Teachers Share The Worst Papers They've Ever Graded


Is there a grade worse than F?

One of the biggest responsibilities of a teacher is the act of helping students learn from their mistakes. You artfully direct their attention to their errors, instructing them what they can do to fix the mistake, and hope the information is retained long after the lesson. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but you always treat each misstep with grace and the hopes of a learning opportunity. However, there are times when what the students have produced is too good to let slide.

Reddit user, u/JohnnyXDukey, wanted to know about those times when what the teachers had to grade were just too much:

English teachers and professors of reddit: What non-plagiarized paper was the worst paper you ever graded?




We'd just spent two weeks on WWII and the kids were supposed to write a summary essay on the major events. This kid genuinely believed that WWII lasted two days; The Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and the next day America nuked Tokyo.


Don't You Know What The Answer Is?


I teach chemistry, not English, but they write one big paper as a write up after a long lab.

Anyway, I had this one student, let's call him Joe, who was a pain in my butt. Constantly late, disrespectful to his classmates and me, often just ditched, so he was waaaaay behind. Anytime I'd call on him during class his answer would be "HYDROGEN!" We could be talking about molecular structure, I'd call on Joe to tell me how a transition metal like iron was [structurally] different from a halogen, and still that's what he'd shout.

Fast forward to the end of the year and the long lab write up. All the kids, including Joe, have done the lab. I give rubrics, clear guidelines on what I expect them to discuss, and a deadline. Deadline comes and they're all submitted through Google classroom, I start reading. I'd made it through about 10 of them, and [they're] okay. The kids gave it a decent shot.

Then I get to Joe's essay. He'd literally typed the sentence "The answer is always Hydrogen." Hundreds of times. Enough to reach the page length requirement. And he'd done it with the correct headers for each section, too. I was impressed with the amount of effort that had been put into screwing his grade away.


But, A Solid D.


My parents graded GCSE papers every summer. One year my mum got an English essay exam on which the kid had written "I don't understand the question so I'm going to write you a poem", followed by said poem and an elaborate drawing of a tropical island.

He got a D.


Better Question: How Did You Know That?


I once was in an English class with several papers that had to be peer-reviewed. One of my classmates wrote a 15 page paper that was, for the most part, barely comprehensible. But the real kicker was that she directly quoted Santa Clause 2. In a final paper for a college-level senior capstone, a real person quoted the 2002 Tim Allen Christmas comedy, Santa Clause 2.

We also had to discuss each other papers in class afterward. Awkward.


Why Let The First One Go?

I was observing a class at a highschool (one for very low standards and many, many problems) and the teacher I was observing told me about how one student on his state exam (4th grade) wrote 90% of his essay in emojis.

He did not pass


Bear? Bare. Bare?


I had a student who wrote about the right to "bare" arms. For some of the paper he was talking about concealed carry laws and was for it. Then he started arguing against the second amendment. Then he started talking about women wearing short sleeved shirts.

This was a college level class.

I still have photos of this paper, though I've lost the original copy. It is glorious. I read it to all new friends.


You Gotta Keep Them Separated

My brother was grading papers for an astronomy class he took last year, when he came across a paper in which somebody quoted the bible's creation story, thinking it was an adequate explanation of how the universe came to be.


Haunted Goats


English teacher. Read and discussed ghost stories with class- what makes them spooky, how they are structured, building up tension, key elements etc. They set off writing their own. ghost story supposedly using everything we had been studying. When I marked them one boy had written a 'goat story'. Seriously!


Stay Off Topic


I was in a master's program for the last two years, and I had to peer review a classmate's paper. Holy sh-t.

We were supposed to write a persuasive research essay on an effective way to make college more affordable. I was lucky enough to peer review a classmate and coworker, who already possessed not one, but TWO master's degrees, and he was somehow on his way to a doctorate. I'm honestly still perplexed trying to figure out how he got those other two degrees.

Anyways, the paper was littered with grammatical errors. My favorite of those was when he started making up words, and talked about the problem of student indebtness. He probably meant indebtedness, but he used it incorrectly multiple times, so make what you will of that.

He also referred to the student debt problem as an extra layer on students' frustration cake. Yum.

This person was a veteran, and at one point in the paper, he talks about the terrorist attacks of 9/11/11. I understand that that's a single-number typo, but also, if you're going to state that as your reason for joining the military, at least proofread it like you care about what happened that day.

The good part, however, was his actual argument. For some reason he was arguing that college should be more affordable, but only for veterans (you mean the GI Bill?). He said that we could make this happen by simply cutting the salaries of professors, and giving that money back to the students.

We're going to save colleges and universities in America by failing to pay our professors, everyone.


That'll Do It

Definitely not the worst, but my favourite was a student who wrote in an essay on the First World War that soldiers could be put out of action by being shot in the "head, neck or pancreas"


"-Onomy," Not "-Ology"


Geography teacher here, I teach 18 year olds. I had assigned a scientific paper of about 5 pages long. Topic was chosen from among the chapter on space. Had a student write it on the subject of the moon. Went of on the good start: different theories of how the moon came into existence. Then suddenly she switched into astrology. It was so smooth I didn't notice until a full paragraph in.

I had to explain her why she failed...




One of my classmates once wrote and presented on this wacky jumble of conspiracy theories about the Illuminati. The paper was bad but the presentation was awkward as f-ck, he was doing numerology on the chalk board to demonstrate that the Pope was actually the Antichrist and that George Bush was one of his minions.

It would have been funny, but I'm pretty sure he was schizophrenic. Everyone just got really, really quiet, including the professor.


Pick Your Topic Carefully

Not English, but Politics. I'm a PhD student, and I also teach and mark undergraduate essays and exams.

I get quite a few essays that are just poor quality (things like poor argumentation, lack of critical insight etc), but this is often because the student struggles with understanding concepts and just needs a helping hand. Some clearly just don't put any effort in, but they are usually in a very small minority.

One of the few essays that really stands out, and the one that I gave my lowest ever mark to, was less an essay and more a diatribe against immigration. I'm not going to mark someone down because I don't agree with what they write - I don't really care as long as it's well-argued, factually correct and follows the principles of academic writing, citations, and argumentation.

This one crossed the line in two respects. Firstly, it was egregiously racist. The student effectively stated that 'all Pakistanis are child abusers and women-beaters', amongst other things (although apparently Indians were ok because they were 'civilised by the british'). Secondly, it just wasn't an academic essay. The argument was just so, so bad. And they didn't reference any peer-reviewed sources. Their reference list was a list of URLs to sites like the Daily Mail and Infowars.

Needless to say, I failed it and sent it to the head of department who went to have a chat with the student. I don't like failing students, but this one definitely deserved it.


They're More Like Guidelines Than Rules


I once marked an essay that was meant to discuss code (as in HTML). The student wrote about the 'Pirate's Code' from '[Pirates] of the Caribbean'...


Sports = Reading?


I asked my students to write a literacy narrative (literally a narrative about their experiences with reading, writing, or language). Instead someone wrote about winning their high school basketball championship game.


They're Called "Homophones"


English 1302 (had to pass 1301 to take this) college class. It was a Literature and Composition class, so each unit entailed a written exam as well as a short essay on one of the texts we'd read together. We discussed each piece in depth, and students chose which of the texts they wanted in their unit exam as a class.

I'm saying this to illustrate that I'd set up the class to be as user-friendly as possible because this was a basic-level course, and I fully acknowledge others don't love the English language as much as I do. However, if tried to pick texts I thought students could connect to and divided the units chronologically so it would be easier to identify relatable cultural elements (again, that we had discussed at length).

In the final exam, this native English speaker wrote his whole essay on how strange and perverted it was that Andrew Marvell wrote his poem, "To His Coy Mistress", about his love affair with a fish. This poem was from our first unit. He spent all semester thinking 1) coy = koi, 2) this poet was a raging deviant, 3) the "carpe" in "carpe diem" was yet another fish, 4) I must have some bizarre affinity for fish to present this as legitimate literature in a college class.

He'd not come to any of the peer editing sessions, obviously. I was glad I didn't have to give his paper back to him (turned in on the last day). It would have been being the scope of my tact to refrain from singing "Gay Fish".


The Complete History Of India

Looks like I'm a bit late to the party, but I'll drop this here anyway.

Sophomore year of high school, my debate coach also ran a Freshman geography course, and I graded some papers for him. This kid wrote an essay that's perhaps the best thing I've ever seen. This was supposed to be a brief overview of the history of India.

I'm copying it here, exactly as it was written. Yes, I have proof that this was a real essay.

  • The history of India is long tale of Hardship money, and betrayal because What good story doesn't have betrayal :) Well here's the story... Back in the day when people didn't have. Wifi, Data, cable or Obama. In the eastern regions there was a place called india. People there lived in the dry desert heat with the sun on their backs Constantly. And to deal with this Climate, they talked to there leader, (dog face, human body) and the creature said bark bark bark which translates into "I'll svmmon my friends to help us build some shelter"... 5 days later a huge flying saucer landed and the aliens got out and helped the humans build... in 10 years they built a lot of pyrimids... After they were done, the aliens asked the leader "SO, where is that money oyu said you would give us" and the dog faced leadersaid, "yeah.. about that, I lied.." and in outrage the aliens abducted half the people and took the people on there speaceship and Probed them.. tho peoples were tramaticed and told everyone that aliens were bad, and thats why today people still think aliens are EVIL but truth be told they were cheated on their deal and They were angry... and thats the story of india.

Ancient. Roman. Tank. Races.


Oh goody, one where I can answer.

So I teach ESL to Japanese children in America. Fun job, good hours, and the kids are usually pretty great. But all of them at some point get stressed out and decide using Google Translate is easier than writing a paper.

It's fairly obvious when they use Google Translate, as the sentence structure will be off, or the paper just won't make any sense.

Which leads me to my favorite worst paper ever written, The Ancient Roman Olympics. You could tell that the student wrote it themselves, and then used Translate for the English. So why is it my favorite? Because of one line: "Ancient Roman tank races must have been intense."

The word he meant was chariot. But the kanji for chariot is the same for tank. You use context to know which meaning to give the kanji. I now have a running joke with this student about tanks races.

TL:DR; Ancient Roman Tank races.




There was a girl who wrote about how the English language was only partially [accessible] to women. Not like that men had dominated the English [language] in terms of publishing or less censorship, but as in there are words and phrases that are 100% incomprehensible to women because of genetic differences between men and women...


"Is Teacher Bias?"


This, truly, is my time.

I was a teacher in a high school. I taught some lower achieving kids in an English class. They were around 14-16 years old. One kid, Paul, was particularly bad - not through a lack of intelligence, but effort. Paul is also a native English speaker. This is important to remember.

Paul did not submit his persuasive essay when it was due, and continued to fail to submit it for another month and a half. I kept reminding him, phoning home, emailing other staff, etc. Paul - who was the only pupil who did not submit his essay - believed I was picking on him and singling him out.

Finally, in what I can only imagine in a fit of sudden inspiration linked to this belief, I received the following unceremoniously submitted 400 word masterpiece:

'Is teacher bias? Perhap'

Yes. Perhap.

It was also all typed in a funky, bold, jagged font.

Here is a brief summary/ extract:

'Is teacher bias? Perhap. In my experience teacher is very bias towards me for no reason'

It went on about what he understood to be the faults in the teaching profession for most of it, however another particular highlight was where he stated 'teachers can be racist, as reports have found'. He proceeded to never reference this or go into detail about racism/ reports ever again. Paul was also white, just putting that out there.

I still f-cking have that essay.


H/T: Reddit

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.