Woman Seeks Advice About Boyfriend Who Wants Her To Relocate When He Wouldn't Do The Same For Her
What's fair is fair. No?
Love is a fantastic thing. We all perform crazy shenanigans for it. Part of the reason we're all willing to sacrifice and change for the one we love is because we trust they will reciprocate. But what if they aren't as wiling as we are? What if they expected you to do the thing they said they wouldn't do for you?
Redditor badum-kshh needed some advice about a situation so she asked... My partner [35M] expects me [28F] to relocate for his career, but won't contemplate doing the same for me... the details....
My partner John [35M] of four years and I [28F] recently moved from a small quiet city on the west coast, where we met and lived together for several years, to a large city on the east coast. We were motivated to do this for a number of reasons - better professional opportunities, proximity to family, but most of all we were ready to try life in a big urban centre again.
We decided about a two years ago we wanted to try to relocate to the east coast, and both started applying on jobs. I had assumed that we'd jump on the first good offer either one of us got. That turned out to be me, but when the time came to make a decision John wasn't comfortable with the idea of being unemployed for an undefined amount of time, and so I passed. We had a big fight about it, but he felt that I had more opportunities that he did in the city we were trying to get to, so we should wait until he got something and I could find another job at that point (he was probably right). A few months later he got a great offer and took it, and we moved about a year ago. I pounded the pavement when we got here, and landed a fantastic job pretty much right away that I love.
Unfortunately, while the whole move worked out great for me, he hasn't been too happy with our new home city, and is struggling in the job. We're contemplating moving back west in another couple years, and started talking tonight about how we might go about that. I feel like I could stay here but John is unhappy, and I know I'm okay living in either place. I expressed that I didn't want what happened last time to happen again - if we were to move back, I wanted an opportunity for either one of us to be able to get us there. This is probably also a good time to mention that we make equal salaries (my earning potential likely higher than his overall); I'm generally more career-motivated; but he has considerably more years of experience than I do (age difference).
The discussion completely blew up. Even though it's John who wants to get back to our old city, he doesn't like the idea of me being the slingshot that takes us both there if I can find a job before he can. He saw his mom be financially vulnerable her whole life, and never wants to be in that position himself - even though I feel we are a committed couple and I'd be more than happy (and financially capable with my salary) to support us both while he finds a new job. He just can't handle the idea of being unemployed -- but has no problem expecting me to follow him back there without a job.
I'm frustrated. He insists he respects my career, and acknowledges that I place more value on my career than he does his. But the hypocrisy is really hard to deal with, especially when I've already been put in the position of relocating without a job in the bag once, and we're considering another cross-country move because he's so miserable with big city life. I know not everything in relationships is perfectly equal and that's okay, and that this is still a hypothetical decision a couple years away, but am I crazy for thinking this is really unfair? We're usually able to talk through conflict, but he can't seem to empathize with me on this, and I feel like we're totally stuck.
My partner and I moved across the country for his job, and we're looking at moving back in a couple years. He will only entertain a move back if he gets a job offer, and isn't comfortable following my career there, even though we're on equal footing salary-wise. I don't know how to move this conversation forward.
Even though this is still a hypothetical conversation for now, and he feels I'm hung up on some "symbolism" of fairness, connecting it with some of the other ways I feel I'm expected to adapt or compromise in our relationship has laid bare some fault lines that we clearly need to deal with.
Location, location.... location...Giphy
A couples counselor can help you have the conversation. He's being very unfair, expecting you to shoulder the entire burden of unemployment and financial dependency. You are supposed to be a team, meaning you share risk.
Btw, is it possible that the reason he's not happy is him, not the big city?
It's completely unfair. And he's clearly so financially insecure he's willing to burn the entire relationship to the ground to avoid it.
This is an issue that requires therapy for him. He basically has a phobia of being unemployed because of his childhood. Unless he processes this trauma, it will continue to negatively impact your relationship.
This is always unrest...
If at age 35 and after 4 years together he cannot make a clear commitment I think it is time for you to seriously reassess this relationship. He is clearly shifting the burden of his issues onto you without working hard on them himself (i.e. Therapy). Don't keep following him around and putting your life on hold and starting over. You deserve a committed partner that wants the best for you too instead of expecting you to continue sacrificing for him. I don't think there will ever be a "settled" feeling for him. You have put so much into this relationship but don't fall into a sunk cost fallacy; you were young when you got together and are still young. It is time to put yourself first.
He has some deep issues to sort out. He will never be comfortable making less than you imo or being umemployed. You are going to have issues with this for a while unless he gets some real help with it.
Commit to the goal...
So he's okay with you being financially vulnerable?
If he claims to love you but has no problem putting you in a position he'd never agree to be in himself... then he has some serious thinking to do about the future of this relationship. What happens if he doesn't like the city you move to (a very strong possibility?) Eventually, with all these moves, potential employers will look at your resume and think you are flaky and unwilling to commit. Is that a risk you are willing to take for someone who, at this time, cannot commit to a serious future with you?
If this is really about his fear of financial abuse, then the clear solution here is that if you two don't get job offers at the same time, you do long-distance for the few months in between. My parents did this exact thing when my mom's job relocated her halfway across the country.
But he should really talk to a therapist or couples counselor about how to handle if he ever has to rely on you as the breadwinner (for at least a short period of time), because it's likely that even if you two never move, he's still going to want to change jobs (or he'll get laid off), and he'll be relying on you for a few months here and there. He needs a plan in place to not take his anxiety about his situation out on you during that time.
You are not being at all unreasonable.
You have already bent over backwards to accommodate his (possibly sexist) double standards. You turned down a good job in the region he wanted to move to anyway because he had to lead and you had to follow. When he was offered a job, you followed him and then pounded the pavement to find a great job for yourself. Now that he's unhappy again, he not only expects you to uproot your life and career to follow him again, but with the expectation that you will only move if it fits his goals, not yours.
I would be really hesitant to be with anyone who treated me with so little respect.
Movin' on up!Giphy
You should move without him, OP. He doesn't get to demand you always put your career on hold so he can be comfortable. If he isn't willing to take the same risks you took for him, he can't be a supportive partner.
You're not his mama...
It's ironic that he sights his mother's financial vulnerability as his excuse, because the reason there's a gap in earning between men and women is precisely because of societal expectations on women to sacrifice their careers for male partners, for children, etc. (plus the fact that pregnancy and breastfeeding means that many women are unable to work during that time). So he's expecting you to do the same kinds of things that probably kept his mother financially vulnerable?
It's HIM... not YOU!!Giphy
Stop, please. Just please, stop.
You're making excuses for everything this person does every step of this post, and you just keep adding and excusing mistakes.
The move shouldn't have been cancelled to let him take a job over you. That was dumb, he wasn't right. Don't defend his reasoning. You made a poor choice doing it his way then.
Then, surprise surprise, the move works great for you and he's having trouble with work and friends. My guess is he was having trouble with work and friends on the west coast. I'm not surprised you have less experience but make similar - I'm sure this crappy attitude in your marriage comes out in his work life.
This isn't just about his mom and being financially vulnerable. It's about him being in control of the relationship. My guess is he resents you professionally and it's affecting how he's interacting with you socially. You need to get to the bottom of his problem and why he won't accept that he can trust you, or you're just going to follow this unhappy, floating man back and forth across the country.
Words are nothing without meaning...
He insists he respects my career, and acknowledges that I place more value on my career than he does his.
He lies. He's saying that to pay lip service to an idea, but the truth is in his actions. He refuses to even move back to a favored location if it's your career prompting it. He refuses to be supported by that career if it ever really comes to that. He doesn't even consider it equal to some theoretical job elsewhere that he doesn't even have. Is any of that respect? Hell no!
The respect for you he speaks is nothing but hot air and empty words.
Let him go... Let him go...Giphy
Because he saw how vulnerable his mom was, he wants to force YOU into that position instead?....Wow he sure loves you a lot, huh? It's not even about "sharing risk," it's about the fact he can empathize with his mother but has difficulty to extend it to you. What is that about? Is it because he finds it harder in general to empathize, or is it because he doesn't care as much about you as others in his close circle?
You keep saying he supports your career because he's ok with you working later. Is that seriously your definition of support? The guy sounds like he is only OK in very specific situations, and would never support your career taking off.
You're only allowed to make more by a small margin, even though you said his potential cap is lower than yours. On top of that, good luck getting promotions when you're jobless one month out of every year and forced to start over.
FYI, not to be a debbie downer, but at a certain age, "ageism" becomes a real thing. You will not continue to be able to bounce back quickly with a new offer lined up each time, and some companies will start to question why you're never committed.
"Partner" is a strange thing to call someone who doesn't see your needs as equal.
He's a massive hypocrite. The fact you ended up refusing an offer because he wasn't comfortable relying on savings or on you for a bit is bad enough, let alone the reality this might happen a second time when you two will be moving back for him. It's he ever going to be able to depend on you for a bit when needed? What if he gets ill? Would he rather move back in with parents than you caring for him? He needs to learn to accept that he's not going to be the full provider all the time and that it's OK to rely on your female partner when needed. I'd be adamant in that you don't end up in a situation like last time and if he can't get over his hang up, let him be alone. He's clearly not willing/able to be an equal part of your team.
You're not his therapist but he needs one! Stat!
I came in here prepared to defend him. My long-term boyfriend and I both work in higher ed, but his job prospects are a lot more limited than mine (fewer jobs/more competitive) and he actually envisions a long-term future in the career, whereas I'm open to something else. So, at some point, we'll probably relocate for his job, and frankly I look forward the idea of a few months off before starting something new.
Then, I read the post. Yikes, OP, he needs to be in therapy. And you need to consider if you think it's a wise idea to forego an income/health insurance/benefits for someone who won't marry you to offer you those legal protections.
There are no Norms!Giphy
Does he have some weird ingrained idea about gender roles? They can be extremely hard for people to shift them and very uncomfortable to be outside of what they consider the 'norm.'
He just can't handle the idea of being unemployed -- but has no problem expecting me to follow him back there without a job.
Why does either of you need to be unemployed during this period? The first one to find a job moves to that city, and the other remains behind in current city until he/she finds a job in the same new city. You guys act like temporary long distance isn't an option.
See ALL the options...
Sounds like you reached a pivotal moment and you need to make some major decisions about what you want out of your life. Even if you breakup with this man and find someone else the same exact thing might come up and these major questions need to be answered up front before you invest years into the relationship.
Your partner knows what he wants. He is looking for a relationship where he is the primary earner and his S/O is going to provide support (No discussion about it, he made it clear). He isn't right or wrong about his decision. This is what he wants out of life and there are lots of people in the world who want this kind of dynamic. If you don't want this kind of relationship then you probably need to start thinking what you do want.
1) What kind of relationship are you looking for? Are you looking for someone to help support you while you work?
2) Do you want children?
3) When you do have a child are you going to keep working?
4) Even if you keep working are you going to be keep working as intensely? Meaning, after a baby comes are you going to be as career oriented or will you be working at 60-80%?
I'm telling you right now that if you have children one of you guys is going to have sacrifice their career a bit. From what I read in your post that would be you (at least in this particular relationship). This isn't wrong or right, it's just how life is. Kids will demand a huge amount of attention and even if you are co-parenting one of you will be parenting more.
Anyway, he does sounds like an ass to me because in a hypothetical situation where if you land your dream job.... he wouldn't move for you, but would immediately expect it from you. Again, this attitude comes from his decision to be a primary earner in a relationship. The annoying part to me is that if you had to move to location X for your dream job... I don't see why he couldn't find a comparable job at the new location. Like it's not like he won't be able to find another job and is ending his career to be a house daddy. Realistically, he will prob find a higher paying job and at worst something like 10-20% less then what he gets paid now. Which would be temporarily.
There are no chains binding you!Giphy
I see in the comments you aren't married. If you were married there would be an established solution to this issue. You both would "own" the risk or reward.
Without being married, this isn't just hypocrisy. It's blatantly valuing his happiness, wealth, etc above yours. There no complexity to this issue. He is drawing a line in the sand and saying he needs you to sacrifice more than him for the relationship to work. Some people are fine with that. I wouldn't be.
To make a real decision, you have to stop talking around the issue. You need to discuss what HE'S willing to give up or take a hit on, if he wants you to take the hits here.
Maybe the compromise is for you both to create a moving fund and put money aside until you have 6 months of one half of your expenses available, so that one can draw from that while the other looks.
Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?
You're not the only one.
u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.
I Know What I LikeGiphy
My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.
The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.
A Stair Step
My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.
My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.
My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.
We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.
I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.
My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.
With an ex:
"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."
She did not understand this.
I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.
"Now how much do you have in your hand?"
She still didn't understand.
She somehow has a college degree.
When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.
I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.
My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.
His answer was that I was being unfair.
How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."
To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.
A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.
A Non-Standard Ruler?
I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.
Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.
7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.
Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.
Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.
This Unusual Vegan Argument
Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.
He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.
That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."
Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.
Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.
In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.
It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.
Albert or ArnoldGiphy
Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?
Below Sea Level
I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.
I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.
This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.
Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.
Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.
An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.
I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.
Whales Are Mammals
I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.
Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.
My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.
No Balloons For Grandma
My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.
He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.
He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.
Spontaneous Dolphin ExistenceGiphy
How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.
Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.
I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.
Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.
But ... Ice Floats
Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.
Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.
Time Zones Exist
Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.
My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.
"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"
"no, it's red"
"YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"
It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.
I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)
The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.
The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.
It was stupid.
Stars Like Our Sun
I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.
I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.
I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.
Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.
Balloon to Heaven
My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.
And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.
I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.
He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.
It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.
Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".
My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.
3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.
I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.
Late to the party, but there it is.
I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.
Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.
Wicked Witch of the West
I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.
I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.
Keep Your Hands to Yourself
Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.
They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.
So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.
My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.
I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.
We didn't speak to each other for four days.
How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).
How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.
Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.
Dogs and ChocolateGiphy
I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.
I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.
Is water wet?
My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.
For the record, it is no to both questions.
A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.
He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.
One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.
It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.
Green Or Yellow?
When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.
Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.
Stars In Their MultitudeGiphy
I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".
I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.
My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.
"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".
It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.
About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.
She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.
We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.
I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"
I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.
I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...
Solid Or Liquid?
Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.
For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.