If 2019 has taught us anything, it's that men are the worst.
It turns out that most men and women agree. Men have forced themselves into power since the dawn of time and in order to keep that power, they uphold oppressive structures and singularly oppress others themselves.
But is that the worst part about being a man? Maybe not. Maybe below all that dark, deep history, there are even worse things about being a man.
Here is some of that speculation.
The Patriarchy Made This ProblemGiphy
Having to be the person physically in charge in a threatening situation. Like always being with a man when walking home from a party in a sketchy area at night. Yes there is safety in numbers but the dude is expected to be protective regardless of level of awareness, self defensive, or drunken-ness. That's a lot of pressure.
All Of Life Ain't A Tennessee Williams Play
I would think it would be being expected to do all the heavy lifting. To me, as a 64 year old woman, I do my best to move things on my own. If I must ask for help, I make sure my helpers are well compensated with cold tasty beverages and snacks/food.
Just because you're a male doesn't mean it's your legacy to be a physical work horse.
Being Emotional Is Encouraged
Emotional unavailability of others.
As a woman, I definitely face a lot of hardships that men don't have to deal with. But when I'm at my point of breaking, sobbing and inconsolable, I know I can message one of my friends (usually one of the girls) and cry and bitch to them about it and they will listen to me and really connect with me.
They will tell me how sh*tty the person who did that is, how difficult it must be to deal with, how strong I am for persevering in the face of adversity.
On the other hand, I've spent my life trying to be a non-judgmental source of venting for my male friends and I've found that basically everyone who I'm like that with ends up either thinking I'm into them romantically, or expressing how grateful they are for something they get so little of. Guys are told to just suck it up and push their emotions down, and I think it is harmful to all of us.
I'm A Parent Too, In My Own Right
I was a stay-at-home dad until my daughter went to kindergarten.
I've been accused of being a child predator while reading a book on a park bench while my daughter plays, have had the cops called on me when my daughter and I were just walking down the street 2 blocks from my own home, and have been generally looked down on even by family members while I was a stay-at-home parent. The "giving mom a day off" line is just emotionally crushing sometimes when it's said.
Maybe Gendering Things Isn't The Way To Go
Having an even harsher reaction when I'd go against gender roles.
I mean as a woman, there's backlash sometimes, but there's a whole movement very publicized that tells me that I can do whatever I want, and f*ck the nay-sayer.
I don't feel a man that would want to do something "for girls" or "for woman" as that much support.
Even Women Can Uphold The Patriarchy
Probably being forced to never... well, feel. There are so many people who make fun of guys for having feelings or even showing them. I would never be able to deal with it, and my heart broke the day my boyfriend told me his exes used to verbally abuse him for crying in front them.
Gender Roles And Then Gender Rolls
Being expected to be the "breadwinner" generally by society
Being less likely to gain custody of my own kids in a separation
Being "disposable" in times of war
And... Having to deal with my own balls. What if I sat on one. Ouch.
Gay Has Nothing To Do With These Things
I think the "gay panic" stuff would be the most annoying. Guys can't make physical contact other than punching each other in the shoulder or high-fiving without it being considered gay. Sometimes I wanna give my friend a platonic hug or touch their hair or something, and if I was a man I'd probably be afraid to do that.
Why Is It Feminine To Be Healthy?
Depends on the situation of course but I have seem some real sh*tty expectations of what a "real man" should and should not do. Granted it's gotten better, but in some circles it's still real bad. I remember being 20 years old and a bunch of us were trying to convince our guy friend not to go out and get into a fight with some dude that would clearly kick his *ss.
My friend broke down and said he had to, dude messed with his older brother (his brother was a shady mf so who knows who messed with who first) and if he didn't step up and "defend" his family, he wouldn't be much of a man. This guy wasn't breaking into his house or anything, it was just over some disrespect bull sh*t between the guy and our friend's brother. That sh*t is f*cked.
Also being overweight and out of shape for a dude is pretty much embraced where I am from, if you try to get fit or even be healthy people are going to call you gay. Even women are going to call you gay. It's mad toxic, just the tip of the iceberg but living your life 40-50 lbs overweight does a lot of damage over time and that sucks.
More Than NumbersGiphy
To have my occupation be the answer to what my value is. People have asked me so many times "oh so what does your husband do?" Like that's the only thing he's good for. Yes, my husband has a STEM career and he's done well but guess what? He's smart, kind, a great husband, amazing father, super handy, a great cook, handsome AF, had a great pair of legs, can put up with me, and he's my partner in life. All of that plus 10,000 other things makes him who he is not just his occupation or his salary.
We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.