People Reveal How They Realized Their Friends Were Toxic
People change over time, and so can friendships. Whether because one friend does some serious self reflection and grows as a person, or because they take a good look at their friends and realize maybe they're not so friendly after all, sometimes friendships end.
Reddit user u/tomatohampster asked:
She always came to me looking for a shoulder to cry on when she needed. I offered the shoulder, too. I only realized she was toxic to me when I never was given a shoulder to cry on in return.
When you realize you'd rather spend time alone, than with them.
How much drama they always seem to get in and get confused of how they got there while continuing to do the same things that got them there .-.
i've had a couple. my ex-best friend would be an absolute douche to me every day and it took for him to kill the friendship (blocking me on everything) because i upset him ONCE to realize i'm better off. my other best friend got mad at me for driving a drunk friend home because they had history, even though I literally only drove him home so we are no longer speaking. i keep attracting & trusting toxic people so please i need me a non-toxic friend.
When they only wanted me around to help them with no care for me
Thought i had leukemia or lymphoma, during a diagnosis period when i got really sick at one point in junior/senior of highschool. Waiting on test results she told me that my "situation was too negative" and she "couldn't handle being my friend right now". Alright, you do you, I guess... so we haven't spoken in 4+ years.
Turns out I have an autoimmune condition which only rears up every few years right now, if under a lot of physical trauma, poor health or extremely high emotional stress... and not cancer, but going through those couple of weeks without anyone close to me really sucked...
When they get drunk and disrespectful. Then apologise profusely when you tell them what they did, then go right ahead and get drunk again and continue to act like a tool. Rinse and repeat. It gets old fast.
When I realised the relationship was 90% effort from me. From organizing hang outs, to emotional support. She went through a lot of tough times and I was always there to be a supportive shoulder. I was one of the only friends of hers that went to her dad's memorial. I opened my home to her. Stayed up all night for her.
But she was obsessed with this group of friends she had who were a few years older than us and very alternative. She loved the scene and was so proud to have friends who were like 25. Thought it made her so mature. I had friends around that age as well but I never once bragged about them the way she did.
The last straw was when she ragged on me and another friend for being too "normal looking". Said we wouldn't understand what is was like to be judged the moment people saw us.
This beautiful white girl telling two brown girls who lived in a 90% white neighborhood that they'll never know what it's like to be judged upon appearances. :) That's when I realised she did not have a single ounce of empathy for me in her body.
Me: "You want to go to X?
A few days later
"Friend": "I can't go to X, I'm hanging out with my other friends."
Me: "Next week?"
If I'm repeatedly being traded out for someone's "better friends", inconvenienced because I rearranged my schedule to make time for something that got canceled, and being met with a completely unapologetic attitude whenever I get pushed aside; then I'm not really a friend. At this point, it's rude for this "friend" to even act like I'm a friend because it'd save me time and effort to just be told to get lost.
They asked for a ride someplace. I declined. Haven't heard back from them in twenty years. Screw you, Patrick.
So we meet sometimes, but when they cancel the hangout session, I actually feel relieved instead of bad.
When I had cancer and one wrote me a letter when she was mad at me stating "it's fine though, since you're dying soon."
"Your lupus is not an excuse to not do my makeup and drive me to my date."
Her date. With my (recent) ex. When I was in the hospital on morphine.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Sometimes, it takes being in your darkest place to realize your friend will never hold a flashlight for you.
Trying to learn about my own negative traits and then recognizing some of that in others I was close to. In some cases I found that with the removal from that social environment my own traits started to dissolve. a lot of the older friendships i had were built off commodity and accessibility being in a different mental state i started improving myself, I'd never go back and if i see the warning signs in people I keep my distance.
Going off on me in drunken rages, apologizing, then doing it again... And again... And again. When I finally was like, screw this, she was like "How dare you not forgive someone when they have a bad day!" Also: mean-spirited "jokes", always letting me pick up the bill, general negativity, feeling worse when in their presence, then away from them.
She tried to make me choose between my parents and her after they fired her for stealing from them.
trying to make someone choose is the best way not to get chosen
They were really crappy to a mutual friend. Nice to his face but horrible behind his back and silently pushed him out of our circle of friends. Realised they weren't nice people
They always had something negative to say about anyone's achievements. Their personal insecurities were draining because it oozed so much resentment.
When they accused me of things that I never did. When I realized that I had to walk on eggshells around them lest they blow up at me with their temper. When they began projecting their own faults onto me and others with no self awareness that all of these horrible names applied to them.
Both kneecaps broken. Having a godawful time walking around the house. "Best friend" was willing to come pick me up (haven't seen her in forever but was staying with my mom) to go to her house. As soon as I said I hurt too bad to brave the stairs straight legged she said if she didn't have anything better to do she may come see me. Never came to see me.
I could've died in the wreck I was in and she'd been putting off visiting me for six months. I called her out and somehow it was my fault and I was being selfish. Personal attacks on me and she missed the point that she literally CHOSE not to come IN THIS ONE INSTANCE WHEN SHE SAID SHE WOULD. the wreck changed my perspective and I realized, it's in fact not my fault. Haven't contacted her since.
This was my ex-best friend. We were in our late 30s when this toxicity played out. My dad died after 6 months of terminal illness. And she got all angry when I wasn't replying to her enough, and even got in touch bugging my grieving mum. It's not that she was worried about me not replying because I was mentally unwell, it was because her ego was upset I wasn't giving her enough attention. So yeah, no longer friends. I found out her true colours in my darkest hours (as my 11 yr marriage had ended 1.5wks before my dad died).
She lost her dad when she was a kid, and her father in law had died after terminal illness a few years before mine did - so she know what's it can be like but no, my pain was all about her. A tough lesson to go through but better off without her in my life.
Screw you Karen (she actually was a real Karen)