People Talk About The Moment A Date Suddenly Went Wrong.
In the theatre, they say you have three minutes to convince the audience that they're watching a good show. If you don't do that, you'll be fighting up hill for the rest of the night. If you ask these Quora users, the same holds true for dating.
I met a woman on a daing site. She wanted to cut through the red tape and meet that weekend. So we plan to meet for coffee/lunch at a local cafe.
I arrive early, and find that she is already waiting. We take our seats and start talking.
Shes fit. Shes a professional. She mentions that Im in good shape and she likes that. All sounds great.
The whole meal was great. We talked, laughed and smiled at each other. I thought, "Wow, this might actually work out."
After were done, we go for a walk outside. She asks if I want to spend the day together. I explain that I would love to but I have a family gathering for my nephews graduation. She looks at me with a dead stare
She says, "Are you serious? Youd rather go to a family party that be with me?" I explained that no, Id prefer to be with her but I gave my word that I would be there. I dont just blow things off for personal reasons. She shook her head and said "whatever" and walked away.
I got a follow up message online telling me that she would give me one more chance. I politely declined.
The guy had asked me out multiple times at the gym. Instead of being a normal guy who would first start a conversation, get to know each other at least a little, and then see if we matched, he just went straight to the point. No small talk ever. I cant stand pushy people.
This one time he was very persistent and decided I needed to go on a date with him right then and there, right after my workout. I figured Id give him a chance, even if it was just so that he would stop interrupting my workout.
I didnt bring non-workout clothes, nor a towel to shower, but he assured me that wasnt a problem. Im a neat freak, so I hate the feeling of being sweaty and dirty.
When we got to his car, he opened the door for me. Maybe a gentleman after all? Until I noticed he wasnt actually opening the door for me. (continued...)
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He just needed to sweep all the trash on the seat and floor - a lot of tissues- into the back. His car was incredibly dirty. Again, Im a neat freak. Turn off.
We got there - it was a nice place to have a drink. When the waiter came, I wanted to order a water. I had just worked out, and it was a hot day. Im not really into soda, or alcohol. Definitely not after a workout.
He argued my choice and told me, "Dont worry. Ill pay, you dont have to get something cheap." I tried to make it clear that it was not about money, but he kept arguing me. In the end we settled on getting me a sparkling water.
We were about five minutes into the date, when he said, "I just broke up with my ex." Not something to bring up at a first date, but okay. I asked him why, and this was his answer: "She didnt allow me to mess with other girls, and then when I suggested a threesome, she was against it."
My mind was blown. He said it with a tone of obliviousness; he felt like he was entitled to that, as if his ex was the devil for not letting him freak as he called it, with other girls. Poor baby.
I wanted to run away, but unfortunately my car was still parked at the gym and he had to drive me back.
When I was a junior in college, my mother told me there was a new girl, Beverly, at church and that I needed to meet her. I did meet her the next Sunday I was home from college, and we hit it off enough for me to ask her out on a date for the following Friday evening.
Friday evening I arrived at her house, met her parents and answered the obligatory questions parents have for young suitors. Where are you taking her? Whos going to be there? What time will you have her home?
I had a simple dinner at an Italian restaurant and a movie date planned. I assured them I would have her home before 11 PM. Her father gave me some stern warnings about his daughter's honor, not drinking, and driving safely. Then we were finally off on our first date.
The conversation was going well as we headed down the road. The restaurant was thirty minutes from her house and required twenty minutes of interstate travel. Shortly after getting on the interstate she said, "Ive got to go to the restroom."
"Well be there in twenty minutes," I said. "Can you hold it?" (continued...)
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"I don't know," she answered. "Can we stop at the next exit? There's a Hardees there."
"Sure," I said.
She had stopped talking and I noticed that she was rocking back and forth. The audible noises she was making were moans. She unbuckled and crawled into my back seat. Before I could warn her there were no cups back there she thrust an empty plastic grocery bag and said, "Can I use this?"
"Yeah, but I don't know if it's waterproof," I said.
In my rear view mirror, I could see her straddling the bag with her right hand holding the front and her left hand holding the back. The smell of a fresh bowel movement filled the car.
I made it to the Hardees as fast as I could. She jumped out carrying the bag of poop with her. She dropped it in a trash can outside and headed inside to either finish or clean herself up.
When she returned, she got in the front seat again. "You want to just take me home?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'll do that," I said. "I know youre not feeling well. I am sorry. We can do it another time."
We barely spoke on the drive back to her house. I dropped her off without going back in. I just wanted to escape. I never asked her out on a date again.
I told this story to a group of friends years later. One of the friends pointed out something that had never occurred to me.
He said, "Wow, that poor girl really wanted to get out of that date. She probably tells all her friends she went on a date so horrible she decided to crap her pants just to get out of it."
Prom night 1986. I did my brother a favor and went to prom with his friend. I didn't mind that part. I was already out of school and this boy was nice (if not too bright).
I didn't have any money for a dress, but I found something suitable at the local thrift store. The dress was short and had spaghetti straps, I borrowed a shrug jacket to go over the dress. I looked great. But I didn't have a dressy coat. Never mind, my brother said, "your date has a car."
Anyway, May in the mountains can be cold, and on this particular night it started to snow on our way to the dance. My dates car, however, had a broken window on the passenger side. I was very cold.
After the dance, my date thought it would be fun to drive an hour down the mountain to have breakfast at an all-night diner. I agreed IF he would take me home to change my clothes and grab a coat. He refused. (Nice.)
On our way down the mountain, in the snow, with me in my tiny dress and his broken car window, I realize my date is slugging back beer as he is driving! (continued...)
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I think he had finished 4 by the time we arrived at the restaurant.
Remember this is 1986. No cell phones. I used the pay phone to call my mom but she didn't answer. Oh yeah, I was freaking furious at my date.
I made us stay at the diner for two hours in the hope he would sober up. But in the end, all I could do was hope he didn't crash on our way back.
By the time we got home, Mr. Jerk had finished the other 2 beers in his 6 pack. The snow had stopped but I was frozen!
He insists on coming in but I am not worried because someone else will be home. I tell him to do whatever he wants but I am going to bed. I locked my door.
Mr. Jerk passed out on the couch. Hours later, my brother comes home and wants to know why I didn't kiss his friend. He picks a fight with me because he made his friend promises!
Im not a whisky enthusiast by any measure, but this guy started the dinner date by ordering a Macallan 12 (fancy scotch) with coke.
Something instinctual in me went noooooooooooooooo. But its okay, people have different preferences.
Later, he tried to challenge my sobriety by orderingtwo2 Jager shots, a Cuba Libre, and a Long Island Iced Tea. He insisted that I down my drinks in one sitting.
While I was sipping, he mentioned that he lives alone and could drive me home. After declining his offer, a switch suddenly flipped in me. I stood up abruptly, left my car in the restaurant and hailed a cab home.
Using the medium of alcohol to lower someone elses inhibitions in order to gain leverage is not cool. Safe to say - crisis averted.
I met a guy on OKCupid who seemed cool. He had a professional head shot as his profile picture and was pretty well-spoken. So I met him for dinner.
Everything was okay, when he decided to comment on my shoes. (continued…)
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"I wouldn't really go with those shoes next time you wear that dress," he said.
I thought he was joking and laughed, not at all offended because I'm the first to admit that I know nothing about fashion..
He continued: "No, seriously. I'm the type of man who needs to know that his woman will not only always look good, but will take my advice when it comes to what she looks good in."
Then he added, "I'd be glad to take you shopping if you don't know what you're doing. You're pretty enough, you just need some help with outfits."
Um, thanks? I did my best to finish the date graciously and deleted his number literally as I walked to my car in the restaurant parking lot.
He texted me earlier to let me know that he would meet me at the restaurant at 8. I agreed, got ready and reached the restaurant at 7:58 (I'm a punctuality freak), to find that he's not there.
So I got a booth and decided to wait. And wait. And wait. Finally, after 25 minutes, he arrives and stares at me in horror. "You're here already?! Aren't girls always late?"
"Not me," I reply.
We order food and spend the next hour staring down at our plates. Every time I tried to start a conversation, he gave a reply that basically said 'please don't make me talk. We continue staring down at our plates.
He got a text message and after reading it, he seemed to be in actual physical discomfort. I asked if he was okay. He replied, "It's my ex. I cant stop thinking about her. It's only been two years years since we broke up. Then he covered his face with his hands.
Heres a story about the time I completely turned a date off:
I met up with this guy that I had met online. First we went to a modern art museum. After an hour or two, we were still enjoying each others company so we went to a cheap diner for a meal.
At some point in the conversation I said, "I am the type of person that could get along with anyone, unless they are a murderer or a Mormon." (continued...)
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…So it turns out my date was Mormon. Oops.
Now I was joking, and he seemed to get the joke, and I apologized profusely, and the date continued for a while afterwards.
But I wasnt surprised when he declined a second date.
A friend of mine set me up on a blind date with one of her boyfriends coworkers. I hate blind dates so the only way I would agree to it was if my friend, Kate, and her boyfriend, Steve, doubled with us.
Turn Off #1: When my date picked me up we had to walk a few blocks to get from my place to his car. He practically ran to his car because he "forgot" to wear a coat in the middle of winter in Philly.
Turn Off #2: When I finally caught up to him at his car he was visibly angry at me for taking too long and told me I was the slowest walker he'd ever met.
Turn Off #3: On the car ride to Steves apartment (where the date was) we got caught in traffic because of the Philly St. Paddy's Day parade. I tried to start a conversation to pass the time but he was more interested in screaming obscenities out the window.
Turn Off #4: When we finally got to the date location he jumped out of the car and started running again. Luckily I was very familiar with how to get to Steves place so I walked at a normal pace which angered him yet again and led to more criticism of my poor walking skills.
Turn Off #5: The entire goal of the date was for us to cook a meal together. However, my date decided when we got there that he wasn't in the mood to cook and promptly fell asleep on the couch.
Turn Off #6: When Steve realized he was asleep on the couch Steve went over there to try to wake him. My date "played dead" like a child who doesn't want to wake up for school, fake snores and all.
Turn Off #7: My date conveniently woke up as we were putting dinner on the table. He proceeded to walk over to the food, serve himself several heaping portions, go back over to the couch, and turn on the TV at an ear splitting volume.
Turn Off #8: My date was completely shocked when Steve asked him to leave and looked to me for confirmation. When I silently nodded my head, he flew off the handle and started screaming at us for ruining what he thought was a great date. He said I should be thanking him for taking me out because Steve had "overstated my beauty." Then he stormed out of the apartment.
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.