Stories Of Customers Who Were Hilariously Mistaken For Employees.

Stories Of Customers Who Were Hilariously Mistaken For Employees.


Just because you happen to need something right now doesn't mean that the next person you see is an employee. That's a one-way road to Awkward City.

1. Cash and carry.

I'm not particularly proud of this. Last weekend, I was at a big box home improvement store. I wasn't dressed remotely like the staff, and I had my headphones in so I wouldn't be bothered.

Apparently, a guy in his early 30's in a pair of tattered jeans and a paint-splattered t-shirt with headphones in and a piece of scrap paper in his hand looks like a person you should ask for assistance.

This middle-aged dude kept asking me where some product was. He asked significantly louder the second time, so I said, "Sorry, man, I don't work here," gesturing at my clothes and the obvious lack of a name tag.

I went back to browsing the shelves, when suddenly I felt my bluetooth headphones being ripped from my head. I looked quickly to my right, just in time to see the middle aged guy throw them to the concrete floor with as much force as he could manage. I heard a distinct snap.

Which was appropriate. This is the part I'm not too proud of.

I saw red.

I grabbed the guy by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. Actually snarling, I said, "I told you I don't work here, you moron! You destroyed my headphones."

He'd gone from livid red to pale white. He rummaged, brought out his wallet, and handed over $40. I jammed it into my pocket, snatched up the headphones, and left the store. I got in my car and drove away as quickly as I legally could.


2. This is why we drink.

So this happened three hours ago in a Mexican restaurant that tends to be crowded around lunch time.

I'm doing my weekly 'me time' thing and having a solo lunch to just think about life when a woman and her child are seated at a table near me.

For seemingly no reason, this child begins what I can only describe as the wail of a chupacabra in heat. No worries, I can put in some headphones until mom is able to control her spawn.

Over the next twenty minutes, I have to keep turning up the volume because the kid just won't shut up. I look over and mom is completely ignoring him and on her phone. Whatever. I guess I'll order a beer pitcher instead of a mug and drown my irritation.

Immersed in my music and food, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's the mom.

Mom: How much longer are you planning on being here?

Me: Well I'm not finished eating yet so...

She says nothing and returns to her table. Fine with me.

After a few minutes, manager walks over to me looking exasperated and defeated. (continued…)

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