People Share How They Realized They Were Conventionally 'Sexy' And How It Affects Their Life.
People who are conventionally attractive on Reddit were asked: "When did you discover that you were hot and how did it affect your personality?" These are some of the most insightful answers.
1. I'm more than how I look
I [became] a beautiful 6'2", 145 lbs redhead in college. At first I wasn't used to it, people staring at me for different reasons - and the bullying stopped! But now that I'm an adult earning my PhD, it sometimes sucks. I texted a friend yesterday that I felt like screaming going into public because people stare at me all the time. I was wearing old clothes with no makeup on and I got rubbernecking from men and glares from women. I didn't ask to feel like a zoo attraction wherever I go, but it happens. I've been raped twice because I was considered too much of a tease, and abused in a relationship because I must have asked for it. So I can't use my beauty for sexual liberation because time has proven that I will just be hurt by it. My attractiveness has proven more of a burden than anything in my life so far. I intimidate my boyfriend who I think is absolutely gorgeous, which has caused a lot of stress in our relationship and sex life.
So this is me, the person in Walmart glaring with their eyes forward because I don't feel like being a zoo attraction or catering to the world anymore. People think I am only there to look at, but I have so much more to offer. Any man I have ever dated or talked to has commented about how they didn't expect me to be smart and funny too. Don't get me wrong, I love how I look and I know people will be people. But I have so much more to offer.
2. I think a few of us have been these girls at some point
About two years ago is when I found out, it was after a few months of girls latching onto my side that I realised that those girls weren't cuddling me because I was warm. I had always just assumed they were cold. Personality wise not much happened aside from me teasing them a bit when started hugging me.
3. We aren't all the special snowflakes we thought we were
I've always been pretty. Since I was 12 I've ha boys lust after me, been cat called in the street, and people in the elevator would complement my parents on how nicely I grew up. Honestly, it started going to my head. I probably would have turned completely shallow if not for 1) my brothers who gave me [crap] every time I started acting snotty, and 2) I went to a high school with an amazingly large population of beautiful girls. Like, seriously it was astounding. I went to a performing arts high school in NYC, and many of my classmates were working models and actresses. I figured out real quick I wasn't going to be the "token pretty girl" in any groups anymore. It really put me in my place and made me develop a personality beyond my looks.
When I went to college in the Midwest, I met all these average girls who thought they were hot, and I thought to myself "just wait until you get out in the real world and find out just how special you aren't."
4. Be careful that it doesn't go to your head!
I was never really [unattractive] in high school, just nerdy and never really took care of myself. Lost a lot of weight freshman year, started working out, got a haircut, and became less of a dork. I'm not hot, just good looking.
After I became single junior year, I was a douche. Always trying to sleep with people, constantly talking about the gym and drinking, that kind of stuff. Eventually I realized what I'd become and that most of my friends didn't like me any more.. and that I didn't like me any more. So I stopped and just kind of settled down.
I have a girlfriend now, but still get hit on by girls, especially at parties. It's fun to play along and be flirty for a while, but never cross a line.
5. Damn, I'm good lookin'!
I went through some seriously [unattractive] years in school (like enough to break mirrors and strike fear into the hearts of those who looked upon me), so when I lost weight, grew my hair out, and started wearing more flattering clothes and contact lenses, I was really taken aback by the attention I got. Went from forever alone super virgin to actually having compliments and random customers/other students flirting. I actually like getting cat called, I was always self conscious about my looks so actually getting attention still boosts my confidence because I never expect it.
6. I'm king of the world!
I had a weird teens (currently just shy of 20), I was rather nerdy and into and still am, things like D&D and gaming and such so girls didn't really give me much attention.
I started gymming at around 16 and taking more interest in grooming and "fashion sense" and developed really well, made first team rugby and such and I got more attention in high school but nothing over the top, seemed to be an average amount but nothing to make me think "I must be good looking".
Anyway, I went overseas for a year (first year out of school) and started dating this really good looking girl over there; who I knew prior to coming over though; so dating her gave me a confidence boost and it started happening from then on, I was being hit on a lot overseas, perhaps because I wasn't such an awkward turtle anymore - thanks confidence and it gave me a lot more knowledge that people thought I was attractive.
I came home at the beginning of this year and started bartending at a local club and now I get this absurd(ish) amount of girls coming up to me and complementing me, buying me drinks and full on hitting on me and being really open about their intentions and what they would "like to do to me", often finding friend requests from lots these girls on Facebook the next day and texting me. Within 3 weeks of working at this bar I was "scouted" for modelling by a local agency in a sense, one of their models asked for a selfie with me and then showed it to agency and they ended up contacting me.
I thought maybe it was just drunk girls being drunk girls at first but not anymore, all of this combined makes me feel good about myself and now in day to day life I get a lot of compliments because perhaps I seem like a more approachable and happier person.
So it's really given me this confidence boost and I definitely feel more good about myself which carries through to every day things which is great, friends and family say they can see I'm a far more happier/outgoing person.
7. You mean, you don't instantly become a model?
I really didn't get the extreme confidence most people would get when they get in shape. I just feel like I can do the same thing except I now feel more comfortable with my shirt off really. As an introvert, I don't really go out and speak to people, and that hasn't really changed. I'm relatively a quiet person and that hasn't changed. The only topics that could easily break the ice with me are dogs, pizza and video games! As for compliments, I have gotten a few from relatives that haven't seen me in years. The only other time I remember, was when a cashier asked me if I needed a bag for my groceries, I said "No, thank you." She followed with, "Yeah, you don't look like you need it." Hell, I actually didn't realize the compliment until a day later!
The biggest change to anyone was to myself. For the longest time I wanted to be damn proud of myself and look good. Do I look good to other people? I don't know, and I do my best to not think of what others think about me.
8. It's all about the confidence
About couple of years ago. Somehow I realized I'm not that bad looking but actually pretty decent from outside. Decided to hit the gym [and] bought fitting clothes. Started shaving, caring for my skin, found a haircut that fits me (hint: it's not a three feet long black ponytail anymore), bought glasses that weren't hideous and so on. Started looking professional and good. Stopped cursing, talking with a more confident voice (you can actually teach yourself this - I was surprised how easy it was.)
I feel more confident and at ease when with girls now. Well with anyone to be honest, like when I'm giving presentation for a conference room full of people. In fact, it's me who makes other people feel a bit uneasy in the right way and made me understand how girls at high school felt when dudes would stare them and start blushing when you looked back with a smile.
Girls? To be honest, I don't really care about the sex but somehow I seem to be a chick magnet. I don't think it's because I'm beautiful or something, but confident in myself. I'm asexual so usually I just end up cuddling and hugging instead.
About misconceptions... well, I look really social on the outside. I'm not. To be honest I've started to hate big conventions and parties as I just can't stand other people. I'm good at bluffing which is a good thing when it comes to my work.
So basically I just realized I have the potential to not look like an bergeek, so I figured I'd try to turn myself into something I wanted.
9. The perks are pretty nice ;)
Within the past year. I didn't think I was unattractive before, but I went through a rough breakup and lost about 18 pounds. Got a new wardrobe, changed my hair. My friends are almost all guys and friends of my ex, and they started hitting on me even though getting with a bro's ex is forbidden. It got to where I couldn't really go out to a bar without getting hit on. Waiting for a friend at a pub became a game of avoiding glancing at anyone on accident or they'd come chat me up.
At the same time, it's given me more confidence because people automatically seem to like me more, even other girls. And people are more willing to give me what I want. Like if I'm waiting in line or asking for a favor, they're more willing to do what I ask. It's interesting.
10. But it might go to your head
Honestly, it's weird.
As a guy who has gone from extremely skinny to really fit twice in 3 years I can tell you It gets uncomfortable. Mainly because the second time around you realize how shallow people are. Little things like acquiring help are easier when you're attractive, but making friends as an attractive guy is probably one of the most belittling things you can experience... People just assume you're a douchebag.... End result... you become a bitter douchebag.
11. It's not all fun and games
My family and the losers I dated throughout high school constantly put me down and told me I wasn't good enough. It wasn't until I was away at college that I really learned to love myself and see myself as somewhat attractive and valuable as a human being. Sometimes there's still a huge disconnect from the person I look at in the mirror and the person I see in photos.
I'd say that time at college was where I really discovered that people thought I was beautiful. Dates were never hard to find in life, when I wanted them, but I realized I could actually go for a higher caliber of partner who would treat me better. I think that's the only thing that's changed for me. My personality has always been the same--goofy and always laughing and out-there and a little geeky--but I realized I could date hotter people if I choose and still have enough choice to find the ones with great personalities too.
Misconceptions about me? I get told by friends and acquaintances that before they got to know me, they 100% assumed I was [mean] and that I'm apparently intimidating to talk to--which is probably why I'm usually having to make the first move with friends and potential partners alike.
Also, you'd think being attractive would mean you're less lonely. But you find out that the people who surround you are often not your true friends and are actually using you for some reason or another. So you may find yourself in a room full of people who know your name and act like they want to know you, and you'll find you feel more alone than ever.
12. Imposter syndrome at its finest
Found out a couple of years ago. I had that awkward teenage phase where all my limbs were too long and my nose was huge. I've always been a bit too skinny. When I was about 17-18, my body parts sort of evened out. I got a haircut, started buying clothes that were actually my size and started using contact lenses instead of glasses. People notice me a lot now. Strangers come up to me and comment on my looks or ask me for my number. I get stared at a lot. I get cat called a lot. My friends tell me I'm beautiful all the time. Some people seem to automatically assume I'm stupid, even though I'm well educated (7 years at uni).
I hate it. I've never felt beautiful, I can almost feel grotesque some days. I feel like it's all just lies and that someones gonna jump out and scream "sike!!!" soon and tell me that I'm really as [unattractive] as I feel. I tend to try and hide my face behind big sunglasses and I often wear shawls wrapped loosely over my head because most of the time I just want to be left alone. It's great when you want to get in to a club though, and I rarely have to pay for alcohol because I've always got a couple of men standing by waiting to buy me drinks. Even though I tell them I'm gay. Oh well!
13. You mean, you still can have a weird personality... AND be beautiful?
I've always been the guy who got the pretty girl. The only way I'm aware that it's affected my personality is that I have to be extra nice, or people will assume I'm a [jerk] because I'm handsome. Kind of annoying really, people assume I'm being patronizing when really I'm just somewhat awkward.
14. As long as you think you're beautiful that's all that matters
I was the stereotypical late bloomer. I wore glasses, had messed up teeth and was a half a foot taller than all the other kids in my class (both boys and girls) until puberty set in, but even then it took forever for any of the boys to catch up with me. I was bullied, picked on, and pretty much tormented through middle school for being the loud, obnoxious smart girl. When I was growing up in my small town in the early to mid - 90's, girls were basically supposed to shut up, be pretty, and agree with what the boys had to say. I had a problem with this, so my childhood was rather uncomfortable to say the least. Luckily, I was rather brainy and I had a few good friends who were equally as awkward. I just kind of stayed with my crew of misfits from elementary school until 8th grade, idolizing the popular kids and jocks.
And then puberty struck. Hard. I developed boobs. My bad perm grew out and I started using sun-in so I could be blonde like my mom. I got contacts. I started getting self conscious about my new body, since I grew another three inches and was now tall with some curves I had no idea what to do with. That led to a lovely eating disorder or two. Gave up trying to starve myself and started exercising and being careful of what I ate. I started high-school about 20 pounds lighter and 4 inches taller than I was in 7th grade. I was now 5'11 and thin with a nice set of C's. The senior boys went [wild] over me. I had no idea what to do with myself, since I was still a nerd at heart and hung out with the same smart kids who had befriended me in elementary school. They had no idea what to do with me because suddenly I didn't look like them. It was a really hard year.
Thankfully, I was accepted by the drama geeks and some of the people who had always been ambivalent to the know-it-all nerd girl. Now I was cute and funny, since a personality had to develop in me during middle school since being pretty hadn't been an option. High school became tolerable and college was even more fun, because I got braces to fix my teeth. However, I am only speaking about male attention at this point. Guys wanted to sleep with me. Girls were wary of me for sure. Gay guys were fantastic. Even with my jacked up teeth, people thought I looked a little like Jewel I guess, so it became kind of a cute quirk.
Once the braces came off when I was 23 was when [it] got real. All of a sudden the super hot guys who would have NEVER given me the time in HS were all over me. Whispering sexy things to me, buying me drinks, offering to help me move. It was surreal. It was uncomfortable. It made me a bit sick to my stomach at times because it was so confusing how people could be so superficial.
With all of this being said...I don't think I am "hot". I am reasonably attractive. I would say I'm a solid "7". I have been told I'm "hot" though, and even though I don't fully believe it, I figured this might help some of you who are legitimately interested in this type of transformation. I'm obviously much better looking than I was, so that counts...right?
My husband thinks I am beautiful, and so do my children. That's all that really matters. I still have the same best friend that saved me from HS purgatory, and she probably thinks I'm "aiight", lol. As an adult now with a daughter of my own, I hope every day that she develops a brain and a heart before her looks come in. Because if genetics have anything to do with it, and based on how damn cute she is at 7 months old, she's gonna be a looker. My son is also adorable, so hopefully it will be a good ride for him too.
15. This sounds like the plot of a 90s teen movie
I was always the "quiet one" in primary school, so I didn't get any attention, good or bad, and automatically assumed I couldn't look that great to anyone out there. Then for the year 6 school disco my friends did the classic 10 year old girl thing and gave me a makeover, I got compliments all night, felt incredibly confident because of all these people paying attention to me who wouldn't have talked to me otherwise, and from then on I just kept feeling better about myself.
16. There is more than meets the eye
I really started looking better by the end of high school, and I noticed that other people noticed me. You know, little things like strangers eyes lingering on you, people commenting on how you look good, and stuff like that. I didn't really react to most of it, and I found the compliments to be fairly off-putting for whatever reason.
However, I will say that there were some benefits I tried to exploit. I learned that I could get free things for girls working in the service industry with relative ease. Stuff like gift cards, upgrades on airplanes, and discounts at bars and restaurants were pretty common if I put in a little effort to be engaging. I'm not sure if that's because they liked the interaction with another person, because I was decently good looking, or some combination thereof, but this worked for me.
In terms of misconceptions, I'm not sure. I don't feel judged often. But if I had to guess I would think that people often wouldn't tag me for someone who loves video games, plays trumpet, and enjoys reading.
17. You have to love yourself first <3
I have "ugly duck" syndrome. I went through a horribly awkward preteen/early teen stage years- I had a horrible haircut, was nerdy and socially awkward.
I grew a few inches in my later teen years and started working out, ended up losing lots of weight. I developed better social skills from being in theater and having to deal with awkwardness all the time (drama kids!).
I guess I started seeing a difference when I would drunkenly get asked out by guys all the time, or when strangers would compliment me. I didn't see a huge shift in personality- except maybe that I find myself irritating. I still have huge self esteem issues, except that if I complain about a part of myself I don't like, it comes off as 'fishing for compliments'- when really I actually do still see myself as an awkward 13 year old.
The other thing I've noticed is that I'm super distrustful of guys, because, as cheesy as it sounds, I don't know if guys like me for my personality or my [butt]. I mean, I'd love it if a guy was into me for both, but it [messes] with my head a lot when someone is really into me but I can tell they've built me up in their heads to be something as not.
18. Some people let their looks do all the talking
Found out in 6th grade. I'd say the worst part is, I've never had to hit on a girl or make interesting conversation. If I ever saw a hot girl, I knew that if I just stood there, she would eventually walk up to me and start talking. And on the rare occasion I did ask someone out, they were already staring at me and falling all over themselves. I know this sounds awesome, and I wouldn't trade it, but just think of the social interactions you learn. I've never learned how to charm people or be interesting.
I once saw this super [unattractive] guy walk up to a group of girls. The girl standing next to me pointed and said, "oh god, watch this train wreck about to unfold." But the guy walked up and said something and all the girls burst out laughing. The rest of the night, this group of hot girls was hanging all over this guy laughing at his every word. I could never do that.
19. Meh, same old, same old
I used to weigh 245, which is pretty big for 6'1. Started running and hitting the gym, lost a ton of weight. Now I get lots of people telling me how attractive I am, never had that whenever I was a big ol' boy. As far as how I'm treated differently, that's about the extent of it. Probably the most flattering thing I've heard is a couple of different people have said I should get into modelling now. I notice I'll catch women looking at me from time to time, but I'm way too socially inept to capitalize on any of that. I haven't gotten any preferential treatment or anything like that, that's to be sure. I would think it's mostly women who encounter stuff like that.
20. Beauty is only skin deep
I've known I was perceived as attractive since about 9th grade. I got a lot of attention from girls and it made me arrogant and kind of a [jerk]. This continued up to 10th grade where I'd be dating a few girls at the same time without regards to their feelings. I started talking to this one girl, she called me out on my [crap] and told me that my personality made me [unattractive]. That made me realize that I needed to change, I really liked this girl and didn't want to be someone she despised due to my character. I took a year off from dating and girls to work on myself. I came back my 12th grade year a changed person. I dumped a bunch of friends who I considered toxic, made new ones and I was more caring for others. I rekindled my relationship with the girl who brought about the changes in me. This year we'll be married for three years. I'm very glad she was ballsy enough to stand up to the "good looking cool guy on campus".
21. Now this is how you do it
The summer going into my freshman year of high school, I had an accident that required me to have my head shaved in order to accommodate all of my stitches. So there I was, starting freshman year of high school looking ... definitely odd as my hair didn't grow back in all the same. The back grew longer than the sides, the front grew shorter than the middle of my head. It was pretty awful and I ended up having a mullet no matter if I wanted one or not.
That summer however, taught me that people are rude. Boys were mean. I remember one boy particularly that called me hideous, made fun of me incessantly for not only being half bald but for having a terrible scar on my head. I became quite the nerd freshman year in high school, feeling like no one would talk to me because of my shaved head/scar. Someone left a helmet on my desk and everyone laughed when I found it. It was a sucky freshman year for sure.
Fast forward to senior year of high school, I was a tall 5'9 blonde with big boobs. And everyone had forgotten what I looked like freshman year. Except me of course. It never mattered to me that I became hot (and not to sound vain because I know that does) - what became important to me was how I treated others. Everyone to this day still looks like me and immediately thinks I'm a douche-nozzle because of being pretty - and I've had MANY people tell me that they are always so surprised when I'm not. Like that's some sort of compliment?
I believe that summer changed my behavior towards others 100%. I will never pass by someone without a smile. I treat EVERYONE the same - not matter what you look like.
22. Like night and day
I was never hot at school. I was super nerdy, spotty, and hilariously awkward. Things started changing when I was at college, I got more into music and adopted styles that suited me better and I was comfortable in, I didn't have anything before. I took a year out between college and university, and apparently that's the time I suddenly seemed to just shift. I'd always been quite active and never had an issue with my body, but my younger teen problems started to fade, I was more styled and comfortable within myself, and suddenly people were hitting on me. Before I was 17 I could probably count on one hand the amount of people who genuinely tried to hit on me or express interest, compared to the more popular kids I was invisible. Some girls simply took puberty in their stride and were glamorous and attractive right through school. When I got to University, I was really taken aback with the interest I seemed to get. Probably didn't help I was one of only a handful of girls on my course, but everywhere I went I was getting all this attention that I'd never experienced before.
I was still brutally shy at this point, but it at least gave me confidence that just maybe, I was actually attractive for the first time in my life. I certainly attribute some of it to the fact that everyone is simply getting hornier at that age compared to school, but I was genuinely starting to accept I was probably more attractive than I gave myself credit for. It didn't exactly help me come out of my shell though, if anything I probably got even more shy and used the small circle of friends I had as barriers. I went my entire first year single despite numerous, and even repeat advances from some guys. I had never been a social person and suddenly being thrust into a spotlight, I had no idea how to handle it, so I simply didn't for a while. The more friends I got however, I got more relaxed and more willing to be in social situations without clinging to a handful of people. It was a really awkward time for me trying to adjust, but it's interesting to look back and laugh at myself now for being so reclusive and timid. I am now much more at ease with people, I can meet new people and actually act like a normal human being.
23. It's not all fun and games
People always used to tell me I was pretty and that I should be a model and whatnot, and I always figured it was bull because I never cared about my appearance until around college.
In college though, I did start to try to make myself look nice, and it was actually really horrible what happened afterward. Literally four of my closest guy friends who I had been really close with came out and said they had always had crushes on me, and although I tried to let them down in the nicest way possible those relationships just aren't the same. I feel really guarded around them now.
I also just started feeling really objectified and it made me think about a lot of stuff--like, I always question if guys are talking to me because they're actually interested in me, or if they just think I'm hot. And I think being valued so much for your appearance is really damaging psychologically too. I never felt this way before but now suddenly I'm really worried about how people will treat me when I get older and am not longer hot and young. It's really depressing, honestly. Ignorance is bliss.
24. A good philosophy to have
I've been consistently rated an 8/8.5, which isn't exactly hottie status, but far more than I rate myself (5)
I think a lot of my view is based on the fact I was the big kid. I worked out since I was a teen and now I'm one of the guys who is still in shape despite the university party lifestyle. I'm tall, dirty blonde with an (in progress) beard, long eyelashes and full lips. Not good-looking by today's model standards but the old ladies love me.
Anyway. I do get a little boost in self confidence when I hear a higher then average rating. I feel like the female world is my oyster and I can feel people checking me out. The next day, it's all gone. People are looking at me because I'm the ex-big kid. Girls are attracted to the personality I try to show, but not my looks. I guess I feel like "me". And I know me so will that I'm not that special to myself.
Breaking up is hard to do.
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