IRL

College Admissions Officers Reveal The Most Pretentious Applications They Have Ever Seen

College admissions officers likely have to read a lot of crap, but there's likely nothing that prepares them for applications that can only be described as far removed from this world.

That formed the basis of today's burning question from Redditor EZ112, who asked the online community: "Admissions officers/essay coaches of Reddit: what was the most pretentious application you've ever seen?"



"Not pretentious..."

I had a Chinese student write in their application: "I hardly ever waste water, paper or rice".

Presumably he was conflating Economics, the degree subject being applied for, with being economical. He also said that he had found a phone and had returned it to the owner "even though he was Russian".

acidkrn0

"A whole essay..."

A whole essay about how it had "long been her dream to study at the prestigious University of Leicester" and all the incredible gifts life would bestow on her for living her dream.

In an application for a university that was NOT Leicester.

landt2016

Oh my.

One with $100 in it.

samwin1900

"I worked..."

I worked in a very religious private schools admissions department for a few weeks, filing applications. The parents had to write a letter about their child and why the school would suit them.

I'll always remember the man who wrote three pages about how successful a business man he was, how he owned several businesses, how good he was at the school's main sport and then attached a large check to the last page. Not a word about the kid.

What I remember most?

The rejection letter from the principal with a thinly veiled insinuation that bribery was immoral and not acceptable at this school.

Mental_Vacation

"One admissions essay..."

I was part of an Admissions Committee when I served as faculty at a wonderful University.

One admissions essay compared his act of applying to the law school with that of a Palestinian child facing oppression.

The closing line was "Bravery comes in many forms. A Palestinian child picking up a stone against Illegal Occupation, and me writing this essay, both are comparable."

Still haven't forgotten it.

im_a_professor

"I got to interview some students..."

Giphy

I got to interview some students for a special program in my undergrad. It was highly competitive and lots of people wanted it.

Young woman comes in. I offer her a seat.

"I'd prefer to stand. This won't take long."

"It won't?"

"No, my dad is the dean of (one of the colleges) and my mom is one of the professors who established this program. I'm getting in."

I emphasized that she really should take a seat. She refused again. So I say, "Hey, this interview, me approving you is part of the process. You have to do well in this to get in."

"You'll say I did well or my parents will make life hell for you."

Her parents had zero impact on anything in my life and I told her as much. After articulating this to her I said, "I'm going to give you a chance to walk out the door and restart this interview. Fresh start."

She lost it and yelled at me. For like five minutes. I filled out the interview sheet with direct quotes from her tantrum.

She didn't get in. A few days after decisions were made, I got an email from her father who was, in fact, a dean. He asked me to come in and "have a chat" with him. It was totally a request. I went to talk to him.

When I went to see him he had a copy of the interview sheet where I had several direct quotes from his daughter. Some of the quotes were awful and directed at me, my family, and basically everything she could hit on.

He apologized profusely for his daughter and asked if she could redo the interview. He was leaning on me a bit at this point. I told him that choices had already been made and she was not selected.

The whole thing was mind blowing. She was so entitled.

VerbalThermoDynamics

"Not an admissions officer..."

I have evaluated placement essays for first year writing (first semester, second semester, or in rare cases, tested out completely). I remember reading one about how selfies were important because of such reasons as "so people can know where you are" and "if you travel you can use them to take pictures of monuments and landmarks." This student essentially, though I'm not sure intentionally, made the argument that every picture that is taken HAS TO BE a selfie and if they weren't in the picture it wasn't worth anything.

I put them in "first semester."

Gyrick

"I used to tutor..."

I used to tutor at uni, and helped occasionally with my tutees' applications. One thing I always encouraged them to do was to mention their aspirations after graduating, and to mention why specifically this university. One kid, who'd been pretentious the whole time, actually wrote in his essay that he didn't really care about the academic part because his dad was just going to give him a job when he graduated anyways. He chose the unis he was applying to based on how impressive they sounded, and how good the party life was.

I kept in touch with his sister (she was super smart and studied the same subject as me, so I helped her out with career advice etc later on). She dropped into conversation later, with a noticeable bit of glee, that her brother was 'going through a challenging patch' because his father informed him that no, daddy was not going to give him a free ride into a cushy job, and did expect him to get a real job.

crashlanding87

"I was a medical school interview coach..."

I was a medical school interview coach, earning some extra money through med school. Some applicants were great, others were what you'd expect from kids whose parents are paying a tutor to teach them how to act normal.

Our med school interviews are easy to pass, but difficult to do well in. They involve generic questions like your passion or interests, ethical scenarios, decision-making questions, knowledge of healthcare topics, etc. There have been memorable answers to mock questions.

In terms of pretentious, I asked one guy what his hobbies were and he said he loved Armani suits and buying expensive coffee blends. Not a great answer, but what killed it was that he began describing "the smoothness of the bean" and licking and smacking his lips together in wet squelching noises.

Another applicant's dad was a successful surgeon, so he argued in his answers "I basically already know how to be a doctor, through osmosis". He'd failed the entrance exam seven times and his dad opened a lot of doors for him, getting him research editor positions for his CV etc. There were complex family dynamics. He would say really inappropriate things like, "When I'm a doctor, I can buy and sell you and all your friends" "All I have to do is pass this stupid exam and interview and my dad will get me a spot in the training program, you'll be struggling for years." He'd then flip to complaining for half an hour about how his sister gets treated like a 'princess', and call me at 10 PM 'just to talk'. I declined further sessions but was pretty sympathetic, to be honest.

Whenever his dad called to arrange sessions and materials, he was very pejorative toward his son. I had trouble hearing him during one of the phone calls because of background noise until he stepped outside. Later found out that he had been calling me, a tutor, during his son's graduation ceremony. He missed his son going on stage to receive his diploma because he was arranging a booking time with me. It placed a lot of his son's defensive behaviour in context.

And no, he has not been accepted into a med school. That was two years ago and he emailed only a few weeks ago to request access to my Google Drive to brush up on some things. I granted it because when your answer to a conflict in teamwork question is, "I'd tell them I'm sorry that they're wrong", no amount of Microsoft Word documents will change your performance.

manlikerealities

"Ohhh, I have one."

Ohhh, I have one. A longtime friend's mother reviews applications at an elite college. I saw her recently and she was telling us about some of the essays. One was from a girl who clearly came from a background of great privilege. She described a day of shopping and dining at swanky places with her parents in the big city one day. At the end of the day they came across a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk begging for money or food. She initially passed him by ... but then, THEN, seeing the American flag flying on the corner up ahead on the next block, remembered "what this great country of ours was built on, as well as what life is truly about" and went back to give this homeless person her restaurant leftovers.

All described with much self congratulation. I'm paraphrasing a lot of it, but the part in quotes is exact (and will likely be repeated for some time to come, accompanied by chuckling, by my friend and me). The country was built on, and life itself is about, giving a homeless person your half-eaten burger and fries.

DamsterDamsel

"I once got a binder..."

I once got a binder with nineteen letters of recommendation from what seemed every adult who ever vaguely met the student. We also got photocopies of her SCUBA license and lifeguard certification. This was just for a college with a 98% acceptance rate.

We also had an essay question that was "If you could spend a day with anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be and why?" and some kid wrote about how the college admissions racket discounted who he was as an individual and that he wanted to spend the day with the college admissions officer so they'd really get to know him. Came off as a bit creepy, and, again, 98% acceptance rate. If you could write a coherent sentence and didn't murder anyone, you were going to be accepted, we didn't freaking care about your personality.

bthks

"I felt sorry for her..."

Giphy

I'm a college admissions consultant and the worst one I've read was a full meta essay about how much the applicant loved college admissions and writing admissions essays. It was arrogant and aloof throughout but the kicker was when the student called herself "an elite applicant with outstanding admissions essay skills" right there in the essay.

I felt sorry for her because it felt like the stress of the process had given her a Stockholm Syndrome obsession with it. I tried to bring her back to reality gently but she wasn't having it.

She didn't get in.

ScholarGrade

"I read as an admissions person..."

I read as an admissions person for a competitive national fellowship that helps students study abroad.

The last essay I read that day made my job very easy as this person was all over the place, bragging about being a religious hippie, how his parents were missionaries so he already had a global perspective, how he writes the best poetry, everyone considers him a leader...

These were all one sentence and indented as new paragraphs with absolutely ZERO elaboration.

The cherry on top, his closing, was literally saying that he could work in the private sector or government when he graduates and "the choice is yours."

I was like lol OK private sector thanks.

liseyyyy

"This is actually..."

This is actually a difficult mom story. The student was a nice kid, with decent grades, so an easy admit, but with a very average scholarship. I can see from his app that they are very well off, and they didn't even file the FAFSA, which is a telltale sign that they don't need the help. So a while after I admit the kid, the mom calls me to ask for a higher scholarship. I ask her if her son retook the ACT/SAT since he submitted he submitted his app (the only reason why we'd reconsider a scholarship), she says no. Okay, so there's no reason for the scholarship committee (aka me) to review his scholarship then, and it's obvious that she's only asking for the bragging rights. I'm very nice about it, but I make it clear that we're not increasing her kid's scholarship.

She goes off on me, telling me that clearly I must not know the quality of private school he goes to (which I am very familiar with) and that I don't know how much money they have. Her reasoning was that they are rich, so we should give him a better scholarship and then they'll donate money to the college. Not only did she pull the favorite line "Do you have any idea who we are?" but she also tried to bribe me with his family financing a new building on campus! Direct quote: "I don't think you understand me here, the school where my daughter goes to has a building named for us. Don't you think (my university name) needs a new building on campus?"

It was the most bizarre and entitled conversation I've ever had with another human. Long story short, I didn't bump his scholarship and the kid enrolled anyway.

unrefinedusername

"I reviewed applications..."

I reviewed applications for a local state college. We didn't need to read essays if the grades were good enough, but one time I saw a kid with an 800 SAT writing score. I had never seen one, so I curiously checked their essay.

Their essay was all about getting an 800 on their writing SAT.

EzPesos

"The most pretentious..."

The most pretentious essays are the athlete essays. I've seen many applicants just write "Don't need essay, college athlete" for all four essay prompts. The way we do applications they will likely get in.

LeKeim

"Wrote her entire med school application..."

Wrote her entire med school application essay about how she wanted to become a doctor so that she could perform free plastic surgery for family members. Had no idea all the ethical reasons why that was not okay, very angry that she did not get accepted.

phoenix-corn

"I work in admissions..."

I work in admissions at a small, highly selective college, although in an administrative role rather than reading essays or applications. I deal with prospective students on a day-to-day basis, but it's honestly their parents who have horrific entitlement issues. They'll tell me about their business dealings/connections/legacy status with absolutely no prompting, answer questions for or over their kids, and generally treat the students here as props for their own children's education rather than as actual people. There are a lot of kids who are clearly uninterested in the school but tour and interview here because their parents want them to. I've also had people throw fits at me about their own mistakes--signing up for the wrong things, the wrong date, or fucking up their application in some way. Parents really see their children as an extension of themselves and their children's college education as a financial investment. It's all about status from the applicant's end and they don't understand that colleges are often looking for fit.

carnivorousgods

"I'm an admissions counselor."

I'm an admissions counselor. One applicant refused to fill out a very simple application supplement because she was homeschooled by parents who are doctors and "they are more than qualified to educate me." When I told her the supplement was not optional, she accused me of being racist (?!).

Needless to say she did not complete her application and I assume she went to a different school.

Laurasaur28

"It was an impressive..."

Kid came in with an "essay" which was, to put it simply, an extension of his resume. It was an impressive resume, but it was a resume, and gave no insight into who he was. I was told that the purpose of this "essay" was to justify his poor grades and fit everything he couldn't fit into his resume into his application.

fa1afel

Anyway, here's a step by step guide on how to actually write a college admission essay.

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like

Giphy

My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308

Saturdays

My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango

Iraq

I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina

$40

With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3

Crayons

Giphy

I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold

Giphy

Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.


I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-

Tomash

Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.


An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451

Microwaves

Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence

Giphy

How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"

"orange"

"YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?

Giphy

I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)


The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.

fox_boi2

Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.


I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.

grumblecakes1

Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

Dskee02

Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.

justantherredditgirl

Jewish

Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.

Aslkurloz

Nutella

Giphy

3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.

vault_tec_redditor

Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.

Meh75

Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.

weirdatwork2017

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.

Frisby2007

Telekinesis

My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.

dude_bizarro

Ghosts

How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).


How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.

thebeststory

Dogs and Chocolate

Giphy

I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.

KlutzyHedgehog

Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.

SFCopperhead

Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.

SirRogers

Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.

MistalQueensglaive

Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.

BugsRatty

Stars In Their Multitude

Giphy

I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.

theedjman

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

droneb2hive

Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.

moniker5000

Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...

10d4plus8

Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.

ScreamingPotoo