Teen Fathers Share How They Found Out Their Girlfriend Was Pregnant. And What They Decided To Do After.
Having a kid is the responsibility of a lifetime, and that's certainly not easy for a teenager. When I was that age I could hardly be responsible for myself! But sometimes that's life, you've got to make hard decisions.
Here, teen fathers share stories of how they found out their girlfriends were pregnant. Enjoy! And make sure to check out the sources at the bottom for even more.
1. A life changing moment.
Two and a half years ago, my ex called me and told me she was at the hospital and that she was ok, didn't want me to hear through the grapevine. After prying and asking her to just tell me what was going on, she told me that she was unknowingly pregnant and she didn't want to tell me because she had lost the baby. Thinking this was a few weeks/months things with another guy I was sad but not overly concerned, but when she said it was 8 months... My heart stopped.
I rushed to the hospital after admitting to my parents that I might be the father (they weren't fully aware that we were having sex during our relationship). I held my stillborn son that night, crying, begging for him to just breathe, take one breath, and that I would give him the world if he would just be ok. His mother almost died with him that night, and though we never really worked out I still love her greatly. My father later told me that day he knew he had succeeded as a parent and that I was already the man he hoped I would be. Maybe my story isn't typical, but it is mine and it has made me who I am. I am forever different because of that little boy.
2. Waiting to hear the tooth.
I was 18. My hands were shaking so bad I decided to brush my teeth. So I was crying and brushing my teeth while I waited for my girlfriend to tell me the results.
3. Finding Courage Through Fear.
I was just 14 when my girlfriend got pregnant. To be honest I wasnt so great about it when I heard the news. I couldn't handle it. Asked her to get an abortion. She refused. I hung around, barely... she was basically on her own. Our daughter was born 9 days after my 15th birthday. 4 years later we moved in together and married shortly after. Happily married still, 32 years now. 2 daughters and 5 grandkids.
4. Isn't That How You Got Yourself Into This Mess?
I told her, 'It's your body, and I love you. I will support any decision you make' and then I went out celebrating for like a week straight when she decided against having it.
5. Yeah, I don't think that's how those things work.
I was 17, she was a couple of years older at the time, her period was late and we both sort of suspected it but we both kept telling each other not to be silly. We finally came to our senses and she took a test. Came back positive, but we were both in denial, and bought literally 20-30 more tests in the next few days, all coming back positive. (Story continues...)
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Obviously we were both pretty worried and didn't have a clue what to do. So we made a doctors appointment behind our parents backs to get something done about it, afraid of what our parents would say.
We woke up on the morning and decided this definitely wasn't the right thing to do, and she decided to tell her mum, by text. Reaction was not nearly as bad as we thought it would be. She came and picked my girlfriend up and they went home. Got a text half an hour later to come up, and I went and we spoke. Decided we both want to have this child. I was absolutely terrified at the thought of telling my mum, but it had to be done.
Couldn't bring myself to do it in person, so I sent her a text and that was it. Same as SO's parents, mine were not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
Fast forward a while and she's just turned 7 months pregnant yesterday, due in August. Both still together and happier than ever! I've got a job and a place at college now, and the future's looking bright!
6. When you're ready.
My wife got pregnant while we were dating as teens. We sat down and went over my income as well as my projected income over the next 5, 10, and 20 years. We determined that in the best case scenario we could barely manage to provide for a child. She decided on an abortion and I agreed.
While we were more mature than most, we were in no position to care for a child. I have since outpaced my projected 10 and 20 year income and we're in a much better place should we choose to try for reproduction.
7. No Shotgun Necessary
My now wife and I (7 years) were 17 and 16 respectively when she told me. We hadn't been dating long and I had a lot of doubts in the beginning that it was mine. She still makes fun of me for how I reacted. I just started staring off into nothing for a long time not saying anything. She says it was probably the worst thing I could've done for her mood.
Her dad wasn't entirely in her family picture but I had to meet him and his new wife to tell them the news. Super awkward. I made sure we met at a coffee shop so we were in a public place. Because we were minors we needed our parents signed consent to marry. He refused to consent. (Story continues...)
It made us so mad, but today I really respect him for being so calm and thoughtful about it. He didn't want us to make a bad situation worse. We saved the marriage until our son was about a year old and we were sure it's what we wanted. Still thankful he refused.
Her mom stopped talking to her and kicked her out of the house. My parents took her in and set us up in their basement. One day a few weeks after telling her my now mother in law showed up at my parents house with balloons, pickles, and what to expect when you're expecting (highly suggest getting this btw).
My parents took us in initially but were (I assume) waiting for us to come to our senses as they eventually asked us to consider an abortion. We're both pro-choice but were young, scared, and neither of us could really bring ourselves to it. When my parents pressed too much we ended up moving into a closet at her mom's house and my parents didn't see us until our son was born, and then only the day of and not again until we reconciled a few months later.
Life was and still is tough. We both had to grow up really fast and are still coming to terms with what that's cost us in our lives. I quit smoking, got full time work. Her mom made sure we finished high school (wife a semester late as she took time off to be with the baby). I still remember how great some teachers were about letting me bring my son into class so I could be there some days.
We now have a home of our own and two daughters since then. It was ridiculous and I'm not sure I'd have the strength to do it again knowing now what I do. But we did it. I hope that if you find yourself in a similar situation you're as fortunate as I was to have a group of people in your life who love you. Life won't be the same but those kids are worth it.
8. It's okay to be confused.
I'm currently 16, and my girlfriend and I found out that she is pregnant about 3 weeks ago. She's decided that she wants to keep the child. We told her mom on the spot, but waited a couple of days to tell my mom.
It was really, really stressful for the first couple of weeks, but I'm starting to get better now, and accept it. I'm terrified of the future and how things are going to turn out, but I'm just trying to stay positive about everything and hope that everything will be okay.
It's hard to put all of this into words, but I'm more just confused with what I'm going to do with my life now, and it's been kinda hard to cope with everything because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I guess I just need to hope that everything is going to be okay.
9. From One Father To Another.
I was 17, she was 18. It was the summer of my junior year, she had just graduated. Anyway, once we realized after a late period and several tests we knew we had to tell our parents. We told hers first. Her dad stormed off, we heard a few "Aw, heck!" And then he came back and gave her a hug and said we could all work through this. Later that night, I told my parents. My dad stormed off and I heard a bunch of "Aw, CRAP!" And things being broken, then he came back and gave me a hug and said we could all work through this. Funny how the two dads had very similar reactions. (Story continues...)
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Anyway, we waited until two months after the kid came to get married. We wanted to wait to get married just so we knew we weren't being impulsive. I managed to graduate early so when our daughter was born, I was already out of school. Originally, I had intentions of going to United States Military Academy for college and then a career in the Army. With this happening it threw a wrench in that plan so I secured a full scholarship to The University of Tennessee at Knoxville through the military so I could commute from home and attend college. My wife worked a series of low paying jobs for the next five years to keep food on the table while I finished my degree in electrical engineering.
Upon graduating, I was sent to Randolph Air Force Base as a second lieutenant and eventually received my Aeronautical Rating as a Combat Systems Officer.
Our daughter is now 12, our younger daughter is now 6 and currently my wife and I are enjoying some champagne on this fine Mother's Day morning.
It was a LOT of hard work and took a lot of perseverance on both of our parts. Having a kid while you are still a kid yourself, and going to college and living on your own for the first time is extremely stressful, and there were many a time I did not think we would make it through those first years as a couple. You have to really assess what you want from life, what is the right thing to do and how to make the two coincide with each other. It was not an easy endeavour but my wife is truly my best friend, my kids are pretty awesome and I can't picture my life any different than it is currently.
10. Getting A Fresh Start In Life.
No longer a teen but we were both 16 at the time, I was terrified but told her I'd be there for her and support her decision. We've been together 15 years now and have 2 boys, hasn't been easy but we manage.
In all honesty it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me; I was not exactly a focused student in high school and had no plans to go to college but it was really the kick in the rear that I needed in order to get my act together.
11. The Cool Uncle.
This isn't my story, but my sister's. But I am greatly involved in it.
My sister got pregnant when she was 15. She didn't tell anyone for months and you couldn't see it, because she was always a bit on the heavy side of life. She told us when she was already 5 months in and it became extremely noticeable that she was pregnant.
She was crying a lot and said she was afraid. My parents and I (21 at the time) told her that we would be there for her, no matter how she decides. We left it completely up to her.
She kept the baby and my nephew was born at the end of 2010.
I just started going to college. The daddy left shortly after the kid was born, because he had no interest in it at all. So my parents kicked him out and my sister was thankful for it. However after my nephew was born my sister became really depressed, so I told her I could care for my nephew for a few days/weeks until she gets everything in order. (Story continues...)
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Fast forward 2 years. I took care of him every single day and sometimes even at night. My sister actually got a lot better but decided to spend her time "going back to school". I put that in emphasis, because she actually didn't go. She lied. Instead she went out with friends, hung around somewhere and so on. After we found out we sat her down and told her that she needs to grow up and take care of her child.
She agreed, but we didn't see much of it to be honest. I concentrated on college more and she met someone. He was 15 years older than her, but seemed like a nice guy. Seemed is the keyword, because it came apparent that he was a deadbeat. No job, likes to say that it's foreigners' fault and has a huge amount of debt.
Fast forward a few months and my sister tells us she is pregnant and will move in with him. She was almost 18 at the time so we couldn't do anything about it.
After she moved out she told us she got pregnant the first time, because she "Didn't want to go to school anymore. The baby daddy can pay for me". Second time the same thing, only that the dude had his own apartment (together with his mother, I kid you not). In both cases she didn't realize she wouldn't get any money, when the fathers don't have jobs that pay well enough and a huge amount of debt.
Nowadays she is married to the second guy, still lives with him and his mother and has three children. All at the age of 20. She looks like 40 now and slowly begins to realize her huge mistake.
The kicker: I am not allowed to see my nephew anymore, because I am a bad influence on him. While her husband smokes, sits on the couch all day, watching soccer and drinking beer, I gave my nephew a Playstation Portable as a gift and play videogames with him all day when he visited me. And that's just bad parenting. Kids are not supposed to play videogames. Oh and I also told him that I don't believe in god, after he asked me if I did, because his mother always answers every question of his with "Because god made it so."
Sorry for the rambling, this is not even half of it. Writing it down I can't actually believe that all happened, how much I supported her and now I am the bad guy of the story. That's life I guess. Really miss my nephew. Love him like my own son.
12. Keep Cool Daddy-O
I didn't really panic, I'm good at handling my cool. Admittedly there's no possible way to handle how hard it is to have a baby, but I was in it for the long haul.
I felt like we were destined to be together for life and was ready for it. I handled the news pretty well, with a bit of shock. "Well, guess I better enjoy the next 7 months to the best of my ability then."
Fast forward to today and our kid is 7 1/2 months old. We are still together and live together and I'm working my way through college and work at the same time. I have had 5 different jobs since we found out.. finally got a decent one as a network administrator and got my foot in the door for my career.
The hardest part was when he was a newborn and kept us up all night. We had a few huge arguments during that time period that almost ended in her leaving and going back 1200 miles away to New York but now we're doing better and better every day and we love our son very much. We are blessed to have him in our lives.
13. I'll be back.
I got my girlfriend pregnant when we were both 17 (2 months shy of 18) I asked her to get an abortion, she said she couldn't without her mother's permission, found out later that wasn't the case and her mother was all for an abortion. My girlfriend just wanted a kid! (Story continues...)
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When I we went to the first ultrasound and I seen what we created that's when I decided that I love this thing and that I wanted to be a dad. Next ultrasound I found out I was having a boy, this made me even more excited! We had an agreement if it's a boy I get to name him. If it's a girl she gets to.
Fast forward; We're prepping for our baby, mom looks great she has the pregnancy glow. I get tripped out touching her belly and feeling my son. The name I wanted was Liam, but his mom doesn't like it. So while we're at the theatre watching Terminator Salvation the name comes to me. John Connor, so how about just Connor? I say to his mom in the theatre, we both fall in love with the name.
Fast forward again; my son is born 5 weeks premature, in the neonatal intensive care unit for a month, we visit him everyday. Most surreal thing watching a childbirth, it was amazing and scary, his mom is a champion, doing it all natural and walking the next day. 6 months go by and I'm loving my family. This is when our fairytale ends, mother keeps trying to talk to a her ex boyfriend she had before me which I can tell she still had feelings for.
I get possessive and start to get worried and start checking her emails, contacts on phone (she would change his name to "Ashley"or something) we start fighting about it. I get more possessive and worried start calling her names(I regret this everyday) she kicks me out. Within 2 weeks she's dating that ex again. I'm still hurt about this 4 years later but I feel it's my fault in the first place. I should never have worried I pushed her to him. I made him look good without him even trying.
She's dated several guys since then, even got engaged once but he turned out to be a jerk like me. Guy she's with now I get along with really well, I like him, he's a good guy. I've dated and seen more people then her 4 years since we broke up. I still miss her though, wish we could be family. But I understand what I did is unforgettable.
Mother and I get along really well now and my beautiful boy is my idol. I take him every weekend at least once a week, 3/4 times I take him two days. I pay child support, she's cool with whatever I give her, she knows I give what I can. My son looks almost identical to me, I get so many comments about how people just know I'm his dad, and that always makes me feel like I won in the end. I may not have my family anymore but at least I got a better version of me.
But if I could I still would've waited a few more years then having a kid at 18. It was to stressful at that age, you don't take in a lot of factors. I wish I could move to another city, I can't because his mom lives here with him. I wish I could travel, I can't because money is tight since I have to pay child support and things for my boy. I wish I could spend the weekends with my friends without having the book in advance with his mother.
I have no doubt I had my boy with the right woman but just at the wrong time. If it was now I would treat her so well I don't act like that anymore in any way shape or form. I wouldn't give her a hard time if she talks to her ex. I would appreciate her for the great mom/woman she is.
Plus side though, is watching him grow up and get bigger and bigger, he's gonna be a big kid (I'm super short and very self conscience about it) and looks exactly like me so I'm glad he won't have that insecurity. I have a savings for him already, I get $100 every month transferred to a RSVP for his college fund. I don't regret having a kid so young because I feel I'll be more understanding when he's going through those teenage years, and I have more energy to play with him. But I would have liked to wait a few more years, maybe 25 to start a family. And the major plus side, picking up single moms is getting too easy.
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.