Marry me Mister man!
Does it really matter who asks who? If it does one should ask themselves why? Is it ego? Is it a steadfast, often toxic hold on tradition? Or is it what you really believe? Yes, for centuries men (and women) have been trained to believe that it is the man who must get down on bended knee and ask the woman to his betrothed. Well it's a new dawn people. Women are wanting to express their love and take charge of their happiness by asking the man they desire to share a life with. And you have to wonder... how is that playing out?
Redditor u/PaterkStur wanted some gents to speak up about their relationship milestones asking... Men who have been proposed to by their girlfriends, how did you feel about it?
Your bad lady...
I feel pretty good about it I guess because I said yes. Even better now because 20 years or so later I get to say "hey this was YOUR idea."
It was humbling. She had a learning disability and wrote, and then read out loud her proposal. She was terrified of blowing it, and it was the most important moment in her life. We were both in our forties, and I was blown away because after being with her for seven years, I didn't know how important it was to her. We're in our sixties now. Still humbled.
To be Aglow...
So I was the girlfriend... he glowed for days afterward. Looked up the statistics and glowed some more. He didn't care that it's typically the guy's job to do the asking, he was too busy being overwhelmed by the fact that I love him enough to ask.
Best to be naked...
Okay so a few weeks after we met, we were taking a shower together and she corners me and says "so are we dating? Are you okay with us dating? It's okay if you say no. Will you go be my boyfriend?"
Of course being the absolute specimen of an gentleman that I am (/s) I say "well you caught me with my butt hole out, I can't say no."
Fast forward 4 years. We are camping. The nearest town is 60 miles away, the car is a few miles away, it's cold,and... I'm changing clothes. I'm butt naked in the tent.
She says "so baby I've been thinking." I say "oh lord let me at least put my pants on." She says "could you see yourself marrying me?" "Have you thought about it before?" "Will you marry me?"
I said "well you caught me with my butthole out, I can't say no!"
She thought that was hilarious, then we had a good long chat about it. On track for getting married in April. I think it's pretty cool that she did it both times. Definitely made my life easier and I'm sure I'm under appreciating the clarity.
Are these tears?
Woohoo one I can answer! I was ecstatic to be engaged to her. I was planning on asking her in 6 months time too. So it worked out. She did it on my golden birthday at a music festival, so needless to say i was quite inebriated. Right before she did it, we sat on a bench and she asked me "So, how are you feeling?"
I replied "F******cked up!"
Then she got on one knee, and i started crying... it's two years later and we're still doing the same shenanigans without the proposing and crying. I feel a complete indifference that she was the one to do it. People are almost always shocked when they hear it. Except my dad's family, they're so open and awesome. But Honestly with my semi apparent commitment issues i may never have done it in the long run who knows, so better that she did!
Is that my name?
I was made the happiest man that day. Twice!
Long story if you are interested: It was the day of my final exam of my 3 year apprenticeship. She took the day off and was more nervous than me when we had coffee together. I was sure she was nervous for the same reason as I was and didn't pay much attention as my mind was occupied by the exam. 2 hours later: I passed the exam and we were standing outside with a colleague having a smoke and talking. And talking. And another cigarette. I was just so relieved and felt light as air and happy to not have a single thing on my mind than 'I did it.'
My girlfriend though was shuffling her feet not really taking part in the conversation. After what must have been hours for her she asked what I wanted to do. Going downtown, shopping or grab something to eat, I didn't care at all! She drove to the record store first. We walked to the window to have a look at the record players as we were thinking about getting a new one. 'How do you like that one?' she asked pointing at one in the back. There was sign next to it with my name on it. And bright as I am I said 'It has my name on it' 'What else?' It had 'Let's face the music an dance' written on it. I just stared blank at it and then at her having not the foggiest. She said 'Now that you are a Technician I wanted to ask you if you also want to be my man?' I said I would love to! Hugs and kisses. When I looked at the player again I noticed three of the staff standing behind it smiling and cheering with a bottle of Champaign and glasses. It was a 11/10 day!
Cheers to beer!
Ha! My now-husband (I am also a husband) was as clueless as you when I proposed. He's a big beer nerd, so I worked with a local brewery to relabel his allotment of a new beer release - I designed elaborate bottle labels with a proposal full of beer puns. We went to the brewpub with some of our closest friends to "have some beers" while he picked up his allotment. I encouraged him to check the bottles, and I got down on one knee, waiting for him to figure it out. He removed a bottle and looked it over for a moment, then slid it back into the box, and said, "Huh, they put my name on it! That's something!" while I stared in disbelief and our friends laughed their asses off. I insisted he look again. Eventually he figured it out, called me an asshole, and said yes, to cheers from the entire bar.
Yeah why not!
Not me, but my mom proposed to my dad because she got tired of waiting for him after they'd been going out for almost 10 years. He was casual about it and was like, "Sure I'll marry you. " My dad was always shy and my mother more direct. They'd known each other since they were 15 so they'd been together for so long they kinda forgot about marriage. They've been married for 30 years now and still going strong.
11 and counting...
My husband and I are a younger version of your parents! He's shy and withdrawn and I'm loud and outgoing. I asked him to marry me after 6yrs of dating (from 13/14) and he was very quiet a moment (long enough for me to get worried) because he likes to think everything through. When he finally answered it was just this quiet, deliberate "Okay." From the outside I know it doesn't sound whirlwind-romantic-novel, but it makes me smile ear-to-ear at the memory. We're celebrating our 11th anniversary in October and we're still so in love with one another that it's actually kinda embarrassing.
Yes. YES! YESSS!!!
I wasn't really planning on proposing but one day while surfing the web I found this ring that was exactly his style and even had customizable runes (he is a die hard lover of all viking stuff) and I knew I just had to get it. I bought two rings, invited him to our favorite restaurant and after dessert I popped the question. No, I didn't get down on one knee or announce it for everyone to hear. My husband got so happy and yelled out "oh awesome!" When I showed him the rings aaaaaand.... He popped a boner that lasted all the way home and he was such in high spirit that he decided that we should have a bake off. Spent the rest of the evening gaming and stuffing ourself with cake and buns :-)))
I was worried that he would feel emasculated and stuff but he said that he's really happy to have such a cool engagement ring and he has never been one to think that by being a MAN you had to do MANLY stuff and not be "overshadowed" by women. He still tell me almost daily how much he likes being married and now we have a kid coming our way so I guess everything is really nice!
We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.