Stories Of People Who Got Married Because They Didn't Know How To Break Up
I always thought someone agreeing to marry you that wasn't certain they wanted to was probably one of the worst things that could happen to a person. These next stories put that theory to rest...it might just be the second worst thing that can happen.
Interested in reading more stories? Find the original thread at the end of the article.
Not too bad. We have two kids now.
I mean, if I'm being honest, I don't really like anyone. But she's probably the only person I could spend the rest of my life with and not want to kill. Which is funny too because we actually share very few interests. We like vastly different music, television and movies. We have opposite personalities. She's an extrovert, I'm an introvert, etc.
I probably could have been happy being a lifelong bachelor but I just know I would have turned into a giant weirdo. My idiosyncrasies would have surely evolved into full-blown eccentricities by this point without her in my life.
I'm definitely that guy, even thought of it leading up the wedding like WHAT AM I DOING? ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO BREAK UP WITH HER?
Then Bam. Pregnant on wedding night.
Now we have 2 kids, super happily married, and realized the reasons I wanted to break up with her were all really all foolish, which makes sense, because generally I'm pretty stupid. She's the only person that can tolerate my personality full time, and keeps me from my constant natural inclinations to be a screw up.
13 years, 2 kids and happily divorced now.
I tried waaaaaay too long to make that work.
We had three kids and now we are divorced. I found out she was pregnant with the third a month after I told her I was done. The worst year and a half of my life. She was undiagnosed bipolar and made me miserable. But we both have gone through a lot of therapy the last few years and at least we are on amicable terms now and do a great job coparenting our kids.
My advice is if you are having any doubts whatsoever don't go through with it. Pull off the bandaid. Or at least go to counseling or try to address problems instead of burying your head in the sand or trying some b.s half measures.
For your happiness and sanity it's, not worth it.
It's going pretty good. It turns out we grew into the people each other needed, and are the happiest couple you've ever met in your entire life.
I love her with all my heart and couldn't imagine my life without her.
My husband did this but I didn't find out until almost 20 years and two children later (when he told me we were getting a divorce and that he was deeply in love with a woman he met when I was pregnant with our oldest (who was, at that time, 16). I love my kids and wouldn't change that for the world, BUT if it were possible to do it again in some alternative timeline, I wish he'd have broken up with me.
It hurt more than I could have ever imagined to find out that my entire adult life was, in essence, based on a lie. It took a lot of work for me to be able to trust anyone again. My husband's love for me was something I had always thought of as part of the foundation of the life I'd built. To discover that foundation was false ripped my confidence to shreds. I started second guessing EVERY decision I made or had made in the past. I stopped trusting my own judgment about almost everything. I went from being a very intelligent, confident, independent person to...something far less.
We're both happier now, but I'll always wonder how things could have been better had he been willing to do the right thing back then instead of making a commitment he didn't really want simply because he didn't want to give up the fun stuff.
I actually feel bad saying this happened to me. In college she really had her stuff together, and I was a drunken,high 20-year-old animal. She studied all the time. I was a business major. We had a lot of fun, but I was unreliable and didn't want any responsibility and she was very much the opposite. I don't feel bad about how I was, I was in college and that's the point, but it caused friction between us, which I hated.
So I was at a crossroads. I wanted to be with her, but it felt like it wasn't working. An enabler she is not; it seemed like I constantly let her down. So I basically wasn't the person she needed at the time, as much as I loved the heck out of her.
This is pathetic, but I tried to break up with her. Like, I gave what I thought was the "we're done" speech, but didn't really have the guts to just come out and say "screw this I don't want to be with you anymore."
We had a fight, I said wishy washy passive aggressive nonsense, and we ultimately proceeded with the relationship. I don't entirely remember, but it may have even come to her saying "so we are done?" and I couldn't bring myself to confirm.
We haven't had the easiest relationship ever, but it's one in which I feel like we've both grown a lot, though I concede it was mostly done by me. She is crazy mature, she has been the entire time I've known her. I CAN be, but I had to learn to be.
She just seemed naturally like an impossibly good person. And she's pretty attractive, so I have absolutely no idea what she's seen in me all this time. We 100% still do not agree on everything, we are more complimentary to each other, if that makes any sense.
So yeah, we're really good, but we have our moments. We've been married seven years now. We have a beautiful house and beautiful baby girl was welcomed recently. For all of our faults (and there are many) the only constant is we're always there for each other. She is far and away my best friend. And God, that butt.
Though I'm sure (with a sarcastic smirk) she also thinks I'm a butt.
It's going good. I never really wanted to break up but I didn't think I knew what love was. She was my first girlfriend. We had fun. Maybe it should have ended when college ended, it felt like a natural ending. But she bawled that she loved me so much, we carried on, long distance.
Maybe I thought I'd never get anyone else? Maybe I loved her. I wasn't sure. Things just sort of happened. We moved in together and life went on. She started talking about marriage. I was terrified but went along. She started talking about kids. I was terrified but went along.
That was over 10 years ago. We are married now with 2 gorgeous kids and totally in love. We take couples holidays, we fill the walls with printed selfies and funny pics. We don't always have sex constantly. We don't always buy each other gifts. We don't stop telling each other that we saw a really hot girl or guy on the train today. It turns out love is just being happy around someone and forgiving their faults. It won't always be the same as that first 6 months and it doesn't have to be.
I'm totally in love and I think I was all along.
We've been married almost 19 years. I remember vividly having major regret about asking her to marry me when we were engaged. I could tell my mom was disappointed and concerned for me but she was too nice to say anything and didn't want to interfere. I loved her, still do, but wasn't "in love" with her in the way I once was.
Today we are mostly ok. We have kids and are in it for the long haul. Without a doubt, I am the man I am today because of her. In a good way. She's hard working and loving and a great mom. She can be a lot of fun. I've accepted the fact that I won't have that crazy in-love feeling.
If I had life to do over again I would not get married at 24. I probably wouldn't have kids. But only if I had no knowledge of how my life would have been. Obviously I love my kids and I love my wife. But once again, not really in-love or passionately. I am assuming lots of people feel the same way. Maybe not.
It's going poorly. We fight a lot and it affects me in so many aspects of my life. I find myself constantly looking back at our dating history and all the times I tried to break things off but she talked me out of it, including twice while we were engaged.
It's just coming up to our first year but I'm thinking of divorce already (no kids in the picture). Sorry for the sad story, hopefully things are better next year!
Our relationship wasn't going well, she lived in Bristol and I lived in Croydon. I decided that the best thing to save our swiftly sinking relationship was to propose. I took her for a romantic getaway in the Quantocks to pop the question. My flat mate came for moral support, along with his junkie friend, who was trying to go cold turkey.
The weekend went very poorly, and I began to realize she wasn't the one for me. I had a long chat with my flatmate and realized I didn't have to get married. It felt so good finally realize that. I was on my way to end it with her, when she told me she found the engagement ring in my bag. She said yes, she wanted to get married. Out of embarrassment, I agreed.
We divorced shortly after I jilted her at the alter. Working with her was a bit awkward after that.
I was dating my now wife, and I was a mess. I was drinking a lot, depressed and sleeping my way through life.
I had a cycle 1) find a great woman (just to be clear, there are TONS of great women out there if you look at personality and brains before looks), 2) fall in love, 3) become emotionally unavailable, depressed, drink too much, and leave.
One night, I got arrested for being drunk and in the wrong place. It was my fault for being drunk, so I spent the night in jail. I had hit rock bottom. My girlfriend spent the whole night looking for me and I called her as soon as I was released.
She picked me up, gave me a hug and kiss, took me home, and put me to bed. Not a mean word, just kindness and compassion. Coming from a family where these words don't exist, I was astounded that people could act like this to someone who acted so stupidly. I woke up, and she took me to get ice cream, and told me that she would be there for me through the whole process (court date, fines etc).
She stood by for the whole thing.
I got sober, went on antidepressants and asked her to marry me. I have never been so happy in my life. We were married last week.
My wife and I almost certainly would have broken up if she hadn't become pregnant when we first started going out. She had severe issues with depression and was very manic, both up and down. When we first started seeing each other I thought it was a fling but then she got pregnant and we decided that we would have an abortion.
Once that decision was made I resolved that I would help her psychologically for as long as I was needed. Things got really bad for a while but over time she was able to defeat some of her demons, all from prior to the abortion and neither of us have ever regretted that decision. We were married a few years ago.
Life is now great. The depression rears its head every now and then but we both recognize the symptoms and act to head it off before it descends too far. The stigma of mental health is the biggest issue as my wife still feels embarrassed and ashamed a lot and has very low self esteem but we work every day to be a unit and face these things together.
It's going great, actually. He's a wonderful husband and balances me out with his steadfast caring and happy equilibrium. I'm glad we got married.
I tried to break up with him a couple times because he sometimes gets on my very last nerve and because I thought it just didn't feel "right." He annoys me less now, or maybe we've both gotten better at dealing with it. As far as not feeling "right," I still have fleeting moments where I feel that way, and it's scary to think that I might have made a huge mistake for life. But they're outweighed by the vast majority of moments of contentment, love, and happiness.
I'm a widow, and he's my second husband, so I think there will always be part of me that feels like I "should" still be living my first life, with my first husband. But that's not possible, and this is good, so I'll take this gift and try not to be too critical.
When you're a kid most adults will tell you one thing or another is "cool" and "fun." Odds are you're too young to form any kind of opinion on the matter one way or another. You're a kid, right? You don't know what you're eating for breakfast. However, when you get older and form that larger worldview, you realize that yeah, maybe that one time when you were a kid actually wasn't fun.
These are those stories.