"Put My Phone Under A Faucet To Fill Up My Water"—Embarrassed People Share The Weirdest Thing They've Done On Autopilot
You're in that state somewhere between being asleep and actually being awake and aware, and yet you still have to try to function, when you grab a bowl of cereal.
You pour your cereal into the bowl and somehow magically follow it with milk, but it all falls apart when you go to put stuff away. The cereal goes in the fridge and the milk goes into the cupboard.
Hopefully you discover your error quickly, or you're going to be trying to get the smell of spoiled milk out of your cupboards for days.
Mental autopilot is useful sometimes, but every once in a while there's a little hiccup and things go (hilariously) wrong.
Reddit user ItsaHelen asked:
Awareness Of Your Surroundings Is Slightly Important
Started unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers while I walked towards the toilet, just like I do at home because I'm efficient like that. Except I was at work and was walking through the shared office.
Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer
I was working the backline at an Arby's WAY back in the day. We used to get our sub buns footlong, but all the subs we sold were 6 inch. I literally reached into the bag, grabbed a sub roll, cut it in half, and then put the knife back in the bag and tried to cut another sandwich with the sub bun. My manager saw it and DIED.
Took The Long Way Round
I was late to my first day of work. Autopilot Me chose to go to my previous employer of 15 years where I had quit. I realized about 5 minutes before getting there and had to drive about 25 min back in the direction I came from. Old job was about 30 min depending on traffic, new job was about 5. Same industry, new coworkers just laughed it off. 15 years of the same commute, same truck, same tools, just another Monday on autopilot.
This Is Too Relateable
I was looking all over for my keys and finally thought that I might have left them in the car. I went outside and my car was locked. So I pulled my keys out of my pocket, unlocked the door, opened the door and realized how much of an idiot I am.
Stuck On Loop
Put my phone under a faucet to fill up my water bottle.
I recognized my mistake.
And then I did it again.
Whoops, Didn't Want That Apple Anyway
Washed an apple at the sink. Dried it with a paper towel. Turned and tossed the apple in the trash and stood there holding the towel like an idiot.
Sleep Deprivation Is The Cause Of Many Ills
Came into work to work front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walks up with a dog in her arms. I always chat people up about their dogs because A. Dogs are awesome and B. people love to talk about their dogs, and often tip a little more when they feel like they've actually connected with you.
Today though... I didn't have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of "hey what can I get you... here's your total... do you want a receipt?" and so I lean over the counter like a drunk, lock my sleep-starved, unfocused googly eyes on this poor lady, and blurt out-
"your dog. Who is he" and then expectantly stare at her like that was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kinda vomited at her. She kinda stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more. I don't remember what I said but it was definitely not an improvement on the situation. It may not have even been a coherent sentence.
Old Home Day
I drove home from Phoenix to Prescott, forgetting the fact that I had moved to Flagstaff about a month prior. Got all the way to my old driveway before realizing my error. (Both Prescott and Flagstaff are north of Phoenix, but are about 1.75 hours apart from each other).
Was in college working full-time nights as a security guard and full time class.
Stopped at a red light, pushed my garage door opener and drove through.
Luckily there were no cars around.
My dog's favorite part of the day is dinner time. I pull out her food, she starts wagging and doing the tippy-taps, get a scoop of food, and instead of going to her bowl I dump the full scoop into the trash can. She then just looked at me with the saddest eyes and I felt terrible, so she got a little bit extra food and some pets.
Put my bluetooth headphones in the freezer to charge.
Wanted to go to work with the car, but forgot to turn the engine on. I stood there for 10 minutes trying to figure it out. A neighbour even came to help me and didn't see the problem.
At Least You Won't Be Late
Woke up. Automatically got out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, packed up my backpack, headed out of my dorm, happened to glance at the clock in the lounge.
It was 1:30 am.
Go to check the mail, grab the keys, oh yeah! there is garbage/recycling that needs to go out, I stop at mailbox, I get mail, throw away the garbage, throw away the mail, throw away my keys... Neighbor asks if I am going to need those, I just kind of stop, look around a bit and say "Well, yeah, probably"
Just Keep Driving
I'm an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car...
I Feel This On A Spiritual Level
I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days' worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so I'd be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy. I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that f*cker down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine.
Then I poured it all through a colander into the sink.
Open The Floodgates
The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink...and proceeded to flood my kitchen.
Never Live That One Down
I used to work on a farm & we always took our boots off before entering the homestead for meal breaks. One afternoon I absent-mindedly unbuttoned my jeans and started to take them off instead of my boots. I guess my brain decided I was done for the day!
Was anyone around to see?
Yep - everyone else working there going on tea break.
Just Getting Everyone's Attention
Was taking my belt off at the TSA and then pulled down my pants, got to my ankles and was like, nope, back up!
"This concludes my brief mooning. Thank you all for your attention."
Perils Of Commuting
Always running to catch the subway after waiting at the crosswalk in front of the station. Casually walking with my friend in the same area yesterday. Started running when the cross sign lit up. He was like wtf?
Laughter Is The Best Medicine
One morning I was sick and stayed home from work. My wife was being really awesome and served me breakfast. Trying to show her how thankful I was I said "Thanks Mom." We both just stared at each other for a second then burst out laughing.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: