Men. Just... Men! Ugh.
Love is in the air... and then most men deflate it. If only they would learn how to just be cool and calm and... not a complete tool, then maybe they'd do better in the love department. Now, that is not to say women are perfect. We are ALL culpable in the game of love. And we are all guilty. But let's breakdown the ways men are more lost in this department.
Redditor u/Ghostsarepeopletoo wanted the men out there to pull up a chair and listen close by pondering.... Ladies of reddit, how did a guy ruin their chances with you?
50. I Loathe Intellect Bullies!
First red flag was how antsy he was to get me on the phone (was a friend of a friend on Facebook), so antsy I almost didn't call him
the deal breaker for me was something along the lines of "you're not like most women, you can actually understand the complex subjects I like to talk about. most women are too vapid and dull to compete with my intellec-"
Gentleman, if you have to state you're above average in intellect, you aren't. GlowingRedThorns
49. Don't Underestimate Me!Giphy
Went on a date with a guy and every time I would ask about details of his job or education he would say things like, "Let me see how I can dumb it down for you..." or "I'm sure you won't understand any of this, but..." I was so offended that when the check came, I whipped my wallet out to pay for or split the bill and just be done with it when he said "Oh no, I'm sure I make more than you do, don't worry." candlebutter
48. Sorry Boy... I need a man!
He told me I'd "look like I was 13, if not for the wrinkles." Managed to insult me for looking too young and too old at the same time. I'm 24, for reference.
When I looked offended, he said, "Oh! Don't worry, I like that you kinda look like you're 13!" AvianFidelity
47. Don't be Creepy!
I went out once with someone who brought a pair of glasses to our first date and asked if I would wear them the entirety of our relationship. He already knew I didn't wear glasses so he had gone ahead and put in fake lenses for me.
When I asked why, he said it was because he always imagined himself marrying someone who wore glasses.
Also, he told me that he found those glasses on the floor at the movie theatre. Lucky me! theartistbynight
46. Okay... Too nuts!
One time a guy got my number while I was at work because he said he was new to the area and we had interests in common. He immediately started texting me about how he knew I would be a great girlfriend, how he couldn't wait for me to meet his family.
I had to very firmly tell him that I wasn't interested and luckily he never tried to bother me at work or anything. Babyhazelnut
45. Keep a bulletproof vest.Giphy
I was friends with a guy from work that I kind of liked. After we hung out with some other friends, he walked me to my car. I had to leave to get home for curfew. He leaned on the car door and wouldn't let me leave and told me I was lying about having a curfew. I was really creeped out. He kept wanting me to kiss him while he basically wouldn't let me get in my car. I told him we shouldn't because if we weren't sure we are going to date, it would make our friendship weird. Later he told me I was right about not kissing because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship.
Dodged a big bullet there. jo_bo_bo
44. And the Custard goes to....
Met a guy at a wing restaurant after I got off work. The majority of the time we were there, he talked about his ex-wife. After he finished eating, he asked if I wanted to get frozen custard or see a movie. I told him I'd rather watch a movie (dietary restrictions) and, since I didn't know the area well, I'd follow him to the theater in my own car. Instead of driving to the theater, he drove to the custard place. He didn't even mention the movie again. Just ordered himself a big custard. only1Leah
43. Price of Admission...
Tried negging me at the start of the date, then threw a tantrum when I refused to have sex with him... he actually said I owed him sex because he paid for my movie ticket. Dude, I don't think you could get a handjob for the price of a movie ticket. acorngirl
42. I DO. Do YOU?Giphy
First date after meeting online we went for coffee and he spent the majority of it telling me how we'll move to a big property and how we will raise our kids... not "oh this is what I'd like when I meet the right person" but specifically "when we get married this will happen, and we'll try right away for a family and once you have our first baby this will happen" etc. imwiththedrummer
41. Never end at Walmart!
One guy showed up 40 minutes late, wouldn't get off his phone, only grunted at me instead of talking, and then called me a "fat ugly wh**e American" when I said I wasn't interested.
Another guy stood me up the first time, then when he did show up, looked nothing like his picture. He was rude to the wait staff, and kept talking to me about a show I'd said I'd never seen. He said he'd pay since he stood me up before, but then complained my waffle was expensive (it was $6 compared to his $10 entrée). And then for the big finale, he tried to take me to Walmart. SailorVenus23
40. That's... comforting?
He told me he was really strong and if he wanted to, could probably beat me to death pretty easily, but never would because he wouldn't hit a girl, because he's a nice guy. chellis8210
Ghosting me and then turning-up again weeks later to see if I was still interested - when he was clearly just using that time to follow-up with someone he liked more than me, but then he got dumped.
I don't think every relationship requires an explicit break-up. If we've only been out a few times and you're not interested, not getting back to me gets the message across loud and clear. But keep in mind, doing it that way can burn the bridge. zazzlekdazzle
38. What a Howl!Giphy
He told me he was 250+ years old and he was a werewolf. I laughed it off as I thought he couldn't be serious. He didn't think it was that funny 😂. Woke_n1ghtmar3
37. A Snapshot!
I was chatting with this guy I had on my snapchat. I hadn't really given him a chance as I wasn't like attractive to him. Once I started to talk to him more and more I decided that I'd take his offer to go on a date. He was always such a gentleman and so sweet I figured we'd have a fun night. So later that evening I go to open my snapchat and there it is. A DAMN PENIS PIC. so I text back "hey I'm going to have to cancel our date." I've told him so many times that it's such a disappointment when you find a great guy and make a date with them and then shove their penis in your face. Like they ask you on a date and you accept and they automatically think "ya they wanna see my penis." I haven't talked to him since. 3liza1
36. Will you wear me?
Very nice and seemingly normal if not slightly awkward guy decided to give me a t-shirt with his face on it after the first date. effervescentcryptid
Hahaha! That's actually kinda hilarious. KylieZDM
35. Not a chew toy....
He bit me.
I was talking to him at a bar (because his friend was with my friend) and he seemed cute and nice and then he started running his fingers through my hair and moving closer even when I backed away. I told him repeatedly to stop touching me, and that it would turn me off if he kept coming on so strong (his friend noticed and also told him to back off). His response to all that was to bite me, and he was STILL confused when he tried to follow me home and I told him he would not be spending the night with me. nightwatchcrow
34. Kissy this...
Staring at me in a very creepy way and making little kissy face at me while staring.
Also, calling my breasts "the twins." I get it that some women dig that, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Told him multiple times please don't stare or name my body parts but it never changed so I gave up and walked away. SSSS_car_go
33. The Puffer Upper!
He was very controlling and had to be right about everything - even if he was legitimately misinformed. I think he just liked to hear himself talk as you could hardly ever get a word into a conversation with him. He would also try to fluff himself up by making fun of others, including his own friends.
Overall, just came off as being very arrogant. There's a clear difference between being intelligent/confident... or being an arrogant butthole. weekend_here_yet
32. Pig Pen....Giphy
Took me back to his place where he hadn't taken the trash out for weeks, so the whole place smelled like actual garbage. I got out of there as fast as possible and still associate the strong smell of garbage with him, twelve years later. efh1986
Me and my roommate had a drill for Thursday or anytime girls would come over. Vacuum do the dishes and pick up laundry. Air out the pot smoke best as possible. Good times. mikebong64
31. Such an eloquent man....
We were talking about school and money and I said there was an issue with my degree works and now my financial aid was on hold. He said something like "then just pay out of pocket" I was like "Please, if I had the money." He then gets angry and says "you're such a miserable b***h," Like okay. And then he wondered why I stopped talking to him because he somehow forgot that he called me a b***h. SunflowersA
30. Something is Off!
He was a coworker of mine at a restaurant. He was about 10 years older than me, and I knew he was interested, but I wasn't sure. He seemed nice though, so I was thinking about it... but something seemed off.
I ended up at a mutual friend's party a while later and he was there. I wasn't drinking and decided to leave early. He had been drinking and decided to follow me through the dark to my car. He called my name as I got to my car, so I turned around and he started demanding I give him a chance and go out with him.
I apologized and said I didn't think it was a good idea, and he got upset. He started yelling, saying I had been a tease and leading him on and then just kept yelling "just go out with me! Just say yes" over and over as he grabbed my shoulders and slammed me into the side of my car. He held me there, pinned against my car, and kept screaming in my face.
He was about 6'2". I'm 5'3".
I started to cry and told him he was scaring me. He took a step back and I got into my car as fast as I could, locked the door and got the f**k out of there. Lisbethhh
29. I'll just lose you....
A boyfriend of a few days told me I should start gymnastics again after telling him I used to. I asked why and he responded with, "It'd help you lose weight." I was 110 pounds. localblackandred
28. Go to BK!Giphy
He took me to McDonald's. That wasn't the problem, though, it was the way he acted like an @ss to the cashier. He also stopped by his mom's apartment to have a loud argument with her and his sister, so that was awkward.
When he said it would be my fault if he killed himself then spammed me with photos of himself with a rope around his neck. He was sitting down on the couch and just had the rope draped around his neck.
I told him that I wasn't responsible for any decisions he made for himself and then blocked him. raynebowskye
26. LOL... Not!
He thought that being witty requires making fun of every person in his life. Reddit
25. You should date YOU.Giphy
He talked so much about himself I barely got any time to say anything, so it ended up with me just saying "oh, yeah, uh-uh, cool" and him not asking a single question about me. That guy really just took himself out on a date. velvetchablis
24. Any my Eyes?
He was a friend of a friend. First thing he says when he meets me is "I know this will make you uncomfortable, but you have the best boobs out there." This was before a hello or anything. Just. Straight to the point. Agitated_Olive
23. Think Future.
I'm an older single lady (46).
Telling me how you don't really like (or wanted) your kids and that your ex is crazy is really not helping your case. sonia72quebec
22. Where's the funny?
He was an acquaintance and I had known him for a year or so. Went on a date and he jokingly choked me and told me he had had like 16 girlfriends but had never dated anyone longer than 6 months.
With little pressure he grabbed my neck and shook it back and forth. Weird. grumpygusmcgooney
21. Need to Know.
Dude that was interested in me at one point was on again/off again with this other girl and he kept trying to get me to have dinner with him/hang out/whatever under the guise that he was going to break up with her soon and "she doesn't need to know." Um. No. KittyChimera
20. Damn Cheeseballs.Giphy
Gave him a ride home from a party in my hometown (I was visiting for the holidays.) Got to his house. He started crying about how cruel and unfair it was for him to have met me because now he knows there's someone as perfect out there as I am but it'll never happen since I live in another state. It took me nearly two hours to get him out of my car because he was just crying and holding this giant tub of cheese balls in his lap.
Yes, he was sober. And yes, this was the first time we had met. RandomDessert
19. Child Services Please.
On our first "date," he picked me up with his baby in the backseat and an open beer in the cupholder. canttouchthis05
18. Oh Danny Boy.
By faking an Irish accent.
This guy literally spoke on the phone for ages while faking an Irish accent; I met up with him at a gig and he spoke in an Irish accent the whole time.
I genuinely believed he was Irish up until a friend of his told me he was putting it on the whole time..
This was in England, but just... Why? crystalhalo
17. Dumpster Love.
He stood outside the window of my dorm room at 3am yelling and doing karate(?) moves on the dumpster. So yeah. Dude fought a dumpster for me. NeedsMoreTuba
We were chatting and he seemed cool before saying "I'm basically the real life version of BoJack Horseman." He then could not comprehend why that's not an attractive comparison, even after boasting he has seen the whole series four times. B-TownBookworm
15. Call them Out!
He made several racist comments about his co-workers. I called him out. He said he couldn't be racist because he's a feminist who loves women!
Another complained about Vietnamese restaurants hiring Vietnamese people and how it ruined the atmosphere to hear them "exist." theotherdarrin
14. Ego for Days.
This guy totally lost me on a date in college when he started talking about being on the basketball team and his social influence + the money he somehow made being on the team, how much girls loved him. Ego for days for no reason = a deal breaker. letsrollwithit
13. First Times.
It was my first date. I was 17, he was 18/19 just out of high school. We met at a movie in the afternoon. We said hi, he paid for the movie. We sit down with a drink. As soon as the movie starts he moves really close, his arm around me. Then proceeds to grope my breast on the outside of my shirt. Like, wtf? Then I tell him to stop. He does, for 5 seconds. This pattern continues for several minutes.
Then he tries to reach into my shirt. I grab his hand and again say stop. Then I got up and left. My biggest regret is not smacking him in the face before I left.
My friend who set us up asked me how the date went. When I told her what he did she acted like I was taking things out of context. I never spoke to her after that. OppositeVanilla
This very handsome, very charming guy was coming into the small town bar (super nice restaurant, and a great classy place to drink after dinner service) I worked at in college, specifically to see me and keep me company on slow nights. he seemed really sweet, albeit a little sad since he was going through a divorce. come to find out he's frequenting plenty of young attractive females' places of employment around town. fine, whatever, he's still fun to flirt with during boring shifts.
Until he regularly starts getting super wasted, getting super verbally aggressive, and asking what time i get off work (usually 3 or 4am in an empty quiet town) so that he can be waiting for me outside after my shift.
Thank God the guy i worked with lived across the street and offered to come walk my to my car (an actual angel) whenever I closed the bar by myself. cassieforward
11. What you Deserve!
Told me that if we became a couple (this was on the first date) That he expected sex whenever he wanted. I explained that I wasn't about to do that, and was countered with 'well if I'm your boyfriend I deserve it!'
Noped the f**k out of that.
Happy to say I'm now married to a wonderful person who's not a creep! greffedufois
10. Party Chat.
At a party whilst dancing with friends...
Him: "hey gorgeous, what are you drinking tonight?"
Me: "..cranberry juice and vodka"
Him: "So you must be on your period - cranberry juice is good for that." MissFunkyFresh
9. Call me Shirley!
He was cute, offered to buy me a drink. I tell him I'm DD so I'll have a Shirley Temple. He repeatedly insists that I get something with alcohol instead. He actually gets angry when I say I really can't.
He then comes right out and says that girls are easier when they are drunk. And calls me a b***h. Reddit
8. That's Flirting?
A man outside of a bar approached me while I was on smoke break and said, "Do you watch anime?"
Me: "Yeah sure, I watch some anime."
Him: "Oh do you now!? Why do expect me to believe that?"
Me: "Uh..." And I started walking away.
Him: "No come back, I was just trying to hit on you! Wait! Please!"
Then I put out my half cig and ran inside. I know this sounds cliché as heck, which made it even worse!
LPT: If you're going to "flirt," don't be aggressive, cliché, desperate, or for God's sake all of those things. voodoo_magick
7. Listen Close.Giphy
This was in early high school. Mom had a rule about no boys in the house when she's not home (understandable). My boyfriend of a couple days asked if he could come over and I said not tonight due to having rehearsal that night which i did and the fact that I couldn't have him over before hand. He ignored what I said and he took a bus to my house anyway.... I made him stand out in the rain.... mom of course called as soon as he showed up and demanded to speak to me but she was proud of what I did and how I tried to follow the rules. I saw straight through this and ended it with him because who knows when else he wouldn't listen. musiccat25
6. Lack of Courtesy.
He got angry when I wouldn't wait for him to open the door for me. Like, literally sneered and sighed and muttered to himself.
If you are walking ahead of me or it's a smooth movement, sure - please open the door. But I am not going to stand in front of the door and wait for you to catch up and open it. That's ridiculous.
The first person to the door should open it for the other person. That's common courtesy. PracticallyUnperfect
5. The DD.
I had finally gotten up the nerve to ask this cute guy i knew out. He said yes and asked if he could plan the whole date. Sure, go for it. He picks me up, opens my car door, tells me I look nice, etc. No red flags. He drives me to the boonies to a dive bar where all of his friends are there, already drunk. His idea of a first date was drinking and eating cheese sticks in a dirty bar. I found a payphone (this was the 90's) and called my best friend to come get me. He didn't even notice me leaving. Oh yeah, I was only 20... I couldn't even drink. Plus, was he planning on driving me home drunk or was I his DD? katgib13
4. Break your Fingers.
He kept poking my sides which would be me giggle (ticklish/sensitive) asked him many times over and over to please not do that. Then he wanted to pick me up to show me how strong he was then proceeded to try and do so even when I told him to stop again. I would never be alone with him after that, even though we were partners in an after school program where we would talk to younger kids about the dangers of drugs. LindseyLee5
3. You Lose.Giphy
So I had known this guy for a few years, but we were just friends (I guess we were more of acquaintances). He asked me on a date a few years ago and I said yes. We went mini golfing and then to the mall where we visited a candy store. While we were there he grabs some candy and shows me then puts it in his pocket. We are both 18/19 at this point both with jobs and our own money and I just thought that was the lamest thing ever. Stealing candy, really? Anyway, on the ride home he starts talking about the black lives matter movement and then says he hates black people because they are so dangerous and loud and makes some joke comparing them to monkeys. I could not wait to get home and never talk to him again. bryeet
2. No Sex Please.
I once met a guy on a dating site. I stupidly gave him my home number (still don't know how I fell for that). Nevertheless, before we have even met in person he suddenly starts telling me how much he likes sex, all his favorite positions and that he needs to know if I like sex as much. As if that was not enough, I start to notice that his FB profile doesn't match up to the description he gave of himself i.e. job etc.
He was very insistent. Calling me every hour on the hour. I didn't know how to extricate myself since I'd given him my home number and I was worried he would backtrack it to my home address.
So I came up with a plan. I told him: I'm so glad he likes sex because so do I. And that I am at an age that I want children. And will do anything to have them. And that maybe after a few weeks of dating we"ll be ready to try and that I'm against condoms.
I never heard from him again. I'm sure he refers to me as the bullet he dodged. TheTempornaut
1. Split Lanes.
I drove for my second date with a guy. Picked him up at his house, and while chatting on the way to the restaurant, we merge onto the highway. Though the merge onto the highway was completely normal and uneventful he said, "Do you hate merging?"
I respond, "No.....why would I feel any way about merging?"
He replied, "Most women hate merging. I guess it's scary for them. Driving is a lot for most women."
Okay, we're done here. tacopasta
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.