Just because you happen to need something right now doesn't mean that the next person you see is an employee. That's a one-way road to Awkward City.
1. Cash and carry.
I'm not particularly proud of this. Last weekend, I was at a big box home improvement store. I wasn't dressed remotely like the staff, and I had my headphones in so I wouldn't be bothered.
Apparently, a guy in his early 30's in a pair of tattered jeans and a paint-splattered t-shirt with headphones in and a piece of scrap paper in his hand looks like a person you should ask for assistance.
This middle-aged dude kept asking me where some product was. He asked significantly louder the second time, so I said, "Sorry, man, I don't work here," gesturing at my clothes and the obvious lack of a name tag.
I went back to browsing the shelves, when suddenly I felt my bluetooth headphones being ripped from my head. I looked quickly to my right, just in time to see the middle aged guy throw them to the concrete floor with as much force as he could manage. I heard a distinct snap.
Which was appropriate. This is the part I'm not too proud of.
I saw red.
I grabbed the guy by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. Actually snarling, I said, "I told you I don't work here, you moron! You destroyed my headphones."
He'd gone from livid red to pale white. He rummaged, brought out his wallet, and handed over $40. I jammed it into my pocket, snatched up the headphones, and left the store. I got in my car and drove away as quickly as I legally could.
2. This is why we drink.
So this happened three hours ago in a Mexican restaurant that tends to be crowded around lunch time.
I'm doing my weekly 'me time' thing and having a solo lunch to just think about life when a woman and her child are seated at a table near me.
For seemingly no reason, this child begins what I can only describe as the wail of a chupacabra in heat. No worries, I can put in some headphones until mom is able to control her spawn.
Over the next twenty minutes, I have to keep turning up the volume because the kid just won't shut up. I look over and mom is completely ignoring him and on her phone. Whatever. I guess I'll order a beer pitcher instead of a mug and drown my irritation.
Immersed in my music and food, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's the mom.
Mom: How much longer are you planning on being here?
Me: Well I'm not finished eating yet so...
She says nothing and returns to her table. Fine with me.
After a few minutes, manager walks over to me looking exasperated and defeated. (continued…)