Move Over, Elizabeth Bennet: The Most Underrated Female Characters In Classic Literature.

From Pride and Prejudice to The Handmaid's Tale, there are so many great novels about women who rebelled against a male-dominated society that sought to control them. Many of these women were inspired by real people, and in turn they inspired many more women to break the mould and challenge social norms.

But for every Elizabeth Bennet, there's an empowering female character who, for whatever reason, hasn't received the same recognition. Let's take another look back at those pioneering women, shall we? 

Virginia Woolf's 1928 novel is a marvelously strange feminist classic, the story of aristocratic 16th-century poet Orlando, who changes sex overnight from male to female. As simply "Orlando," she lives through several centuries of English literary history as a woman, while frequently cross-dressing as a man. 

Woolf's inspiration for the character of Lady Orlando was Vita Sackville-West, her friend and sometimes-lover who was well-known as being bisexual, gender fluid, and polyamorous at a time when all of those traits were major social taboos. The novel is a celebration of androgyny, a critique of misogyny and gender roles, and an empowering feminist treatment of British literary history. 

This book should be read far more widely and praised far more often, period.

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We've all seen the Disney movie adaptation featuring Eddie Murphy as a talking dragon, but the story of Mulan is actually really, really old. The Ballad of Mulan is a legend dating back to the 6th century, about a young woman who dresses as a man and joins the Chinese army because her father is too old and weak to fight. 

She spends 12 years fighting in the army, developing a high reputation for her heroism. She is skilled in martial arts and swordfighting, and when she retires she is offered a government post. She declines and returns to her hometown, but first reveals to her fellow soldiers that she is a woman--and they accept her completely. Gotta love a happy ending.

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Although Ray Bradbury's classic 1953 science fiction novel is focused on the "firefighter" Guy Montag, whose job is to burn books in a dystopian version of America, his neighbor Clarisse McClellan is the reason Montag even begins to question his society. 

Clarisse, who was played by Julie Christie in the 1966 film adaptation, is a teenager but wise beyond her years. She is shunned by her peers because of her disinterest in mindless entertainment and fascination with instead exploring nature and ideas. Her insatiable curiosity sparks Montag's own curiosity, and her tragic death in a car accident near the beginning of the novel is a truly heartbreaking twist.

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In the stage musical and film adaptation of Les Misrables, ponine Thnardier is a rather simple girl, a young lover with a one-way crush on the handsome young revolutionary Marius.

In Victor Hugo's 1862 novel, however, ponine is a scrappy, street-smart lady who sometimes plays dirty in order to get what she wants. She's not always heroic in her deeds--she bullies Cosette and helps her father in his racketeering--but she becomes more honest as the novel progresses. 

More importantly, she is a three-dimension female character, not romanticized or objectified but full of the internal conflicts that form a human being, and sadly that's a rare and valuable thing in classic literature.

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Gabriel Garca Mrquez's 1967 novel is considered a landmark in the history of Latin American literature, but its female characters don't get enough credit. rsula Iguarn is the matriarch of the Buenda family and can be seen as the unsung all-star of the novel, since she keeps rebuilding the Buenda house again and again over the course of her 150-year lifespan. 

The lady keeps on trucking while the rest of her family keeps dropping like flies. rsula for the win.

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Toni Morrison's 1973 novel contrasts the lives of two black women in post-World War One Ohio, one named Nel and the other Sula. While Nel ends up choosing a conventional life for a woman, marrying and having children in their town, Sula chooses to completely abandon all social conventions, and spends a decade traveling America having various affairs and adventures. 

Sula is also an androgynous character, as represented by her birthmark shaped like a "stemmed rose"--which has both phallic and vaginal, masculine and feminine resonance. 

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The 1985 science fiction novel by Orson Scott Card tells the story of a boy genius named Ender Wiggin, who lives on a futuristic Planet Earth where children must be trained in combat games to fight invading aliens.

The character of Ender gets much of the credit for his incredible abilities, both in the novel and in sci-fi fandom, but his sister Valentine is equally awesome. She uses her profound empathy to inspire Ender to spring into action, as well as to calm down her other brother Peter, a brilliant psychopath who aims to take over Earth's government. She ends up becoming a massively powerful politician herself. Pretty good for a kid who would have been in elementary school in our day.

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Boldly sexual and well-known for her promiscuity, Brett, Lady Ashley is one of the most memorable characters in all of Hemingway's work. The novel about young Americans and Brits living in Europe was based on Hemingway's own experiences, and specifically the character of Brett was inspired by his infatuation with the Lady Duff, another member of his "Lost Generation" circle. 

Hemingway's portrayal has misogynistic undertones--he implies is it her fault that all the men around her seem to behave so self-destructively in her presence--yet the Lady Ashley remains confident, independent, and adventurous in a world that was certainly not built for her.

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Elizabeth Gaskell's 1853 novel focused on what sounds like a stuffy subject: the relationship between mill owners and laborers in Northern England during industrialization. But it does so from an interesting perspective: that of a young woman, Margaret Hale, who is sympathetic to the exploited workers and willing to fight for social change.

At a time when women were expected to be seen and not heard, Margaret Hale creates a lot of noise, clashing with wealthy mill owner John Thornton and pressuring him to listen to the demands of his striking workers. Thornton falls in love with Hale and they eventually reconcile, but only after Thornton has changed his attitude and gained a great deal of empathy, simply proving Margaret's integrity and its power to change others.

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Charlotte Lucas isn't the most beautiful, or the most lively character in Jane Austen's 1813 novel Pride and Prejudice. But that's part of what makes her worthy of admiration. 

She doesn't have the social advantages that Elizabeth has that allow her to court the handsome and wealthy Mr. Darcy. Instead, she's a realist to the core, and seeing that at age 27, the most ideal way to move forward with her life is to marry Mr. Collins, she goes ahead and does it. Girl got married. Deal with it. 

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Everyone talked about Liv Tyler's turn as Arwen in the Peter Jackson film adaptations, but the shieldmaiden of Rohan is arguably an even bigger hero. owyn's character is pretty much summed up with this quote from Return of the King:

"Shall I always be left behind when the Riders depart, to mind the house while they win renown, and find food and beds when they return?"

The answer, as we know from the novel and the film adaptation, is no friggin' way. owyn fights valiantly at the climactic battle of Return of the King, eventually coming face to face with the Witch-King, Lord of Ring Wraiths. While he laughs at her, she stabs him in the face, killing him and thus fulfilling a thousand-year-old prophecy that "not by the hand of man" would the Witch-King be slain. Yeah she did.

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Did you know that Charlotte Bront's Jane Eyre had a prequel? Well one does exist, although it wasn't written by Bront, and was published over 100 years after the original. 

Wide Sargasso Sea (1966) was the work of Dominican-born British writer Jean Rhys, who transformed a minor character from the original work, Mr. Rochester's first wife Bertha Mason, into the protagonist of the prequel. In Jane Eyre, Mason is described as "the madwoman in the attic"--a woman that Mr. Rochester never loved and cannot be with because she is mentally unstable.

Rhys' intention was to reveal Bertha Mason as actually having been driven to mental instability by the oppressiveness of her husband, and of the society that forced her to marry him. It's a much more nuanced depiction, and one that challenges the way male-dominated culture has tried to silence independent or strong-willed women by categorizing them as mentally ill.  

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British actress Emma Thompson played the elder Schlegel sister in the 1993 film adaptation of E.M. Forster's novel, and naturally we picture her when we think of the character.

Kind and thoughtful, compassionate but careful, Margaret is the perfect counterweight to her younger sister Helen's unbridled romantic energy. At the same time, Margaret is courted by a much more self-centered person, the wealthy Henry Wilcox, and agrees to marry him because she is so able to see the good in him. 

When Margaret becomes torn between loyalty to her sister Helen, and to Henry--who has the ability to save the life of Helen's lover--she does something remarkable and chooses both. She not only saves her marriage, she also empowers her husband to gain the empathy he needs to see the value in helping others. Now that's how it's done.

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Adriana is one of the lesser-known female characters in Shakespeare's plays, but she's one of my personal favorites and the unsung hero of this early farce. She believes that her husband Antipholus left her abruptly (he actually was mistakenly arrested and put in jail), and in response goes on a rollercoaster of emotions as she attempts to understand why. 

She's a deeply faithful and loving partner, and her feelings of doubt and insecurity are all too relatable. She also has what I think is one of the most romantic monologues in all of Shakespeare, where she describes how she feels about her husband:

For know, my love, as easy mayest thou fall / A drop of water in the breaking gulf, / And take unmingled thence that drop again / Without addition or diminishing, / As take from me thyself and not me too (2.2.120-124).

In other words, trying to forget her husband would be as impossible as putting a drop of water in the ocean and then attempting to take it out again; that's how interconnected they are after 20 years of marriage.   

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The 5-year-old hero of Roald Dahl's 1988 classic is no average kid. Despite being surrounded by monstrous adults who attempt to bully her into conformity, she stays strong and stays weird. 

Not only does she have telekinetic powers that allow her to gain the upper hand and become a folk hero to her classmates, she's also wicked smart with a sense of humanity way beyond her years. Let's go watch the movie version, shall we?

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Let's be honest, the Hardy Boys had zero chill. Besides, why should boys have all the detective-mystery fun? Nancy Drew first appeared in 1930, meaning she has been inspiring girls to go sleuthing for close to a century now, a true collective effort with countless authors contributing to the series over the decades.

Her fanbase includes such accomplished women as Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, Oprah Winfrey, and Hilary Rodham Clinton.  

Favorite quote: Ive fought imaginary elves that were stronger than you! 

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The Famous Five was a series of popular children's novels published in the 1940s by British author Enid Blyton. The stories were about a group of children going on adventures in their seaside town during the summer holidays, and the tales were fairly edgy for their time, sometimes involving encounters with criminals.

The best part? Their unofficial leader was George, a tomboy whose given name was Georgina but insisted on being treated exactly the same as the boys treated each other. Headstrong and courageous, she took absolutely no crap from anyone, especially the boys.

"I shan't answer to the name Georgina!" she would say when anyone got it twisted. Blyton eventually revealed that the character of George was based on herself.

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The Color Purple is Alice Walker's Pulitzer-Prize-winning novel about African-American women living in rural Georgia during the Great Depression, under incredibly oppressive circumstances. 

Sofia, played by Oprah Winfrey in the film adaptation, is an imposing person who, despite her social position as a poor black woman, refuses to let her husband beat or abuse her, and in one instance fights back. She is put in jail for this act of self-defense, but maintains her innocence. Oprah definitely did the character justice in the film, receiving an Oscar nomination for her performance.

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Moll Flanders goes a long way over the course of Daniel Defoe's 1722 novel. Born to a mother who is on death row, and forced to become a servant as a teenager, she never has much of a chance to take the easy way through life. Instead, in order to become an independent person, she gains a fortune by posing as a rich heiress and thus conning men who are actually rich into marrying her. 

Moll Flanders is by no means perfect, but she uses her wits to get what she wants and restart her life a dozen times over in a world where women had almost no say in how they wanted to live their lives. Ya do what ya gotta do.

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Nathaniel Hawthorne's 1850 novel "The Scarlet Letter" is the fictional story of Hester Prynne, a young woman in Puritan Boston in 1642 who gives birth to a child whose father is unknown. As a punishment, she is publicly humiliated on a platform in the middle of Boston and forced to wear a letter "A" for "Adulteress" on her blouse for the rest of her life. 

Prynne is repeatedly humiliated and insulted by her fellow townsfolk throughout the novel, but she never buckles under the pressure and keeps her mystery partner a secret. She raises a child as a single mom, and the supposed "adultery" that she committed happened with the town's priest... after her husband had abandoned her to become a sailor. No matter what the Puritans say, we know that Hester Prynne is just a young lover who was mistreated by her community.

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Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like

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My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308

Saturdays

My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango

Iraq

I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina

$40

With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3

Crayons

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I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold

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Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.


I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-

Tomash

Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.


An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451

Microwaves

Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence

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How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"

"orange"

"YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?

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I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)


The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.

fox_boi2

Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.


I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.

grumblecakes1

Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

Dskee02

Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.

justantherredditgirl

Jewish

Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.

Aslkurloz

Nutella

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3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.

vault_tec_redditor

Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.

Meh75

Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.

weirdatwork2017

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.

Frisby2007

Telekinesis

My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.

dude_bizarro

Ghosts

How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).


How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.

thebeststory

Dogs and Chocolate

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I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.

KlutzyHedgehog

Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.

SFCopperhead

Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.

SirRogers

Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.

MistalQueensglaive

Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.

BugsRatty

Stars In Their Multitude

Giphy

I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.

theedjman

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

droneb2hive

Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.

moniker5000

Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...

10d4plus8

Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.

ScreamingPotoo