Police Officers Share The Dumbest Call They Ever Had To Respond To

Police Officers Share The Dumbest Call They Ever Had To Respond To

But what you can't be arrested for is calling 911 only for it to be a complete waste of time. If you felt you were in danger, you are legally entitled to call 911--which leads to some big, stupid phone calls.

Redditor MemeMasterFlexLord asked the internet:

Cops of Reddit, what situation did you respond too, only to find out it was the biggest waste of time ever?

Here were some of the answers.

You Know Nothing, John Snow

Was enroute to a domestic argument between husband and wife called in by a neighbor. Screams, swearing, hitting.

Arrived to a dude in his boxers by himself watching Game of Thrones on his surround sound.

The Price Of Good Neighboring

One day, I came home fairly late and noticed my car had been recently egged. I washed it off, but on a whim, I walked up the street and noticed that car had been egged too. I walk up and see two more. It's 2:30am. What to do? Wake up the owners?

I call the cops and tell them that I need to walk up the street with a flashlight and wash all the cars, and I'm not trying to break into them but it looks like lots of cars have been egged so I don't know how far I'll need to go. It's obvious the eggers are long gone. So if they get reports of a suspicious person, it's just me. I felt like an idiot.

Cop showed up and paced me the whole time with his car just to make sure no one shot me or anything. I washed about a dozen cars. I guess they just ran out of eggs.

This Is How IT Must Feel

Not a very long or crazy one, but today I responded to a woman "locked out" of her vehicle. Took me quite some time to get across town, find her in the giant mall parking lot, etc. The woman is crying hysterically when I get there about how scared she is about "never being able to drive her car again". I calm her down, take a look at the car, and open the passenger door. Just, open it. She only locked the driver door on accident and didn't try any of the other doors to open the car.

Ma'am. Relax.

Former cop. I was dispatched to a burglary in progress. A lady called and said she was locked inside her bedroom and people were rummaging through her living room of her apartment. She is hysterical and begging for us to rescue her. I mean she is beyond frantic. So me and my partner are racing there as fast as possible. Lights and sirens hoping to get there before she is brutally murdered. We get there, surround the apartment and I'm about to kick the door in. Then the door opens and the lady is standing there with the most embarrassed look on her face, hair a mess, disheveled pajamas. She forgot that she decided it was hot and opened her balcony door which created the desired breeze she wanted and blew some papers off her coffee table. That was it. The wind.

Repeat Offenders

Dealt with the same couple for about a year:

They would call anytime they were mad at each other and then layout their full exploits...but they were mundane.

"She takes pens from the bank"

"He speeds on Main Street"

No assault ever occurred, no abuse. Just two people who didn't know how to break up and wanted us to fix it for them.

Check Your Fridge

I'm a dispatcher, not a cop, but I once had to send an officer out to a lady's house because she had left town that morning and suddenly couldn't remember if she'd closed her refrigerator door before she left. The call came in at like 1am and she wanted us to send someone out to look in her windows to see if the fridge was closed (and possibly break in to close it if it was open, to which we said no f-cking way).

An officer was sent. The fridge was, in fact, closed.

Lawn Cops

Not a cop, but had my old neighbor call the cops on me for cutting my grass shorter than his so his house looked "trashy" in comparison and I refused to adjust my lawnmower because I didn't want to cut my grass twice as often. Cops show up and talk him, knock on my door preface it all by "Your neighbor is an absolute idiot, but we have to talk to everyone involved..." Then continued with me and the cops joking on my porch for 10 minutes about random shit while my neighbor watched fuming. He was then given a verbal trespass warning and told to not come to my door anymore. The rest of the neighborhood heard of the cops ordering him to leave me alone and anytime he went on his weekly crusade to tell people what's wrong with their yard in comparison to his they called and had him given trespass warnings so the next call would be criminal/arrest. He moved after he couldn't be the self appointed lawn cop of the place, no we didn't live in an HOA.

911: I'm Sleep Deprived

My fiancé is a cop and told me a story about someone calling the police because they were locked out of their house. Upon arriving to this ridiculous call (Who on earth calls 911 and not a locksmith?) it turned out that they were not locked out of their house but rather they were locked out of the bedroom. There was no child or pet or hazardous item that was locked in the bedroom. They calmly explained to this person that being locked out of your bedroom is not a police matter and advised that they call a locksmith.

The Poor Horse

Not a cop, but the cop did say "Well this was a waste of my time." So it's probably close enough.

I used to work at a horse board barn. A couple big barns, a few pastures and we had a 16 acre pasture across the street that we turned broodmares and retired horses out on. One day after lunch I walk out and there is a cop car sitting in the driveway. I sort of blink at it a bit and wonder if the cop is going to get out and come up to the gate or something (it was kinda surreal). Finally decide I should go out and ask if I could help him with something.

The first thing he says to me is "I'm pretty sure this is a waste of my time."

Turns out someone called in and said we had too skinny horses in a mud lot, with no access to water, and they were pretty sure one was dead already.

I just looked around at the (probably a bit too plump if I'm honest) happy horses wandering around the pastures (which were admittedly muddy... because it rained) and shrugged.

The cop just shook his head and told me to have a good day.

Also, just a general PSA... horses will sleep laying down. If you see a horse laying down, don't be too concerned. Yes, they will look dead, watch to see if they take a breath (respirations only about 10 breaths a minute)

Brown Goo

I'll post my brown goo story again:

I'm a reserve deputy now, but in the past I was an intern for my home town's police department for two summers. I saw a lot of calls that ended up being wastes of time, but this one was special.

The officer I was with got called to deal with a family issue involving a minor and some healthcare-type stuff, so I stayed in the car listening to the radio. With things like that, sometimes it was better I gave the family some privacy. There were three other officers on that day. One was being trained by the field training officer, so they rode together. The other had his own car. Anyway, I'm sitting listening to music, and a call comes out. (If any of you recognize this, I forgot numbers/exactly what was said). The call was along the lines of "323, [City Dispatch], can you head to [Address]? Caller is advising there is a brown goo in his alley."


"[Dispatch], 323. Brown goo?"

"10-4; he says it smells bad"

"Uhh, alright."

I'm still in the car waiting for my officer to get back, because I want to go see what this mystery goo is. More voices on the radio:

"[Dispatch], 323. I'm 10-23 (on scene). There's definitely brown goo. It definitely smells bad."

And more voices:

"[Dispatch], 316 and 324 are going to be out at [Address] investigating that goo as well."

The FTO had brought his trainee along. My officer hurries back to the car and we decide we need to also investigate this goo. We get to the address and pull into the alleyway. Now the entire city's police force is sitting in this tiny alleyway talking to the homeowner/caller. In the grass between the gravel of the alleyway and the back of the caller's garage is this foamy brown goo. It was baking in the summer sun, and smelled like a combination of roadkill and a ham and cheese sandwich that had been left sitting in a hot car for about a week. We all stood around making jokes for a while before a sheriff's deputy joined the fun. I poked the goo with a stick, which didn't do much more than release more bad smells. The caller had a rake, which only spread the goo around further. The FTO got this dumb smile on his face and said "You know...this seems more like a fire department issue." He got on his radio:

"[Dispatch], can you start Fire to our location? For the goo?"

"316, [Dispatch], 10-4"

A few seconds later we hear a fire page (series of tones unique to each department in the county) go out over the radio and start laughing. In about 3 minutes, two firefighters show up in basically a big Ford-F350 with some rescue gear on it. They get out, demand to know why we called them, and then also start poking at the goo. They start to smile.

"You know," one of them says, "we don't have any water on this truck..." The other firefighter starts laughing, and the first picks up his radio. "Start an engine to [address]." They back their truck out of the alley. Finally the engine shows up with four firefighters on board and the lights flashing. The driver actually pulls this giant truck into the narrow alley, and drives up to where we were gathered around the goo. They get out and walk up to us.

"Why are we here?"

Officer points to goo; first two firefighters laugh

"What is it?"

"We dunno."

"Goddamn, it smells bad."

"Yes. Yes it does."

The firefighters sit for a moment in silence. "We could...hose it down maybe?" We tell them that they 100% should hose down this goo. The homeowner/caller agrees. The firefighters unload a hose and attach it to the front of the engine. They tell us to stand back, then blast the everloving f* out of this rancid mystery goo. They send goo and gravel alike flying into this poor man's yard, coating his garage with it. Now everyone but the firefighter manning the hose is laughing, even the homeowner. As the firefighters packed up their hose, we decided there was no more protecting and/or serving to do, so we headed back for our cars. As we were leaving, one of the officers turned to the homeowner and said "Remember, this is the fire department's fault" and everyone laughed again.

This all took maybe 25 minutes at most. Such are the joys of small-town policing.

All Of Them

Cop here:

Honestly 95% of calls. There are just too many to pick an example.

The biggest reason is that people think our job is general problem solving.

Having an argument with your roommate? Just call the police. They'll take your side so you can win the argument (everyone knows that we automatically have to be on the side of the 911 caller).

See a guy walking down the street? Well, since you've never seen him before, call the police just to check it out and make sure he's not a murderer.

But Really, All Of Them

Most of the situations I respond to are a huge waste of time. Here are some examples.

  • The sand in the outdoor volleyball court was too hot
  • Someone was chased by a baby squirrel
  • A tourist saw some form of wildlife in a mountain town
  • I've been to probably close to 100 reports of a stolen car where someone just forgot where they parked.
  • A suspicious person "who was not known to the area" was the callers next door neighbor.
  • Source; Been a cop for 10 years in two states.

    A Domestic

    Oh boy. I'm not a cop anymore due to medical reasons but it's hard answering this question with only one story.

    I'll try make this short. We went out to this house on a domestic because a woman and her husband were getting into it and arguing. They said they weren't physically fighting but when I got there I thought differently because of the amount of sh-t thrown all over the place. The male half had some bleeding above his eye. So I'm talking to them and of course they're giving me conflicting stories like they always f-ckin' do, and the woman says something along the lines of, "I just had it I f-cking snapped and threw the damn fan at his face!" Now this is one of those big fans with maybe like a four feet pole as a stand, used usually for an entire room (can't think of what they're called right now). She said that when they were arguing she went into the living room to get away from her husband, sit down, and cool off. But the dude comes over with the fan, positions it next to her face, turns it on, and proceeds to fart into the fan. So she flipped. I look at the dude and he's just kind of standing there, giving me that face of guilt like he's acknowledging the fact that I'm judging him but he's too embarrassed to vocally admit he did in fact fart into the fan to piss off his wife.

    Firstly, they were both in the late 30's, and this is was the reason why I'm at their place. Secondly, she just admitted to assaulting her husband so unfortunately she's gotta go to jail. I wouldn't say that the call itself was a waste of time, it was a genuine domestic with an offense we could charge. But the circumstances that led up to it were f-cking stupid.

    So next time it takes them forever to get to your house for your theft report or whatever, remember that people like them exist and keep us busy.


    Still a cop. Generally the wealthier district is where the dumbest calls come from. I was once dispatched to a call in said district where a woman was locked INSIDE of her car. The driver door wouldn't open, however literally every other door would. She wasn't particularly out of shape, she just didn't put it together that she could crawl out the passenger side. At first I thought she was intoxicated but after talking to her a bit I realized she just wasn't very bright.

    The Stove

    I was the dumb caller. I was home alone in my dad's house when I smelled gas from my room. I went to the stove to find out it had been on, and I turned it off. Everything still smelled like gas so I hid outside and googled 'house smells like gas' which of course turned up results like 'there's a gas leak call the cops now'

    I called the cops, and I actually forgot my address and they had to find me. When they did show up, they couldn't find any gas because I'd opened all the windows. I was feeling pretty embarrassed for wasting their time at this point, but then it got worse.

    I was a minor, and after calling I found out they couldn't legally let me go without an adult to take custody of me; that, or they could discharge me to a hospital. I tried calling my dad, but he wouldn't pick up the phone. My sibling who lives with me wouldn't either. The only person who answered was my sibling who lived thirty minutes away.

    So an ambulance and a cop car had to wait with me for thirty minutes because I freaked out over a stove. The morning after, my dad texted my sister asking where I was.

    False Alarm

    Not a cop or a fireman but one day I put to much oil in my lawnmower it ran but it was burning all the oil off and made a gigantic thick cloud of smoke that engulfed my house along with the neighbors I got done cutting put the mower away and started to walk out of my back yard where I met a very curious fire fighter trying to look in to one of my side windows, I asked him what's up? He asked back fire and I said lawn mower he was like "oh, ok " turns around and leaves I follow him out to the front of the house to find the house crawling with firefighters and cops as well as like four very large fire trucks all ready to spray a house fire. The curious fire fighter just yells it was a lawnmower and they were all gone in three minutes. Best day ever.

    Air Fair

    Not a cop, but had a woman call the police on me for not turning the air conditioner down at the restaurant I was working at. (It was locked, I didn't have the key. Keyholder was owner who was out of town). Called and said I was trying to assault her. No f-cking lie. Cops showed up. Heard 30 seconds of her story, looked at me and told me to tell her to leave and never come back and they would happily come back to enforce her ban if she ever tried to come back in. Btw, it was July in Arkansas. 101 degrees with 90% humidity. No air conditioner my big sweaty -ss!

    In The Toilet

    Not police, but I used to live in an extremely small town. Someone called to report a skunk in their yard. Three fire trucks and an ambulance were dispatched. I'm serious.

    Also, my next door neighbor sold pot before it was legal in our state. He got into a huge screaming match with his girlfriend. I poked my head out to see what was going on and he was screaming for help and that he was bleeding. Naturally, I called 911, so he didn't bleed to death. The police arrived. He was not bleeding. Later, he admitted he was "being a little b*" because his girlfriend locked him out.

    And finally, my Grandma's toilet broke and was making noise. She called 911 so they could check the house for intruders.

    Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

    You're not the only one.

    u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

    Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

    I Know What I Like


    My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

    The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

    - AardvarkAndy

    A Stair Step

    My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

    - RazerWolf04

    My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

    - Apples9308


    My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

    We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

    - FormalMango


    I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

    My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

    - dontcryformegiratina


    With an ex:

    "I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

    She did not understand this.

    I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

    "Now how much do you have in your hand?"

    She still didn't understand.

    She somehow has a college degree.

    - Speedly

    Mini Wheats

    When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

    - shicole3



    I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

    - CorrectionalChard

    That's Unfair

    My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

    His answer was that I was being unfair.

    - ShyAcorn

    Pure Masochism

    How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

    To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

    - argofire

    Emailing NASA

    A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

    - derawin07

    A Non-Standard Ruler? 

    I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

    Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

    7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

    Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

    Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

    - Lovelocke

    This Unusual Vegan Argument

    Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

    He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

    That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

    Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

    Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

    - onlytruebertos

    Monty Python

    In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

    It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

    - Skrivus

    Albert or Arnold


    Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

    - Gerrard1995

    Below Sea Level

    I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

    I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

    This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

    - -justforclout-


    Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

    Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

    An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

    I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

    - TK-DuVeraun

    Whales Are Mammals

    I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

    - kawaii_psycho451


    Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

    - sun_phobic

    Shower Schedule

    My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

    - LibrarianGovernment

    No Balloons For Grandma

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

    He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

    He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

    - Dskee02

    Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


    How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

    - thebeststory

    Male Chickens

    I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

    - bee_zah

    Lightning McQueen

    Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

    - 23071115

    But ... Ice Floats

    Waiter/Host here.

    Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

    Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

    - FarWoods

    Time Zones Exist

    Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

    - JustARegularToaster


    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

    "that's orange"

    "no, it's red"



    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

    - droneb2hive

    Andre 2000?


    I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

    The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

    The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

    It was stupid.

    - P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

    Stars Like Our Sun

    I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


    Richard Nixon

    I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

    I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

    Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


    Balloon to Heaven

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

    And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


    Binder Clips

    I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

    He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

    It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



    Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

    My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




    3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

    I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


    Lingerie Boxes

    Late to the party, but there it is.

    I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

    Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


    Wicked Witch of the West

    I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

    I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


    Keep Your Hands to Yourself

    Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

    They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

    So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



    My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

    I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

    We didn't speak to each other for four days.



    How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

    How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


    Dogs and Chocolate


    I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

    I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


    Is water wet?

    My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

    For the record, it is no to both questions.


    Mission Trip

    A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

    He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


    Dragon Tales

    One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

    It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


    Green Or Yellow?

    When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

    Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


    Stars In Their Multitude


    I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

    I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


    Hot Water

    About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

    She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

    We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


    Biology Class

    I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

    I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

    I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


    Solid Or Liquid?

    Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

    For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.