People Who Have Turned Down A Marriage Proposal Share Their Stories.

"Will you marry me?" I do......... not know.

The following AskReddit users open up about the time that they turned down a marriage proposal. Whether they were too young, not in love, or just in a unhealthy relationship, there are many possibilities for why someone may delay walking down the aisle.

Source list available at the end. 


I had just found out that I was pregnant, and we were about to leave to go and tell my mom when he said, "Do you want to like go get married or something before we tell your mom? She's headstrong, and I kind of don't want to hear her opinion."

We'd already been on the rocks for some time now when I found out that I was pregnant. I politely (that's a lie) said no.

I wound up leaving him when I was about six months pregnant, and he stopped having contact with my son when he was two.

My son will be seven soon, and we have the absolute COOLEST Superman-themed birthday party planned, and he has invited his entire class at school. He doesn't know it yet, but he's also getting the new Lego Avengers game, and we're totally staying home from school/work the day of his actual birthday to play it.

iliketosnuggle

There was a time when I was living paycheck to paycheck, but I was also working full-time and taking care of my family. I was the only one who could support everyone. I once asked a girl that I was dating and knew for 9+ years to marry me. She said that she would have, but that I just didn't make enough money for her. (Yes, she really said that). I went home depressed and never spoke to her again. A few years later, I am now a successful multimillionaire. I decided that I would never ask somebody to marry me again.

Anonymous

My boyfriend of four years and I went on a holiday together. I was still very in love with him at that moment, and I thought he had the same feelings. On the third night, I had a bad fever and told him he could go out if he wanted to because I was going to bed at like 7 pm. So, I think he went to the hotel bar. I woke up at 4ish all sweaty and took a shower, and he was still not back from drinking. So, I went to the hotel bar (this was a big hotel, so it was still open and pretty crowded) and saw my boyfriend being a little too comfortable with some college-aged girl. I asked a waitress if she had seen him do anything, and she told me they had been making out dozens of times. I was too shocked/hurt at that moment for the confrontation so I promised myself that I would break up with him as soon as we got home. Three days later, while we were at another hotel, he asked me to marry him. The answer and the reason were pretty obvious.

Cookelicious 

I was in my late teens when I dated this guy. I was introduced to him by my best friend, and we dated for a year before he proposed. I said no because it meant that I had to convert to the Muslim faith. He told me that I didn't have to convert, but I didn't want to cause a rift between him and his parents (who were very much devout Muslim). I was very much in love with him, but I did not want to convert because I was agnostic, and if I had converted then I would have felt like I was being fake. I did not want to insult his faith or the faith of his family. After a few conversations, he finally understood and accepted why I said no, but we continued to date for a few more months until we mutually broke it off.

We reconnected as friends back 2010, and we are both happy with the choices that we each made.

SpearOfBitterMercy

We were at a rave, and he whispered in my ear that we could drive to Vegas and be married in six hours. Immediately, I was scared even though I knew he was the guy for me. I didn't want him to decide this while under the influence of the drugs we'd taken, and I knew he wasn't sure about me yet. We'd only been dating for six months. I quickly told him that I couldn't get married without my mom there (which was true, but also to spare his feelings and avoid getting into a deep talk about our relationship), and he understood that.

A bit less than three years later, he tried again. This time, it was a planned thing, and he wasn't under the influence of any drugs. I said yes. We got married five months later, and our third anniversary is coming up next month.

minnilivi

I was in a three year relationship with a guy where I paid all of the bills, paid of his debt, kept the apartment clean, lost 30 pounds, and then he cheated on me. So, I broke up with him. We met up for dinner one night to end everything on good terms and that's when he proposed, and I said a flat out no. His reaction was to cry and sing me Bruno Mars songs. I'm sure he hates Bruno Mars now. Edit: I forgot to mention that he also pulled a Seth Rogan and proposed with an empty box.

saltwaterlife27

He was getting ready to graduate and take some kind of fancy hedge fund job his daddy had lined up for him in New York, and I was a freshman trying to sink my teeth into an engineering degree. I turned him down because I realized we wanted totally different things from life, and while we were happy as a college couple we would have destroyed each other in the real world.

He married a very nice woman who really wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. They have two cute kids, and I got the career that I wanted. Win-win.

iconocast

My friend who is no longer with us told me this story. She was a strong independent woman with a good career, her own car, and apartment. She was dating this man who she found out thought that women should not have jobs other than cleaning the house and taking care of the children. She was about to break up with him when he proposed to her at a crowded restaurant. All the patrons looked on while this happened. She panicked and nodded to keep up an act while she whispered, "No, pancake" to him. He went along with this, and they fake smiled and shared an awkward hug while all the patrons clapped. They broke up.

Casey25

In short, we broke up.

I was 21. I hadn't graduating college yet, barely had a part time job (let alone any job prospects after college), and wasn't at all happy in my relationship. He proposed with a ring at a crowded P. F. Chang's, and I said no. We had been dating a little over a year and never talked about marriage or anything close to it. I was far too young and didn't plan on staying in my college town. He proposed to keep me there, and it didn't work. I feel bad for saying no and embarrassing him in public, but I couldn't say yes and get his hopes up. He was very insecure and very controlling, and I didn't want to live in a relationship that was like that anymore.

goalieamd

I was 17. I loved him dearly, but I was totally unprepared for being anything more than a high school girlfriend. Then, he went to college in another state, and (as I was a year younger) I got mad that he didn't stay in state, even though I told him I didn't want that big of a commitment. We broke up in 2005 and lost contact in 2006.

We reconnected in 2012 and got married 7 months later. I was way better prepared the second time around. We're pretty happy.

iarecylon

I flew to Scotland to stay with my best friend/pen pal of two years. I stayed with him for an amazing month. I had always been in love with him and he knew it. The night before I left, he proposed to me on North bridge. It was beautiful and wonderful, but I was scared so I told him I just couldn't do it right now. I left and we stopped talking for a bit. One day, he told me that he wished he would have followed me home. He wished it would have worked out between us, and he wished that I was the one that he had ended up with. However, he had started dating someone else, and he needed to try to make it work. He moved to America for her, followed by Canada, and then various European countries before ending up back in his home. I think he's still with her. I think about him every day, even though it's been years since we've spoken. I often think about how my life might have been, and how I'll never get another chance with him. I haven't had a functioning relationship since then, and I know I'm always going to be looking for him.

ktpryde

We had been together for just a few months when she had asked me to marry her. I said no. I don't believe in promises of forever. A few months later, she asked me again, and again I said no. This went on for three years, at which point, she said, "Bah! We're married anyway."

A few more years go by, and I realized that I had changed my mind. I'd come to realize that I did want to be with her forever. With great anticipation of a joyful response, I asked her to marry me. She said no! She said that I had convinced her (whatever that meant). So, I spent the next several years asking. She kept on saying no.

We've been together for 30 years now. Still not married though.

izzgo

I told my husband no when he proposed to me. We were living in College Station. We had been together for years. We were kind of in a rut, and I guess he thought that getting married would be the best step. I said no because we were young, and I was scared. I picked up and left because a relationship couldn't survive that, right? I realized that I had no where to go but back home. Two months later, he followed me, and we got back together. A year later, I proposed to him. I'm currently nursing our one-month-old son.

Glad I said no. Things are pretty damn perfect for us now.

Anonymous

We had gone on three dates and had known each other for two weeks. He asked me to marry him because he was "desperate to be a father and intended on getting me pregnant before the year was over." I told him hell no (of course) and to never contact me again. He cried and called me a rude word.

angela_bee

I dated my best friend on and off during high school and college. His feelings got stronger while mine faded. During one of our off periods, he asked me to marry him in the future (we were 20, and he knew we were too poor for a life together at that point), but I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I turned him down gently, and we had another 8-month stint of dating a few months later before I ended it for good back in 2013. He'll be my Man of Honor at my wedding this July and seems genuinely happy for me.

whitepicketfencer

I turned down a few. The most recent one was out of excitement and anxiety to find a partner. Life is your own. If you are not in a relationship that supports and challenges you on your path to growth or one where you find that you can truly evolve in, share that or share why you consider the answer to be no. If communication between partners is strong, there should really be no surprises in those moments of advancing the relationship.

bechoos

He wasn't the man that I wanted to spend my life with. I couldn't imagine raising a family with him. I loved him, but I knew that it wouldn't last. I told him this in the nicest possible way that I could think of, and he got very upset, and we broke up within a week. Years later, when I got engaged to my husband, this guy came back around saying that if he had known that I was going to be ready to get married in a few years, he would have stayed with me. I had to tell him (again) that I was never going to get married to him. It wasn't about time or age. It was about finding someone who I loved more than anything (or anyone) else in the world, someone who I had a future with, and someone who I wanted to raise a family with, etc. He got very angry (again) and stormed off. Later sending me a long letter about how I had broken his heart twice. I felt terrible, but it wasn't ever going to happen. 

ihearthiking

I dated a guy on and off for three of my four high school years. He asked me multiple times to marry him. Thankfully, I was smart and realized just how unwise that would be. He wasn't the most faithful/truthful. I really cared about him a lot, and it hurt me to say no over and over, but it was necessary. He still contacts me occasionally, especially when he knows I'm single and tries to start over. I just know that I deserve better now.

suitcaseundereacheye 

I was 19, and he was 22. We were in college, and he thought that we should use his credit card to fly to Vegas and get married over a weekend. I said no because it just didn't seem like a good idea to me. 

I didn't necessarily want a big wedding, but I did want my parents there, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to marry him (although, I didn't say that at the time). He dropped the idea, and we ended up breaking up a few months later. So, no real harm done I guess.

megabyte1

My mom proposed to my dad on New Years Eve. I can't quite remember the year. They were in Austria, and my mum proposed to him on top of a hill that they were sledding down while drunk. My dad laughed at her and slid down the hill before she got a response. I believe they had been together for about six years beforehand, so my mum was pissed. She yelled at him either when she got down as well or the following morning. Within a week, they were engaged as my dad hastily proposed to her.

TheSpacePrince

One of my really close female friends asked me to marry her so that she could get a green card. I wasn't really comfortable with that, so I said no but that I would marry her for real. She said no to that and eventually left the country. Then a few years later, she came bak to visit with her new fianc and pulled me aside and told me that she would have said yes if I had been more persistent. Goddamnit. 

trjones1

I was 20-years-old, and he was my first boyfriend. We'd been seeing each other for less than a year. I didn't really know if I loved him or not. To be honest (since he was in the USA on a student visa), I wasn't entirely sure that he didn't just want to get married to me in order to become a citizen. I don't think it's normal for someone to get upset with you saying no when you've only been going out for six months and then to repeatedly keep on asking you after that.

Needless to say, we broke up later that year.

Anonymous

We met at work. She was a summer intern from the USA and sparks flew for both of us the second our eyes met. We kept it professional for a few weeks, but the tension was there every minute. One night, a co-worker was having a birthday night, and many of us from the company attended. After some drinks and flirting, we finally gave in and got together. It turned out that she already had a boyfriend back in the USA, but she was more into me so they broke it off.

Once she was in my office, and we were in mid kiss when the boss walked in to talk to me. He sort of "ummed and uhhed", and then he awkwardly backed out of the room asking me to see him about a project later that day.

We were together for several months and met each other's families. I even met her ex (awkward), and things were going well, until she told me about her deadline for remaining in Canada that was approaching. I didn't even know that she was on a timeline.

One night, she laid an unexpected ultimatum on me. I had to marry her so that she could stay in Canada, or we were through. I thought about it for a few minutes, and she was angry that I didn't answer immediately. Finally, I said "no." It was too soon (it had only been half a year), and this wasn't how I wanted to get married, because "I had to."

She calmly left my place, and the last week of her internship was painfully awkward. She had gone to all my coworkers and told them plenty of nonsense about me, but they'd all known me for many years so they didn't buy it. Finally, she returned to her home state.

We occasionally chatted on the phone or by email over the following years. Mostly harmless stuff, sometimes intimate, until she and her ex (who was no longer an ex) announced that they were getting married. I was invited to attend, but I declined.

Over the years since, we have lost contact.

Learned my lesson about never "getting your loving" where you get your paycheck, but I don't regret it one bit. It was a passionate few months.

fsm20132

Source: 1,2,3,4

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