People Share Hidden Quirks About Their Partner That Would Have Been An Immediate Deal Breaker
Amongst all the super powers I wish I had, seeing into the future would make the top of the list. Imagine if you could foresee how every relationship would play out so you could avoid all that awkwardness once it actually happened? Although, knowing everything most likely come with it's own set of problems.
The following Ask Redditors responded to the question, "What's something you didn't find out about your significant other until later in the relationship that might've been a deal breaker earlier on?"
Find the original thread at the end of the article.
I didn't know she was literally in love with France.
Like she was talking about how awesome France was and saying how cool it would be to live there and all sorts of romantic whimsy stuff. Like she would dote on France, not me, when we were cuddling.
Suddenly she disappears for like 3 days. Doesn't answer any calls, isn't on any messengers. I ask around and nobody's seen or hear from her. Then finally she pops in instant message and tells me she's moved to France. That she found a place to live and someone to give her a job and that she's learning French. Also that she was sorry for not saying anything but it happened out of the blue! I didn't want to believe it but NOT EVEN HER PARENTS KNEW.
She stayed there for over 5 years. Became fluent in French. Managed to make a well-to-do living. Returned to the U.S to hold a party for all her friends that she abandoned...then moved back to France.
How mean she could be to people.
She burned more bridges with friends in the 3 years we were together than I've done in my whole life. She's generally pretty sweet, but when she gets pissed off she will say some of the meanest things I've heard.
It took me a long time to recognize the common denominator because we rarely had any problems in our relationship.
I met my girlfriend when I was 17 and she was 19. There wasn't any pre-existing friendship or anything. She had moved from another state about 6 months before we met so I never really knew anything about her past except what she told me. She's an only child but has a lot of extended family scattered over the U.S. I had never met most of them, even several years into the relationship. Although, she had taken a couple trips around holidays to see her aunt, uncle, and her two cousins in Texas.
Nothing out of the ordinary there but about 3 years into the relationship, she told me that there was something she's wanted to tell me for a long time. She mentioned she was always nervous about how I would react to it and was scared that it would be a deal breaker if it was out in the open before we started dating. She told me that the younger of her two "cousins" was actually her daughter and that her aunt and uncle were actually her adoptive parents.
She had her in high school and gave her up at birth. We've been together for nearly ten years now and it's still pretty crazy thinking that she has a daughter. She was obviously very young when she was pregnant (still in high school) so she thought it would be best to give her up to a family that were pretty close to her parents and were happy to adopt.
Her daughter is doing great now,m has a great stable home and still has full contact with her biological mother (they're like best friends). Definitely a lot to process at the time but I only felt closer to her for telling me and I fully understood her side of the situation once she did.
I'm not a horn dog by any stretch but she would completely avoiding and ignoring anything sexual for months on end. I would have liked to have know if we were sexually incompatible.
I love her with all my heart, we've been together for 25 years, but this subject is a source of friction which makes me feel depressed, unloved and unwanted.
He kept a sex calendar/book and I came across it two years into the relationship. He had symbols for what he did with every woman and notes like ,if it happen on the first date or not, for example X = kissing and so on.
The first few months of dating before becoming "exclusive" he told me I was the only woman he was with. Well, according to the calendar I was far from it and sometimes there were even multiple women a day.
He doesn't eat all the meat off the bone. He takes 2-3 bites of a wing and then goes to the next one.
It's same tragedy with corn on the cob. I always tell him he's lucky I feel for him before we ate wings together. I still judge him every time.
I'm crippling debt and a complete lack of financial aptitude...it has been a long but prosperous 3 years, my friends.
I give my wife credit. When our relationship started getting serious she came clean and told me she was considering bankruptcy. We were not even formally engaged yet when she invited me to come with her to talk to a bankruptcy attorney because "I know you will have questions you need to ask to protect yourself if we end up getting married." If she had tried to hide the bankruptcy from me it definitely would have been a deal breaker.
My wife has so little self-confidence that she constantly questions herself to the point of utter indecision. On everything big or small she has no opinion because she simply can't decide. I suspect it's the fear of being wrong but I don't really want to tell her it's ok to be wrong. Something tells me that wouldn't help.
She just liked me a lot and pretended to be more similar to me than she was. Claimed to be a gamer but she never once played with me in two years, claimed to smoke - would never join me, claimed to enjoy most of the things I enjoy doing but she did not. We ended up sitting in my bed for hours every single time we hung out.
She would type "Google" into Bing to get to Google.
Google is actually the number one most popular search on Bing. I don't know what it is, but Bing just consistently fails at getting the URL I'm looking for on the first page of results, while on google I rarely even have to move past the very first link.
My girlfriend cheated on her last boyfriend. Not for love but because she was mad at him. She was still young then and really regrets it but it would probably have been a deal breaker if I knew before I fell head over heels for her. We have a great, stable relationship but it's still nagging in the back of my head from time to time and makes me insecure...
We met when she started working as a server at a restaurant that I was already employed at as a bartender. She was chatting with a female co-bartender who supposedly told her that I would not date a smoker so she hid it from me at first! Now, we are happily married 10 years later!
No, I do not like smoking but she is also not a fan of me playing PS4 as much as I do.
My girlfriend has Attention Deficit Disorder so bad that her school considered it a learning disability (she told me this early on).
However, she DIDN'T tell me that she was put into special ed for her entire time in high school because of it. Special ed at her school moved at the pace of the slowest kid (like those with actual mental disabilities) so she practically learned nothing from 9th grade to 12th grade.
I met her in college, so she is intelligent but she has surprising gaps in knowledge that most people take for granted.
She was not able to wait for any length of time without completely flipping out. Not when it comes to standing in lines or really anything longer than 20 minutes. Going to the grocery store together is a nightmare. There's quite a bit.
My ex-husband is terrible with money. He has been his entire adult life, even now. When we started dating, we were broke college kids.
We both had part-time jobs but he never seemed to have money. Over the years, he graduated, got a good job, we got married and had a baby. My excellent credit history slipped hugely and I amassed a ton of debt because of his spending habits.
When he left me for another woman, he left me in over $30 thousand in marital debt and through the power of his attorney, I was stuck with it. We've been divorced for 4 years now and I'm just starting to recover financially. And now he pays child support for our child on top of taking care of his new family.
I didn't realize any of these things until she moved in with me and it became clear that she was barely a functioning adult.
She couldn't use a washing machine, iron or dishwasher.
She had no ambition.
She dealt with her problems by going to bed early and hoping they'd solved themselves by morning (spoiler, they didn't).
She spent all her money on her horse and had to borrow money for fuel to get to work by the 3rd week of most months.
The only thing she could cook was fries and chicken nuggets.
She thought it was okay to work all day, ride her horse then go to bed without showering or brushing her teeth (and then try to initiate sex-ugh).
She didn't consider tidying up after herself to be normal and she would proudly text me when she did some laundry or the washing up, then got annoyed when I wasn't grateful she'd managed to sort out her own stuff
But mainly, she liked to sleep other dudes.
That she was the kind of person that would cheat on me for months and then tell me on my birthday, crying on the vacation she asked me to book.
Forget her. Never would have even been friends with her if I knew she was such a jerk.
My wife is infertile because of cysts on her ovaries. I wanted to have kids and that is one of the reasons I broke it off with an older co-worker who already had kids.
Ironically, it turns out I'm also infertile. We made the best decision to adopt and now have two wonderful kids.
My husband is a very kind and loving man, but he has no motivation or direction in life. I'm the complete opposite. I have two degrees and recently went back to school again while working to make a huge job change. I'm very pleased with my new job and stand to earn a great deal more than I was before.
My husband went to college for a year and a half before dropping out and has worked in sales ever since. This has never bothered me, but he constantly complains about his work and how much he hates his job. He's always talking about going back to school. I totally support him attending a trade or degree program, or even changing jobs, but he won't finish filling out the applications. As much as he hates his work he is very comfortable there. The thing that scares me is that there is a very real possibility his sales job will become a completely online service and then he will be out of work AND have little prospects.
We've discussed it and he is aware of all of this but he still won't make any changes. All I can do is continue to be loving and supportive.
She believed pornography was cheating. Never once did masturbating come up for years and then suddenly she sees the browser history and I'm divorced.
I've been dating my significant other for two years now. I'm by no means a religious individual but understand it works for others.
My girlfriend starts going to church early on in our relationship and I think nothing of it (this is where I messed up). Eventually after a year and a half of her pestering I go with her to be supportive. Imagine my surprise when I found out she was a Jehovah's Witness. I try and keep an open mind but that doesn't go so well.
She goes through phases where she's a devout Witness and then decides to have fun and be a "sinner" like me. And I stay, thinking I can snap her out of it, who knows. But if we have another argument about one of her "beliefs" it might be the final straw.
My wife believes in ghosts. I'm super glad it never came up early in our relationship because it led to a pretty strong discussion that ended with us just agreeing never to talk about it again.
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.