady comes over and starts talking to us. No one introduces me, and she doesn't say "Hi, I'm (your girlfriend's mom)". I assume that she's a neighbor, or maybe a friend or something.

I do not introduce myself and remain pretty quiet the whole time we're there. As we're leaving, the little white lady hands me a container of brownies and a card with $50 in it to thank me for helping move. I didn't want to accept it because I had no idea who this woman was.

Now, at this point I should mention that in the year I had known my girlfriend at that point; nobody mentioned that she was:

1.) Adopted

2.) Her adopted mother was an elderly white woman that raised her alone

So imagine my horror when I realize the woman that I had been so dismissive of turns out to be my girlfriend's mother. Turned out okay. I poke fun at myself about it with her mom still.


I had been dating this girl for about 3-4 months and it was time to meet her family. We made arrangements and went over for dinner. Her father was nothing short of a PRISONER; I still refer to him as the Prisoner.

The entire night he barely spoke, and when he did it was only after being directly prompted by his wife or daughters, and it was always one-word answers. The entire dinner was them making jokes at his expense, making fun of him while simultaneously spilling the beans on intimate, personal details of his life.

His wife treated him with absolute contempt and disdain, which was translated into how his daughters treated him as well. The only living thing in that house that had any affection for him was the cat.

This man spent 30 years working as a civil engineer to raise a family (his wife never worked a day in her life, before or after him). He put two daughters through college, paid their rent, on top of paying for their cars and basically everything else. And they treated him like a malfunctioning robot butler.

His eyes were completely dead, like a lion who's been in the zoo too long. It scared the crap out of me, so I broke up with her about a week later. It was like a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future.


"I would like you to meet my dad." Shows me an urn.


I'm bi but dating a girl at the time. We walked home from watching Finding Dory (she lives about a quarter mile away from the theater) and when we walk in the door, I'm greeted by the man I slept with two months earlier. 

I have a thing for older men... At a bar a few months earlier this guy takes the seat by me. Tells me about his job (he's a mechanic at a local auto shop) and buys me a few drinks. Tells me he was recently divorced (not true, but I never told his wife) and looking for some fun to keep his mind off it.


In 2005 I took a train to Connecticut to meet my college girlfriend's family. She picked me up from the train station and when we got to the house, I had to pee really bad. (Trip from Philly to Hartford was like 4 hours) so I figured I'd run to the potty before I would meet the family. She told me to use the bathroom upstairs because they were renovating the downstairs one. Open the door: there's her dad pooping.


The first time I was at my (now ex-)girlfriend's place, we each took a piece of fruit when she showed me around. When I finished my banana, I went to throw it away downstairs. Their garbage can was below the sink, so I bent down, and it made quite some noise when I opened it.

From the other side of the room comes an angry "Hey hey! What do you think you're doing there?!"

As I stand up again I look into an angry dad and stumble "Uh ... just throwing away my banana ... "

Then he starts laughing "Oh, haha, I thought it was the dog going through the thrash, I couldn't see you".

They made fun of that for a long time.


"Please let me give you a tour of the house. First stop, my gun collection."


While in high school, a girl and were making full use of the living room since her parents were gone for the day. At one point we're just kinda laying naked on the couch between rounds and we hear the door open so we throw a big blanket over ourselves. In walks her dad who greeted us (he had heard of me but hadn't met me) and proceeded to watch the movie we had on as background noise with us for another hour. All the while were just naked under a blanket on the other couch...


Had a massive poop on hold. We didn't know he was home. So we got in and I dashed to the toilet. Ten minutes later I had destroyed and quarantined the bathroom. When I went out he sees me and comes to greet. I tried to close the door to lock the odour in but I failed. The smell was really bad. I saw his right eye tear up a little.


When you're meeting the dad for the first time, but the dog comes up to you and is super friendly because he already knows you... Awkward.


My family owned an auto service station which I worked at while in high school. One day we have a gentleman come in and ask for brake fluid- we will call him John. John buy the brake fluid and leaves. A month or so later we get a letter from his attorney seeking damages because we supposedly put brake fluid in his transmission. Our lawyer wrote their lawyer and that's the last we heard.

We were a full service station and I would pump gas for people, check their fluid levels, add fluids if necessary etc. We had a woman who came by a couple times a month: Mary. One day Mary comes through and I added a quart of oil to her car, an older Mercedes. She comes back through that evening with oil all over the front of the car and accuses me of not replacing the oil filler cap, which I couldn't deny. Might have very well done that. I took my beating on it, cleaned the car, listened to her threaten my family, etc. Sometimes you learn the hard way.

About a year after both of these incidents, I meet a girl at a friend's house. We start talking and set up a date. I pull up in her drive way - that green Mercedes looks familiar. Real familiar. I go to the door and the girl greets me. I walk into the living room and there's Mary watching tv. I look over at her dad and he looks up from a magazine. It's John...

I went blank there for a min. I think I said hi and exchanged small talk. I'm not absolutely certain, I only know that I wanted to leave. I dated this girl for a few months and her parents were civil. The incidents above never came up.


He said that he checked up on me at my place of work. I said that makes us even because I spied on his new backyard pool by looking at aerial pictures on my computer. (This was before google maps and satellite images). He didn't believe, then I showed it on his computer. The look on his face was priceless.


My girlfriend's stepdad was at work, so we were in her room watching TV on her bed. We weren't hugging, just holding hands sitting next to each other because of the way the bed is sat. I hear him arrive home downstairs. 

And about 10 minutes later, when I least expected it, a man who's a little shorter than me but a lot more bulked out, slams open the door, with his arm already extended like a cyberman from an old Doctor Who episode, shouting "HELLO ANDY, HOW ARE YOU?"

I thought it was some act done to intimidate me and it really did make me nervous. After a few months of knowing the guy I know it was out of nervousness.


My high school girlfriend missed a week of school because she had pharyngitis. One day I went over to bring her some stuff from her locker and thought it would be funny to walk in wearing a surgical mask. 

I stood outside the house tying it around my head when her very tall and stocky father came out and asked me who I was and what I was doing. I told him I was the new boyfriend and thought it would be funny to wear a mask. He wasn't amused and neither was my girlfriend.


Senior year of high school I was dating a pretty awesome girl. Smart and and at the top of our class. We went to a party and ended up having a few too many drinks and decided to go to her place to "sleep".

I woke up the next morning butt naked, balls out with her father standing at the foot of the bed. He made his way to the night stand to borrow the clicker for the garage door opener. In his path, he could see a few condoms thrown across the floor.

My heart jumped as he made the walk out of the room. Two minutes later my ex-girlfriend gets called upstairs by her parents. They were a little mad, but not pissed. We had to sleep in the living room from that point on. Which meant we just hooked up in the living room. Haha


Was invited over to watch Pride and Prejudice with a girl I liked. We were about 19. She stayed with her dad. Met dad and he did typical dad things. Fast forward a few hours and we are in the dark living room on the couch watching the movie. Her legs were on my lap and I was rubbing them when I see a glint to my left by the hallway. 

Her dad is standing in his boxers holding a big kitchen knife. "Everything alright in there Jen?" "Yeah dad." She didn't even see him and never believed me when I told her what happened.


Sitting on the couch with my Jewish (now ex-)wife's dad the first night I met the parents when I heard her mother from the kitchen:

"Not only is he CATHOLIC.... he's IRISH.... those are the WORST KIND!"

That was fairly awkward.


I was seeing this girl when I happened to be in town and ran into her at a bus stop. We just about had time to say hi to each other before a very old woman tried to get on a bus, tripped over the step, and fell directly backwards, landing hard on her head.

This girl's mum, who has been an NHS nurse for the last 25 years, then turned out to be there with her as well. She immediately began assessing this woman's injuries and trying to stop the bleeding from her head. A pair of paramedics arrived shortly and took over (not after my ex's mum had tried to shoo them away, informing them that she'd been doing this sort of thing since before they were born).

And that's the story of how I first met my ex-girlfriend's very intimidating mother while she was covered in an old lady's blood up to her elbows.


First time I went to my ex's house her dog greeted me at the door before anyone else arrived. He then proceeded to hump my leg and when I would smack him off he would bite my fingers. So when her dad came to answer the door I was just standing there dead-eyed while a little blue heeler humping me.


The dad was an ex army ranger. He made me do yard work while the girl stayed inside. He started a fire to burn trimmed tree branches and started the "So you like my daughter" speech. That was fun.


Girl's father was in a wheelchair, but was built very well. He obviously lifted as much as he could from his confines. Girlfriend warned me he previously tried to break a guy's hand upon meeting him and shaking his hand.

So, I went to meet him. He stuck his hand out to shake mine. I didn't hesitate; I shook his hand. He looked at his daughter as if to say "if you weren't here, I'd totally snatch his hand off his wrist."

Then he started giving me "the talk" about dating his daughter. He ended it with telling me about his .45 in a shelf. I really, really wanted to answer with "This shelf, right next to me, but across the room from you?" but I decided against it.

Apparently while we were out, her parents ransacked her bedroom and found our notes that we had written back and forth. I wrote swear words so they forbade her from seeing me again.



Some of this material has been edited for clarity.

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.