Advice

Woman Plans International Trip To Meet Her Internet Boyfriend, Gets Brushed Off And Seeks Help

S.O.S!

Redditor u/AbandonedTraveler has a bit of an issue. And it's a doozie....



I will try to not make this post a ramble-fest. I am freaking out and I don't know what to do.

I met someone online through r/penpals about 5 months ago. It started off getting to know each other and it turns out we had a lot in common and were really compatible... I think its safe to say we fell for each other. It quickly turned intense and we shared every single intimate detail about each other. We both were in serious relationships that fell through but some time had gone by for us. My 7 year relationship ended about a 10 months ago (5 months before we met) and his 4 year relationship ended 4 months before we met. We text all day every day and FaceTime for 2-3 hours every night save for maybe 1 or 2 nights a week.

He lives in Ireland. I live in the US. I found an incredibly priced flight to visit him. We were both so excited and maybe a bit rash, I booked the flight only after 2 months of knowing him. He told his family about me, shared photos of his family, and we planned all that I am going to do and see with him.

At 5:30 in the morning I received a video message and a long text that his ex-GF was in a serious car accident and that he would have to cancel. I've begged him not to and I am trying to be supportive of what he is going through. So far at most I've only gotten that he will try. That he needs to sort this out. I'm freaking out in that 7 days I will be in a country where I don't know anyone. Do I cancel the flight? I've been telling my friends about going on a trip (not really saying that I'm meeting somebody)...

I have no idea what to do now. I feel sick. I feel like a fool. I feel like everything he said to me was a lie. What do I do?

Online boyfriend has said he won't be there to collect me up from train station since his ex-GF was in a horrific car accident 7 days before I am set to arrive.

Reddit had many things to say.... who wouldn't?

Live up Ireland.... 

Giphy

All of this sounds super suspicious. I'd wager this ex-girlfriend 1) wasn't in a car crash and 2) isn't an ex. I'd reach out to him and tell him you're really hurt he canceled after he knew you had booked travel, that his responses to you have raised some red flags, and that this "relationship" is no longer working for you.

Since you paid for the flight and Ireland is awesome, I'd suggest going and making it a solo adventure. Traveling alone can be very rewarding. If you decide to go, I hope you have a great time. katastrophe1187

Forget Him! 

Girl, go find you some cheap hostels and Air BnBs and have a great time without him. He's either a catfish or an a**hole, so don't waste another minute on him. MorgaineDax

I agree. It's an amazing country. Don't let this ruin what could still be a great trip to explore a beautiful country. 99_red_balloons_

You do you! 

In seven days you're going to a country where you don't know anyone... and have a fantastic time. Were you planning on staying with him? Is there a cheap hostel you could book into instead?

If he has to cancel on you... don't let that hold you back from having an awesome time with the money you spent and the time off you planned. Have a look at some stuff you can do by yourself. Ireland is a great place to visit!

Who knows, he might get his act together while you are there. Right now you're just dealing with shock - calm down, look for positives... take things as they come. ChilledOutKite

The Ex seems suspicious... 

I'll be honest, his ex-gf being in a car crash a week before you come over shouldn't effect his ability to make time for you even if he was to go out and see her.

From what I've seen of people in online relationships, there is often one party that bails approaching a meet up date as things are suddenly to become real. This is a big possibility but I'm not saying it's definitely the case.

I definitely wouldn't cancel unless you can get a refund. You could use the time to explore the country by yourself and turn it into a good, empowering experience. Landros

He Lyin'.... 

Giphy

He's still living with his girlfriend (not ex), or at least he is still serious with her. Now you booked a ticket and all of a sudden this is real and he is freaking out and trying to make it go away.

I know this sucks to hear, but you don't know if anything he's told you is true. You can't know that he told his family about you. It is very easy to lie on the internet.

Did you book hotel or were you planning on staying with him? If the latter, what is it about this guy that makes you ignore all the safety precautions when it comes to meeting someone from the internet? Mollzor

He's got issues... 

On the flip side of what most people are saying here, it could be that up until now your relationship has been completely genuine and that he DID do everything in good faith. Maybe he's just getting cold feet now that things are becoming real, or maybe he realized he had feelings for his ex because of her getting in an accident or something like that. Honestly, at this point, believe whatever makes you feel okay with yourself, and go have a good time in a really cool country! katianye

Too much salt with that Catfish...

Everything he said likely was a lie since this is a classic catfish line. Just because someone can FaceTime you doesn't mean every other thing about them isn't bull. I'm sorry this happened.

I'd still take the trip and have an excellent time. Find things that interest you and go do/see them! It's an awesome opportunity to see the world and I wouldn't pass it up just because the opportunity came from a shitty situation originally. Reddit

Forget Yooou! 

Go, but block his number, block him on social media, delete everything, and DO NOT reach out to him again.

You begged him? F**k that. Worst case scenario he's a total liar and in a relationship. Best case, he got cold feet and panicked. Either way, he's no one you need to waste anymore time on. Janey_Cakes

One ISN'T the loneliest Number! 

Can you afford to travel alone and enjoy your solo trip?

This guy, whether he's lying because he's not who he represented himself to be or he's just getting cold feet, is not reliable or trustworthy. End the relationship and focus on possibly finding a healthy relationship with someone you can see and get to know in person. Reddit

Eat. Pray. Love. Part 2....

Giphy

I was in a similar situation, except the fool bailed on after I already arrived. And like others have suggested I turned it into a normal vacation for myself! Find a place to stay, look up local sights, a few good restaurants, and enjoy yourself! FiveDollarSoccerBall

There is an Update on this sordid tale...

So many through comments and PMs requested an update from my previous post and so I thought I'd do one!

After my post I FaceTimed him to say my what I wanted to say and end things. He tried to get me to postpone my trip and even tried to give me money to make me less mad at him. I told him whatever we had was over as I could no longer trust him. He cried which made me feel weird. I wished him and his ex the best and ended the call.

I went on my trip and had a top class time. The Reddit community really astounds me sometimes. I received a lot of PMs of suggestions of things to do and see and the trip to Ireland became a trip of a lifetime. In Dublin I did meet up with a very kind Redditor who showed me around the city and came with me to a bunch of museums during my stay. I saw amazing sights, met a bunch of really cool people through my travels, and met a few really cute Irish boys. (;

I learned a lot about myself on my first solo trip abroad. I am pretty self reliant and I did a lot of self reflection. This "relationship" was my first "serious" one after my ex and I split up. I think in my desire for closeness with someone I ignored a lot of red flags and downplayed my self worth. I am now focusing on making real connections with people I meet in real life and have decided to stay away from anything long distance indefinitely.

My first night in Belfast I did message him after I had had a what was probably too many beers (damn you delicious Irish beers!) and he said he was sorry but it was what it had to be. It didn't really seem sincere and it extinguished any romantic notions I had.

Online BF backed out but after some logistical rearranging I still went on my trip and had the best time ever. Glad I cancelled the bf and not the trip.

The Boys will fond him! 

I'm from just outside Belfast. I wish I'd known about this and I would've made a throwaway account and arranged for me and my friends to meet you for a drink. What an awful thing to do to someone, I can't believe he wouldn't even take some time to go and meet you for a few hours or something after you came all that way. Send me his address and I'll get the boys on him lol.

I'm glad you had a good time anyway. I don't like to boast about my country, but I'd imagine Ireland is quite a good place for a solo traveller because we're very friendly (we're nosy and we'd speak to the devil lol).

I see you tried Buckfast too, what did you make of it? And where were your favorite spots in Belfast? I love hearing from people who've been here because they see it in a way I never will. Ailidh0309

Birds of a Feather...

Your ex must be related to my ex! When I texted her to say how I felt and if this was what being friends was like then I couldn't just be friends anymore. She texted back she was sorry to hear that but it's what it has to be. DakarCarGunGuy

Go ahead Girl! 

Giphy

I had this exact stuff happen to me just this last month. Booked the flight to England, booked the hotel, less than two months before I came out? "I'm seeing my ex and that time off I told you I would have? I don't have it."

I ended up not going which maybe I should have, but I did what you did and made my own vacation! I'm so happy you moved on and that you had an excellent time in Ireland! choppindatmeat

Bless Ireland!

I was in Ireland this past summer. What a beautiful country with some of the nicest people I've ever met. Sounds like you had a great time. I'm glad it all worked out and that you got to spend the time learning more about yourself as opposed to wasting it with someone that doesn't have your best interests at heart. Go you! HansenTakeASeat

Sometimes there is a happy ending....

I just have to say that your first post is incredibly similar to how I met my boyfriend. I met him last year on Reddit and we started skyping really intensely and snapchatting and stuff. After two months of talking I booked a flight to Ireland (he lives in Ireland too) and we met up. I told eveeeeryone i was going to meet someone, and everyone, both friends and family, knew exactly where I was going, who I was seeing, and I had my own car and knew hostels in the area if i needed to bolt. Also the trip was not as big, as I live in Europe too so the flight was like 2 hours maybe.

Anyway, we've been together for a little over a year now and I'm currently living here in Ireland and going to school here! :D Just thought it was sooo crazy how simillar our stories were, even though they ended a bit differently :) I'm glad you enjoyed Ireland! If you get past the rain, there's some really cool stuff here! ilovemrmiyagi

29 is a magic number!!

I travelled to Ireland solo after being dumped twice in one year. I went when I was 29. My mom also went when she was 29 on an exchange. When she came back she met my dad and the rest is history. I hoped Ireland would do the same for me. When I came home I met my future husband a month later. I took him back to Ireland for our honeymoon. Basically I wanted to say Ireland is an amazing place for solo travel. Glad you enjoyed it!!! Meghanlomaniac

Who got the receipts?! 

Maybe an weird question to ask but did you guys discuss the costs of the trip (Flight, transport in the city etc)? Did you have to pay for everything yourself or did he pay for everything or did you guys split? Useless_lesbian

I found an amazing flight deal so it only came out to about 500 USD to travel to Ireland. We had worked it out that I would pay for my flight and I would stay with him and he would pay for the incidentals when I was in the country. AbandonedTraveler

LIAR! LIAR! Pants on Fire! 

I'm curious about why he didn't make any attempt to meet up even though OP was right there. It confirms any suspicions that he was lying and hiding stuff because no matter what kind of horrible, serious stuff was going on at that moment after having the kind of relationship that the two of them had he should have had at least enough time to meet up and say hi and maybe have a beer.

It's crazy to me that anyone who was telling the truth about their situation wouldn't have at least stopped by to say hi considering they had been so close emotionally, and now literally and physically! What a scumbag liar he is. AlbinoAxolotl

No Catfish for You! 

What a happy ending and sounds like such a great opportunity for personal growth. I'm so glad you had the balls to end things, as it sounds like he was trying to serve one of the classic Catfish excuses (I've watched every episode of Catfish haha). Its always cancer or a car accident! jadecourt

You Win Girl! Bye Felicio! 

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Dollars to donuts says there was no car accident. She's his wife!! Jackie_Rudetsky

Yep. And I bet anything his offer to (partially) pay her back was an attempt to prevent her from coming at all — not because he genuinely felt bad. Those were some crocodile tears!

Or maybe homeboy started losing it when he realized OP was sticking to her travel plans… a scumbag's emotional breakdown over the fear he'll be busted. Pathetic either way. akath0110

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