Teachers Explain What 'Clicked' About A Student After Meeting Their Parents.
Sometimes when people misbehave it's hard to imagine what could be going on in their heads. We often assume that people's actions are totally intentional, but sometimes there are other reasons.
Here are twenty-two times teachers got to understand their students by meeting the parents.
Many thanks to the Redditor who posed this question.
1/22. My wife called a student's parents to talk about the kid swearing all the time and general bad attitude.
After explaining to the mom why she was calling... "I told that kid a million f*cking times to watch his f*cking mouth. Jesus Christ wait til his f*ckin' daddy gets home."
2/22. I had a second grade student who was constantly getting into pretty serious physical altercations with others--stabbing kids with pencils, slapping girls across the face, etc. The first time I met his mom was when she came up to the school threatening to choke me because I said her son couldn't come on a field trip to the pumpkin patch because he was "too violent."
3/22. This girl in prep already showed traits of a narcissist/sociopath. She was an extremely clever but lacked empathy, manipulative, blatantly lied, stole and so on. Yes, this might just sound like characteristics of any child but there was definitely something different about her. Anyway, met her mum who refused to accept that her child would do anything wrong, and when the child admitted she stole a girl's bracelet because she wanted it, her mum said that's ok we can go buy you one on the way home.
4/22. I work at a psychiatric hospital for children and teens. I work directly with the kids so I don't get to meet parents often. We had a super sweet little girl on my unit once, they said it was because she assaulted her little 3 year old sister.
But the whole thing just didn't make sense. I can read kids well and usually the ones that are violent and dangerous to family have a certain attitude. She just didn't. She was meek, respectful and just overall the easiest patient I'd ever had.
When visitation came, her parents showed up and it all started to make sense. They would just berate her, for everything. Here is this little 9 year old girl and her mom is telling her she's messed up. Why can't she be normal? etc etc. And this kid just took it...
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Not for long though because I am allowed to remove the child at my discretion if I think it will make it worse for her and so I did. And promptly called CPS. It turns out that all the 'abuse' she was doing to her sister was just the mother abusing both of them and then blaming it on the little girl.
You will all be happy to know that she was moved in with her grandparents in a different state and is thriving and happy.
5/22. My 5th grade teacher said she understood why at times I couldn't finish my homework or fall asleep in class after seeing my mother had cancer. I'm sure before that she thought I was lazy.
She became super close with my mom after and the day my mom passed away (still in 5th grade) she cried in class when they messaged her, and that's how I knew it was over.
I personally believe teachers make a huge impact in a child's life and she really helped me out, and understood.
6/22. I notice quite a few negative stories here, well here is a positive one where it "clicked".
I have a student who is really friendly, really smart, and amazing at English (I am an ESL teacher abroad). She is always really friendly to me and always really hardworking. She constantly helps other kids in class who struggle with the material and overall just a great girl.
I met her dad once at a school event and holy goodness was this guy awesome. He was a really genuine and generous character and even invited me to get to know different parts of the city with his family. I could definitely tell they had a close bond and that he had raised her really well.
Just an example of good people raising other good people.
7/22. I teach college classes so I don't normally meet my students' parents, but here's a backwards example of meeting the mom and having it click later.
I used to teach at a community college where it wasn't that unusual to have family members in the same class. I've had a lot of siblings take classes together, once a husband-wife pair, so it didn't strike me as that weird when a woman introduced herself and her son on the first day of class.
Except the mother was not on the attendance sheet. She was not registered for the course. I double-checked with the administration and learned that she wasn't a student at all...
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I talked to her at the end of that first class and told her that, unfortunately, this class is for students only and she was welcome only if she registered for it. She said she had to be there for her son, that he needed accommodations and she was there to provide them. I told her in that case her son needed to get official documentation from the disability services office and then we could work from there, but short of that I couldn't allow her in the classroom for the sake of the other students. She said that was fine but, unsurprisingly, nothing ever came of it and I didn't see her again except to drop off or pick up her son.
His attendance was perfect but his in-class work (what he managed to turn in, sometimes he'd sit there doing nothing) was drastically different from his take-home assignments... Mom wanted to be there to do his work for him. He had gotten so used to his mother doing everything for him and saw no reason to change that when he got to college.
8/22. When I was student teaching (2nd grade), there was a little boy in the class who was just a genuinely friendly and sweet kid. He struggled a little academically when it came to learning to read and his handwriting had some problems, but he was the hardest worker and never got frustrated or thought that we was stupid (like many other students with those difficulties do). He was well-liked by everyone and didn't have a mean bone in his body. And he was extremely well-adjusted, despite the fact that his parents were divorced.
I ended up meeting both parents separately during field trips. Both parents are extremely involved in his life and put him ahead of any of their problems they have with each other. They genuinely want what's best for him and it shows. The dad takes him out to the sports bar for boys' night where they share root beer which I thought was really cool. Both parents genuinely are awesome people with great attitudes and it definitely shows in their kid.
9/22. I was telling the parent that their child was generally inattentive, he would look around, fidget, and just nod along smiling when I knew had hadn't been listening. As I was consulting my notes, I looked up to see the parent looking around the room, bouncing their leg. As soon as they realized that I was done talking, they nodded and smiled.
10/22. This is from back when I was doing my student teaching.
There was a girl in one of my classes that never did any work in class, turned in her homework late, and would ignore huge projects until literally the last minute and then ask to come in for help every day at lunch/after school to make up for the missing work.
Eventually I caught her cheating on a quiz (she had written down the answers, put them in the plastic cover of her binder, and put her binder down by her feet). I took her quiz, gave her a 0, and told her that cheating wasn't allowed.
About a week later, we had parent-teacher conferences...
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The girl came with her mother, who took out every assignment that had been graded and handed back, and proceeded to argue with me over individual points. Things along the lines of "Well she spelled it all right, so that deserves some credit, right?" or "she circled the right answer, so she should still get some credit!" when that right answer had been crossed off and then another answer had been selected.
This took nearly an hour to go through. Finally, the mother brought up the quiz, and I told her about the cheating. The mom said, "Well you should give her some credit on it, she was pretty clever to think of that trick."
From then on, I made sure to schedule meetings with myself, my mentor teacher, and the principal present.
11/22. College freshman was constantly late, didn't turn work in on time or at all, etc. She had an excuse for every single thing. I wasn't even asking... She just volunteered excuses.
After getting a D in my class, which was frankly a bit generous as her actual grade was a high F, her mother called me. I wasn't allowed to discuss a student's performance with anyone, including their parents, and I told her as much.
Her mother then, unprompted, gave me a long string of excuses for her daughter and (oddly) herself.
I kind of thought "ohhhhh that makes sense now."
12/22. Kid named "Rowdy". Super nice kindergartener. Wondered why the hell his name was Rowdy.
Met his mom. Dad was MIA. Lived with grandma. In a hoarder-house and they smoked inside with the window closed.
He graduated last spring. Saw him walking in the rain at 9 am - not sure where he was headed, but all I could think was he was headed in the wrong direction. :(
13/22. I volunteer work for a program designed to help students who are habitually truant. Had one middle schooler who was super bright, genuinely seemed to love school, got great grades, but was absent about half the time. He was very evasive about why he wasn't coming to class and I honestly didn't put him high on my list because he was doing fine even with the missed days.
When I was finally able to get a social worker to go by his house, it turned out his (single) mother was having seizures and didn't have any healthcare so she couldn't get treatment for them, and the kid was staying home to take care of both her and his younger brother. I felt just terrible for the kid having to be so adult while still in middle school.
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14/22. Kid was just awful. No diagnosis, no disability. Just an awful, terrible, disrespectful piece of human waste.
The only time in the three years I had him that his parents actually came to the school was for a basketball award his team received. They ignored him unless they were able to talk about themselves in context of their child, or if they were yelling at him. Genuinely yelling at him in front of a group of people there to watch him be awarded for his abilities.
There was nothing else. They either ignored him, screamed at him, or used him as a tool to talk about how great they were.
Oh man. That poor kid. It all came into sharp, sharp focus that day.
15/22. Had a kid that never made eye contact ever. The Dad came in for a parents meeting. Same thing. Didn't make eye contact at all during the meeting.
16/22. I taught preschool. I had one boy that was really clingy. He would always want to be the one sitting on my lap at story time. He would constantly look for my approval when he was playing. He would act out if he wasn't the center of attention. I found it a little obnoxious and would get so frustrated sometimes.
Then, one day, his father came to pick him up. In uniform. After being deployed for weeks. It clicked. He just wanted the love and affection he was missing while his dad was away. I felt terrible. He became one of my favorite students after that.
17/22. In kindergarten we had this kid who was really odd and smelled funny but he seemed cool so we would hang out at recess. I had a birthday party and it was only supposed to last maybe a few hours. All of the kids but him went home fairly early but it was really late and his parents still hadn't showed up. I was getting tired and wanted to go to bed so my parents set up some blankets for us in the living room and we had a sleep over.
At 2 am his parents finally show up (after multiple calls with no answer). Instantly I realized what was up. Even as a small child I knew these parents were the definition of white trash. They reeked of alcohol (my mom's side of the family is full of alcoholics so I knew what it smelled like). They also told some bullsh*t story about how they had new tires of their car and the speedometer showed the wrong speed and they got pulled over and some other bullsh*t.
It all clicked why he acted so odd and why he smelled (it was cigarette smoke). At the start of first grade he never showed up and the like a month into the year he was there for a few days. Then randomly in 3rd grade he showed back up again for a few weeks. I never saw him again after that. Then I looked him up on Facebook a while back...
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It looks like he is following in his parents footsteps up falling into every white trash stereotype.
I asked my parents about this kid a while ago and they said that the reason he wasn't with us in school for a few years is that he got taken away by child protective services which my mom called. Then he came back because that's when his parents got him back but he was taken away again and that's why he left us.
I feel bad for the kid because at first he was really nice but over time as I saw him again he became more mean and rude. Such sh*tty parents.
18/22. Didn't actually meet the parents, but was recently told about the parents of a 9th grader I have. Apparently, the dad is super verbally abusive, constantly belittling the son. Like, bordering on reportable abuse, but just not quite over that line his former teachers said.
This kid acts out, is constantly seeking positive attention, has no self esteem, despite being pretty smart and capable. It all just makes a lot of sense now.
19/22. Obviously an extreme example here, but I had a student, an eighth grader, who was quiet to the point of absolute silence, but who did extraordinarily well with the written word. A few times, he showed up with bruises, which I naturally reported, but he was adamant that they were from other students. Surprisingly, his parents came in for PTC and seemed relatively normal. Until he went to speak for himself and I saw his father grip his arm so tightly that it left a mark.
I understood immediately that his parents basically didn't let him speak at all for fear of reprisal. A few weeks afterward, the kid stopped showing up to school, and word eventually got around that he got caught up in a meth lab explosion in his parents' house and was covered head to toe in second and third degree burns. He came back a month or so later, covered in bandages. He couldn't move, write, or really do anything without excruciating pain. I'd never cried so hard as I did that day. Sorry, I know it got off track but there are certain stories that stick with you.
20/22. I have one little boy who is strange. He either sits in a corner muttering to himself, or he's trying to hug the life out of other kids. He is 5, but he can't do anything; he freaks out about having to put his own shoes on, putting away his things, everything. On top of all of that, he will only eat PB&J sandwiches, so at school it's just J.
And then I met his dad. "Ooooooh my bebe you awe da cuuuutest bebe in the whole wowold! You don't have to do one single fing when Daddy's HEEEEEERE!!!!"
And then it clicked.
21/22. A girl in my 7th grade class was really bright, but almost never turned in her homework, so she just skated by on test scores. One time, I commended her for helping another student who didn't understand the assignment, only to realize that night that she didn't do her own.
I called her parents in and quickly realized they're the type that have an answer for everything, and were all to quick to put the responsibility on me, as if I should stand over their daughter to make sure she works.
I turned to ask the girl what she thought, since she had been completely quiet, and her parents began to answer for her again. I put my finger (index) up and said, "No, you've had your turn. I want to hear what she thinks about all this."
Well, she apparently really appreciated that, because she went on for about 30 minutes about all her views on education. At the end, I kept her parents quiet and told her that if she's willing to talk such a big game, she needs to back it up and do the work without her parents or me interfering.
She didn't miss another assignment all year. Proud teacher moment.
22/22. Ninth grader thought she was entitled to an A despite her work not being A-quality work, let alone B-quality. Met her mom a few weeks into the school year, who happens to be on our board of directors. She also has a habit of treating teachers as if they're lesser thans, and is essentially enabled by our school founder.
On top of that, her son, a senior at the time, didn't earn college acceptance. However, our principal lied at graduation and said he'd gotten into a university he hadn't actually been admitted to. Why? Because our school is touted as a college preparatory. Can't possibly mar our good name!
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.