Woman Asks Whether She Should Tell Her BF About The People She Slept With While They Were Broken Up, And The Internet Delivers
Is honesty best?
Redditor u/TinyHaiku has a bit of a relationship pickle, one that we all can relate to... well maybe just a lot of us. The truth is rough and love is hard people! Is every detail of our lives necessary information? Observe.... The Ethics of Sexual History
So here's a question. I was with a guy who I was in love with. We ended it. We weren't together for a year and a half. We were friendly but I did date around during that year. We never talked about it. We decided to get back together because we're still in love with each other. Do I owe it to him to tell him all the dates I went on to try and get over him? I have slept with a few people since him and I have also been tested. I have no idea if he was with anyone else. Tbh I don't want to know.
Should this be something we discuss or is it a done deal?
You are free....
You owe him nothing for a time when you weren't together. If he asks, then I would be truthful with as little information as possible. Yes, I dated. Yes, I slept with a few people. We were not together then. There was no 'us.'
I especially wouldn't say that you did it to get over him. If he pressures you over it, then IMO it's a sign that there could be jealousy and other problems down the road.
NOW I am with you and nobody else.
There is a level of respect involved. Should any of these people be someone you may still socialize with it might be worth mentioning. Should it ever come up it would feel as if it was purposely hidden, raising more questions and possibly causing a bigger issue than being straightforward would have.
It's been a year and a half so it's probably just going to be assumed that you did.
To me a clean test trumps your history except for a few exceptions.
If its someone like your boss, coworker, or someone you have contact with still.
Or a traumatic event they will need to be aware of for triggers.
Be in the present...
Don't lie what ever happens, if somehow he finds out you lied about something you will have to deal with a bigger pile of shit rather than just being truthful. If your communication is good and you trust each other there is should be no problem talking about it. If for some reason you don't feel comfortable talking about it with him avoid it, but don't lie under pressure or something like that. It's true what's in the past is in the past and has nothing to do with him, and you can keep it to yourself, but the way I see it you should be able to disclose anything with him and not be judged, and it's a two way street.
The way most people work I think you should just skip this. You're at a delicate time rebuilding your connection, and if you actually want to be with him that stuff shouldn't matter.
If he specifically asks? Idk. Active dishonesty is usually a slippery slope to go down, and it could be useful to see how resilient he is, bc honestly i think guys who blow this out of proportion and get super needy about this are sorta weak in a way that can still feel aggressive and bad.
But idk why you'd actively go seek to open that hornet's nest yourself.
That is not something he needs to know.
I'd want to know if I were him. I'd lie or avoid the subject if I were you.
Take his lead....
If he asks you answer. If he doesn't you don't.
You know yourself, you know what's happened, and I assume you know this partner well enough. Share what's worth sharing, and don't waste time on things that don't matter.
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.