Teachers Share The Most Memorable Thing They've Ever Heard Their Students Talking About.

Despite our best efforts, teachers can somehow see and hear everything we do in their classroom. Here, they share the most memorable thing they've ever heard their students talking about.

1/25. Two high school juniors, giving dating advice to a third:

ONE: You gotta date a younger girl, like twelve. Then she can eat off the kids' menu.

TWO: Or way older. Senior menu.

ONE: It's all about saving money.


2/25. My best friend is a preschool teacher. She once told me she was walking outside with the children and she could smell someone smoking weed in the nearby forest.

Kid 1: What's that smell?

Kid 2 (before my friend could respond): My mom says it's nothing, go back to sleep.


3/25. Was teaching some 5-year-olds about the difference between living and nonliving things. So these two kids are having a debate about whether trees are alive or not. One says,"They're not alive, they can't even move!" And the other one comes back with, "Of course they can move! Where do you think the wind comes from? The trees make it by waving their branches.


4/25. I was reading a book to pre-schoolers about food webs which included a part about a hawk eating a chicken. One little girl told her friend that she liked to eat chicken, but not the "animal kind" just the "food kind."


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5/25. Girl: My parents took away everything, even my door.

Guy: Wow that sucks what do you do now?

Girl: I can still masturbate, they can't take that from me.


6/25. My wife was subbing for preschoolers today. One of the little kids was holding a stuffed cow like it was a baby and simulating its crying. The sound of a baby cow crying is apparently, "Moo hoo hoo, Moo hoo hoo."


7/25. Teaching four year olds, their morning conversation went as follows:

Kid one: Four is just four, like four is not five.

Kid two: Totally.


8/25. "Do you think the gym teacher gets paid the same as Mr. (Science Teacher)?"

"No. There's no way gym teachers get paid the same as real teachers."


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9/25. A class of 4th graders were making paper cranes in class and one student was not pleased with the outcome of his crane and said, "This is going to be my Valentine's Day present to the trash can."


10/25. One 10th grader to another: "Dude, we were so drunk last night. I probably had 60 beers."


11/25. My chemistry lab students were gathered for the first day of lab outside the door. Pretty good size crowd because they were all there.

I am pretty young and I had a fresh crewcut and my motorcycle jacket on. I looked like a student. I just sort of sauntered up and listened in for awhile.

"Hey, is this guy going to give a quiz?"

"Nah, there's never a quiz on the first day."

"But I heard there was a quiz. My friend had one in the other section."

"Man, you'd have to be a real jerk to give a quiz the first day."

I nodded solemnly. Then I pulled out my access card and opened the door to the lab as I pulled out my papers. The silence from behind me was hilarious.


12/25. Two preschoolers were talking and one asked the other, "If God had a dog, how big would it be?"

They decided it would be as big as the universe and would poop out moons.


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13/25. Student 1: Why is it called a liver?

Student 2: Its called a liver because you need it to live. Dumbo.

I stood there silently, then walked out of the room and didn't return until the end of lab.


14/25. Two first graders.

Boy: "We can hold hands."

Girls: "Ok, but you can't be my boyfriend until we're 16."


15/25. I was on the other side of the room when I heard a heated conversation on the other side and went to investigate.

"Metallica is an element!"

"No it's not, it is a type of metal, you know like the kind they make into golf clubs!"

I wish I could say this had a happy ending but the students finally decided that Metallica was both an element AND a golf club.


16/25. One of my favorite things was hearing two 5-year-old boys agreeing to marry each other when they're older, and when another boy laughed, they told him that "love is love."


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17/25. A boy in second grade was crabby and a first grade girl was trying to cheer him up.

Boy: "No I don't want to be happy."

Girl: "Don't worry, just go to your happy place, like mine is full of boys, unicorns and bacon!"


18/25. Even as a teacher I take the school bus because where I am we don't exactly have public transport. The other day a 7-year-old goes:

"Ahh can't wait to get home, my mom is away, my sister is planning her wedding and my brother will be in his room. I will have the maid and chef all to myself. Maybe I can float in the pool and drink some pretend beer we have in the house and get something nice cooked for me."


19/25. A senior telling his group of friends dating advice. "Never date two girls at once. I found out girls don't like that."

Everyone else just stared at him.


20/25. Twelve-year-old: And then my mom went to the grocery store.

Other twelve-year-old: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Class: Uncontrollable laughter.

This occurred right after the That's What She Said craze swept the nation. They just didn't get the concept. I will never forget the hilarity of seeing kids who don't get a joke telling their classmates who also don't get the joke, and seeing them laugh out loud so neither could tell they didn't get it.

I could tell.


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21/25. My mom overheard a sixth grader talking about "snorting some marijuanas."


22/25. On the flip side, my high school latin teacher once caught me and my friend talking about what would happen if Bruce Banner hulked out while having sex.


23/25. My friend was teaching some kindergarteners.

Girl : No offense, but your drawing really sucks.

Boy: Well, I'm not even drawing a fence.


24/25. When I was an English Professor, I had a problem student. He skipped class constantly, only handed in two assignments for the whole semester, but he was still a good kid. He was just enjoying college life and letting his academics slip.

After having a conversation with him about the fact that he was going to fail my class, I ran into him and a few of his friends in the hallways. He stopped me to say hi, and as I walked away, I heard him say:

"That guy is the coolest teacher of all time."


25/25. One fine morning on the 20th of April, as I was assisting in a classroom of high school students I heard one say to the other, "So did you get the ganja for 4/20?"

I look at them and say, "There is a teacher standing right here."

First student: "So, you don't know what we meant."

Me: "You're talking about weed. I know what day it is, knock it off.

Second student: "How did you know? You're old!"

Me: "I'm 24, I graduated 6 years ago. Your codewords are way older than that."



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