Women Who Have Had An Abortion Share Their Stories.
Abortion is a sensitive topic, but we applaud these women for coming forward on Reddit to share their stories. Whether you agree or disagree with their decisions, it is important that sharing experiences like these open up the discussion and give women a voice to share how they have dealt with the emotional aftermath that comes along with partaking in such a procedure.
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I was 27, married, with a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old. My period hadn't even come back yet after delivering my daughter, so my husband and I weren't as careful as we should have been. I had been unbelievably tired, which is (for me) my first symptom of pregnancy. I took the test and cried when it came back positive. My husband and I knew we only wanted two children. We didn't even have to discuss it. We knew immediately that we would abort. I wasn't even five weeks along when I did the pill abortion. I had to drive to another state to get it. It cost $600. I took the pill in the office and was sent home with Cytotec pills (causes uterine contractions). It was just like a miscarriage, only more painful.
It doesn't effect me at all. I don't think about it or feel bad, neither does my husband. I don't feel like I have to "rationalize" anything. I didn't do anything wrong. My husband and I are so thankful that we could make the choice that we did. Otherwise, we would have been forced to bring an unwanted child into the world that we could not afford to support.
I'm an 18-year-old girl who had an abortion exactly a week ago today. Basically what happened was, I moved 1000+ miles away for college and from a very strict Christian household. The first Saturday in college, I drank too much and had sex with a guy who I had just met. We noticed that the condom was broken afterward, so I took the plan B pill early the next morning. I waited for two weeks, still didn't have my period. I took two pregnancy tests, both came up positive. I was pregnant, alone, scared, and never told my family. The father was super supportive, paid for the abortion, and tried to be there for me as much as he could. However, even though he did try, I still think that he underestimated what I went through.
I was nearly two months pregnant when I got the abortion, and the week leading up to it, I had to call out of work and miss all of my classes because I had morning sickness 24/7. I was losing weight fast, as I couldn't keep anything down, and I was vomiting so much that I began to puke blood because of all of the damage I was doing to my stomach and esophagus. So, I just wanted everything to be over with.
The day of the procedure, I was completely numb. I had the father there to help with paperwork and to get me home afterward, but I felt extremely disconnected from everything. When I finally got to the procedure room, they did an ultrasound on me. They then told me I had twins. This is what broke me. I don't know why it made any difference, but it made it so much more real. I started crying, told them that it couldn't change my decision, and then they inserted the IV and I fell asleep, and then it was over.
They sent me home with painkillers and antibiotics. No follow-up appointment was needed. When I got home afterward, I felt so confused. Physically, I felt the best that I had felt in weeks. I had lost nearly 15 pounds since I got pregnant and being able to eat again was incredible.
While it was a relief to feel so much better, I still haven't really gotten over that I was a mother. Not for long, but I had children. While I was pregnant and hormonal, I had even picked out names, even though I knew I couldn't keep the child. I still have some struggles emotionally, as it has only been a week, but I don't regret my decision.
I know that if I had had those babies, I would resent them forever. I would throw my life away for them, and they would be so loved and cherished. No matter how much I loved my children, they would have taken my life from me, which would have prevented me from providing a stable life for them. I love them dearly, but I'm only 18. I did what I had to do. Not only was it the best for me, but it was also the best for my babies. This is the first time I've really addressed my feelings since the abortion.
At fifteen, I was in a relationship that was physically and emotionally abusive. That went on for four months nonstop and when I got tired of it, I refused to have sex with him. So, he raped me. Found out a month later that I was pregnant. I also lived with an emotionally abusive father and a physically abusive mother who always told me that if I ever got pregnant, they would throw me out. I was scared out of my mind. I told no one. I thought (hoped really) that if I were to pretend that it wasn't real, then it wouldn't be. Well, the boyfriend, still refusing to take no for an answer, continued to rape me. Eventually, he realized that I was pregnant. He tried pushing me down the stairs.
When that didn't work, he was physically abusive- thinking that maybe it would make me miscarry. It didn't of course. So, he changed tactics. He decided that he wanted me to have it and said that it would make us close forever. I'd never be able to get him out of my life because I'd have his kid. All I could think was, "If he's done all of this to me, what would he be willing to do to an infant? A toddler? A child? What if it was a girl? What if he hurts her like he'd hurt me?" I made a decision right after that conversation, broke down, and told my mom everything. She took me without a second thought, and (thank god) the boyfriend eventually decided that he'd had enough of me, and we broke up.
To this day, I don't regret the decision, not once. I've never felt guilty. I've never felt like I should have made a different choice or anything. I did what was right for me. I could not imagine having been tied to a man like that for 18+ years. Never escaping him and possibly putting a child at risk for whatever may have happened later in life. To me, it was the right decision and it benefited my life. Nine years later, I have two wonderful children and a husband I've been with for eight years. He treats me amazing. Our kids were born from love- not violence and hatred. If I ever had to go back and do it again, I would. I'm okay with my choice. I'm better because of it.
I was nineteen, and a sophomore in college. My boyfriend and I had been together for a little over a year. I was on the pill, and we normally used condoms, but not as entirely consistently as we should have been. I became pregnant. We'd discussed previously that if I did somehow get pregnant, I would have an abortion. But with the prospect actually, in front of him, my boyfriend's religious side kicked in. He started talking about us dropping out of college and both getting minimum-wage jobs to support the child. I not only did not want that life for us, I also did not want to bring a child into that life. I knew that I would be a terrible parent, that we would be miserable if we went through with it, and that it would be a decision that would alter the course of our lives for the worse. To his credit, after being kind of mean to me about it, he did step up and go to the clinic with me.
When it was over, I felt nothing but absolute relief. And then, the guilt kicked in. But here's the thing- I didn't feel guilty because of the abortion. I felt guilty because I DIDN'T feel guilty about the abortion. I was raised Catholic, so guilt is just part of the lifestyle. I am totally pro-choice and do not believe that what I did was killing a person. I believe that I saved a potential person and several real people from a miserable life.
For the record, before the question is asked, we considered adoption. Here's the thing- I was less than two months pregnant at that point, and I was already so sick and miserable that I'd had to miss several classes. I would've had to drop out of school, tell my incredibly conservative family that I was pregnant, and deal with the fallout from that so that I could give the baby away. People will call me selfish, and I accept that. I made the decision that I felt was best for myself and for those around me.
These days, I don't feel one way or another about it. My then-boyfriend and I broke up about six months later, and I'm now engaged to a different guy. He and most of my friends know that I've been through this, and they know that I am okay with discussing it. I do think women who have gone through it should be able to talk about their abortions more.
The biggest effect on my life? Can't listen to "Brick" by Ben Folds Five anymore.
Having been the male partner in this situation. My S/O was so sick that she couldn't deal with it. We talked about, and I said that while it would be great to raise a kid, we were too young to do it correctly. Two 20-years-olds trying to raise a child in an economically depressed area, straining both of our familial ties, and dropping out of our education did not seem like the best option for us and the hope of a family later on.
I was nineteen and a sophomore in college. My boyfriend and I had been together for a little over a year. I was on the pill, and we normally used condoms too. I went on fall break and missed 3 days of the pill. Condom broke, and I became pregnant. We'd discussed previously that if I did somehow get pregnant, I would have an abortion- so, I did. No pain, no blood, no regrets, and no "what ifs." We're still happily together 6 years later.
When I was 22, I worked a dead end job that was usually reserved for older women as a senior caregiver. My job was deadly boring. I had given up on my social life. I just hadn't decided how. I was depressed and didn't even realize it. I thought I was unattractive and uninteresting, so I gave up on life. Anyway, I had been a virgin up till then, and I decided to hell with waiting for someone special. I don't care anymore. So I hit on an acquaintance of one of my clients, and to my surprise, he responded. We went out for a few months before the inevitable happened.
I was so horrified that it woke me up completely. I found out early because I had suspected that I was, even before I missed my period. Of all the negligent things I had imagined doing in my depressed state, pregnancy was much, much worse. I acted in a stunned way, keeping everything a complete secret. I went to the Medicaid office by myself, read on what to expect, and found a Planned Parenthood. I went through the ru-486 process without anyone with me, and the pain was bad, but not intolerable. During the short pregnancy (one day shy of seven weeks), I couldn't bring myself to imagine any other possibility other than the one that I had pursued. I had no motherly feelings, no rubbing belly, not even a twinge when I went through the baby aisles.
I was cold, but I had to be. This child would have had no future with me but unhappiness, shame, disgust from relatives who knew me as the "good sensible smart" girl, and no real father. I could not help but feel relief when it was over. Planned Parenthood helped me when all I would have got from my family was, "You are keeping it." I will repay them someday. They saved me from the brink of suicide.
When I found out I was pregnant, it was two weeks after my fiance was diagnosed with major a brain/spinal cord tumor. He had just had a crippling biopsy and could not even walk or hold a cup at the time. He ended up spending almost a year in physical therapy relearning basic motor skills. We knew we were staying together, but a baby on top of his still needing to undergo chemo while I was literally feeding and bathing him myself, just seemed like too much as it was. We had a small condo with no room for a baby, and I instantly became the only bread winner making not even enough to pay for his medical treatments. We talked it over, and we both just decided it was best to not have a baby under these circumstances. It was a very sad decision, but even now, three years later, we do not regret it.
Some people would say that we made a huge mistake. He's now sterile from treatments, and I had to have an operation that's left me with future difficulties conceiving. We likely would never have children of our own now. The fact remains that we find ourselves quite happy without a child and know that when we are ready for one, there are plenty of children that need fostering or are waiting to be adopted.
Looking back at all that has happened, there really is no way we could have had that baby. We could not have afforded it nor could we have dedicated the time and love needed to raise a baby.
I was chastised by a religious nut about it outside of the clinic. I broke down in tears and screamed at her that I was not going to hell and that SHE was the evil one. I chose life. I chose my husband's life. The one right in front of me. She was obviously confused as my friend grabbed me to rush me inside. That religious lady had no idea what I was talking about, but I did choose life.
I'm not a woman, but my girlfriend and I had to make this decision a few years ago. I found out after the procedure that it was twins and that really hurt. I wasn't expecting it. She took it much harder than I did. Still, to this day, I can tell she misses what could have been. For about two weeks after she got called into work and school, we had to really do our best to get over it.
As for the decision to do it, we knew it would be the best. We had just started our relationship. She was 19, and I was 20. She was working on her degree, and I was just starting a career. We had no room for a kid, let alone two. It was the right decision. It was just insanely heartbreaking. I imagine it's different for everyone.
I was 29-years-old and drinking quite heavily at the time. I had very little money and no insurance, and NO desire to be a mother- particularly not with the guy. I'm still not sure if my diaphragm failed or I just failed to use it correctly. I was generally very conscientious about it, so I don't know. When I found out, there was no question that I wanted an abortion. I could not raise a child, especially one permanently damaged by heavy alcohol intake, and neither could the father. It was also the week that I caught him smoking heavy drugs in my bathroom, and my car broke down and needed the transmission replaced. Hands down, the worst week of my life. I didn't tell anyone until a few years later. I was so relieved and thankful that I was able to have an abortion, and I still feel that way. I'd make the same choice again and be grateful for the chance to do so.
The father was a "friends with benefits" guy that I was completely "in love" with. I wanted a relationship with him, but he would always reject me. He just didn't share the same feelings at all, but stupid me. I kept on seeing him. Anyway, I decided not to tell him. I knew he would have wanted an abortion, but I felt that if I were to tell him, I would have felt even more rejected.
I took the pregnancy test at my best friend's house and went to the doctor a week later. I didn't break down in front of my friend because I knew that I wanted an abortion, so there was no big "decision" to be made. I was leaving to study abroad in London in 3 months and was about to finish college in a year. A baby would have completely stopped me from doing any of those things at that time. In all, I chose my career and I don't regret it. However, when I was getting my blood drawn by the nurse reality just hit me, HARD. I couldn't stop crying. The nurse hugged me and tried to say nice things, but I just couldn't control myself. She told me I was doing the right thing, and that everything was going to be okay. I calmed down because I knew she was right. It took me almost 3 visits to actually get the abortion pills.
In all, to answer your questions no one influenced my decision. I knew I wanted an abortion. My abortion is in the past. I do not regret it at all. I was able to study abroad, graduate, and start my career when I wanted. For me, it was mostly the physical pain. I might sound shallow to some people, but it's true.
I chose my career.
I got pregnant at 19 and decided to have an abortion because the guy I was with was abusive, and I didn't want any link to him for the next 18 years of my life. Nor did I feel emotionally prepared to raise a child. I miscarried before my appointment and needed a D&C anyway, so my doctor just moved up my appointment at the abortion clinic.
It was interesting since they require you to speak to a psychologist before the procedure, and she asked me questions like, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Had it been a true abortion, I may have questioned my decision for a moment but still gone through with it. Instead, my response was, "Please, as soon as possible. There's a dead fetus inside me."
I honestly believe aborting would have been emotionally less-taxing than even having the memory of saying those words and knowing them to be true.
I'm 19-years-old, and I had my abortion last Friday. My boyfriend and I weren't trying to have a baby, BUT we weren't NOT trying to have a baby. Meaning we weren't using any type of birth control. He told me that he didn't think he could have kids due to this certain medical issue he has, but it was never confirmed by a doctor, so I still believed he could. Due to this, he was very happy the day we found out that I was pregnant- and so was I. We had it all planned out, right down to the lists of baby names. One night a situation happened that affected us greatly. His parents thought about it and no longer supported the pregnancy, and said we could not live there. My parents said the same thing. On top of all of that, I had lost my job earlier that week. We made the choice to abort the pregnancy because we just didn't have the means to support a child. Adoption was not something I wanted.
It was hard for me and emotionally... just horrible. Even before my actual abortion.
I went in on a Tuesday to get my first checkup. My boyfriend sat with me while they looked at the baby. I was supposed to be 9 and a half weeks. At 6 weeks, my baby stopped growing. The heartbeat was not there. So even if I had made the choice to keep it, I couldn't have. It was still very early in the pregnancy, but I still felt the loss and the pain, just slightly less because I wasn't aborting a live fetus.
Afterward, the first couple of days were a struggle, but I soon learned how to cope, and I felt happy just to get past it and move on. My boyfriend told me, the other day, that it was better that things happen the way that they did because if he would have heard the baby's heartbeat, he wouldn't have been able to let me go through with it. I kind of feel the same way.
All and all, it effects everyone differently, and you never know exactly how you will feel or react until your faced with an unexpected pregnancy. Everyone has their own reasons, and none of us are alone in this.
When I was 25, I got pregnant (after correctly taking Plan-B) by my fiance. At that point, an abortion was never an option. I wouldn't even discuss it.
We had our daughter, got married a few months earlier than planned, and went on with life. Last year, at age 27, I got pregnant again by accident (we were stupid and used pull n' pray). I instantly knew that I was going to get an abortion this time. My husband and I discussed it for about two days and both wholeheartedly agreed that an abortion was the best choice for us. It basically boiled down to what kind of life we would be giving our kids as well as ourselves. We were not prepared for the first kid, and we were already stretching ourselves thin. There was no way we wanted to throw another baby into the mix. A lot of that decision was selfish, and I have come to terms with that. So, strangely enough, I was only okay with having an abortion after already having a child and knowing what it really entails, and what it would mean for me in my life. Not having kids, it's hard to grasp what it's like.
It has been 18 months, and I am extremely pleased with our decision. I sometimes think, "Man, my life would be so much more difficult right now had I not gone through with it." Does it suck? Of course! I am pissed at myself for allowing myself to get pregnant when I wasn't willing to have another baby. It sucks. Sometimes I think any life is better than no life, but... I am happy. My husband is happy, our daughter is happy, and I honestly believe that this wouldn't be the case if we would have that baby. I was only 6 weeks along, and I do rationalize with myself by telling myself that 50% of pregnancies end before week 7. Also, there were some protesters outside the clinic that I went to. One had a sign that said something along the lines of, "Baby's having a heartbeat at 8 weeks." That sign actually made me feel better. It didn't even have a heartbeat! There is no point in thinking "what if" anymore. It's time to move along.
I was 26-years-old, and the father was a married friends with benefits. Not even a friend, really. More like an acquaintance with benefits. I actually stopped seeing him before I found out I was pregnant and started a romantic relationship with another man.
I had an abortion for a few reasons. I wasn't sure that I wanted children at all, let alone right then. I was still somewhat of a slacker, quite irresponsible, working a terrible job. I didn't want to enter a new relationship carrying the baby of someone I wasn't interested in ever seeing again, and it was the right decision for me. I never felt much guilt or regret about it, though I expected to with all of the counseling hoops I had to jump through beforehand. I think it helps that I didn't consider it as killing a baby. It was killing off a cluster of cells, nothing more.
I had one when I was 18 and still in school. As soon as I found out, my mother booked one for me. It was never an option to keep it. My boyfriend made it clear that it was my choice, but I know he really didn't want a child.
We had to fly out of the country because its illegal where I live, and so I ended up on one of the cheapest flights two days before Christmas. I had to wait three weeks between finding out and actually having one, and they were the worst three weeks of my life. I was constantly terrified, really heavy morning sickness that lasted all day (I lost a lot of weight because I couldn't keep anything down. To this day, I can't smell coffee without getting sick) and trying to hide it from my school.
I felt pure relief afterward though, like other people here have said, I sometimes feel guilty for not having any guilt.
I had one when I was 15. I didn't make the choice, my mother made it for me. The week before she noticed that I was eating everything in sight, and she took me to the doctor for a pregnancy test. After the doctor confirmed that it was positive my mother, without a beat said, "When can we terminate it?" I looked at her with a crazy look because she didn't allow me to even give my input on the situation.
When we got home, I told her that I didn't appreciate her not giving me the chance to say anything. And she told me that I was too young to have a baby, and this is what was best for me. The procedure was very painful even with medication. And I cried for that baby and myself. Next day, my mother makes me get up early to register for summer school. I will never forget that.
I'm 23-years-old now, and I know what she did was the best for me, but I still think of the baby that I could've had every once in a while.
I was 17 and for me, it wasn't even a question. I knew what I was going to do as soon as I found out. I'd thought about it before ever having sex, so there was no great internal debate. The hard part, in fact, was my lack of guilt when it was done. I felt like I must be less of a woman because I felt zero attachment to the fetus. I actually struggled with that for years, eventually coming to the conclusion that I must not want kids at all and that I was incapable of forming a bond with my potential progeny. It actually messed my life up because I started a relationship with a man who didn't want children and stayed with him for a long time, totally unfulfilled and miserable in what was ultimately a dead end scenario.
Eventually, I realized that I actually do want a family and that my abortion does not preclude me from being a good mother to future children. I still feel no guilt. I'm in a great relationship now with a guy who I hope will be the father of my future kids.
I got pregnant when I was 21. My then boyfriend was great about it. He made it clear that the decision was mine to make and was totally supportive. I was way too young, immature, and financially unstable to have a kid. So, I decided to have an abortion. I showed up to the appointment already crying my eyes out, paid the fee, had the ultrasound (found out that I was 6 weeks), and talked with the counselor. I decided that I couldn't go through with it so I left. I decided adoption was the way to go instead. Six weeks later, I miscarried. Long story short, if I had gone through with the abortion I know I would be a wreck today. Thankfully, my body took care of it, and I rarely think about it.
Many years ago, I had an extraordinarily difficult time being pregnant the first time around and each subsequent time, when my ex and I first married, we wanted several children. When I got pregnant, while my firstborn was still pretty young, my body didn't take to it well. I was told that I needed to end the pregnancy if I wanted to survive it. It broke my heart, but I had a baby that was already born to think about, and I wasn't about to leave that baby motherless. I don't regret it, not for a second, because it was the right choice, but I am still saddened to think about it.
I found myself pregnant at 19 during my first semester in college. The sperm donor was a slightly older guy from my hometown. I did not see a future with him. Deciding on having an abortion was the easy part because I knew that I did not have nearly enough time or resources to raise a kid in the best way possible. To this day (12 years later), I am still happy with my decision and have no regrets. I graduated from college with great grades, have a full-time job, and I am considering graduate school. Yay for choice!
I was only 15, and I got pregnant for the first time when I lost my virginity to a 17/18-year-old that pressured me into it. It was absolutely horrid. I had never done anything with a guy, and I had no idea how anything worked. I never had sex-ed or had my parents talked to me. I was naive. I didn't realize someone like me, that usually felt so isolated and alone, could get pregnant. I didn't even want sex in the first place. I barely knew what it even was. I had just been homeschooled after being bullied horrendously. I think I was very vulnerable. I thought pregnancy was so elusive and only happened to certain people. I was so undereducated about sex. All the stupid pop culture hype about sex made me misinterpret it further. I wish I had chosen someone more understanding and responsible to be my first time. My mom is a pro-life Christian and freaked out and told all of her friends, one of whom is some guy's uncle, and he proceeded to tell other people too. So that was fantastic, as well as send a letter to the "father's" family," just in case I hadn't told him.
I remember everything vividly and only recently stopped being mega-sensitive about it. I would avoid reading pro-life arguments, even though I always thought they were untrue. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get a "break" in life. It's just one issue after another, and this one happens to be very traumatic. I do not regret it in the sense that I would change my decision if I could, but time to time I still feel like a "baby-killer." One of the things that helped me through this was being a strongly pro-choice atheist from the start. One of my recent boyfriends went off on me pretty harshly after he learned about this. I just want a little sympathy sometimes.
I had an abortion two years ago due to health problems. I would have died before delivering the baby. In my opinion, it's the person's choice if they want to get one or not, but you shouldn't abuse it. I know someone that has done that.
The day I got mine done, there was a 15-year-old there to get one too. She told me that she doesn't plan on getting on birth control and refuses to use condoms, in her case, I would be against it because she isn't even taking precautions to not get pregnant again.
It made me a little sad, but I have known for awhile that if I tried to have a child that I would die, but I can always adopt if I wanted to. No one influenced me to get it. It was my choice, and I think I made the best one. I was 23 when I got it done.
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.