People Reveal How They Cope With Loving Someone They Can't Be With
In my mind we're already married but apparently that's just me.
Love is a beautiful thing. it is a core gift of life. To be able to find that one in a million person to spend this life and eternity with is something we all dream about. One of the worst feelings in the world involving love is not having the love you feel reciprocated. And hey... we've all been there. Thank God for vodka and good friends.... and Adele.
One Reddit asked everyone to be brave and share... People who are in love with someone you can't possibly be with, how do you cope?
Start with the obvious.Giphy
Keep yourself busy and try and move on.
This. I went through a breakup earlier this year and this works. When I would start to think about him I redirected myself to something else. Pick up my phone and play a game. Put an audiobook on and concentrate on it. If a song came on and it made me think of him I changed the song. Essentially I avoided thinking about him as much as possible but at the same time acknowledge its ok to feel sad. I just tried like hell to make it a point to dwell too long.
Make sure to plan things to not be reminded of her. Don't look her up etc. And find things to occupy your time that involve other people, maybe a new hobby. It's always easier once you start enjoying others company.
Just general advice, if you've done that stuff then good luck my man. (Or woman).
By being a workaholic with no personal life.
It's you not me!
Convince myself that the person I thought they were never existed, and face the reality that they are not a good person. It's true in my case but hard to accept.
They'll never change...
My ex. She seems to become a better person every single day. I cope by... I dunno yet. The ship has completely sailed on that one. I just try to be a good father to our daughter and a great co-parent.
I cut her out of my life completely. It's not healthy for me to be around her.
Agreed. One of my exes reached out to me when my fiancé and me broke up, and my heart just about exploded. But she's married and has kids and I'm not a home-wrecker. At least not a wrecker of other people's homes.
I've been in love with my best friend for years. We went on a few dates when we first met, had the "conversation" about what our relationship was, and mutually decided to be friends. I've seen him date other girls and I've dated other guys, but we've remained intimately close over the last four years and I found myself comparing every conversation with any other guy to my conversations with him. About two years ago, he moved across the country and we've continued our relationship as friends long distant. We talked via FaceTime for hours every couple weeks.
I finally broke down a few months ago and just laid it all out. I told him that I wanted to know how he felt about me because I was ready to start something with him. I finally told him that I have loved him and wanted to be with him because we can talk about everything and spend days together without getting sick of each other and I feel like there's not much else in this world that you need in a relationship than a person who has your back and you have theirs. Again, he told me he was flattered but wanted to date other people and keep our friendship the same. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and we left it at that. I stopped calling and texting for about a month and he gave me that space but somehow, putting us on pause was more painful to me than a clean break in a relationship...I knew it was the right thing to do, but I found it incredibly difficult and lonely.
We finally revisited the conversation where I was the most open, honest and in control of my emotions than I've ever been with another person. I told him that I loved him, but deserved someone who loved me the same way back. He agreed and told me that he cared for me and if I wasn't in his life, it would be really hard for him and when we hung up...I realized that I had never felt more empowered. I'm a little behind on the times of dating and being in a relationship...but I've never told someone exactly what I wanted, in the exact way I wanted to say it. It was liberating and has helped me at least come to terms with the fact that I've done everything I can and deserve to be loved. We are still friends, but I'm at least in a place where I am in control of how I feel about him.
I don't think I can truly answer this question honestly because I'm not sure I would recommend keeping the relationship open with that person as a healthy way to cope. But because he does mean a lot to me and we have been there for each other through some really messed up times, being honest and straightforward after years of just hoping things would change made me overcome feelings I thought I never could and has at least opened up the possibility of another person occupying that space.
You're dead to me! Thank God.Giphy
In business, there is a term called "managing expectations."
I get asked by a lot of people how to deal with this or that heartbreak, and I always say, "cut off all contact, and expect that the feelings will continue for about five years afterwards."
We don't know that we expect to get over past loves quickly, but because we are an optimistic species, we subconsciously do. By setting the expectations to something more realistic, it can at least make the process easier.
I think about her at night, pretending a disaster happens and we are the only two left. I try to fall asleep with these thoughts so they will turn into dreams. I'm sure that's unhealthy, but it's led to some good dreams.
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.