Women Share Their Worst Encounters With The Self-Proclaimed "Nice Guy"
Ladies, we've all been there. Meet a "Nice Guy" who was really just a jerk concealing his true self long enough to fool ya then - BOMB!...No More Mr. Nice Guy.
The following Ask Redditors responded to the questions, "Women of Reddit, What's Is Your Worse 'Nice Guy' Experience?"
Interested in more nice guy tales? Find then original thread at the end of the article.
I became friends with this guy in college. After graduation he got a job and moved in with his girlfriend about an hour drive from where I was in grad school. I drove out one Saturday to see him, we did some cool things and grabbed some food.
He waited until his girlfriend was in the bathroom before he told me the following:
your boyfriend probably had a low sperm count due to his profession, and if I ever wanted a family, he'd always be willing to "take me back" even though we'd never been together.
Yeah, I haven't seen him since.
He harassed me for 6 months after we stopped talking and was verbally abusive. He called me every gendered slur in the book and kept making new email accounts (as I blocked them) to inform me he was a nice guy while asking me to help him find a girlfriend because nice guys deserved girlfriends.
The emails would generally read something like...a paragraph insulting me, a paragraph about how nice he is and then finally a paragraph about how lonely he was.
Luckily I haven't had to deal with anything too terrible, but...
There was this guy last year that got on the westbound bus a little after I did and we got off at the same stop and waited together for the northbound bus.
He was nice. He was friendly. He took an interest in the classes I was taking. I sort of viewed him as this kind of grandfatherly type of man, since he was in his 60s or 70s. I'm in my late twenties, for reference.
One night, I had to go to the store that was right by that bus stop that we waited together at. I got stuck behind someone who took a while in line, so I was rushing to make the bus (because even though it's a "Time Point," where they're supposed to stop and wait if they're ahead of schedule, some of the drivers don't).
I'm running up and the driver did actually wait like he was supposed to. He was taking a smoke break out by the stop and said, "Don't worry, the old guy let me know you were coming."
Awesome, super nice, right? I go in and the elderly man says pretty much the same thing: he let the driver know I'd be out shortly and the driver decided to take a smoke break while they waited.
Then the elderly man passed me a note and told me to read it when I got home.
It said, "Does that deserve a kiss someday?"
I know that's not the worst thing in the world, but...
I started taking a later bus. It meant I didn't get home until about nine but I didn't have to deal with him anymore.
My ex-boyfriend stalked me for months after we broke up. Showing up at my work, my home, and calling/texting/emailing non stop. But interestingly enough, this story isn't about him. It's about when I finally started dating again.
A Guy I met on bumble:
(1) He insisted on picking me up, but I politely declined (I was worried about my ex seeing a guy picking me up). On the date he wouldn't let it go that I wouldn't let him pick me up, saying he offered to be nice but some girls just don't appreciate that. Then things got weird.
(2) He asked what part of the city I lived in, which is a standard question... but then started asking specifics: how many people I live with, what their names were, the type of house, where my room was located. HUGE RED FLAGS. I politely changed the subject.
(3) We were talking about music and he mentioned his favorite local band. I mentioned in passing that I briefly dated the frontman of the band 2 years ago. A little after that he went to the bathroom and I was texting my friend about how the date was going. He got back to the table and accused me of texting the frontman. He then went on a "lighthearted" rant about how girls can't appreciate a good thing when it's in front of them.
(4) I got up to use the bathroom JUST as the waitress was coming with the check (I didn't see that). When I got back he accused me of "pulling a move to avoid the check." I offered to pay but he said he already did and was just poking fun.
(5) At the end of the date he again insisted on taking me home. I declined politely and he said, "look, if you don't want to see me again that's all you have to say. I don't know why girls can't just be upfront."
(6) I got home and checked all the damn locks because I was now scared of two men. He texted to ask me out again and when I said I didn't feel any chemistry THE FLOOD GATES OPENED. I'll give you the highlights "piece of crap", "scammer", "female fog", "leading men on" and "I'm a good guy" "your dress was super short" and "you had your guard up because of your ex, admit it."
After that, I put a hold on dating for a while.
An elderly man used to come into the shop I worked in when I was about 17 or so almost every day. He walked with a cane so he tripped over a lot and at first we all thought he was sweet.
Then we noticed that every single time he "tripped" it was always when he was right next to a young, female member of staff and he would always put out his hand and grab their breast as he tried to steady himself. He did this maybe weekly and we never saw him "trip" any other time or touch a person anywhere else (like grab their shoulder or something).
We stopped standing near him and sometimes he would ask us to go and get things off high shelves for him so we had to go over to him, we sent male staff members when we could.
He was a guy friend of mine in junior high. We had several classes and sat next to each other. We ere platonic, loyal friends for 2 years before it got odd.
He was hilarious and we could talk about anything. His house had a pool, so during warm weather a bunch of us would swim at his house after school. One day he invites me over to swim after school, when I get there, no one else is there, which wasn't the usual. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting and dunking me in the water so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me. I play it off as a joke and leave. I give him the cold shoulder after that and he was pissed.
Two weeks later and at a different friend's house he and I are both there for a pool birthday party and he and another guy give me a simultaneous front and back "seesaw" which is like a horrible double-wedgie in the pool.
My swimsuit cut me so badly I bled. I hate you Pat.
I own a small vintage clothing store. I have a regular cross-dressing older gentleman who comes in looking like Linda Richman and smelling like someone's grandmother.
Well, he was very sweet at first but then started coming in and saying semi-perverted things. Then one day he came in and we were having a casual conversation and he interrupted me saying, "standing here talking to you and looking at you is making me hard. It feels like I might ejaculate in my skirt any second."
A 'nice guy' once grabbed me by the neck and choked me against a wall for not wanting to kiss him.
Another one stalked me for months because I wouldn't sleep with him.
Another one bought me a drink, tried to force himself on me and then followed me home and actually tried to get in because "I owed him".
Another one waited until I passed out at a party and tried to come on to me because 'he was afraid I would say no' if he asked.
I met a guy in high school who was really nice. We would talk and hang out at lunch. One day, he called my house at 2 am repeatedly until I answered and I told him it's too late to talk. After about the 3rd time he called again and my sister (my guardian at the time) answered and told him to stop calling. He called her a name and he stopped calling.
The next day at school I avoided him and he followed me around. I made sure to be around someone at all times and then he would harass another guy and say "why are you trying to steal my girl?" Finally, when I was sitting at my desk he sat on the ground by my feet and kept trying to slide his hands up under my clothes.
After about a week of this he finally left me alone.
I've had a bunch of "nice guy" friends who stopped talking to me after I made it clear I wasn't interested in dating them. The worst was the one guy who was legitimately my friend for 2 years and seemed to not mind the fact that I wasn't attracted to him and even claimed that he wasn't attracted to me either.
Well, he ended up calling me a names and telling all our mutual friends I had 'played him' while shutting me out.
There was also the "nice guy" I was friends with for a year who pinned my arms together and forcibly kissed me until I wriggled away free. Then he couldn't understand why I didn't talk to him after that. Can't forget about that gem.
I have a reproductive issues. They won't kill me but for the most part but I can't have kids. I had confided in a male friend of mine about some of the sadness I was having over it, coupled with a bad breakup I had just gone through, and he tried to cheer me up by saying "but you're perfect".
I was confused so I asked him to elaborate.
"You're hot. You look like Black Widow. You're funny. And you can't ever get pregnant. What guy wouldn't want you?"
When I told him that wasn't a compliment, he told me that I'm too much of a Social Justice Warrior to see when a real gentleman pays me a compliment.
I was 16 and quite lonely so I posted something on Tumblr so people would message me. I added a 26-year-old guy from New York (I am from Switzerland so time zones are different). In my mind it was clear and it seemed obvious that I didn't want anything romantic as we had 10 years of difference and I TOLD him that I only wanted to be friends.
Well, after messaging for a while he told me he had to go to sleep and made me promise to continue to talk to him once he woke up. It was a little strange but whatever I thought. A few hours later he messaged me and talked about how he wanted me to be his girlfriend and so on. I told him again that I was only looking for a friend.
He lost it. He began insulting me and telling me I lead him on (even though I told him I was only looking for a friend when we first talked). I ended up having to block him because I couldn't get him to calm down or to understand that I didn't want to talk to him anymore.
I never made another post to meet new people online again after that.
A random guy held my crutches for me as I walked down some stairs in university. He seemed nice and joked about how he once broke a foot and was encouraging me that it would be healed in no time.
We get to the bottom and he asks if we could get some coffee. I thank him, but tell him I'm seeing someone so he just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away.
We met in a school group during undergraduate and became friends. Slowly we became closer, I developed a crush on him. We started hanging out more on our own and one night after some drinks it escalated to kissing and cuddling.
I messaged him later letting him know that while I enjoyed what happened, I didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep it up, as I had feelings for him, and wasn't interested in a 'friends with benefits' kind of situation.
He told me that he kind of had feelings for me as well and that it might be nice to see how a relationship developed between us. So we start dating- dinners, movies, all the physical stuff that comes with being in a relationship. When he was briefly hospitalized, I spent every night there with him. I opened up to him over time and told him about my history of sexual abuse and family history of substance abuse and more. He opened up about his history of being used by his exes and how they were all horrible and had treated him terribly. He shared how he just always been so nice that everyone takes advantage of him and that all he wants is to find a nice girl who will love him for who he is and that he can treat like a princess.
One night (probably about 4-5 months in) we're laying in bed together watching a movie and I started telling him about a funny conversation I had at work, "So then I was saying, my boyfriend..." and I feel him stiffen up, and he kind of awkwardly says, "You know we're not dating, right? Like, I thought we were just had a fun thing going..."
So, apparently we were friends with benefits after all. The exact thing I told him I didn't want. I asked him if we could start dating then and he said he was just too busy for a relationship (even though we were basically in one). I told him I was hurt and felt used and that I wasn't interested in being anything more than acquaintances in the future.
After that, I slowly started seeing someone, a guy who was actually pretty great and had actively pursued me and guy #1 FLIPPED OUT. Apparently, even though he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, I wasn't allowed to be with anyone else.
For months afterward, he spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen, talking about how I used him, how I'm just like every other girl who thinks she's too good for everyone. Also how he had treated me so well and I had ripped his heart out. The worst part, though, was that he told numerous individuals and groups of people all about my personal history. Apparently, a couple of times, after a couple drinks, he would even start to cast doubt on it, comparing what I "did to him" to my past abuse, stating that it was surprising to him that an alleged rape victim would "rape" the feelings of innocent men. We no longer speak but I still hear about things he's said about me a couple times a year.
It really made me wonder about all those "terrible" exes he had, and made me put more faith than ever into the thought that the way people talk to you about others is the same way they'll talk to others about you. What a nice guy.
I was friends with this guy for a couple years but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.
Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My "friend" calls me within like...2 minutes of this update and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he "wasn't good enough for me" and why my boyfriend "was so much better than him." I tired to get him to calm down but he just kept yelling about how he was a "nice guy" and how he had "always been so nice to me, why didn't I ever give him a chance?" I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him and I didn't think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything. He shouted that "he's such a nice guy and doesn't deserve to be friend-zoned like this."
I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived but, it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he's just mad I won't sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me "SCREW YOU! You're just a cold dog! I bet your boyfriend's a jerk anyway!!!"
I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty crappy.
I met a guy at work briefly and later I see that he friended me on Facebook and asked me out. I said I wasn't looking for a relationship, especially with all my work troubles. He says he understands and just fine with a friendship.
Over the next few weeks he sends me random messages about cats or the weather. Usually about four in a row, all about an hour apart. But I don't really respond much.
Then the other day I wake up to a text that says, "hey" so I write "hey, what's up." I didn't see that the first text was from the previous night. His next text says something like, "well I WAS going to invite you to a party last night but I see you were hanging out with other people. It's too bad, I guess I'll just delete your number. I could have loved you forever."
I text back basically saying, "what the hell is that all about?" He then says that he couldn't stand that I was with someone else and pleaded that I understand him.
I thought the messages were mean because I met him once, never hung out with him and had good reasons for not starting anything. Yet, he tries to make me feel bad when I told him I'm already have enough trouble at work.
Right now, my fianc, our daughter, and I are living in an extended stay hotel for a few weeks while we are preparing to move into a new place.
The maintenance guy is super sketchy. I run into this guy a lot going back and forth from the car, taking out the trash and doing laundry, etc. It started with him complimenting me a lot. Of course, I just think of him as a harmless elderly man, whatever.
So one night, I'm walking around playing Pokemon Go when the maintenance guy pops out of a doorway and claimed he saw me walking by. Long story short, he caressed my hand and offered me money for companionship. I got right out of there. Now, I'm constantly afraid of running into him. The one time I saw him again, he was like "You're not upset are you? I've always been really nice to you" and then went on to proposition me again. Thankfully we are moving into our new place soon.
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.