Parents Share The Most Ingenious Crime They Were Proud To Punish Their Kids For

 When I was growing up my parents were pretty lenient, so every now and then they'd made it a point to prove their "strictness". I remember getting in trouble for things I knew they didn't believe were that big of a deal (and were actually quite logical) but for some reason they just had to make punishable offences. 

The following Ask Reddit parents responded to the question, "What is the most ingenious thing you've had to punish your kid for?"

Interested in more stories? Find the original thread at the end of the article.

When she was 5 we got a note from her school that she had been trying to get other kids to stick different objects into the electric outlets. 

She knew that she shouldn't do it but didn't understand why so she gave different kids different materials to see what would happen. It was an experiment.


My boy was still in elementary school when we were contacted because he had hit a girl. At face value it is never okay but he told us that she was always messing with him and that this time she had threatened to tell the teacher that he had slapped her even though he hadn't (yet).

His reasoning was that if she was going to say he had, then he might as well because he'd get in trouble anyway. 

She didn't bother him again after that incident.


I was working technology support for AT&T when a father called in irate that we were stealing his data. He used the AT&T application and was constantly checking the data usage of his two adolescent children, one of which was a 10-year-old boy who was constantly going over his data and using up the shared data bucket for the whole family. 

The father was tired of this and had blocked the data on his son's phone but allowed his daughter (the good child) to use data on her phone, since she did so sparingly. Now this month AT&T was saying that his daughter had used 18 gigabytes of data in one month incurring multiple expensive overage charges and he was insisting that this was impossible. 

After a bit of digging I discovered that someone had swapped the SIM cards between the brother and sister's phone. Then to hide the fact, the person also forwarded numbers from one phone to the other and vice versa, so none would be the wiser. I had to explain it to the father twice and he was more amazed than pissed at his ten-year-old son's technological savvy.


When my son was 3 he shredded a block of packing foam into the back of the floor fan like it was a cheese grater and made it snow in July. Suddenly there were tons of little white dots floating down the stairs. I heard giggles and "it's snowing". 

I have never been so impressed and so angry at the same time. It's been four years and I still occasionally find those damn foam pieces.


The snack cracker boxes were ALL open and there were three or four mostly stale crackers left at the bottom of each of them.

A few months earlier there was an awesome sale on Triscuits so we stocked up. Our little genius had been helping herself but still making it look as if we had plenty of unopened packages. She'd scarf down 95% of the package and swap the box with a full one in back of the shelf.

We discovered this when we had some friends over and went to fill up a snack bowl. There were five boxes and about 20 crackers in total.

It was really hard to keep a straight face as we gave her a hard time about it. 

(And was thankful that at least it wasn't like that time a friend's kid stole about 80% of their liquor cabinet content by refilling the bottles with water.)


Sneaking ice cream out the freezer

It was in one of those transparent tubs and my children would eat it from one side and put it back so that the side which was still full would face me and I couldn't tell they had eaten it (not being a fan of ice cream I rarely opened it).

When finally I decided to get the ice cream out for their pudding one day, I took out two tubs, both of which had the thinnest slither on one end of the tub creating the illusion that they were full.


When my son was 3 he had just basically finished potty training and he never had accidents. 

One day we got him a new small bath toy and let him play with it in the sink for a few minutes before bed time. Not even 10 minutes after he got in bed, he started crying. We went to check on him and he had wet the bed. So as my wife is changing the sheets I'm cleaning him up in the bathroom, when he suddenly says "Do I take a bath now?" and then it dawned on me. So I asked, "Did you wet the bed on purpose so that we'd give you a bath so that you could play with your new toy?", to which he hung his head and muttered "yeah".

I stepped away for a minute, him thinking I was mad, but I was really just laughing. We cleaned him up and put him back to bed, but damn if he didn't have the conniving to think all that through.


'Schoolloop'  is a website that let's parents and kids see their grades and assignment scores. In middle school, my kid recognized my pattern for checking his grades - I would go in his room after dinner and we would review the grades on his computer.

So he would edit the HTML code to edit the temporary display of his grades to show higher scores and higher percentages.

We now have a rule...refresh the damn website before any review.


In middle school, I had to be in the house and inside my room by 10pm (on the weekend). In times of wall mounted phones, I found a way to stay out as late as I wanted. So long as I was able to sneak back in without getting caught.

Around 9pm or so I would call my house phone from wherever I happened to be. When my mom would answer the phone I would reply, "I got it mom. It's (insert friends name here)". She would say, "oh, I didn't know you were home." "Yeah, I got home like and hour ago", "oh, okay! Have a good night." Then we would both hang up the phone.

She never found out about this until she was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma (most aggressive brain tumor) and was only given a short time to live. When it was just her and I in her hospital room awaiting her brain surgery, she asked if there was anything that I did growing up that she never found out about. 

When I told her this story, she laughed hysterically and proudly said it sounded like something she would have done growing up.

By the way, my mother was given 7-12 months to live when she was diagnosed in 2013. She is still with us today and is of only 3% to have lived this long after this diagnosis.


I had to punish my then 7-year-old daughter not only for sneaking online without permission, but for attempting to start a credit line with BillMeLater. 

We found out when a letter from BillMeLater arrived in the house in her name, rejecting her on "lack of references or employment".

She told us she was on Toys R Us' website and wanted to buy something.


My daughter was about 18 months old and in daycare. If you've ever had a toddler in a daycare center, you know that at that age biting is a "thing" and it's miraculous if you go a week without your kid being the biter or bitee.

I picked up my daughter and her teacher pulled me aside immediately and said my daughter had done one of the funniest things she'd ever seen in the toddler room. Apparently my daughter and another boy were fighting over a toy. They were both getting quite angry. My daughter stuck her arm out inches from the boys mouth and yelled "BITE!" The boy bit her.

The boy got reprimanded and my daughter got cuddles and a bandaid. She knew exactly what she was doing. We had a(nother) talk about biting that night and how it's not appropriate to instigate our friends.


I'm not a parent but my dad told me this story about my older brother. 

In high school he was the cool kid smoking behind the gym, cutting class and always at a party. He used to sneak off to a pizza place for lunch everyday till he go caught and told he couldn't leave school for lunch anymore. His solution? He ordered pizza to his class room window. In the middle of class he stands up, walks to the window, opens it and grabs a pizza box. He pays the guy sits down and enjoys. 

The principal and my dad both had a good laugh about it.


I have a 3-year-old Tasmanian devil of a boy, and a 9-month-old baby girl that's not even really crawling but gets around well with the army crawl. 

My son comes running to me "Mommy, mommy come look Scout made a mess!" I follow him out to the balcony and one of my planters had half the flowers pulled out of it and thrown over the edge. 

Scout was sitting there by it with a little bit of dirt on her, but my son had much more dirt on his hands. Plus the fact that most of the flowers had been thrown over the edge, which she is not capable of doing.

There wasn't much of a punishment but it was quiet impressive how he tried to frame her.


My nephew was running a rigged poker game at school. He marked the back of every face card by filling in one of the numerous tiny white spaces on the back design. He'd just look at the back of each card as they were being dealt and if that little spot wasn't white, he'd know it was a face card.

It was just enough inside knowledge of each player's hand to improve his odds significantly but not so lopsided in his favor that it drew attention. His lunch mates just thought he was REALLY good at reading bets.

He didn't get caught by his school or lunch mates because I busted him on it.

The first day (I watched him for the week) I saw him take the cards out of his backpack. I asked to play for fun then noticed it after a few hands. To make my point, after losing a hand, I reached over and took all his pretzel sticks anyways. He got all indignant, "Hey you can't just do that! I won!"

To which I responded "When the alternative is telling your mom and principle that you've been running a poker scam at school, I make the rules." I let him spend the next week terrified that I was going to rat him out.

My wife insists that I taught him how to blackmail people, I insist that I taught him the real consequence of cheating is way worse than a simple punishment.


My youngest, now 5, was pestering my oldest, now 8, a couple of years ago. He kept hitting, poking and being pretty annoying. I told him he needed to use safe, kind hands and keep his hands to himself.

Little man processed this for a few seconds, then whacked his big brother with his forearm while making sure to keep his hands out of the way.

He looked at me, wagged his fingers and did, "My hands were safe and kind!" 

Poor kid still got sent to his room.


My 5-year-old daughter is obsessed with YouTube. In particular the kind of videos where people open various kinds of toys and do funny voices and get excited about what they get.

When it was getting out of hand and she wasn't doing her chores and just being plain rude I told her YouTube was banned and deleted the app from her tablet and blocked access to browsers in general. She could still play games, it was just Youtube she couldn't watch.

The next day I found her hiding under her blanket watching YouTube. The back door she found was to go into the Google Play Store and tap to watch the video of the app in use and from there link off to the video series she liked.

Now she hates me because all she is allowed to do is watch TV. It's only a matter of time before she realizes that it's a smart T.V that is Youtube ready.


I recently had to punish my 13-year-old for screen-capping the schools compass page, photoshop out the classes for the day and add a curriculum day. The school doesn't send notes, newsletters or anything anymore everything is online. 

It was 35c and her younger brother had a curriculum day and we wanted to go to the beach but she had school. I didn't realize until the school called later in the day and left a voicemail asking why she was absent.

She was banned from the internet for the weekend and I wasn't even mad, I would've done it as a kid if I could have. She definitely takes after me.


Whenever we would put our middle son to bed, he would cry and vomit. Every night he'd cry and puke. We'd get him up, clean him, change the bed sheets and get him back to bed where he would eventually fall asleep. He was probably around a year and a half old. 

One night as he was beginning his bed time cry, I opened the door to check on him. I caught him sticking his fingers down his throat. He looked at me, stopped crying, and gave me the biggest smile. My little brilliant, beautiful, devious crap head was making himself vomit to get out of bed. He thought it was hilarious! He smiled and started to put his fingers in his mouth again, then he'd pull them out and laugh at our expressions. 

We didn't punish him, just told him to stop doing it, and he did. He's nearly 11 now, and still gives me a run for my money.


We have a discount shop in town - 'The 99p Store'. These days it sells some real crap, but a dozen years ago (and more) it had all sorts of bankrupt stock bargains in there. Sweets, drinks, you name it.

My kid would save his pocket money, take a large knapsack and stagger back under a humungous load of stuff. I remember the Powerade - 99p for a six-pack. And all this stuff would be clandestinely sold at school, undercutting the school shop along the way.

He got caught, of course. I think the bubblegum was his downfall - it got stuck to everything, and enquiries were made.

It all went quiet for a few weeks and then I got home from work and my wife said, "Mister Shine Junior has something to tell you..." and there was the kid with the most guiltiest hangdog expression you'd ever see.

"I've been excluded from school for a week."

What for?"

"For selling my stuff."

"You've been continuing to do it? You silly sod. Oh well, it's not the crime of the century, but don't do it again, you hear? They'll be looking out for you."

And then a crafty look came over his little face. "That's OK. I can get my third parties to do it for me."

"Your what?"

Too young to know the word 'distributors', but it turned out that he'd worked it out himself, that it was easier and quicker to pass bulk stock over to other kids, and let them sell it for him, in exchange for a percentage.

Punishment was a minor stoppage of pocket money, as I recall, so nothing too serious, partly because at this point I cracked up and started laughing out loud instead of playing the outraged parent.


Not me but a work colleague told this brilliant story just yesterday at lunch:

Apparently his son was always getting in trouble in school for being a smart mouth, joking around, and just kind of being a general jerk. The school was calling and sending letters to him often. His son always said it was other kids pulling him into it or the teachers didn't like him but my coworker knew his son well enough to know that this wasn't the case. My co-worker said he tried punishing his in various ways but like a lot of kids like this, once they get away from their parents they act differently.

So one day he takes him to school like normal, but parks the car and gets outside instead. The son is suspicious and surprised, asked him what he's doing. Coworker says "I know you're having so many problems in school with teachers and other kids and I believe you so I want to find out what's really going on. And I'm going to do it by sitting right behind you in class. And not just your first class, but every class. And tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that until I can see what's going on." He planned to take a week off from work, and had got permission from the school (who thought this was an excellent idea) to make this work.

He said his son lasted two classes before he begged him not to come to anymore. My co-worker left and he never had any problems with his son after that. His son graduated and is now a functional member of society.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.